Author's Note: Welcome to the second half of part one! It's no longer a vacation; Jongin's staying for good! (Or, for now.) Will he be able to survive country life? Let's see how it goes!

6. New Beginnings

The week that Jongin was supposed to be spending making memories with his new friends, Jongin instead spent processing the big changes that were now facing him. He cried a lot, but tried to see the bright side. ‘At least I won’t have to say goodbye now,’ he told Taemin one night after crying himself out in the other’s bed. Taemin promised that he would help as much as he could with adjusting to their school. Good thing he would already have a friend group, though he tried not to think about all the friends he wouldn’t be able to see for God knows how long back home.

He lied to those friends, texting them that his father was on a business trip and he would be studying abroad for a bit. It was entirely feasible, and his friends bought it, so that was one less thing to worry about. As for his new friends here, he told them the truth – that his parents were breaking up – but made it clear that he didn’t want to talk about it in any detail, and they respected his wishes.

On the night before the first day at his new school, Jongin slept over at Taemin’s house. He was dreading it, feeling nervous as he had no idea what to expect. What would the boys be like around here? How would they react to him? Jongin imagined he would stand out like a sore thumb, everyone ogling at him like some sort of zoo animal, pointing and laughing. He was relieved he would at least know some people there, giving him a bit of a cushion. Still, something about being the new kid – the city boy suddenly dropping into their old school – felt so humiliating.

“Why am I being punished for this?” Jongin whispered as he and Taemin lay in bed, unable to fall asleep. “I didn’t even do anything wrong…” Taemin just looked at him wordlessly, resting his hand over Jongin’s in a small act of comfort. For his part, if Taemin felt at all offended by his regular life being considered a punishment to Jongin, he didn’t mention it. After a moment, Jongin started playing with his fingers as a distraction from his own thoughts and feelings. “It’s not fair…”

“It’s not,” Taemin agreed quietly, keeping his hand still for Jongin to use as he needed. “You don’t deserve this…” He was always sympathetic and considerate, always listened and made Jongin feel valid. It was nice to have someone like that, realizing how blatantly absent any such presence had ever been in his own friend group back home. Jongin nodded and continued sulking, tracing his fingertips over Taemin’s fingers.

“How come your hands are so small anyway..?” he mumbled, pressing his hand flat against Taemin’s for comparison. Unexpectedly, their palms were actually similar in size, it was just… “Your fingers are so short…”

“Yeah, thanks for pointing it out,” Taemin said, a hint of sarcasm in his tone though he didn’t move his hand away. “I hadn’t noticed.”

Jongin supposed it was a dumb thing to say. Of course he would be aware of it already. “Sorry. Just curious about it. Is there a reason?” Maybe some medical condition, Jongin was wondering – in which case, he would feel like a huge . But Taemin gave his head a small shake, and Jongin went back to drawing on his fingers absently. “You know what they say about small hands…”

“Hey!” This time, Taemin pulled his hand away to smack Jongin’s arm, making him grin. Taemin gave his best glare, though Jongin hardly felt intimidated. “Don’t be a jerk.”

“I’m just teasing,” Jongin said, smirk widening as Taemin pouted. If he looked like a kid before, pouting only made him into more of a baby, Jongin thought. Far from scary; it was just kind of cute. “Although your reaction is making me suspicious.”

Taemin glared again, for a moment looking ready to say something – or do something. By now, Jongin had learned that Taemin was very keen on proving people wrong by any means, and also had outbursts of anger sometimes (though they never lasted long). Would he hit Jongin for real? Or, worse…

But Taemin just shook his head. “Well, too bad you won’t have gym class with me, so you’ll never get to find out, ert.” Laughing, Jongin thought about saying that that wasn’t the only way he could find out, but that did sound erted and so he withheld. “Now go to sleep. We have to get up early tomorrow…”

They got ready together in the morning, Jongin trying on the new uniform and sighing as he looked at his reflection. The outfit was plain, but he supposed that was better than something flashy and obnoxious. Then he saw Taemin, shirt untucked and hair absolutely astray, laughing out loud.

“Look at you, a fashion icon,” he mused, reaching over to flatten Taemin’s utterly wild locks as they stood this way and that. Taemin didn’t acknowledge it, grabbing his toothbrush and starting to brush his teeth. In ten minutes they were walking out the door – Taemin’s hair still somewhat askew – meeting up with their friends as they headed along to the school.

Their first stop was the office so they could find out which class Jongin would be in. He was in luck, being placed in Sungwoon’s class – the only one of the group who was the same age as him. Then they went off to class together, everyone seeing him off before heading to their respective classrooms. This wasn’t far – the building was so small that Taemin’s class was right across from his own.

And truthfully, it wasn’t so bad. The teacher made him introduce himself, and he got a lot of looks throughout the day, but otherwise it wasn’t that different. It was an all-boys school, though the girls’ school was a little further away than back home. But they studied the same things as usual, had recess and lunch breaks (though the food wasn’t really as good as his own school’s), they got some homework for the next day, and they went home. No one said too much to him, no one ogled or pointed, and he stuck with his friends on breaks, so it all felt pretty smooth to Jongin.

For the first week, he had relative peace. The other boys at school talked about him among themselves, but not to him, too intimidated to approach. Jongin did nothing to change this, sticking to himself and the friends he had; he didn’t need the whole school in his friend circle. Being left alone suited him just fine. All in all, the whole thing was a lot better than he’d anticipated, not that he would admit it. He still wanted to go home more than anything.

Once he was back to school, his mother started going into town to meet with his father, as well as her lawyer and anyone else involved in the mess there. Endless arguing, disagreeing, and disputing ensued as they tried to come to agreements, with little process being made. Jongin’s mother kept him out of the loop of it all, and he didn’t ask. If he was being honest, he didn’t want to know. Maybe that was why he stayed out so much, went to Taemin’s more often than he went home. Maybe it was what made him throw himself at any and every suggestion his friends made to do something; anything was better than having to deal with his family shattering in real time.

A few weeks in, whispers started going around the school about a high school party. Nothing crazy, just some bash at a big old barn on the outskirts. There would be pizza and fruit punch, with rumours of alcohol and girls coming too, though nothing was confirmed. Jongin thought it was the most exciting thing that could possibly hit the town. What better way to get his mind of the mess of the world than to have a little fun?

To his dismay, his friend group wasn’t so interested.

“Sounds dangerous,” Moongyu said when Jongin brought it up.

“And inappropriate,” Kwonho added.

Jongin had to refrain from rolling his eyes. What he had learned about the two of them, as well as Taemin, was that they all were from good-to-do churchgoing families, and anything that could be mildly sinful (see: fun) was off the list. “We could at least go for the free pizza,” he suggested, trying to appeal to everyone’s love of food. They didn’t bite.

On their walk home, when it was just him, Taemin and Kang, Jongin was internally debating whether or not to just go by himself when Kang spoke up. “I’ll go with you. To the party, I mean.”

Yes! Thank God someone in their group was fun. Jongin cheered. Then he nudged Taemin. “What about you? You’ll come too, right?”

The look in Taemin’s eyes made it clear that he wasn’t nearly as on board, but Jongin thought that he really needed to bring some excitement into Taemin’s life. He couldn’t be so sheltered forever, especially not on Jongin’s watch. “Come on, I know you’re not turning down a night with me and free pizza. We can even bring our own drinks so there’s no risk of accidentally drinking alcohol,” he persuaded. “And I’ll protect you from any girls who try to flirt with you.”

