WARNING: Abuse, Domestic Violence, Suicidal Thought.

Present

Kim Bona stared at the photograph of Doyoung in her hand. His smile made her heart felt weird. She finger-traced the outline of his face, caressing the picture, treating it carefully as if it was fragile. It had been too long since she last saw him and that was more than a year ago.  The fact that Wonwoo returned the picture made her thankful. That was the only one. When she was kicked out of the house, her mom forbade her to bring anything out of the house except for a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. It was cold. She almost died that day.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered with tears drenching her face and rested her head on the dining table.

That night, she ended up telling him to go home. And she regretted it. When she saw him at school after the weekend, more bruises covered his bodies. How she wished she could’ve been more courageous. If she could take a time machine and changed the past, she would’ve run away with Doyoung that night. He wouldn’t get hurt more.

Bona remembered how she held his hands tight that night. As if she could still feel the warmth on the tips of her fingers, she continued to finger-trace his face.

How can all the ty luck managed to find her only during the crucial moments, she would never know. After spotting her brother leaving the convenience store nearby with a bottle of soju in his hand, Bona pleaded Doyoung to go home and never come back to the neighbourhood.

“Is it legal for a high schooler to become a worker?” Hyungwon asked with a slur when Bona walked through the front door.

Bona rolled her eyes in disbelief. She was too exhausted to correct him. Instead, she rummaged through her backpack, taking out onigiri and strawberry milk. Doyoung must have out them inside her bag when she left to change her work uniform into normal clothes. She put away the lunchboxes in a rush. Kim Hyungwon was clearly not in his right mind. Knowing him for her entire life, she knew better not to mess with the drunkard.

“How much did he pay you?” he asked in a rage and pulled her hair to get the answers out of her.

“I didn’t do it, okay?” she said with a tremble as she clenched her teeth to fight the pain. Her answer didn’t seem to satisfy him as he threw her to the side, causing her to fall to the ground.

Bona ended up slamming her face against the knob of one of the kitchen cabinets. She still had the scar on her left cheek and it never went away. Every time she looked at the mirror, she was reminded of Hyungwon’s violence. She loathed it so much. Sometimes, Bona wished she didn’t have to look at her own face or body. There wasn’t much to look at except from all the scars and injuries from his act of violence.

“You should have left with your dad. Wait. Isn’t he dead? I never heard from that jerk since he divorced mom.” Bona bit her lips as she glared at Hyungwon.

She hated that what he said was true. Except for the part that her father was dead. She didn’t know that for sure. He never visited the whole year she was living with her grandmother in Changwon. In fact, she never saw again him since she entered middle school, as if he evaporated into the thin air after the divorce.

“What’s with this dog food? Do I look like a freaking dog?” he asked in rage when he checked the content inside the fridge. Bona shook her head frantically.

“We have to save money for rent.” She spoke carefully this time.

“So, you’re feeding me trash?” Bona stayed silent. He must have saw the expiry date stuck on the food containers. The flaring eyes looking down at her, intimidated her a little. She knew when to back down. At this point, the house could turn into a crime scene.

When she was looking away, Hyungwon threw the food out from the fridge into the sink. She helplessly stared at her hard-earned food went to waste. Except for monthly rent and school fee, she pretty much had to pay for pretty much everything. Food, new clothes, toiletries, just name it.

Before she could get back on her feet, Hyungwon was already standing in front of her. Ruthlessly, he peeled of the lid and pour the milk on her head, as if she wasn’t hurting enough from the cut on her cheek and scratches on her arms.

“Trash belongs in the trash can, huh? Just looking at you makes me want to puke.” He put the bottle into Bona’s hand and asked her to throw it away.

The memories of that night replayed vividly inside her head. Her mom ended up coming out of the room and scolded her for causing ruckus in the middle of the night. After cleaning up the mess and getting the smell of banana milk from her hair, she had to sleep in the living room. She remembered using the kitchen cabinet as bookshelf and a travel bag as her closet because they kept moving houses.

Hyungwon never laid a finger on chores let alone getting a job to help with the money situation. Their mother never scolded him. Of course, he was especially an angel to her. Apparently, he was special.  The guy was their mom rainbow baby after she had miscarriage twice. And most importantly, he was the child from the only man she loved. Yes. Chae Hyungwon was the product of Bona’s mother’s first marriage. They got married by choice and the guy unfortunately passed away from heart attack when Hyungwon was barely three years old.

Sadly, it wasn’t the case for Bona’s father. Kim Bona was a product of a one-night-stand but Bona’s father decided it was a good decision to get married and raise the child together. He truly, sincerely loved Bona’s mother. She could tell. and she could easily tell that her mother never wanted her. She wasn’t sure about her father. The man always treated her like a jewel but disappeared on her when her parents got a divorce.

