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The studio remained silent for a while - there was this odd tension between us. It felt like something was lingering on his lips. He was hesitant to speak the truth. Was that all I remembered? Of course that was all I remembered since that was the entire nights events...a creepy guy and Jonghyun walking me home.

“I accept your apology,” He stood up and placed his hand on my shoulder, it was gentle and almost soothing,  “you should get back to work, wandering people are foolish.” 

With that remark he disappeared into the hallway. I waited a while to allow the distance between our bodies to grow and grow. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed but I imagined I would be clear of him now. Just when I thought soft JongHyun was finally on my side - the ram's horns once again appeared. He truly was difficult to understand. I made my way back to my desk through the long corridors, twisting and turning around departments to make my way back to my own and I was too busy in my thoughts to see the lingering eyes and covered mouths. 

 Mummers were brought out into the open as I walked past offices and workers. It felt like it was following me – the gossip was growing stronger and it was hard to not feel its presence. There was something happening. The corridors were becoming heavy – the air truly was full of false words and they seemed to surround me. What was happening? The gossip had never followed me like this before, well not here anyways. I wanted to return back to my space and felt a wave of relief when I saw a co-worker from my own department approaching me. I smiled and waved at them but it was not returned, and as they passed me unkind words were whispered to me, “ I’m surprised you’re still here - if it was anyone else you would have been fired straight away. You really are the favorite and now we know why .” The cold shoulder gave me chills and produced anxiety within me. Was this because Jonghyun walked me home – wouldn’t he have done that for anyone? But something was telling me that these rumours were about the two of us. 

I passed Jonghyun’s office but failed to move past it due to being dragged in by a mysterious arm into his cold dark office. Naturally it was Jonghyun who had pulled me in. 

“I’m sorry for grabbing you that way,” he re-adjusted his suit so it lined perfectly once again, “please sit down, we need to talk.” 

I felt my throat begin to become dry as I sat down in the chair in front of his desk – the feeling that was building up inside of me could only be described as something similar as when you have met your maker. My time was up. 

“Are you aware of why I dragged you in here?” He quizzed me.

I shook my head – no I have no idea. A sense of relief fell upon his shoulders and that made me more curious. 

“It’s funny to say that it makes me happy you are unaware but please trust me, I am happy to be the one to tell you this…” he trails off as if he is avoiding the subject, “ you see… that night I walked you home – I don’t know how you don’t remember but we kissed. ” 

I stared at him blankly, unsure if this information was correct or not. He pulls out his phone and presents a video to me. It was the two of us outside of the bar – we were arguing, I shivered at the words coming out of my mouth. My honesty was too raw and for someone to capture this it broke my heart. I saw myself turn back towards Jonghyun and there it was – I kissed Jonghyun. He takes the phone away and I am left staring into the void of my own consciousness; it was all returning to me and all I could mutter under my breath was I’m sorry. I wanted to run away but I knew I was here to face my consequences. Employee relationships were prohibited and kissing your boss was well, my fate was sealed. M

“I’m sorry – if I had left you alone that night…this would have never happened but it happened. It’s hard for me to do what I need to do…”

“Which is firing me?” I found my voice again. We looked at each other, the reality of it all was crashing between us. He nodded. 

“Unfortunately that is the case. If I kept you I would look like a hypocrite, things would not turn out well for you either – did you not say everyone thinks you're my favorite employee? If I kept you I would fear that they’d pick you apart and that is not fair.” 

He was right. Jonghyun left me in his office as a safe space until the work day was over. I would collect my things when everyone had left – was he giving me some dignity? I sat silently in his office - thinking, thinking, thinking . Life was hard enough but now I had to find a new job. My body felt heavy, what was I going to do? How did my mind forget such important information? So many questions were running around in my mind but the biggest one of them all was 'Why did I kiss the person I hated the most?' Time passed slowly in that office and my mind wandered back to the past – back to high school once again. (Why were these memories surfacing so much lately…)

The exhaustion of the first day back after summer vacation had made its presence known throughout the school. The sun was dancing outside, tempting our bodies to wander into its embracing rays. My uniform felt unnatural and itchy. I wasn’t ready for the final year – I wasn’t prepared for the real world. I had no clue on where I was going or what to even do with my life, it all felt so complicated. Everyone had figured it out already, people were preparing for the future and I- I was waiting for time to pass. 

