Author's Note: Surprise! I'm back, I couldn't wait; and I figured the last update was short so I could post this one earlier. Happy reading~ ♡

Convincing his mother of his brilliant plan wasn’t quite so easy in practice. Although she was on board with the idea of having Taemin move in, having to feed a third mouth wasn’t going to be so simple. Jongin complained that she had a better salary now, not seeing why they couldn’t afford it, but at the end of the day there simply wasn’t enough money for Taemin. They ultimately agreed he could come live there only if he paid for his own food, which made Jongin feel terrible to have to relay to Taemin.

Taemin, however, was more than okay with it. As far as he was concerned, it was better than having to pay for rent and food, and it made him feel better about living there. The idea of staying there for free had left him with a sense of guilt, so it seemed to work out in everyone’s favour. By Valentine’s Day, he had settled into the apartment – Jongin having to clear out a couple drawers for him, but he took it as a chance to clean his wardrobe. And by the time school started again in March, Taemin had found himself a part-time job at a restaurant near his campus.

It was a big adjustment – for Taemin most of all, truthfully – but things went smoothly. The school year started and Taemin did fine during his first week; he was able to get into the rhythm of classes, working, and studying. Jongin started studying more too since he would have his entrance exams. He was able to see his friends during the day, and Taemin at night, and everything was fine.

Or so Jongin thought.

For Jongin, of course, the only thing that really changed was that he had a roommate now, something he didn’t mind in the slightest. (Even after a year apart, Jongin adapted to sharing a bed in no time, and Taemin hadn’t brought too many things with him to clutter the space.) There was no moving house, no leaving behind his family and the only life he had ever known, no starting a new school (let alone a whole new level of schooling), or having to work a job. He knew, of course, that Taemin was doing all this, but Taemin had him to help with everything. What could possibly go wrong?

Believing this, he was surprised when Taemin came home after work one night, in just their second week of school, and there was no tired-but-cheerful hello. Taemin didn’t go to the kitchen for a meal as usual, nor did he head for the bathroom to shower like he always did before bed. Instead he disappeared directly into Jongin’s room, leaving Jongin and his mother to look at one another in confusion from the couch.

“Seems like he had a tough day, sweetie,” his mother suggested very softly. Jongin nodded, suspecting she was right and getting up to investigate. He crossed to his room, opening the door and peeking inside.

Taemin was flopped down on the bed, laying on his stomach and not moving. It wasn’t a good sign.

“Are you tired?” Jongin wondered, slipping inside the door and closing it behind him. He moved to sit down on the bed, patting Taemin’s back as he tried to process his unusual behaviour. Taemin just gave a quiet hum.

“It’s been a-.. long day…”

The way his voice cracked had Jongin on full alert. That wasn’t normal. Well, none of this was, but Taemin sounding like he was on the brink of tears? Not sure what to do, Jongin laid down beside Taemin, pushing on his shoulder gently. “Hey, look at me…”

For a moment, Taemin didn’t move, and Jongin was beginning to doubt he would when he finally rolled onto his side and gave Jongin a sad-eyed glance. He looked more tired than usual, drained in an inexplicable way. Something was wrong, and Jongin felt clueless as to where to even start. In the end, he just threw his arm around the older’s waist, rubbing his back in an attempt at comfort.

“Do you wanna tell me about it?” he asked, knowing how rare it was for Taemin to express anything and trying not to get his hopes up that he would now. Judging from the look on his face, Taemin definitely seemed reluctant to open up. But after a long pause, he spoke.

“It’s nothing, really,” he began quietly, though they both knew that was a lie. Taemin sniffled, eyes dropping to the front of Jongin’s shirt rather than speaking to his face. Then, by some miracle, he continued. “Just… some guys in my class were teasing me. For- you know, talking different, and for things I think, and things I don’t know… It was… it was embarrassing, that’s all. I feel like I don’t fit in at all…”

Jongin felt a rush of anger, his heartrate picking up and the urge to fight whoever those people were burning through him for just a few seconds. “What the hell’s wrong with them?! As if you aren’t in the same class, the same school, which means you’re just as smart as them. You worked just as hard, probably even harder. Of course you’re not going to be just like everyone else, but so what? They’d be different if they went somewhere else too!”