“Kim Doyoung, will it feel better if I die? Nobody wants me, anyway. I wish we never returned to Seoul. That day, we could’ve run away.” Bona whispered with trembling voice. The memories of them gazing at the sunset by the beach came back to her. And who would have thought that winter might be the last time he saw Doyoung after all.

Buzz-buzz-buzz-buzz. Her phone went off. Bona instantly stood up straight and stared nervously at her phone. The word unknown caller made her stomach felt sick. What if it was Hyungwon or her mom. She silently prayed it wasn’t the case. The ringing went on for ten seconds before it ended. Bona let out a relieved sigh.

‘Ding!’ A message came in this time. Bona could feel her inside swirling.

“Is this Kim Bona’s number?”

- Unknown.

She bit her fingernails to ease the loud pounding against her chest.

“It’s me, Sojung-ie. I hope you don’t mind I stole your number from your co-worker. Text me back if you’re not busy. Don’t be a stranger 😊”

- Unknown.

The emoticons made her smile.

‘Ding!’

Another text came in after she just finished saving Sojung’s number into her phone.

“I’ll come by when I miss you 😘”

- Sojung-ie.

“Come by. My treat.” Bona typed into the chat box before hitting the button to send the message. This time, she smiled bitterly. All the times they spent time together in school flooded her thoughts. She realized she should’ve been a better friend.

That day, she shouldn’t have left Sojung’s home without some sort of explanation No matter how much she thought about it, Sojung deserved some sort of explanation. She did in fact missed her quirky best friend.

……………………………

The creaking sound from the door made Bona jumped. She was too absorbed in her own thoughts that she wasn’t aware of what was happening around her.

“Oh, there you are.” Wonwoo peeked inside to see Bona inside. Honestly, he had been skipping lunch for three days to spy on her. Like always, she would stay inside the art room until the lunch break ended and spend the rest of the day as if she was invisible. At this point, Dokyem could convince Wonwoo that she was a ghost and he would unquestionably believe him.

Bona slightly bowed her head to greet Wonwoo. She wasn’t repulsed or appalled by him anymore. In fact, after the day she accidentally called him by Doyoung’s name, she knew that she was responsible to clear things up.

“How are you feeling? Better?” Wonwoo asked after the incident at the basketball court three days ago.

“I do, actually.” She told him.

“Good. I thought you were sick. I haven’t seen you since last Monday.” He lied. He was inside the next classroom make sure that she was in fact, fine as he listened to her singing.

“I’m fine now.” She reassured him.

“I’m just checking you. I’ll be in the cafeteria if you need me. Not that you need to know.” He laughed off awkwardly and slid the door close.

“Jeon Wonwoo.” She called.

“Hmm?” he stopped and peeked back inside. To be honest, he wasn’t sure if he was hearing right. Why would Kim Bona call out his name, he wondered. The girl continued to blink. She could feel the lump in , preventing her from saying what she was meaning to say.

“Nothing.” She dismissed her thought.

“I’ll leave you to that.” He pointed at her drawing canvas. White bandage on his hand caught her attention instead. The pace of her heart ascended.

“What happened to your wrist?” she asked with trembling voice when she noticed the bandage around his wrist.

“This? I tripped when I got off the bus yesterday.” She didn’t want to take him for his words though she hoped he was telling the truth.

Bona continued to stare at his hand with glistening eyes.

“It’s nothing, really. Do you want to see?” Wonwoo hastily walked into the room, he almost tripped on the rail and walked closer towards Bona. He reached for a chair and took a seat right next to her. Carefully, he took of the bandage around his scratched wrist.

Instinctively, her slim cold fingers started to examine the scratches. The sudden approach took Wonwoo by surprise. But he didn’t hate it.

“You didn’t do it to yourself?” she asked with hushed voice.

“I wouldn’t do that.” He assured to calm her.

“That’s a relief.” She told him. Wonwoo could feel her breath brushed again his neck. The fact that they were sitting this close had never crossed his mind. Being next to her made him calm. For a few seconds, it made him forgot about his dreadful family situation.

“If you’re worried about me, then don’t avoid me.” Bona turned away and be the first one to break their eye contact.

“You should get going. They’re going to close the lunch hall soon.” She reminded him.

“What are you drawing?” he asked.

“I don’t know yet.” She kept staring into the blank space on the canvas.

“That day, why do you get mad when I asked you to draw me? Is it because you’re not confident of your skills or do you have another reason?” he asked, hoping for a genuine answer for once.

“Both.” She admitted.

“Should I ask?” Bona shook her head. Upon listening to her answer, Wonwoo could only nodded and stayed silent afterwards. Strangely, this time it was a comfortable one. Compared to usual, Bona felt less tense around him. The fact that he wasn’t prying made it easy for her to open up.