“Excuse me…”  A petit voice entered my atmosphere. 

I looked up to find that bass playing boy from the start of the summer - a bass was still strapped to his back. (His name could not find it’s way to me – my memory was too clogged but remembering him warmed my body.) I smiled at him and he sat at the desk next to mine. We talked and talked until my throat became dry. When was the last time that I talked this much to cause such dryness? When was the last time someone wanted to talk to me? 

“I’m glad I found you again.” He expressed before the bell rang. 

The sound of the office door opening brought me back into the present. 

“I’m glad you’re still here,” the echoes of the past trembled but I wasn’t paying attention; my fate was here, “I’m sorry for leaving you here alone – I needed to calm down this situation…” he sat down and I found myself spilling out my emotions. 

“Everyone thought I was the favorite employee, they always made comments like that…how you liked me the most, so I understand how I can’t stay here but it hurts you know? Because I wasn't like that. I’m sorry I was never the model employee, I tried hard to be what you wanted but it never was enough. I was never making any progress at all. Thank you Mr. Kim for your time. I hope all goes well for you and this company. I loved being here.” I never waited for him to reply, I simply just left. I packed up my desk leaving the life I had known for three years behind me without a blink of an eye. The train ride home was slow – I wandered back to my apartment. Life was life and I had to face the harsh realities of unemployment. I enter my apartment without turning a single light on. I made my way to my bedroom and locked the outside world out. I was tired and needed to leave this day behind. 

—

I laid in bed the entire morning, I was unsure what to do with myself. Normally I would have been getting ready to enter into the working world. I was once an ant in the busy system of life and now I was well I was unsure of what I was now. My mind wandered to the kiss and I touched my lips – there was no residue of that memory but why was Jonghyun still on my mind? I found myself getting out of bed, maybe tomorrow I will face the reality of life but for today I will enjoy the freedom and with this attitude I made myself ready for the day. I was unaware of the adventure that had been created for me by the universe. I opened the apartment front door to find Jonghyun crouched down with a letter in his hand. Why is he always appearing? He looked stunned – being caught in the act was not normal for him. He stumbled for words.

“I-I-uh..um…sorry I was bringing your last paycheque,” he takes the letter and stuffs it into his jacket pocket, “but I just remembered that I made a mistake on it –” his mannerism become stern again, “goodbye.” He begins to walk away –

“ Jonghyun.” 

He stops and turns back to look at me.  I froze slightly, his name escaped my lips without me knowing. Why did I call his name? My lips moved once again without my knowledge.

“I wondered if you’d like to talk?”  

He looked at me – intensely. A string of possibilities were running through his mind.

“I have things to do today,” he paused, “so I can only speak for a moment.” And with that he headed to the elevator and I followed close behind. The silence crept upon us and there was tension within the air. Was he telling the truth about my pay cheque? We found our way to a nearby park – the air was fresh and the sounds of life surrounded us. We found a bench and sat at each end, it felt odd sitting next to Jonghyun, had we ever talked before? I noticed that he was playing with a ring on his finger, perhaps it was a nervous habit. 

“Thank you for sitting with me,” I awkwardly broke the silence, “I’m going to miss my time at the radio station but for some reason I’m going to miss you the most…” What was I saying? 

Jonghyun looked at me with a perplexed smile and placed his hand on my arm. 

“Thank you.” He said softly and even his stern features had become soft. I was seeing the Jonghyun that everyone else knew. I had to get fired in order to see this? Yet why was I getting this feeling that there was more that he wanted to say. Who was Jonghyun really? He stood up from the bench and before he left he said something that also caused a perplexed expression upon my own face. 

“I hope our paths cross again.”