Author's Note: Hello, my updating has become irregular. I've almost finished writing part two (finally) and I think I'll update every 5-7 days until the end of it (and then take a break again so I can get ahead on part 3). Also, I'm not sure how long this is going to be, but I'm fairly sure it will be 5 parts total, so I hope you guys can look forward to it all! But enough chatter, let's dive in, shall we? ♡

The days after that felt mostly normal. Except the times when Jongin would look at Taemin and suddenly remember. He’s gay. Jongin really didn’t have a problem with it, but it seemed like his mind was adjusting to the new information. The thing was, nothing changed about Taemin; he looked the same, acted the same; slept the same, ate the same, talked to Jongin the same as always. Jongin could easily forget, and it seemed like his mind kept warning him so he wouldn’t.

Warning him against what? It wasn’t like Taemin was a danger to him…

There’s nothing wrong with being gay, he reminded himself over and over. Still, he became more aware of his actions. As Taemin slept curled up beside him, Jongin had to question himself – was  it appropriate for him to put his arm around Taemin like this? This was how they had always been, but now that he knew, should he behave differently? After all, it made sense that Taemin would think this – being so close to other guys, being so casually intimate – was normal if he was gay. (At least, that was what Jongin assumed. He didn’t know almost anything about gay guys, in all honesty.)

But no, he told himself. Screw it. It had never been a problem before; he wasn’t going to make it one now. Even if he did feel a little awkward, he tried his best not to make it obvious so that he wouldn’t hurt Taemin’s feelings.

They didn’t talk about it much, though Jongin had questions. How long had Taemin been questioning his uality? What made him want to tell Jongin now? Did he have a boyfriend? Did he want one? He had said he thought he was gay, which wasn’t a very certain statement, and Jongin really wanted to know all the details, but he was also afraid to ask. Maybe Taemin wouldn’t want to talk about it. For now, Jongin would stay quiet. (Though, as for how long that would last…)

As promised, Jongin didn’t tell anyone about it. Taemin seemed worried about anyone and everyone knowing, scared of potential judgement. Most people wouldn’t take it well, he believed. Considering his upbringing – not only in a rural area, but also in a rather religious community but a devoutly religious family – it wasn’t an unreasonable belief to hold. Jongin wasn’t quite so convinced though, and decided to prove it.

“Hey Mom?” Jongin started over dinner one evening, while Taemin was working. His mother hummed and glanced at him. “I have a question…”

“Do you?” his mother returned, not sounding the least bit surprised. “Is this related to why you’ve been acting so strange lately?”

Jongin froze. “Huh?” Had he been acting strange?

“You’ve seemed a little on edge these days, sweetie,” she explained. “Especially around Taemin… Did you two have an argument?”

He had? His mother scared him sometimes with how observant she could be. “What? No, Mom, there was no argument…” Jongin had to collect his thoughts at that, not expecting her assumptions. Things might have been a little tense between them, but was it really that noticeable? And if his own mother noticed, did that mean Taemin felt tension between them, too?

This was a later worry. He needed to focus on the task at hand. “Anyway, um… Mom? Would- would you be upset if… if I was gay?”

It clearly wasn’t the question she was expecting, eyeing him with lines furrowing between her brows. “Is there something you need to tell me, Jongin?” she asked, her expression hard to read. Jongin suddenly felt a little nervous; would his mother not be okay with it?

“No Mom, it’s just a question…”

The woman continued looking him over studiously for a long time before shaking her head. “I would certainly be surprised,” she told him truthfully. “But I suppose if that was what you wanted, it would be your choice.”

“But- would you be upset about it?” he prodded, feeling like she was avoiding the question, his worries far from relieved.

“No. I’ll be happy as long as you are, baby.” She gave him a smile, then frowned again. “Why are you asking me about this suddenly? Are you going to be bringing home a boyfriend for me to meet?”