“I decided to draw again. Miss Ahn gives me permission to use the main art room but I ask if I could use this one instead.” She told him before he could ask.

“Good for you.”

“It has been a long time since I draw someone, so I won’t be able to do that for the time being.” She admitted as Wonwoo was sincerely listening to her.

“Have you considered drawing someone’s face again?” he asked. Bona stayed silent for a good minute. The last time she properly held a brush was so long ago.

The whole time she was in Changwon, the world stopped working for her. She remained stationary, not doing anything with her life. She didn’t want to live but she didn’t want to die. It suffocated her that she could not move on with life. Drawing was the only one thing that kept her going. It used to be her happy place. But how could she be happy after what happened to Kim Doyoung? Just sitting in front of the plain white sheet already drowned her in guilt but she knew she got to start somewhere.

“I want to. Not in the near future but someday, when I’m ready, I really want to do that.” She told him with the quiver in her voice.

“If you did, can I be the first person that you draw? I would love to be your model.” He said playfully.

“I’d love that too.” Bona said, to his surprise.

“Really? Or you’re just sweet-talking me so I don’t feel bad?”

“I really want to.” She told her. Wonwoo stopped grinning. He could feel that he meant what she said. Her words made him felt weird inside. Never in his life would he thought they would have an actual conversation instead of an endless banter.

“I’ll be waiting.” He said with a warm smile.

“Also, I’m not going to run away from you.” She told him. His inner thought screamed.

“What made you change your mind?” he asked. Bona could sense the panic in his voice.

“I just thought that it might be nice to have someone to talk to at school.” She admitted.

“Thanks.” Wonwoo tried acting cool about the whole situation.

“You’re welcome, I guess.”

“Anyway, did you hear about the sports day?” he quickly changed the topic before he spouted something stupid.

“I did. Our class is splitting the teams after lunch.”

“I’ll be in charge for all the basketball games. Mingyu told everyone that I was the team captain in my old school. They made me do the briefing every year. They don’t want to bother the team because of interschool competition.” He complained. Not that he hated it.

“You were captain in middle school?” she asked

“Didn’t I tell you that?” Bona shook her head. Wonwoo suddenly felt stupid. They never really had a normal conversation. Bold of him to assume she knew the 411. On the other hand, Bona started to feel weird again. The fact that him and Doyoung shared so much in common made her slightly nervous.

“My dad made me quit as soon as I start high school to focus on SAT.” he confessed.

“Are your parents nice to you?” she asked out of nowhere. Bona had a good hunch about things like when people subjected to violence. She experienced it all her life. When she saw someone with unusual injuries, her protective nature kicked in.

“My dad gives me allowance so that’s good enough.” He told her.

“What about your mom?” she asked.

“Me and my mom are like buddies. She’s kind and always go to all my games. She must’ve been sad if she knew my dad made me quit when I entered high school. They are divorced, by the way. I live with my dad now.” To be honest, he wanted to get out of the conversation that involved his mother but he didn’t have the heart to do that to Bona.

She could tell something was wrong from the way he said a particular sentence. It didn’t make any sense that his mom didn’t know that he quitted when they were close. Nevertheless, she didn’t want to pry. She knew better because she came from a broken family too.

“What about your parents?” this time it was Wonwoo’s turn to ask.

“They are divorced too. I live with my grandmother. Just until I finish high school, though.” She told him frankly.

“Oh, we’re on the same team. Fist bump.” Bona awkwardly raised her hand with a fist as a respond. She didn’t forget to include the awkward bow too. On the other hand, it eased her that for once she wasn’t judge for that. It was always ‘she’s a bad kid because she doesn’t have a father’ speech over and over again. With him, at least she knew she could become herself.

“I’m going to go back to drawing. You can stay if you want to.” She told him.

“I think I’m going to leave.” He told her. Wonwoo knew not to overstep the boundary. He was more than thankful for how things turn out for them.

“Enjoy your lunch.” Bona stood up to bow at him.

“Enjoy your… drawing, I guess.” Wonwoo copied her and bowed back.

“Thank you for returning my art supplies.”

“I keep the picture safe too.” He told her proudly. Wonwoo wasn’t stupid. He knew that picture meant something to her.

“Yes, I notice. Thank you for that too. Really, I mean it.”

“I’m sensing this is going to get awkward soon so I’m really leaving.” He waved his hand at her.

“Jeon Wonwoo, thank you for not making fun of me when I cried the other day.” She said sheepishly. Wonwoo smiled in response but for a whole other reason.

“You know that’s twice you said my name. I guess going to the café every day, might influence you a little.”

“It does.” She admitted. Wonwoo swore that almost made her smile.

“See you around, Kim Bona.” He told her before leaving for real this time.