Taemin laughed weakly, still looking unsure. “As if any of them would…”

“Then what are you so worried about? It’ll be cool, Taemin,” Jongin said firmly, trying to win him over. As much as Jongin needed an escape from his family, Taemin needed one from his own too. He could see Taemin wavering, tacking on his most convincing, “Please?”

There was a moment of silence as Taemin gnawed on his lip and blinked several times, but then he finally responded. “Fine, but- don’t tell my parents about this…”

7. The Barn

Sneaking off to the party was a lot easier than Jongin had predicted it to be. All he had to do was tell his mom he was going to Taemin’s, and then tell Taemin’s parents they were going out to play. His parents just said to be home before ten, and that was it. No questions, nothing. (It must have been nice to have such a trusting relationship with his parents… Jongin doubted he would be able to get away with it in the city.) They met up with Kang and were soon biking off to the barn.

The barn was not far from Jongin’s expectations. Typical – old, rundown, even painted a faded red. However, the party was not quite what he had been imagining. There were hardly any first years, and not much in the way of second year students either. In total there were around twenty boys there, most of whom Jongin didn’t recognize, and nearly an equal number of girls. Music was playing from some mediocre speakers, not deafening but at least loud enough to feel fun, and there was a stack of pizzas on a cheap plastic table. A couple boxes were open, revealing cheese and pepperoni pizzas, some of the slices taken. Beside them were two large bowls of fruit punch, one labelled ALCOHOL with a few empty soju bottles behind it.

As Jongin started heading toward the food, he felt Taemin move closer to him. It reminded him of when they had first met and he’d thought Taemin was a child; now he really would have to babysit him, it seemed. Grinning, he threw an arm around the older to keep him nearby, peeking down to catch his deer-in-the-headlights expression. Jongin found it endearing.

They all grabbed a slice of pizza, Taemin clutching to his can of soda as Jongin grabbed himself a glass of the non-alcoholic punch and watching worriedly as Jongin sipped away at it. “It’s fine,” he promised before dragging them off to follow Kang as he went to mingle with one of the groups.

As it turned out, there was something country teenage boys had in common with city ones – they were all too afraid to talk to any girls. There was another thing too – they were all too proud to turn down a dare. It was the only way to make the boys move from their circles over to the girls, and as the evening went on it could repeatedly be seen. There would suddenly be a ruckus among the boys, one of them shamelessly cast out and sent towards the girls. He would then talk, flirt, or otherwise make a fool of himself before the girls, before returning back like a dog with its tail between its legs when he was rejected or didn’t gain their interest. A couple of the boys had some success, only pushing the rest to try that much harder.

Some of the girls were interested, others… not so much. Naturally, the boys took this as a challenge rather than a sign, especially the ones who were drinking the alcoholic punch.

Jongin didn’t tell anyone – anyone mostly being Taemin – but he had gone back to the punch and secretly taken some of the alcoholic punch. Twice. It wasn’t the first time he had ever had alcohol, but his young body admittedly wasn’t very good at handling it, so he promised himself not to have any more after the second glass. It took its toll nonetheless, making him more open and playful, laughing and strongly encouraging every boy who got dared.

Until it got to his turn.

“No way!”

“You’ve been loud all night, you think we were gonna let you off?”

“I’m not gonna kiss someone!” He looked to Taemin, who was still quietly by his side. The older hadn’t opened up as much, but he had definitely been giggling at the misfortune of each boy throughout the evening. “Help me!” Jongin whined to him. Taemin just held his hands up to feign innocence, grinning as Jongin was faced with the dilemma.

“You’re the one who wanted to come,” Taemin reminded him playfully, seeming to enjoy Jongin’s suffering even more than the others.

“And you’re the one who was bragging about how many girls you’ve kissed,” Kang added, pushing Jongin’s shoulder from his other side. “Or was that all talk?”

“Ooh, an expert!”

“Come on then, city boy, show us how it’s done!”

The other boys jeered a little more, Jongin continuing to protest to no avail. Taemin tried to take his drink to hold for him, but then Jongin was shoved towards some of the girls who were sitting around, sipping their drinks and uninterested in everyone else. The moment they saw him coming over, eyes were rolled and heads shaken, making the boys cackle. Jongin ignored this, going to sit beside the prettiest one and holding up his drink for her to cheers. She didn’t.

“Hey there,” he said casually. “I’ve been told to come over and kiss you, so if you wanna slap me you can save us both from that.” It didn’t seem to be what she had been expecting him to say, because after a second he saw the corners of twitch. “Just try to make it believable, otherwise they might not pity me enough and make me come back…”

Jongin tried to keep still as she raised her hand, but then she decided to just… rest it on his cheek. In the distance, someone hooted. “And what if I don’t slap you?” she asked slyly, a spark in her eyes giving him the abrupt urge to run.

“Then – then I’ll have to kiss you,” he said, feeling his face grow warm. “Which we both don’t want…”

“Oh? But maybe I do…”

Uh-oh. He probably should have seen that one coming. It wasn’t so farfetched that she would find him attractive – he was reasonably good-looking, not to mention the edge he had over all the guys around here. But still, he hadn’t expected his plan to backfire so hard. Wait, no, this isn’t what you’re meant to say…

“I’m waiting,” the girl said, staring expectantly. Her friends were watching in shock and awe, and Jongin was praying she would say it was a joke. Except, she didn’t. “Are you too much of a coward? What, never kiss a girl or something?”

Her taunting set his mind back into action, frowning and leaning in. When he was close enough to feel her breathing, he closed his eyes. Fine, it’s just a kiss…

This turned out to be a mistake.

The second his lips brushed against hers, her hand pulled away and then came back, slapping him hard. To further the insult, she threw the contents of her cup in his face when she pulled back, and then shoved him away. “Take a hint losers!” she said, more than loud enough for all of the boys to hear.

Jongin was stunned, on his back on the ground and now covered in the sticky juice-and-alcohol mixture from her cup. For a moment he didn’t move, just frozen and staring in shock. Then he was pissed. It took everything in him not to grab a drink and throw it back at her in retaliation. What the hell was that for?

Be the bigger person. He had asked her to slap him, he reminded himself over and over as he got to his feet and hurried back to his group. But she hadn’t made it seem like she would really go through with it, not to mention how unnecessary everything else had been…

“Dang, that was ice cold!”

“Yeah, sorry dude. Didn’t expect her to punch you in the face.”

The guys all laughed again, but Jongin wasn’t so amused. His eyes quickly searched for Taemin, not seeing him among the group anymore and frowning. Wow, now you’re ditching me too…

But as he was thinking it, Taemin popped up beside him with some napkins, hurrying to wipe Jongin’s face with them. “Are you okay?” he asked, worry shining in his eyes as they met Jongin’s.

“I guess I asked for it,” Jongin muttered, not technically wrong. Taemin tried to protest it, but Jongin just grabbed the napkins from him and started cleaning himself up. “Don’t worry about it. Just take it as a lesson.” He laughed bitterly, drying off his face and hair as much as he could. Everyone did learn the lesson then, no more dares to bother the girls being made.

Since he was cleaning himself up, Jongin didn’t notice when Taemin decided to take a sip from his drink. The older made a face as the taste hit his throat, holding the cup away from himself in displeasure. Not realizing, Jongin assumed he was giving it back and took the cup, and Taemin quickly protested. “Wait, Jongin-”

Before he could say more, Jongin was chugging the whole thing down in annoyance at what the girl had done to him. Taemin’s eyes widened in alarm.

