“Is it my fault? Why it’s always me?” Cara said her eyes threatening to lose water.

“Why would you react this way? It’s not even a big deal.” Cara’s mother said.

“Nothing is big deal for you as long as your family is alright, isn’t it?” Cara said clenching her first in anger.

“Did I ever say you are not my family?” Her mother said coming closer to her.

“Have you ever told me, I am your family?” Cara looked at her mom with eyes holding so much, she wished her mom could read, but her mom was illiterate when it comes about her emotions and her efforts.

“What else do you think we should do to make you feel at ease? I let you live, eat and even provide education to you, what else do you want; my properties, so that you will stop feeling insecure?” Cara’s step dad said coming beside his wife.

“I am talking to my mother here, it would be better if you don’t interfere.” Cara said looking towards him.

“How dare you talk to your father like that?” Cara’s mom comes at her furiously.

“HE IS NOT MY FATHER.” Cara yelled at her highest.

“THAT’S EXACTLY WHY YOU ARE LIKE THAT BECAUSE; HE IS not YOUR father. You are daughter of a non human, A LOWLY CREATURE WHO DARES TO HIS OWN WIFE WHEN SHE SAYS NO TO HAVE , YOU ARE DAUGHTER OF SUCH A FATHER, THAT’S WHY YOU ARE LIKE THAT.” Cara’s mom broke into tears remembering her first husband who used to assault her.

“Look at my son, how he is, unlike you, who is only self centered and ungrateful.” She added.

“You should be grateful to her for giving birth to you. Can you imagine how hard it must be to see her living nightmare in front of her every day? Can you ever think what kind of memories you bring to her every time?” Her father said holding her wife in his arms.

“I told you to stay out of it, DIDN’T I? Cara said

losing her control.

“Stop IT, STOP SPOILING MY HOME, whatever you were given, you don’t deserve it. The only emotion I feel while looking at you is regret. You are my ugliest mistake, the scariest scar.”

“How is it my fault? I did not do anything? Why would I atone for someone else’s mistake?” Cara was breaking into a sob now.

“No it was my fault, all of it.” Cara’s mom said covering her face while crying loudly.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU KILL ME IN YOUR WOMB? WHY DID YOU GIVE BIRTH TO ME? I WAS YOUR DICITION TO LET ME LIVE, WHY DID YOU DO THAT WHEN YOU CAN’T ACCEPT ME?” Cara said punching the wall furiously.

“Tell her to leave and not to show up in front of me ever again, until I die.” Cara’s mom told her husband and went inside her bedroom.

“I guess you heard her well, leave.” He told her pointing towards the door.

As the door was shut on her face she could his brother saying “She always wanted to leave here as she has already found a job, as now she has to pay back her debts.” A tear drop fell down her eye, she has had enough, she has held back enough. Now she was unable to. They have always been like this, it’s not that she did not try, even when she gave her best, and she was still unseen and unheard.

The sea shore has been her comfort zone for long, that’s where she could think of going in middle of the night.

For the first time in her life, she wanted to drink, just drink and forget.

The New years’ eve where everyone was getting drunk to celebrate, she was drinking to forget or even die. Life was being especially tough today, she wished more than once, she had the gut to die.

She could see from distance a cruise party was going on.

“Ahhhhhhhhhh” Cara yelled at top of her voice.

“Whyyyyyyyyyy meeeeeeeeeeee……… just whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…. What did I do to DESERVE all thissssssss?” She kept yelling.

“I can’t even think of one good memory to suppress my anger.” She was now enough drunk to not being able to see things properly.

“SHOULD I JUST DIE?” She yelled and ran towards the sea.

She tried to but she could not get into enough water to get her drown.

“COWARD, JUST DIE.” She kept yelling and tears kept falling from her eyes.

“It’s dangerous.” She heard a male voice before that person drag her to the sand.