“What? Mom- no, I’m not gay.” Jongin groaned as he realized he hadn’t exactly thought this through. “I just- saw a gay kid, in a movie. And his parents were upset about it, so I was curious how you would be if it were me…”

He liked to think that he was a decent liar, but his mother could always see right through him. “What are you hiding from me? You can tell me if you’re gay, honey, I won’t be upset.”

“I’m not gay! Please stop, this is embarrassing.” Knowing that she would take it well, he really didn’t want to talk about this anymore, finishing his plate and getting to his feet. “It’s not about me, so don’t ask me about it anymore.” His mother just stared after him as he went off to his room, his words hanging in the air.

She didn’t say anything more to him about it after that, nor did she making any further comments. Jongin made no mention of the conversation to Taemin either, just feeling reassured that if his mother did find out about him, she would be okay with it.

*

“So, have you got a boyfriend yet?”

The question was asked softly, as though the sound might travel through the apartment to Jongin’s mother’s room on the other side. It was the late hours of the night, Taemin’s hair dripping onto Jongin’s pillow from the shower he’d just gotten out of. The two of them were relaxing, both ready to fall asleep at a moment’s notice, but Jongin always liked to chat a little before they went to bed.

“Of course not,” whispered Taemin in return, looking up at Jongin with a simultaneously amused and sad expression. The amusement probably came from his typical self-deprecating mindset, but the sadness…

“Do you want one?” Jongin wondered next, trying to pinpoint Taemin’s feelings. Taemin just gave a tiny shrug, glancing down again. “Is there anyone you have a crush on?”

It was too dark for Jongin to see the way his words evoked a blush, but Taemin made himself obvious in other ways. The way he fell deadly silent, not to mention hiding his face like it wasn’t a dead giveaway. “Maybe…” he finally admitted, as if Jongin needed him to by that point.

Jongin smiled, ready to tease Taemin but also feeling a strange pang of jealousy. Taemin liked someone? Well, that was probably what had made him start questioning himself, honestly, so Jongin couldn’t be too surprised. But… What if they stole him away from Jongin? It suddenly occurred to him that that was going to be inevitable. Taemin couldn’t be his roommate forever…

“What’s he like?” he asked, trying not to feel too sad about this future. “I wanna meet him, make sure he’s good enough for you…”

“He’s too good for me,” Taemin promised, not sounding very hopeful. Part of this relieved Jongin, but at the same time, his best friend deserved to be happy. “I could never…”

“Have you tried talking to him?” Jongin prodded, pushing Taemin’s hair out of his eyes to look at him properly, wanting to encourage him.

Taemin shook his head, unable to meet his gaze as Jongin pried at the sensitive subject. “Not- not about that… I don’t know how to… talk to someone like that.”

In all honesty, Jongin couldn’t imagine Taemin trying to flirt either. The thought of it seemed cute to him, but it wouldn’t appeal to everyone. “It’s alright, I can teach you that kind of stuff. You’ll win him over in no time.” Jongin said this very confidently, though he didn’t think he was actually that good at it himself. But it was fine; if nothing else, Taemin could learn how to fake confidence from him. “Then you can go on a date and you’ll kiss and then eventually you’ll abandon me to go live with him…”

“What?” Taemin sounded immensely surprised at how planned out Jongin had things already, but also chuckled at his resolution. “Are you worried about me leaving you?”

“I am worried,” Jongin sulked, unable to deny it when he was asked so directly. His eyes locked with Taemin’s when he said it, heart giving a sad thud at the thought of Taemin not being there some unknown future night.

“I don’t even know how to talk to someone, let alone kissing or… anything else.”

Wow, Taemin was jumping ahead. Jongin didn’t even want to think about things beyond kissing, deciding to just avoid that for now. “We can work on the talking part. Kissing is easy.”

“Says you…”

“Have you ever kissed anyone before?”

Taemin raised an eyebrow. “Just you.”

“Pardon?” Jongin blinked in bewilderment, thinking for a second that it was a joke – but Taemin didn’t laugh. “Have you been making moves on me in my sleep or something?”