“Jongin! I- I think that has alcohol in it,” he said weakly, knowing it was too late and worried as to what would happen to him. Jongin was about to ask how he would know, before catching himself because that would be a very stupid question for someone pretending not to drink. So instead he just laughed it off.

“What? No, it’s fine Taemin,” he lied, reaching over to the table and refilling his cup with the regular punch. “I’m drinking the alcohol-free one.”

Taemin didn’t look very convinced, but didn’t argue it, just sticking to Jongin that much more closely to make sure that he was alright.

Their group of boys headed into the barn after that, climbing up old hay bales to the second floor and gathering in a circle. With nothing better to do, they started telling scary stories. It was getting dark by then, the sun having gone down and no lights in the building, so everything felt a lot spookier. Jongin could barely see in front of him, and the vast dark space surrounding the barn – not to mention the eerie forest nearby – only added to the creepy atmosphere. He admittedly jumped once or twice, leaning against Taemin for solace. Eventually Taemin took his hand – or maybe he took Taemin’s, he wasn’t really sure – and Jongin held it tightly. To comfort his friend, definitely not because he was scared.

Finally, a little after nine, something scary did happen – red and blue lights flashed across the building as a police car came to break up the party. People scattered, but the police caught and reprimanded some of the kids. Taemin and Jongin exchanged a terrified glance – if they were caught, Jongin was sure Taemin’s parents would kill him.

“What do we do?”

The other boys decided to huddle in a group at the back of the second floor and pray the officers wouldn’t look up there, but Taemin didn’t want to take any risks. Silently, while the officers were still dealing with the students outside, he slipped down the hay bales and managed to hide himself in the gap behind them. Praying that it was good enough, Jongin made the crazy decision to follow.

To say it was cramped would be an understatement. There was just barely enough room to squeeze behind the bales, and it was too tight to move. They couldn’t stand without risking being seen, so Taemin laid down and pulled Jongin on top of him. Then he put a finger to his lips, and all they could do was wait.

The light of a flashlight soon reflected off the barn’s wall not too far over their heads, and then footsteps slowly drew closer. Jongin found himself holding his breath, ducking his head down as far as he could when an officer stepped onto the hay bales they were hiding behind. He couldn’t tell if it was his heart that was pounding against his chest or Taemin’s, but he couldn’t deny that this was affecting him much worse than any scary story. The man shone his light up on the second floor, then sternly called for the boys up there to come down. All he had to do was lower the beam of his light and he might notice them…

But the officer vanished and each of the boys upstairs came down. None of them spared a glance in Taemin and Jongin’s direction, and thankfully, none of them ratted either. It was a long wait as the officers took each of the kids’ names, promising to notify all their parents, and then ordered them all to head home. Jongin listened as everyone left, waiting until he heard the sound of tires on dirt road gradually retreating, the flashing lights fading. Then he lifted his head and looked down at Taemin.

“We need to go,” Taemin whispered, looking scared within an inch of his life. Jongin just nodded and – with some difficulty – pulled himself to his feet before helping Taemin up too. It was a lot harder to get out than it had been to get in, Jongin helping to boost Taemin up but then struggling to get out himself. Though there was a brief moment when he thought he might be stuck there forever, he was able to get out after a good deal of maneuvering, and with Taemin desperately trying to pull him up. Then they ran around the back of the barn where they had hidden their bikes (in case of dangers like these), Jongin checking his phone for the time and cursing.

“It’s already past nine-thirty!”

They didn’t waste any more time. Jongin didn’t think he ever biked so fast in his life, and he doubted he ever would again. His lungs were aching by the time they reached the town, the wind drying the remainder of the juice in his hair. Even so, it was five minutes to ten before they reached Taemin’s house and locked up their bikes.

“Was starting to think you two weren’t coming,” Taemin’s father said as they came in, chuckling and giving them a look. “What happened to you there, Jongin?” Jongin looked down, the stain from the fruit punch hard to miss on his shirt.

“Jongin forgot how to drink from a bottle,” Taemin lied smoothly. “Don’t remind him, his ego took a tough hit tonight…” His parents just laughed, and then Taemin was pulling Jongin by the hand up the stairs and wishing them goodnight.

After a very quick shower, the pair of them collapsed onto Taemin’s bed. For some reason, Taemin pulled him into a hug, but as Jongin’s heart was still racing from the absolute insanity that had been their night, he really didn’t mind it. And then Taemin started to giggle.

“You’re losing it,” Jongin mumbled, though he couldn’t help grinning himself.

“That was crazy,” Taemin replied softly, pulling back to look at Jongin with a matching grin. His eyes were shining. “But… kind of exhilarating.”

“I hope I’m not turning you into some kind of criminal,” Jongin teased, Taemin having to cover his mouth as he laughed out loud.

“Of course not. But…”

“But? Is there a good ‘but’ here?” Jongin asked, the twinkle in Taemin’s eye almost making him worry. Taemin’s grin simply widened.

“I’d do it again.”

Something about the way he said it made Jongin’s heart skip a beat. Though he knew Taemin could be risky (and reckless) at times, he hadn’t expected to unlock this side of Taemin. “Go to sleep,” was all he said in response, but he couldn’t deny the excitement he felt.

Maybe things would be more fun here after all.

8. Cheap Thrills

The great thing about the country was that there were a million risky things to do without getting caught. And opening the door to danger for Taemin had given Jongin the perfect partner in crime. Seeing as Taemin had spent his whole life out here, he knew all the ins and outs of the place and it made him an excellent guide.

It became something of a game for them, trying to go out, do something crazy, and make it home before curfew. They went tree climbing and watched the sun set from the branches, then raced back to town. They took a late-night trip to the nearby stream, stripped down to their underwear and swam in it. They hid in the back corner of a bookstore, reading comic books together and almost getting locked in when the staff closed up for the night. Every day they would find something new to do, and then go home and laugh about it and fall asleep together. Taemin seemed to love the thrill of it all, becoming somehow impossibly brighter. Even his family noticed, delighted by how much fun he and Jongin were having together.

Their friends noticed it too.

“Hey, earth to Taemin and Jongin.”

Jongin looked around to see Kang waving a hand at them. The group were all in the local church’s basement, sitting around talking after the morning service. Normally, half of them didn’t attend (Jongin included), but they had all come to see Taemin performing a song on the piano while a member of the choir sang. (Taemin had a hidden talent for playing, and Jongin was still a little blown away, to be honest. But he wasn’t going to say anything more, because Taemin had become immensely shy when Jongin wouldn’t stop complimenting him.) Now they were eating snacks and waiting for their parents to finish chatting and let them go home.

“Swear you two are in your own world sometimes,” Kang said, shaking his head. “Just date already.”

“Ha ha, you’re hilarious,” Jongin retorted sarcastically, biting into one of the bland, salty crackers. It tasted like cardboard (or he imagined so), but he still had another one as his other friends started getting in on the teasing. Jongin took it in stride, just rolling his eyes and ignoring it. Until-

“I dare you to kiss him,” Kang challenged with a smirk.

“Ew, no,” Jongin replied immediately, face scrunching in offense. Kiss? Taemin? “That’s gross.”

“I dare you,” Kang repeated, leaning in. “I’ll give you both twenty K if you do.”

Jongin just shook his head, not even considering it for that price. “You can’t bribe me with money dude, I have more than you.” Then he glanced to Taemin, wondering if it had appealed to him at all. Taemin was effectively hiding his emotions for the most part though, except for the pinkness of his cheeks which spoke volumes.