He ranted on for a moment, then quieted himself down as he saw the tears shimmering in Taemin’s eyes. How dare they humiliate Taemin in front of his whole class and make him this upset? Taemin of all people, possibly the nicest person on the planet, who would never do the same to someone else? As if he wasn’t obviously new and different, and no doubt having a hard time trying to get used to things there. People were so inconsiderate! Jongin pulled him in closer and hugged his head, trying to stop him from hurting.

“It’s alright. I knew I’d be different…” Taemin mumbled, words vibrating against Jongin’s chest and being muffled in his shirt. “It’s just- harder than I thought…”

Something about it reminded Jongin of the way his “friends” had acted last year, on the birthday lunch he’d had for Taemin, no less. (Jongin had since distanced himself from those particular boys, unable to get over their slight.) The way Taemin deflected his pain so easily – but this time, he couldn’t hide it so well, having nowhere to run away to and leaving himself open to Jongin. With the memory came the same renewed worry – what if this made Taemin want to leave? Jongin had barely had a month with him; he couldn’t bear the thought of him being taken away so soon.

“I know some people here might be like that,” said Jongin cautiously, thinking how to best word his thoughts. “I mean – I know when I moved to the country I was stuck up. We can have a superiority complex over anyone who’s not a local. But it’s not everyone,” he promised, petting Taemin’s hair. “And most people will probably be like me; once they get to know you, they’ll love you.”

Taemin’s head nodded slowly as he spoke, seeming slightly comforted though Jongin doubted he was convinced. At his last words though, Taemin glanced up at Jongin. His expression was unreadable, but then it turned into a hint of a smile. “Are you saying that you love me then?”

“I- hey…” Jongin was taken aback by this, but then he let out an airy laugh. It wasn’t wrong, and at least it had gotten a reaction. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

It relieved him when Taemin’s smile grew just a little more. Even if Jongin felt a little embarrassed to admit such a thing, it felt worth it to make Taemin feel better.

“Then tell me how I won you over,” Taemin prodded softly, his eyes wet and Jongin feeling the strange desire to wipe at them. He was turning into his mother… Trying not to think on this, he considered Taemin’s request.

“Just be yourself. You’ll have people lining up to be your friends in no time,” Jongin promised him, meaning every word. It had worked on Jongin; he couldn’t see why others wouldn’t be quick to adore him. “You’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, Taemin. Probably the nicest. People just need a little time to get to know you, that’s all.”

When he said this, Taemin’s smile lit up again and had Jongin’s heart thudding with joy. Just keep smiling like that and you’ll steal everyone’s hearts, too. This he didn’t say, because it was too cheesy. But Jongin didn’t want anyone to ever take that smile away from him. He wouldn’t let them. “And as for those other guys… if they say anything to you again, let me know. I’ll hunt them down myself…”

Taemin’s eyes widened then, smile fading and worrying his lip. “I don’t think that’s a good idea… they’re college students, Jongin. I wouldn’t want you fighting with anyone, let alone them.”

“Well then, they better get their act straight,” was all Jongin had to say in return, lines furrowing in his brow as he continued to ponder on them. He didn’t care who they were, or how big and strong and scary they may have been. They had chosen the wrong person to mess with…

Leaning into him, Taemin rested his head against Jongin’s chest once more, this time in a different kind of comfort. Jongin knew he had to be careful now, because Taemin was an expert at falling asleep without a second’s notice. “It’s alright,” Taemin assured in a whisper. “I have a nice TA in that class. He scolded those guys for me; I think he’ll help me if anything happens again…”

His voice grew softer as he spoke, and Jongin could have laughed. Typical. Exactly as expected, he was already getting too comfortable. “Don’t you fall asleep. You need to shower and get your pajamas on…”

When Jongin got no response, he had to force Taemin up, pulling the reluctant boy to the bathroom and showering with him before they headed to bed. After silently thanking whoever the TA was that had looked out for Taemin, Jongin was soon able to fall into a peaceful sleep to the sound of Taemin’s gentle snores.