“What? No!” Taemin clapped his hand over his mouth as he all but shouted, remembering they didn’t live there alone. His voice dropped back to a whisper. “Don’t you remember when Kang dared you to kiss me?”

Ohhh. The memory flashed back into his mind, recalling the moment many moons ago in Taemin’s old church basement. “Oh yeah. I completely forgot about that,” Jongin admitted with a laugh, feeling a little embarrassed about being reminded. “You had me worried there, jeez. I guess that counts…” With that cleared up, another thought occurred to Jongin then. “Wait – you haven’t kissed anyone else?” Looking down again, Taemin shook his head a little. “Then… I was your first kiss?”

“Yes. Don’t remind me…” The way he said it, he almost sounded… disappointed. Which, ouch; had it been that bad?

No stupid, his first kiss was literally a dare. Who would be happy about that?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I had stolen your first kiss…”

“I thought you knew,” Taemin mumbled in return, his tone oozing further gloominess. I’m sorry, Taemin. Then he shook his head again. “It’s not a big deal anyway.”

An awkward silence fell between them as Jongin began to process this information. He had been Taemin’s first kiss. A tiny part of him wondered if it had influenced Taemin’s uality, or if his ego was just being too bold. If he was gay, he was probably born that way. You don’t just kiss a boy and turn gay… Otherwise, his own uality would have been at risk too.

There were more important things at hand here though. Taemin had a crush, and Jongin needed to help Taemin be able to kiss him now. Finally, a thought occurred and he offered, “I’ll make it up to you. I can teach you how to kiss.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea…”

It shouldn’t have come as a big surprise that, after taking his first kiss already, Taemin wouldn’t want to have to kiss him again. Jongin wasn’t deterred so easily though. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna actually kiss you. I’ll just explain.” And without waiting, Jongin sat up, pulling Taemin up with him. “It’s really not that hard, look…”

Taemin’s eyes went impossibly wide as Jongin put his hands on his shoulders and looked at him firmly. Shaking his head, Jongin released him with a quick pat. “Relax. So, imagine it’s like… the end of your date or something, and things have gone well-”

“When did I go on a date?” Taemin whined in protest.

“We’ll get to that stuff later,” Jongin reminded him, Taemin’s expression remaining strongly deer-in-the-headlights. “Don’t stress yourself out so much.”

“You’re stressing me out…” And indeed, Taemin was looking a little bit pale, even in the dark. “Shouldn’t we go in order?”

Grabbing Taemin’s shoulders again, Jongin gave him a light shake. “I don’t have time to walk you through a whole date right now! Quit trying to stall and pay attention!” After this, though Taemin let out one more little whine, he didn’t argue further. “Good, now…”

Just as he was about to explain, it occurred to Jongin that Taemin would be kissing a boy, not a girl. And there was a good possibility that he would be taller – well, a fifty-fifty chance maybe. Taemin was fairly average height, leaning a little bit on the short side but not too short. So the guy would probably be taller, if not a similar height. That changed things, because Jongin was used to leaning down to kiss someone. But – how different could it be?

“So – maybe it’ll be easy and he’ll wanna kiss you first,” Jongin went on after processing these ideas. “That would be ideal. But maybe he’ll be shy or nervous, so you’ll have to take the lead.” The thought of Taemin being in charge felt almost laughable; if this guy was shier than Taemin, they would be hopeless. “In that case, start small. A gentle shoulder touch, or maybe his chest if you’re feeling brave. Like this…”

Jongin reached out to caress Taemin’s shoulder, the action feeling strange when directed at his friend. He made sure to have his hand linger for a moment, then slid it down his arm slowly for emphasis. “This helps break the barrier, and you can see how he reacts,” Jongin explained, sounding – and feeling – very professional. “If he’s uncomfortable, obviously kissing is out of the cards. But if he seems to react well…”

“How do I know?” Taemin wondered, voice a little feeble. His skin had broken out into goosebumps at the touch, and he was once again grateful for the darkness that spared him.