“And in a church? No way,” Kwonho added with a frown.

“What? He can just go to the confession booth after and beg for forgiveness,” countered Sungwoon with a grin. “At least they’re nearby. Just say it was a dare.”

“I already said I’m not gonna. Your bribe is crap,” Jongin stated simply, taking a bite of another dry cracker and washing it down with a sip of grape juice. Kissing another guy was not something he would do for less than like… a million won, or something else of equal value. “You’d have to do way more for me…”

Raising an eyebrow as he realized Jongin could budge, Kang smirked. “Fine, name your price then.”

“Not money,” Jongin emphasized firmly. “If I’m gonna embarrass myself like that then I want you to do something even more humiliating.” When Kang continued to wait for him, Jongin thought. What could he have the other do in a place like this..? It was a church, there was so much potential that he realized he didn’t even know where to start. But what was the best thing…

After a minute, an idea popped into his mind. “First, you give Taemin the forty thousand for having to be part of this whole thing.” Kang nodded, and Jongin went on, his own grin slowly forming dangerously. “And you have to go to the confession booths and tell them you have ual fantasies about the werewolf guy from Twilight. Especially when he’s a werewolf.”

Silence fell as everyone stared at Jongin in awe. For a second, he wondered if he had gone too far. Then the group burst out laughing.

“That is the best dare I’ve ever heard,” Moongyu had to admit.

“You can’t back down from it,” agreed Daewon, nudging Kang who had gone silent and was looking a little pale.

As he pulled out his wallet, he muttered, “I’m suddenly regretting my choices…” Then he took out the four bills and held them up for Taemin.

Taemin stared at them. He hadn’t been laughing either, though for a very different reason. Instead he was biting his lip, a nervous habit that Jongin had picked up on, and wordlessly eyeing the bills. “It’s your call,” Jongin assured him quietly, not wanting him to feel pressured.

Unfortunately, not all of them felt the same. “If you don’t, you’re a pu-” Sungwoon began to say before Daewon clamped a hand over his mouth. The older gave him a look, and Sungwoon huffed.

Just then, Taemin snatched the money out of Kang’s hand. “You think I care about a silly kiss? This is like a month’s worth of banana milk!” He had a glint in his eye, looking determined to prove Sungwoon wrong. Everyone laughed, and so did Jongin, but then he realized. This was sealing his fate…

“It has to be a proper kiss then,” Kang told them. “I want my money’s worth. The way you were gonna kiss that girl at that party. Just don’t smack him this time, Taemin…”

Jongin groaned, both at the memory and the new requirements. But he didn’t want any to add anything more, so he quickly turned to Taemin before Kang could say another word. “It’s more embarrassing if you look at me. Close your eyes…”

Taemin’s face turned bright red at that – not to mention the way Jongin was so quick and ready to kiss him – and the group let out a string of cackles. But he did as instructed and let his eyes fall closed. Then his lower lip disappeared between his teeth, and Kang was quickly calling it out. “No lip-biting!” This only made Taemin hide his face in his hands, taking a minute to collect himself before he slowly uncovered his face again. Then he relaxed his face, seeming to hold his breath as he sat there and just… waited.

Meanwhile, Jongin was taking every second to try and will himself to do this. The idea of it was so weird and mildly disturbing – nothing about kissing Taemin felt right. But no, if he thought like that he was going to chicken out, so instead he just thought about how he was going to make Kang pay for it, and how sweet that revenge would be. Jongin took a deep breath and leaned in, having to close his own eyes because he didn’t think he could look at Taemin while he did it.

When their lips touched, Jongin tried to imagine it was a girl he was kissing. He leaned closer, trying to kiss Taemin properly because there was no way he was giving Kang the chance to say it wasn’t good enough. And if he was being honest, it wasn’t so bad. If he didn’t think about it, it didn’t feel any different than kissing a girl. His heart raced – from the pressure, the awkwardness, and maybe a tiny bit of adrenaline. But then Taemin made a noise – Jongin couldn’t tell if he was distressed or what, but there was no missing the tiny whimper in the back of his throat – and he quickly pulled back, eyes flying open.

What the hell was that for? he wondered as he felt heat flush across his head. Unconsciously, Jongin his lips before wiping them in embarrassment, unable to believe they had really just been kissing Taemin’s.

Taemin’s eyes opened too, and his face was so red that it was almost concerning. Everyone was just staring at them, and Taemin immediately buried his face in his hands again. Then the boys jumped up and started smacking them and pushing them over, yelling and causing an absolute ruckus. Jongin groaned, but didn’t waste time in retaliating.

“Alright, your turn!” he shouted at Kang over their chaos. “Go make your confessions!”

There was further uproar, and then the boys were turning on Kang, dragging him up and starting to push him towards the door. “Off you go!”

The only one who didn’t get involved in everything was Taemin. He stayed in the background, recovering from the kiss, even when the others got up. Jongin didn’t miss this (despite no one else paying any attention), staying behind as the rest left the room.

“You alright?” he asked, knowing it was a stupid question considering how shell-shocked Taemin still looked. He realized his mistake the moment he asked, because of course Taemin would say…

“Yeah, fine…” It amazed Jongin how Taemin was such a terrible liar about everything except his emotions. For some reason, he was an expert at acting like nothing was wrong, even when he was internally in turmoil. Taemin looked to the door, and then swallowed. “I just need to go…”

“Repent?”

“Yeah…”

Of course, while it hadn’t been so bad for Jongin, kissing him had an entirely different weight for Taemin. It went against the things he believed. Too late, Jongin realized it had been a little unfair – forcing him to do something like this, bribing him with money as if Jongin didn’t know just how poor Taemin was. Suddenly he felt a bit guilty; way to be a bad influence… But what was done was done. All he could do now was let Taemin go get his forgiveness.

They went together, Jongin awkwardly leaving Taemin at the booth before going off to the other occupied one where the rest of the boys were hiding as they listened to Kang’s ridiculous confessions and tried not to laugh. By the time he came out, Jongin had all but forgotten his part of the bargain, and he decided it was absolutely worth it.

Until he and Taemin were sitting alone in his room that evening, and Taemin held out the money he’d gotten from Kang. “I can’t keep this,” he told Jongin quietly, not looking him in the eye. Jongin was fairly sure Taemin hadn’t properly looked at him the entire day now. “It’s… not right.”

“Why not?” Jongin wondered, feeling like he had more than done his part in earning it.

“Because, I- I can’t accept money for… for sinning,” Taemin explained, pushing the bills towards Jongin when he didn’t take them. “I can’t give in to- to the wickedness of earthly temptations. I tainted my soul for-“ He shook the bills slightly. “Some material goods that will just ruin me. I can’t keep it.”

The way Taemin spoke, it was so obvious that he was just echoing whatever the priest in his confession booth had told him. No doubt they had done an excellent job in guilting him. No fun allowed, was that their policy? But Jongin didn’t know how to counter what Taemin had been told. It seemed too late to change his mind on it. So instead he just thought and thought, and finally he reached out and took the money.

“Okay, it’s mine then,” he said as he put the money behind his back. Then he grabbed it with his other hand and held it out again. “Hey, I have a present for you. Definitely not a bribe for anything and just purely because you’re my friend and I want to celebrate our friendship.”