*

The next day, Taemin was in his school’s cafeteria, preparing his bowl of ramen and debating whether or not he wanted to buy a coffee. He had a lot of studying to do before his next class, and he was already tired out from the early morning and two classes he’d done prior to this. An americano was cheap, he thought. He could afford it…

Taemin had agreed to give Jongin’s mother most of his paycheck, keeping just ten thousand won a week for himself so he could get a ramen between classes to keep him going. Realistically, he had enough to get himself the least expensive coffee item on the menu, but he still felt hesitant to spend what little money he had. The ramen was less a thousand won a day, and if he saved the other half of his money, that would be more than two-hundred and fifty thousand after a year. It wasn’t much, but he could send that to his parents.

Sighing, Taemin put his wallet away. What was he wasting his money for? He could get a cup of water for free. As he stood up to head to the water machine, he was surprised to hear someone calling his name. For a second, he felt his nerves prickle, but when he looked around he saw a familiar – and friendly – face.

“Oh- hello sir,” he said with a polite bow, not having expected to see his TA from yesterday’s class. The man was approaching with a cup of coffee in each hand, and he laughed at the way Taemin addressed him.

“Please, I’m a fourth-year, not a sir,” he replied. “You can just call me Jonghyun.” Taemin highly doubted that he would be able to just call his senior by his name alone, but he gave a nod anyways to be nice. “I got you a coffee – do you like lattes?”

Taemin had been wondering why he had two drinks, assuming he was either very thirsty or just bringing one to a friend. But… “For me?!” He was stunned; they hardly knew each other, and yet… “I- thank you-” Taemin gave another bow, holding his hands out in disbelief as Jonghyun held the drink out for him. “Yes, I do. Thank you… why?”

“It’s an iced latte,” Jonghyun explained with an amused smile, gesturing to the cup.

“Oh- no, I meant… why did you get me this?” Taemin’s face felt warm, somewhat overwhelmed by the whole situation and now struggling to speak coherently.

Jonghyun chuckled and gestured to Taemin’s table. “I noticed you were studying by yourself. I didn’t want to interrupt you empty-handed, and I saw you didn’t have a drink for your ramen…”

Oh… Taemin’s heart skipped at the other’s thoughtfulness. So Jongin had been right; there really were nice people around here. That hadn’t been so hard, he thought to himself.

“You weren’t interrupting,” Taemin assured quickly, not wanting Jonghyun to feel burdened. “Thank you, again. Did- I mean, would you like to join me?” This he asked out of politeness more than anything, having little to offer as he really did just plan to study, but figuring they could always study together. However, Jonghyun shook his head.

“I’m off to class, but thanks for the offer,” he replied with a grin. “Maybe next time. Good luck studying!” So Taemin just thanked him once more before the older left, sitting down with his coffee and trying to focus on his work.

And even though it was iced, every time Taemin took a sip, it made him feel warm. Maybe he could make at least one friend after all…

*

After the incident, things seemed to be pretty peaceful for Taemin. Jongin made sure to check in on him regularly though, because he could never really tell with the older. Asking how his day had been, what had gone well or badly, if he had made any new friends. He tried not to be overbearing about it while also making it clear that he cared. Sometimes he felt like an annoying parent, but he couldn’t help it; Taemin was his closest friend, and he felt responsible for helping him have a good experience. Jongin was the reason he had come all this way…

Everything was fine though, for a while. Until one day in early May when something changed.

Taemin came home late one evening after work, as he usually did, and Jongin was there waiting up for him as always. But rather than getting ready for bed like normal, Taemin just stood in the doorway of his bedroom for a long moment, an array of emotions masked but flitting by in his eyes. Jongin couldn’t pick up on any of them, waiting in confusion until Taemin quietly asked, “Can I talk to you?”

Nothing about being asked that ever seemed to lead to anything good, and Jongin’s heart stuttered nervously. His instincts had to take over, playing it off with complete nonchalance.

