sentiments bleus êtes-vous ici pour rester?

It had been months since I had last seen Jonghyun – life was pretty average since I worked the typical 9-5 lifestyle, oh so very beige. It was late in the evening on any given Friday evening that I found myself thinking about him and hoping that tonight our paths would cross once again but it never came into fruition so shifts at the coffee shop now accompanied by the sounds of ‘ Blue Night Radio.’  This had become an odd fixation of mine that had developed – I missed working at the radio station so it felt comforting to hear a production from the company, I knew how much work went into such shows. I would often question why I would listen to that sour man but he was so sweet in these broadcasts; I wanted  a taste of that sweetness and it felt like another side to Jonghyun, one that not even his employees or friends saw. This Friday evening in particular was typically slow – despite us always being open late we never got many customers but our motto was you never know when you need a coffee, so I suppose some people found comfort under our roof at odd hours of the day. A few weary eyed customers entered here and there and their slowness put me at ease; the air was filled with the calming music from Blue Night and customers seemed to also be put at ease with Jonghyun’s voice. 

I found myself taking a few moments to myself by closing the coffee shop up for a quick break and as I sat down with my own cup of comfort Jonghyun’s voice echoed in the shop's walls, it was so soothing and I felt my heart skip a beat, how childish. There was often a segment where listeners called and expressed their current emotions, predicaments and questions. Before I even knew it my fingers called Blue Night’s number, I wanted comfort from Jonghyun and his soft words. 

“Hello my dear listener – why are you blue today?” his voice was like a delicate whisper making me almost forget I was on a live broadcast – imagine if I said those words that popped into my head right now. My mouth felt dry and my face turned hot; I was glad he could not see me this way. It was embarrassing. 

“These blue feelings are strange aren’t they,” I hear him chuckle in agreement, “is there such a thing as a combination of blue emotions?” 

“I think it is common that multiple things can turn us a shade of blue.” he remarked back with ease. 

“It is common – I see. Then my troubles are allowed to be complex, you see my troubles if you don’t mind me elaborating?”

“Please do.” 

“I am missing someone (you) that I should not, and returning back home to visit my family – a place of forgotten memories.”

“Ah listener, I told you that blue feelings are common and your situation is one that many of us have been through; I feel the same as you do right now could we be missing each other,” he giggles, “sorry I don’t mean to play with you – to miss someone you shouldn’t is painful isn’t it? Something that should be easily fixed…missing someone I mean, is prolonged due to both parties' stubbornness and the situation of returning home. It can stir up feelings and memories we once had forgotten, especially if you have two predicaments combined – that makes me want to shiver.”

“I suppose we both have to face these blue shivers—” I wanted to express more but I knew my time was coming to a close. 

“My dear listener ,” he laughs again, “why do I not want to let you hang up but I must so I will just say this…I hope our paths cross again soon.”

The call ended and my heart was beating…had he seen through the phone and knew it was me calling or was it my own selfish wishes that made me feel that way? I re-opened the store and continued my shift in a daze. Despite my foolishness Jonghyun’s words had comforted me – returning home seemed less daunting. I am sure the disappointed face of my family wouldn’t be too harsh after learning I lost my job at the radio station. The coffee shop was soon to close and my shoulders and feet ached – I was happy to be going home soon; the ring of the door signaled a customer, the last one I hoped – I did feel a little bitter at their arrival. I turned to greet the customer and I was stunned to see Jonghyun standing in front of me. Did he come because of the phone call? 

“You’re closing soon?” he calmly asked.

I nodded silently. Could he hear my beating heart?

“I’ll wait for you then – outside?” 

I nodded again and with that he wandered out of the door and sat on the bench. I was perplexed by this – he was so confident with others but with me he was awkward and shy but it was endearing to see this side of him. I locked up the coffee shop and found my way to Jonghyun. He smiled as I approached and made room for me to sit next to him. My curious heart wondered why he was here in the first place.

“I’m sorry if I made you wait long–”

“I liked waiting for you – besides the air feels warm despite how late it is.”

The stars glistened in the night sky as we both inhaled the summer’s air through our noses, tonight felt different. 

“You know I give advice to so many people every Friday night but yet for some reason I am seldom to take my own – a little foolish isn’t it? I was reminded of past feelings, current ones and a voice reminded me of someone I knew tonight. Perhaps it was just the radio static playing tricks on my ears.” He sadly chuckled. 

“The pang of lost familiarity – it is an odd feeling.” I remarked back, trying to mimic his poetic mood.

He stood up from the bench, “Would you like me to walk you home, I appreciate your words.” 

We walked casually in silence, accidentally bumping shoulders now and again and each time laughing awkwardly. I had decided to steer our conversation about the radio show and was interested in hearing about current projects. He pointed at random spots as we walked back to my apartment of where he liked to eat or relax. I assumed he lived close by. The conversation was pleasant and I found myself warming up to him as time went on and I hoped I wasn’t wrong that he was starting to soften too. We had finally reached my apartment – it was now time to part.

"I am sorry if I intruded on your evening, I just needed to see a familiar face tonight. ”

“I am happy to have been that for you today.” I squeezed his hand, “I am busy this weekend but maybe we should meet up soon?” and I went inside with my heart beating – hoping we would see each other again soon.