Taemin blinked a few times, in the way he always did when he was surprised or processing something. Then he broke into a wide smile and snorted. “I don’t think that’s how it works…”

“Of course it is. You gave it to me, so now it’s mine to do whatever I want with. And I’m giving it to you,” Jongin stated very clearly, no hesitation in his voice. It was an absolutely crazy idea, but… it was true, wasn’t it? “Not for the sake of a dare – that’s when it was Kang’s money. No earthly temptations, just one friend’s gift to another, because I feel like it. Now take it, or I’ll feel bad.”

And that was how Jongin saved Taemin from the sins that he, admittedly, had brought upon him in the first place. But it worked, and Jongin thought it was worth it for a three-second kiss.

9. Clothes

If there was one thing that didn’t change about Jongin, it was his sense of – and need for – style. Although he grew used to the way his friends would dress, he absolutely couldn’t allow himself to lower his standards for himself. Even borrowing clothes from them was out of the cards, though he was happy to lend his own. It always made him feel good to see how much his clothes could improve Taemin when he slept over without anything to wear. If only his friends could share his enthusiasm for dressing well.

In early December it started to snow, and Jongin learned that it snowed a lot more out in the country than he was used to. He and his mother had made a trip back to the city one weekend for him to get some winter clothes, but he found his coat from the year before didn’t fit anymore. The growth spurts had really come through recently. At first he didn’t care too much, but once December hit with its colder weather, Jongin realized he was going to need a replacement, stat.

The first Saturday after the initial snowfall, Jongin’s mother suggested he go to a neighbouring city and buy himself a new coat. This meant passing up on hanging out with his friends, but Taemin agreed to tag along. In return, Jongin offered his old coat to him.

“You can have this if it fits you,” he said casually. Taemin’s current jacket was… well, certainly not Jongin’s style. Obnoxiously bright blue, puffy, and slightly short in the arms. Taemin really didn’t do himself any favours to not look like a middle school kid sometimes. In comparison, Jongin’s was sleek, black, and much more appropriate for their age (in Jongin’s mind), so he thought the coat might help at least a little.

Taemin tried the coat on, just a tiny bit oversized but nothing he couldn’t grow into. Then he went to look in the mirror, coming back with his eyes shining. “I can really keep this?”

“Of course,” Jongin laughed, not sure why he would suddenly change his mind on a coat that didn’t even fit him now. Not to mention how it worked wonders in making Taemin look more grown-up. “Oh – and I have some clothes I was gonna donate, but if you want to take anything from those you can too.” He had sorted through his wardrobe, both summer and winter things, and cut the amount almost in half. Some clothes were too small, others just didn’t fit his style anymore. But again, even his outdated wardrobe was an upgrade from what Taemin’s looked like, and no one deserved it more than him.

Jongin thought Taemin might start crying when he said it, looking completely in awe as Jongin dumped the bag of stuff onto his bed. Taemin sorted through each item, placing things he wanted to keep into a separate pile. In the end, the pile ended up being everything Jongin had been planning to get rid of. After asking one more time if it was really okay for him to take it all, Taemin pulled Jongin into a big hug, making Jongin pat him on the back as he grew shy. “Alright, alright, let’s not be cheesy…”

They soon pulled apart and Jongin threw everything back in the bag, labelling it Taemin’s and putting it by the door. Then Jongin pulled on his warmest sweater and his autumn jacket, letting Taemin lead the way to the bus terminal while he cheerfully expressed how he couldn’t wait to show his clothes to his family.

The closest city was only twenty minutes away, though Jongin would hardly classify it as a such. It felt like a neighbourhood in comparison to where he was from. (Still, it was an immense upgrade from their town.) Once they arrived, they had to ask someone at the terminal where the best area to shop for clothes was, following the directions they got and definitely getting lost once or twice. After another twenty minutes, Jongin was shivering and starting to lose hope, but then they rounded a corner and finally spotted a busy street with shop after shop of different clothing stores and boutiques.

“Thank God,” he groaned as his eyes fell on the area. “I feel like my fingers are about to fall off…”

Taemin frowned at this, taking his hand and rubbing it between his own. The gesture made Jongin chuckle. Then they walked along like this as he searched for his favourite brands, settling on the top one available as they didn’t have his usuals.

Stepping inside, Jongin made a beeline for the coats, Taemin slowly trailing after him. Out of interest, Taemin checked the price tag on something and then let out a dramatic gasp, immediately dropping the tag before adding softly under his breath, ‘It’s expensive…’ He hurried over to Jongin, tugging on his arm. “Are you sure you don’t want to go somewhere else? I’m sure we could find somewhere cheaper…”

Jongin just chortled and kept looking through the selection, fingers brushing over things absently. “No, this is fine.” He had long-since learned not to be surprised by Taemin’s relationship with money, thinking nothing of his reaction. Evidently, the same couldn’t be said for Taemin (though in his defense, they never had gone clothes shopping before).

The older just waited around, not wanting to look at anything so painfully unaffordable and instead just looking hopelessly out of place. In a few moments, Jongin had narrowed his options down to two, holding them up to Taemin for his opinion. “Which do you like?”

“I think this one,” Taemin said after a moment of contemplation, pointing to the thicker of the two. “It looks warmer…” This made Jongin laugh again; it sounded like something his grandpa would say.

“Of course you think that,” he mused, entertained by how Taemin prioritized practicality so much more than fashion. Had he even considered the way the jacket looked? Still, Jongin tried on Taemin’s option in the mirror, checking it out from a few angles before nodding. “This one then.” He paid for it, immediately removing the tag and swapping his jacket for the new coat before they went back outside.

“Let’s look around a little,” Jongin decided, now that he wouldn’t be freezing. Taemin was right about the jacket being warm. “I might buy some new winter things…”

Taemin didn’t argue, happy to go along as they checked out a couple stores and boutiques. He didn’t seem particularly interested in anything in the stores as Jongin perused them, but he did stop as they passed a street vendor, eyeing the snacks hungrily.

Typical Taemin, Jongin thought to himself. The guy barely batted an eye at any of the clothes, yet was easily in by food. They ended up buying a few treats, and then slowly made their way back to the bus terminal. Taemin pulled out his second snack as they settled down for the trip back, looking very satisfied.

“We should have trips like this more often,” he said contently, leaning back in his seat. “It’s fun seeing somewhere different…”

It made Jongin chuckle, considering he hadn’t thought Taemin had been all that excited for most of the day. Then again, Taemin always seemed content to do just about anything, go anywhere, just be. His constant positive, carefree energy was part of what made him such a good friend to have around.

“I wish I could show you my place,” Jongin replied, sighing as he remembered that it wasn’t really his anymore. “I bet you’d love it.”

Taemin gave a small smile, leaning against him a little and not saying a word. They spent the rest of the journey in comfortable silence, Jongin imagining going back to the city and the way Taemin would react to his life there. One day, they would go together, he promised himself.

But that meant his parents’ divorce being finalized first, and that was not something he was ready to have happen still.

When they got back home, Taemin took the bag of Jongin’s old clothes, thanking him again before going home. Jongin’s mother asked about it, and Jongin explained that he’d given his old things to his friend.

“That’s sweet of you,” she told him warmly, before he was showing off his new coat plus the other things he’d bought for himself. His mother complimented them, looking tired and telling him she was going to nap before dinner. Jongin just nodded, knowing she had gone to and from the city again today and figuring she needed the rest.

They didn’t talk about any of it. His mother talked to his grandparents about it, but she never shared anything about the divorce with Jongin. That was how he wanted it; it still hurt him to think about it, and he would rather just wait until it was all over. In his mind, he was just on vacation until they went back. It was easiest for him that way.