“Yeah, of course,” he replied with a laugh, patting the bed invitingly and wishing he could see something amusing in the moment for real. In his head, he was running through every possible thing that could be wrong, his mind sticking on his worst fear – that Taemin was about to say goodbye. Had something happened? His anxieties only grew when Taemin didn’t move from the doorway. “What are you doing? Come here…”

After some internal debate, Taemin crossed the room, sitting on the edge of the bed rather far from Jongin. “I need to tell you something,” he said, voice barely above a whisper.

Jongin nodded, throat feeling oddly thick and struggling to get words past it. Still, he tried to joke, “I guessed that…” Taemin didn’t laugh. He didn’t say anything, didn’t look at Jongin. His back was stiff, arms crossed over his chest, looking rigid and uncomfortable – as if he didn’t want to be there.

“I just… I can understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore,” Taemin broke the silence after a painful minute. The words filled Jongin to the brim, his previously baseless worries becoming more tangible fears. What else could possibly threaten their friendship, more than Taemin rejecting the city life Jongin tried to offer and escaping back to the country? “I just… don’t feel comfortable staying here anymore. I need you to know…”

Was the cracking of his heart audible, or was that just Jongin’s imagination?

“What do you mean?” he asked weakly, unable to give up so fast. No, no, no. Please don’t do this now… Clueless as to what he could say, Jongin just added, “What can I do?”

Taemin glanced his way for just a second, an apologetic look masking his features. “There’s nothing you can do… It’s not your fault or anything.”

Well, Jongin hadn’t really expected it would be due to him anyway, realistically. That much really would have been a shock. But that didn’t mean he was going to allow it. His mind ran through his memories, trying to think of any reasons, any signs that this might have been coming. Taemin had seemed a little quieter recently, but that could have been for a hundred reasons – Jongin had assumed it was exhaustion.

“Then- then is it because of school?”

“No.” Shaking his head, Taemin dropped his gaze to stare at his hands, a feeling of defeat radiating off him. “It’s… because of me.”

Once again, Jongin wasn’t really sure what to say. How could he argue that? Maybe Taemin just didn’t feel right here. He was a country boy, that was the only life he had ever known. Coming here was always going to be tough, but maybe it was just too much for him. That was fair. His life wasn’t exactly easy here, and maybe he felt he would be more comfortable back home. That was where he belonged… But Jongin didn’t want to believe that. He couldn’t. Despite everything, he thought Taemin was doing well here. Even though it wasn’t always easy, Taemin seemed happy…

Or maybe Jongin had just constantly glossed over all the bad things, desperately holding onto every good moment to convince himself that things were fine. Maybe, despite refusing to address the problems himself, Taemin was still dealing with them. And rather than helping, Jongin had been brushing things aside in hopes that they would just go away, leaving Taemin to suffer by himself.

Jongin’s eyes filled with tears at the realization, but he didn’t dare let himself cry. Not when things had been nothing but great for him. Not when he wasn’t the one who had completely uprooted his life, started all over, and was overwhelmingly loaded with school and work. He didn’t deserve to cry right now. But his selfish heart couldn’t stop himself from saying, “I don’t want you to go…”

In response, Taemin shot him a sad smile, and it told Jongin everything he needed to know. Taemin had already made up his mind on this. “You don’t even know why,” he noted, and Jongin knew he didn’t mean it in a bad way, but it felt like confirmation. You haven’t been paying attention to how hard this has been for me, was what he really meant.

“Then why?” Jongin asked, as if he deserved an answer. As if he didn’t know.

At that, Taemin looked down again, biting his lip in his telltale way of worrying. Another unbearable silence fell, and Jongin felt it would be too selfish to break it. He would let Taemin be the one to speak, when he was ready.

“Jongin…” Taemin eventually spoke up. There was something in his voice that almost sounded like… fear. Or maybe Jongin was imagining it. Another long pause, as Taemin built up the courage to speak again. The words seemed to be fighting their way out, finally escaping in a whisper. “I… I think I’m gay…”

…

Oh.

What?

“What?” Jongin blurted intelligently, entirely sure his brain had short-circuited. Taemin didn’t say anything more, leaving Jongin to try and process on his own. Needless to say, he couldn’t. “Wait- huh? Is that why you want to leave?”