Biting his lip in thought, Jongin pondered the question for a second. Then he shook his head. “You’re great at reading people, Taemin. You’ll know,” he replied certainly as he realized how true that was. “Like, maybe he’ll look you in the eye, or move closer to you. But you’ll just feel it.”

Taemin seemed less sure of it – or maybe, of himself – but gave a small nod nonetheless. “Okay… then what?”

“Once he’s shown that he’s interested, it should be pretty easy. You know that he wants it, so you’ll feel more confident.” Jongin only had his own experience to go off of, but he figured everyone probably had a similar approach to it. And it wouldn’t be any different for two guys, right? It was just a kiss, after all. “But you shouldn’t just kiss him right away.”

“What? Why not?”

Jongin gave his head a shake, looking solemn. “You don’t want to seem desperate. And you don’t want to rush things. If you let things build up for a moment, it makes it more… intense.”

This time Taemin was biting his lip, seeming nervous at the suggestion. “Do I want it to be intense?”

“What – of course! You don’t want to leave him with a boring first kiss. It has to leave him wanting more. That’s how you get a second date.”

It was almost comical, the way Jongin was talking. As if he hadn’t only had a couple girlfriends and barely kissed the first two, and instead were some sort of dating guru. In other circumstances, Jongin probably would have laughed at himself. Unfortunately, Taemin was pretty blatantly desperate, and so he had to pretend that he really did know what he was talking about. And hey, if it went wrong… well, at least he tried.

Unlike Jongin, Taemin was much more outwardly dubious about the whole situation. “I’m not sure if I can handle this…” he mumbled, before Jongin proceeded to shake him by his shoulders again.

“Look, Taemin, you’re a big boy now. An adult,” Jongin emphasized. “You have to get this over with. The longer you put it off, the worse it’s going to be. You don’t want me to be the only person you’ve ever kissed when you’re thirty, do you?” Taemin’s face just flushed red once again at the reminder and the suggestion Jongin was making, not saying a word. “Now, let’s keep going…”

Jongin pulled his hands away again, resting them in his lap. “Okay, so next, you should lean in,” he went on, doing so just slightly to demonstrate. “And – look at me. You should look him in the eye,” Jongin prompted as Taemin tried to look away. “I told you I’m not going to kiss you, so relax…”

“I think I’ve got it, Jongin…”

“Oh yeah, then what do you do next?”

Taemin looked down at his own hands. “I should kiss him…”

“No!” Jongin said, a little too loudly, glancing to the doorway. Lowering his voice, he looked back and added, “There’s still more, so pay attention.” Taemin groaned softly but didn’t look up, so Jongin grabbed him by the chin and forced him to look his way again. “I’m almost done, don’t be difficult…

“So then, you start to lean in slowly, and keep your eyes on his…” Jongin leaned in, and he was pretty sure Taemin stopped breathing, eyes slowly growing larger. “But sometimes, look down at his mouth. One, to make sure you don’t miss it, because that would be embarrassing.” This tidbit of wisdom may or may not have come from experience, though Jongin didn’t mention as much. “And two, because it’s kind of y…”

To prove his point, Jongin glanced down to Taemin’s lips. Then, to his surprise, he felt his heart flutter. Woah there… He was getting a little too deeply involved in this role. He had to admit that Taemin had very pretty lips. Soft, plump, rosy, very kissable. Whoever he ended up kissing would be very lucky.

That’s weird, Jongin reminded himself. But it wasn’t that he wanted to kiss Taemin’s lips. Just – if he met a girl with lips like that…

Jongin shook his head a tiny bit, reminding himself to focus. His eyes returned to Taemin’s, finding the older staring at him almost fearfully. “See? When I look down like that, it makes you anticipate more.” Anticipation, yeah, sure. That’s what he’s feeling. “So then you slowly get closer, and when you’re very close, you close your eyes…”

Continuing to follow his own instructions, Jongin leaned in until he could fill his whispers fanning out over Taemin’s lips. His heart was starting to pound as his brain interpreted the moment like a real kiss, this time having to remind himself internally that it was just a rehearsal. The real thing would be saved for Taemin’s crush.