Of course, his mother didn’t have much going easy for her. The divorce was hard, messy, and draining. Jongin’s father didn’t want to give an inch, and he was dragging it out as much as he could. But slowly, things were dwindling down. It was inevitable; divorcing meant not just the division of the couple but the division of finances too. No matter how hard the man pushed, Jongin’s mother had everything in her favour. She would win, and soon they would be able to go back to the city for good.

A part of Jongin wished they could just stay forever. A permanent vacation, he thought. Having a friend like Taemin made it bearable, and being away from his life from before for this long had made him realize he could survive. Sure, it wasn’t as luxurious, but he couldn’t deny that he had been happy here the last few months. Would it be so bad to keep pretending that everything was fine? This fake reality wasn’t so bad, after all…

10. Christmas

Jongin’s life was surprisingly good in the country. In Autumn his father had left him another lump-sum allowance on top of the summer one that he’d only gotten halfway through, and his mother gave him further cash to spend, so he always had enough. Though towards Christmas, that money started to dwindle.

Still, even though it hurt him to do it, Jongin used the last of it and went out to buy some small gifts for his friends. It was nothing too much, some candy, cards and matching gloves for each of them (because they sorely needed them), but it was what he could afford. It’s the thought that counts, right?

For Taemin though, such a small gift wouldn’t suffice. The older boy deserved something extra special. But as much as Jongin thought about it, he couldn’t come up with any ideas. He would have loved to get Taemin a nice, durable backpack – since his had definitely seen better days – but that was out of the price limit. And with the clothes he had passed on, Taemin wasn’t in need of anything fashion-wise. Anyway, he would have rather gotten his friend something more personal than practical.

Maybe I can make him something, Jongin thought, but even then he didn’t know what that could be. He wasn’t exactly skilled at crafts, and he had never been a good mix with the kitchen. Food would be good though, considering it was Taemin’s truest love. Jongin settled on this, figuring he would ask his mother for her help when she wasn’t insufferably busy.

Just days before Christmas, Jongin’s mother came home one late afternoon, exhausted as usual but seeming in better spirits than he had seen her for ages. It was as though a heavy weight had been lifted off her shoulders. After they had dinner, she told the family why.

“It’s all over,” she announced, relief clear in her voice. “Everything has been settled. We can move back to the city. I’ll start looking for an apartment for us as soon as the settlement is processed…”

The news was bittersweet. On the one hand, it would be nice to go home. But on the other, it meant his parents were officially separated. It’s all over. He wouldn’t be going home home, to his old place, to a complete family… Plus, it meant leaving behind his new life here, though his mother promised to let him finish the school year before they moved.

It was impossible for him to feel happy. Knowing things were finalized felt like a punch in the gut. The only tiny positive was that his mother seemed to be a lot better now that it was done, but that was a small victory in Jongin’s mind. She had lost a cheating husband, but Jongin had lost a once-loving father. He made no comment on it though, feeling like his sadness would be a burden. Nor did he mention it to Taemin or his other friends, taking the time to mourn the loss of his previous life alone, streams of tears lulling him to sleep for the next few nights.

There was one other good thing. Whatever money his mother was sent, he wasn’t sure; but Jongin suddenly found his account full again not long after. Just in time. Thrilled, he went off shopping two days before Christmas, finding a great bag for Taemin since he could afford it now. Plus, on his way home, he had to pause outside of a store as something in the window caught his eye. Hardly needing to think on it, Jongin headed inside and was soon buying a second gift. Something that fit the bill of personal. He put this in the backpack, planning to give it to Taemin this way.

Christmas fell on a Saturday that year, and Jongin’s grandparents invited Taemin’s family over for a Christmas lunch. To say it was a tight fit – eight people in the tiny space that was usually cramped with four – would be an understatement. But no one seemed to mind. The space was filled with chatter and the happy sounds of eating, everyone elbow-to-elbow but all in good spirits. Taemin was especially thrilled.

“Normally Christmas is just a family thing for us,” he told Jongin softly as the adults conversed. Taemin’s parents and Jongin’s grandparents seemed to be on very good terms, and they were sure to include his mother as well. “Although your grandparents are kind of like family to us…”

This warmed Jongin’s heart, a small part of him able to be at ease knowing that once he was gone, Taemin would still have people to look out for him. Take care of him, shower him with love and affection – and snacks. His grandmother always made this and that to send to their family; Jongin would have to send her some money to add extra from him after he left.

 After they filled up on eating Jongin and Taemin went off to his room, Jongin bringing the shopping bag with Taemin’s gift out from where he’d kept it hidden in his closet.

“What’s this?” Taemin wondered, though it wasn’t wrapped. (Jongin had thought about trying to wrap it, but he didn’t even know how to begin. He would struggle to wrap a box, let alone something so oddly-shaped. The bag it had come in would have to suffice, he’d decided.) “You already gave me something yesterday…”

This was true. Jongin had handed out all his friend’s gifts at school, but he had saved this for when they were alone. Not that their friends didn’t already know that Taemin was his favourite, but it felt a little disrespectful to them nonetheless. “Just open it,” he ordered, Taemin taking the bag and pulling out the backpack.

“You got me a bag?” Taemin wondered softly, looking it over appreciatively. He turned it over in his hands, seeming in awe at seeing a bag that was so new and not worn out. It made Jongin silently question whether Taemin had ever been given his own bag, or if he only ever got his brother’s hand-me-downs.

“Merry Christmas. You needed it,” Jongin laughed to keep things light, nudging the other. “Look inside too.”

Taemin complained a little about there being more, but he did as he was told, ping the bag and then reaching inside. His eyes widened as he pulled out the second gift – a brown teddy bear with a navy-blue bow. It had been the cutest one Jongin had seen, its eyes calling to him through the window that day as though saying, pick me. I’m perfect for him. And it was; just as cute and soft and sweet as Taemin, and exactly what he would need…

 After a moment of looking it over and slowly caressing its soft fur in disbelief, his eyes fell on Jongin. Jongin swore they were shining a bit, but he ignored this.

“My mom and I… we’re moving back,” he told Taemin somberly, looking down at the bear and gesturing to it. Now seemed like the right time to tell him. There was no good time, but at least it being Christmas and having a gift for him might soften the blow. “I thought you could use something to cuddle when I’m gone.” Because Jongin couldn’t have been the only one who had gotten used to having someone to hold while he was sleeping. And it didn’t feel right to leave Taemin completely empty-handed after all the time they’d spent together.

At this, Jongin was certain one tear fell, but once again he didn’t mention it. “When?” was all Taemin asked, unable to finish the question beyond that.

“The end of the school year,” Jongin answered, his eyes still on the bear as he found it too hard to say to Taemin’s face. Two more months. That was all they had left. “I found out this week…”

For his part, Taemin tried his best not to look too upset. But unlike his usual skill for keeping his feelings in check, he couldn’t hide them today. The sadness was painted on his face as he nodded, and Jongin could hear it in his voice when it cracked as he asked, “Can I hug you?” A part of him cracked with it, but Jongin just opened his arms and let Taemin fall into them.

Nothing else was said for a long time, Jongin just holding onto his best friend and trying to cherish the feeling of him. Two more months. Then he wouldn’t get to feel this again.

“I’ll come visit,” Jongin promised in a whisper, knowing it wasn’t the same but that it was the best he could offer. “Every weekend, if you want…” Taemin didn’t say anything, and Jongin was pretty sure it was because he was crying. There was wetness on his chest where Taemin had buried his face, the older’s breathing ragged and sniffling constant. Jongin just held him tighter and tried to stay strong, knowing there was no way for him to fix this.