“I don’t want to leave,” Taemin admitted. “I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable by staying here…”

Jongin stared at him for a moment. Then his gaze wandered as he tried to make sense of it, blinking a few times as nothing grew clearer. Don’t want to… make me uncomfortable…?  “I don’t understand,” he stated, feeling somewhat stupid but unable to connect anything together.

Finally, Taemin looked at him again, his brow furrowed. “Do- do you not know what- what that means?”

“What what means?”

“…being gay…”

Jongin blinked again. “Of course I know what it means. I’m not stupid,” he replied, although it felt pretty debatable at the moment. Taemin was telling him that he liked other guys. Unexpected? Absolutely. It was so out of the blue that Jongin couldn’t remotely comprehend it right now. But what did that have to do with staying here?

“And… you don’t think it’d be uncomfortable…” Taemin went on slowly, frown lines still running through his brow. “For you to… live with someone… like that?”

Oh. Oh.

That was what he meant. “You think I’d be uncomfortable having you stay here because you’re gay?” asked Jongin, just to be sure. Taemin gave a slow nod, and then Jongin let out a laugh of relief. Oh. “Is that it then? I mean, if I’m okay with it then you won’t leave?”

The uncertainty seemed to flow to Taemin now, his lip disappearing between his teeth yet again. “Are- are you? Would you be? Okay with it…”

“Of course, Taemin. I couldn’t care less,” Jongin said, feeling like the air had gotten much lighter. Had he been holding his breath, or had he really just been struggling to breathe properly for a few minutes there? Sitting up, he patted Taemin’s back lightly and gave a genuine smile. “You’ve never tried anything on me before, and let’s be honest; I’m stronger than you. Even if you did try, I could stop you. It doesn’t matter to me, as long as you’re happy.”

If he was being honest, Jongin wasn’t really processing the whole thing in the slightest. His mind was still stuck on deterring the threat of Taemin leaving, and that meant rationalizing how much more or less of a threat his friend being gay would be for him in comparison. In his mind, it was easier to handle Taemin being gay than him being gone.

Taemin, meanwhile, was just looking at him, slightly awestruck. “You mean that?” he wondered weakly, sounding afraid to be hopeful. Rather than answering, Jongin just held out his arms.

“Come here,” he said, pulling Taemin in himself when the older hesitated. “I don’t care if you’re gay,” he added quietly as he held Taemin against his chest, resting his chin on his shoulder. “You’re my best friend. I want you to stay…”

And Jongin wasn’t sure what it was – whether it was the sentiment or the relief or just the support – but Taemin finally let his walls down and burst into tears then. Everything he was holding onto was released in a wave of pained, wet, and heavy sobs. All Jongin could do was rub his back and assure him that it was okay; and if he was being honest, it didn’t make any difference to him. He didn’t see Taemin differently, didn’t feel like anything was suddenly strange between them. Holding onto him didn’t make him worry that he was too close or that his actions might be interpreted as too intimate. This was how they had always been, and Taemin had always known he was straight, so why would it change now?

(Though part of him did wonder if the reason Taemin had always been so much closer – so much more touchy, more sentimental, more comfortable being so intimate – was in fact because of this. He always had been different from Jongin’s other friends, all of whom were straight. But that was something he could think about later.)

“Don’t tell anyone,” Taemin requested in a choked whisper after a lot of crying. By now Jongin’s shirt was soaked with tears and wrinkled by the tight grip of Taemin’s fingers twisted into it, but he didn’t mind. His shirt could handle it, and so could he.

“I won’t, I promise. Your secret’s safe…”

Author's Note: Alternative title: I'm Crying - Taemin

I feel like there was so much to unpack in this chapter, heh. More will come through in the future, but Taemin's finally made it! And he is indeed struggling, despite how much Jongin tries to repress it :( Will Jongin learn? (The bar seems to be low for him, based on everyone's responses so far.) Will he be replaced by Jonghyun?? (Also, welcome Jonghyun~ We'll hear more from him in the future too.)

Last but not least, we have Taemin's very first step of progress with his uality. Even though it's very tough for him right now, what do you guys think? Taemin boyfriend coming soon? Or maybe a girlfriend? 🤔 Will he explore his uality, or try to repress it? Let me know what you think~ ♡