So it was a little unexpected when Taemin actually closed his eyes. Suddenly it all felt very real, and Jongin was vaguely reminded of the time they had kissed before. Out of habit, he supposed, Jongin felt inclined to follow through, but no. No, he doesn’t need that much. Plus, Jongin had already said he wouldn’t do it. It wouldn’t be appropriate now.

“And then you kiss him,” Jongin breathed against his lips. Stupidly, he nearly his lips unconsciously, catching himself at just the last second. There was such little space between them right now that he was pretty sure if he did such a thing, he would Taemin by accident, and that would be very traumatic for the both of them.

After a few long seconds, Jongin realized he was still holding Taemin by the chin, gently releasing him. “You’ll want to do something with your hands,” he added, moving his hand to the side of Taemin’s neck to give an example. “Like this. Or maybe in his hair…” His fingers slid to the nape of Taemin’s neck, curling into his hair. At this, Taemin bodily shivered, and Jongin froze in surprise. Does he like that? “I tend to cup a girl’s face with one hand, and hold her waist… but it’s cute when they hold the front of my shirt,” he confessed, figuring Taemin could play either role.

Taemin still wasn’t moving, and Jongin still wasn’t sure if he was breathing either. As he thought about it, it hit him just what he was doing right now – and how utterly strange it was. Just because Taemin was gay, didn’t mean Taemin was attracted to him, his best friend. Yes, they were close, but this was not the kind of relationship they had and it was weird. Jongin had been so caught up in showing off that he hadn’t even registered what he was doing, but as he looked Taemin over, he realized he was probably pushing some of his friend’s boundaries.

As soon as he came to this realization, Jongin detached himself and pulled back, feeling strange as well as guilty. “Anyway, that’s all you have to do!” he announced a little too loudly. Taemin jumped, eyes flying open again as he found Jongin had finally left his personal space.

“O-oh. Right, good…” he mumbled, looking somewhat dazed. “I’ll try to remember…”

“Great, let’s sleep then,” Jongin replied, trying his best to act casual as he laid back down. Taemin was a little slower joining him, and it wasn’t missed by Jongin. How have you been the one to make it awkward when he’s the one who’s gay? “Sorry if that was- too much,” he added much more quietly as Taemin took his place beside him. It seemed even Taemin had limits with this kind of thing, and Jongin might just have crossed them.

Much to Jongin’s relief, Taemin rested his head on his shoulder and cuddled up to him as usual, though he kept his face hidden. “It’s okay. I appreciate the help. I just… I’m not used to being so- close…”

Jongin could have laughed at the irony. He didn’t. “Promise it won’t happen again,” he said instead, trying to lighten things up.

He felt Taemin’s laugh more than he heard it, a quiet exhale of air out his nose. “I don’t think I’ll be able to kiss him anyway,” Taemin admitted in a whisper. “But thanks for trying…”

“Why not? You can do it, Taem. You’ll be fine, promise.” He didn’t want Taemin to give up on himself before he even tried, but Taemin merely shook his head.

"He's straight..."

Author's Note: On this episode of Jongin's an absolute fool... Yes, Taemin has a crush ♡ Who's it gonna be~?

And it turns out Taemin mayhaps also does have boundaries. Did Jongin cross them by 1) discussing it with his mom (even without mentioning Taemin directly) and 2) subjecting Taemin to his practice (that Taemin didn't even ask for)? (And a possible third thing, stealing Taemin's first kiss for a dare, when Taemin DID say in front of him prior to that that he had never kissed anyone?) And also! Not crossing boundaries but assuming Taemin's crush is taller?! Short men exist, Jongin! Anyway... Does he redeem himself by having nothing but good intentions? He really is just trying to look out for his best friend, after all. Let me know your thoughts on our love guru and lovestruck boys! ♡