They stayed in Jongin’s room for a long while. At one point, Jongin’s mother came in to check on them, but quickly left them alone again as she understood what was happening. Jongin eventually apologized to Taemin, not having intended to make him cry on Christmas, but Taemin just shook his head. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen it coming; this had always been inevitable.

“I’ll miss you,” Taemin said after a long time. It broke Jongin’s heart a little, especially knowing that he’d be going back to a much better life and leaving Taemin here. Jongin wasn’t sure just how much their friendship meant to Taemin, but there were some things which absences would no doubt be noticed. No more rich friends to buy him all the snacks he could ever want or pass on old clothes, no one to have sleepovers with every night. (Well, Jongin supposed their other friends could, but it seemed like they hadn’t before, and he suspected it wouldn’t change after he left.)

He would miss Taemin too, more than he knew. The way he smiled and laughed and lit up a room, the way Jongin could spend twenty-four hours a day with him and not get sick of him; the way Taemin understood him better than anyone he knew, without having to say a word. Taemin had made his place in Jongin’s heart, and the void would not go unnoticed once he was gone.

11. Bambi

Jongin’s birthday fell a few weeks after Christmas. It was a Friday, so his family had a birthday dinner for him with plans for a small birthday party over the weekend. Since it was his birthday, Jongin invited Taemin to the dinner and for a sleepover. They had a very small cake – there would be a bigger one for his party – and then he was allowed to open his presents from his grandparents and mother. His grandmother had knitted him a hat, and his grandfather bought him a nice pair of gloves to go with it. Meanwhile, his mother had bought a mini-TV for his room – one he could take home once they moved back.

When he thought it was done, his mother gave him a card. “From your father,” was all she said. Jongin’s stomach turned unpleasantly. He wasn’t sure he wanted to open it. He wasn’t sure how he felt about his father anymore, but he didn’t think he loved him. Nor was he sure he wanted a card from the man… Though he was tempted to just rip it up, he fought against the urge. Instead he gave a sigh and opened it.

Inside, his father had written some birthday wishes, as well as an apology for everything that had happened. Everything that he had done. There was no request for forgiveness – which Jongin didn’t think he would have given anyway – but he wished Jongin well. A good birthday and a good year. From the way it was written, Jongin doubted he would be seeing his father again.

 Something about this made his eyes well with tears – it was his father after all. The man had been loving towards him, and his mother. They had been a perfect family, and Jongin had so many happy memories growing up with his father. Up until the past two years or so. When he decided to go behind their backs, it seemed.

It still hurt to think about, so Jongin closed the card. As he was about to put it back in its envelope, he noticed a check inside, taking it out and returning the card before looking the check over. The number written on it was a sizable amount of money, and Jongin was admittedly surprised by it. But after everything, his father owed it to him. No, he owed him far more. What price could be put on him stealing his family, his home, and the last of his childhood? He put the check and card down on the table, wiping at his eyes and forcing a smile.

“Thanks for everything,” he said to his family again. They were all looking at him, sympathy clear in their faces. Jongin wanted no part of it; it felt like pity to him. Time to go. Turning to Taemin, he added, “Should we go to my room-?”

The look on Taemin’s face took him off guard. The other’s eyes were wider than Jongin had ever seen (which was saying something), staring in utter shock at nothing in particular, as though he had seen something he wasn’t supposed to. What had Jongin missed? He looked around to figure out what had gone astray, and then glanced down at the check – sitting in plain sight on the table – realizing Taemin must have seen. Snatching it up with the card, he passed them over to his mother and asked her to put them somewhere safe so they didn’t get lost. He could take it to the bank tomorrow. Then he grabbed Taemin’s wrist and pulled him off to his room.

Jongin wasn’t sure what to say in the awkward silence that followed, whether to address the amount of money or just pretend nothing had happened. When he pulled Taemin to sit on his bed though, Taemin was still looking shell-shocked, not saying a word. Feeling like he couldn’t leave it unacknowledged, Jongin blurted, “My dad cheated on my mom.”

He had never explained why his parents were divorcing. Taemin had never asked, and Jongin had been too ashamed to mention it. It was already bad enough as it was. Part of him worried that Taemin might not take it well – divorce was already against his beliefs, and taboo in general; but cheating? Taemin would probably see it as a crime. Hearing it, Taemin turned to look at him, his brow furrowing and mouth falling open. Words surpassed him, just staring for a moment before he gave a slight, unreadable nod.

“That’s why…” Jongin went on, thinking back to the card. The check, which was no doubt more money than Taemin had ever seen in his life. Maybe more than he had ever had in all his years combined. “I guess it’s more of an apology than a birthday gift.”

Again, Taemin nodded and didn’t say anything. Unexpectedly, he reached out for Jongin’s hand and took it, giving it a squeeze. The feeling made Jongin want to cry again, painfully vulnerable to the brokenness that was still so fresh to him. The response was far from the disgust he had anticipated Taemin to react with. But though he was grateful, Jongin didn’t feel like getting emotional right now, so he just shook his head. “Anyway, forget about it. Let’s watch a movie or something, since I have this TV now…”

After squeezing his hand once more, Taemin took a deep breath and released it. “Okay. Then…”

The TV had already been set up in his room while he’d been at school – and apparently, Taemin had been in on it, because he pulled a couple movies out of his bag with a sheepish smile. “Your mom asked me to bring them,” he admitted, passing them over. Jongin was grateful when he didn’t mention anything more about his father; the older always knew when to respect boundaries. Instead, Taemin reached into his bag again. “I have a present for you too…”

“You do?” Jongin asked, surprised and feeling his stomach knot a little with worry. Had Taemin spent money on him? “You didn’t have to get me anything…”

Pulling something out of his bag, Taemin flashed another smile. He held up a familiar-looking stuffed animal, one of the ones Jongin had seen in Taemin’s room whenever he slept over. There were only around ten, plus the new one Jongin had given him, so he was a bit dazed as he processed what Taemin was suggesting.

“His name is Bambi,” Taemin explained, which was fitting since it was a deer plush. It’s big, brown eyes had always reminded Jongin of Taemin. “He’s one of the first toys I got as a kid… I know it’s not a great gift, I couldn’t really buy a real one. But I wanted you to have it because it’s special to me, and so you can remember me too-“

Jongin cut him off as he pulled Taemin into a hug, squeezing the life out of him just a little. “Thank you,” he said softly, feeling another wave of emotions, though these were at least the good kind. “It’s perfect, Taemin. I couldn’t ask for anything better.” Then he pulled back and looked the doll over uncertainly. “But – if it means so much to you, are you really okay with giving it to me?”

It looked like Taemin was also a bit emotional, and Jongin wasn’t sure if it was because of what he had said or because he was indeed upset about parting with his old toy. It certainly looked worn, as though it had seen years of love. And considering it was one of his first ever toys, it must have had some true sentimental value to him. But Taemin just nodded and held it out again.

“You mean a lot to me too,” he explained quietly, unable to look Jongin in the eye as he said it. Jongin’s heart swelled at his words, not used to Taemin saying things like that. He wasn’t one to express feelings verbally very often. “It feels fitting…”

So Jongin reached out, taking the doll and hugging it gently, afraid it would fall apart in his hands. His eyes filled with tears, and he briefly felt overwhelmed. There were so many things all at once…

He didn’t know how to express the way it made him feel; he had never had a friend give him anything like this. Even his grandparents, who loved to give heartfelt gifts, had never given him something quite so sentimental. In that moment, Jongin felt like he’d been given something a hundred times better than any television, or even a hugely pricey check. Money was great, but having someone care about him like this… it made him feel inexplicably warm.

Although he hadn’t imagined Taemin giving him anything, Jongin couldn’t conceive of the older giving him anything else. It was sentimental, precious to him, and also thoughtful. Not only a response to Jongin’s Christmas gift for him, but also a way for Jongin to hold onto him when they weren’t together anymore – literally. That it was so old made it a piece of Taemin, a tiny bit of his heart that was warmer than anyone’s Jongin had ever known. All in all, it was exactly the kind of gift he would imagine receiving from Taemin. And it was perfect.

Jongin didn’t know what he’d ever done to deserve a friend like Taemin. Nothing, really; it had been luck. No, it had been fate. Regardless, he told himself to never, ever mess it up. In his whole life, he doubted he would ever find someone like Taemin again.

“Thank you,” Jongin repeated, voice a little watery and not letting the doll go. “I’ll be sure to take extra good care of it.” And when Taemin smiled, it made his heart flutter.

Yes, he thought as they settled to watch one of their movies. No matter what, I always want to cherish him. Jongin held the little doll to his chest throughout the movie, peeking down at it every once in a while and smiling at its cute little face. He only put it aside when they went to bed. As they fell asleep, he held onto Taemin instead.

12. The End

Time went by quickly, a month passing before Jongin even knew it. One night it was his birthday, and then he was packing up all his things, getting ready to move out. Part of him was excited to finally go back to the city, but at some point during his months in the country – some time after getting used to life here, making good friends, and finding a best friend – that part had become smaller. With everything that had happened in the past few months, more of him wanted to stay – or, at least, bring his friends with him.

It was just as hard on his friends, the guys telling him he couldn’t leave them for the city. It made him chuckle, the way they the same way they always teased one another, but truthfully he wished he could stay with them. They had welcomed him so openly, made him part of their group, helped him avoid feeling out of place here. Most of all, Taemin. Taemin, who didn’t joke about him going, who couldn’t laugh when the others did. He would be the hardest to leave behind.

“Don’t go,” Taemin whispered on one of his last nights, voice muffled in Jongin’s shirt as Taemin hid his face in his chest. During the day, he didn’t show it very much. (Not that everyone couldn’t see it, but Taemin at least tried to hide it.) But once night fell, and it was just the two of them, his emotions tended to come through. Often times he waited until Jongin was asleep, or at least he thought Jongin was. More than once Jongin had just been falling into dreams when he heard Taemin sniffle, and Jongin would give him a little squeeze to try and comfort him. “Please don’t go…”

Jongin hugged him tighter, feeling an ache in his chest. “I have to,” he whispered back, as much as he wished he could promise to stay instead. “I’m sorry…” Everything felt so unfair. Now Taemin had been pulled into it.

He blamed his father for this. It always came back to that man. If it weren’t for him, Jongin never would have come here in the first place, let alone stay for so long. Taemin wouldn’t have had to get so attached…

The closer they got to the end of February, the harder it felt. By the final day, Taemin would hardly let him go – though Jongin wasn’t much better. They could always be found by one another’s side, Jongin constantly throwing an arm around him and Taemin endlessly reaching for his hand, his arm, his leg, his shirt. Jongin realized just how used to him he had gotten – the feeling of Taemin, always so close, his gentle touches, his familiar voice, his scent which had become a comfort when Jongin was falling asleep… What was he going to do without all of this? Without Taemin…

And then it was their last night together.

When Taemin openly cried, Jongin wasn’t too surprised. After crying almost every night now, he’d been expecting it. He cried too.

“I – I’ll miss you,” Taemin told him. He lifted his head to look up at Jongin, eyes wet and face flushed with emotion. In turn, Jongin wiped at his cheeks and tried to keep his own feelings in check. They felt ready to overflow seeing Taemin’s heartbreak, and he was taken aback by one of the strongest feelings that made itself apparent to him. Love.

Jongin had never loved a friend before. Of course he liked his friends, but… Taemin was different. Maybe this whole experience had changed him. Or maybe he was clinging onto the closest person he could find to fill the void his father was leaving in him. But honestly, he doubted it. Taemin was just warm, and sunny, and made Jongin feel happy. Their connection was so natural, it made it feel impossible to deny that it was fate.

There were a lot of other things. Sorrow, regret, heartache of his own. But more than anything, Jongin realized just how much he loved Taemin.

“I won’t be too far,” Jongin promised him, feeling like no matter what now, they would stay connected. Even if they were apart, it seemed like the kind of friendship that wouldn’t just fade away. He wanted to believe as much.

He only wished there was some other way; couldn’t he take Taemin with him? Jongin would be happy to show Taemin around the city, just as Taemin had shown him around here… But of course, he couldn’t expect Taemin’s family to move out there, and he and his mother would need some time to adjust to their new lives too. There was no winning. “And I’ll call you every week… and I’ll come visit. You’ll barely have time to miss me…"

Taemin just nodded, tears continuing to slip from the corners of his eyes. Even if he didn’t say it, Jongin knew it wouldn’t be the same. Not able to be by each other’s side every day would no doubt take its toll. Even knowing they would both have their own friend groups still, the prospect of being separated felt so lonely. Jongin wished they could have more time; he wished he had cherished the time they had had better, had appreciated Taemin more from the start, knowing it was too late now. This was the end.

But no. It wouldn’t change anything, he told himself. Things wouldn’t be over like this. Somehow, things would work out for them. They would still be friends. He would still love Taemin.

The next morning was a solemn event. Jongin and his mother gave a warm goodbye to his grandparents’ home before getting in a cab with them and Taemin. They went to the bus station together, not much said among them until they were wheeling their suitcases up to the bus that would take them back to the city. When their bags were loaded on, Jongin hugged his grandparents and thanked them for taking care of him for so long. Then he turned to Taemin.

“I’ll see you,” Jongin said quietly, holding his arms out for Taemin. For his part, Taemin did well not to show how much it hurt him to say goodbye, but Jongin knew. It radiated off him when he stepped into Jongin’s embrace, and they didn’t let go of each other for a very long time. It hurt, enough to make a lump swell in his throat. The amount of pain surprised Jongin, holding onto Taemin that much tighter as if somehow he’d be able to keep him this way.

 That couldn’t happen though. When they finally broke apart, Taemin gave him a small, pained smile. Jongin wished he could see the older’s blinding bright smile one more time, instead of the barely-masked sadness in his eyes. But he promised himself to make sure he saw it again someday. This wouldn’t be their last memory.

“I’ll miss you,” Taemin told him once more, briefly taking Jongin’s hand and giving it a final squeeze before letting it go. Something about this made it harder on Jongin, but he refused to cry.

“Call you on Friday,” he said instead, flashing a forced smile of his own. “Take care of my grandparents for me, ‘kay?” Taemin nodded, and then the bus driver was calling for them to board. Jongin reluctantly let his hand go and gave a wave, hurrying to his seat and then waving again from the window. In another moment, the bus pulled out of the station, and soon Taemin and his grandparents were gone.

Jongin didn’t see it, but once the bus was out of sight, Taemin turned away and burst into tears. Jongin’s grandmother hugged him and patted his back, taking him home and leaving him to deal with the pain of Jongin getting further and further away.

And that was how Jongin’s trip to the country ended.

Author's Note: And so part one concludes! I've officially combined all the mini-chapters for easier reading. Part two will be starting very soon!