“I know you are sad and angry, but dying is not a choice.” He said his mouth giving out intense smell of alcohol. She could barely see anything thanks to the darkness and her drunk self.

“I am a coward, who can’t even die.” She said freeing herself from him.

“You are brave enough to let yourself live life. How can you be a coward?” Cara was told by that man.

“Why are you talking to me? Why are you here? Who are you?” Cara asked as she realized that she was talking to a drunken stranger at middle of night in a drunken state. She could not help but felt a little scared.

“I was here all the time, you came here afterwards.” He said sitting next to her.

Both of them were silent for a moment, Cara was mostly embarrassed that he saw everything she was doing for a while.

“I saw my mom for the last time exactly 10 years ago from now.” That person said looking towards his digital watch.

“Mom, Happy new year.” He said looking towards the sky. “I love you mom, I miss you so much, I miss you so so much, it hurts mom, why did you leave me?” He said breaking into tears.

“She is happy wherever she is. She is at a better place.” Cara said rubbing his back.

“Moms are most precious. Aren’t they?” He said between his sobs.

“I guess so.” Cara said picturing her mom.

“Do you have a mom?” The person next to her asked suddenly.

“I am not sure.” Cara said looking at the sea.

“What is mom?” She asked him back.

“Huh?” He asked surprisingly.

“By mom, do you refer to a person who gave birth to you or do you refer to an emotion?” She asked again.

“I refer to that person with whom my emotions are associated.” He said looking towards Cara.

“How do those emotions feel?” Cara asked getting into the conversation.

“They feel like home.” He said looking at the sea.

“Home; a place where I was beaten up without mercy, where I was judged every single second. I was reminded every single second that I am alive and breathing; it’s a favor from them. For me home was something like that. A place, where I don’t belong.” Cara said burying her face in her knees.

“Have you eaten?” The boy next to Cara asked her after a while.

“I don’t want to.” Cara said looking at him although night was dark enough.

“Here…” The boy said taking out a bar of chocolate out of his pocket.

“No… I am not hungry.” Cara denied.

“How is it stomach’s fault? Why will it be punished? Take a bite, quickly.” He insisted.

“I said no.” Cara said little rudely.

“I said eat, please.” The boy said in a humble and sweet tone.

Cara took a bite in the end.

“That’s how moms are.” The boy said as Cara did so.

“Huh?” Cara asked unable to process what he said.

“They keep on insisting until you eat, here finish it.” He said giving her the bar of chocolate.

“From now on, never eat from any strangers.” The boy said in a tone like scolding.

“You are really acting like a ….” Cara was cut in half as the boy finished the remaining line adding the word “Mother.”

“Let me be your mother today.” He said with a smile.

“That’s funny.” Cara laughed a bit.

“Rather than telling you how my mom was to make you feel awkward, I want you to feel that affection.”

“I don’t even know what I want to talk with my mom.” Cara said sadness clearly visible in her eyes.

“It’s okay, if you don’t know what to talk then lie down on my lap I will sing you to sleep.” The boy said putting his hand on Cara’s head.

“I’m calling sweetie sweetie,

Where did sweetie go?

Here, middle of sea blue,

Holding a fishing bow!

Sweetie, baby; come out

You will catch a cold,

Mom will buy you big fish,

Will make you yummy stew.” The boy started to sing a lullaby.

“I am not 5, mummy.” Cara said smiling now.

“Sleep silently or the ghost will come out.” The boy said making weird noises.

“I am scared.” Cara played along.

“Don’t worry sweetie, Mom has magic weapon.” He said taking out a ring out of his neck, which he was wearing as a pendant.

“This will scare every ghost away.” He said showing it to Cara.

“Wahhh, mom is so great.” Cara said smiling brightly for the first time in a while.

Both of them started laughing.

“It’s my mom’s Wedding ring, the only thing because of which I recognized her body, her face was…… destroyed from th…e   acc…iden..t.” Cara felt he was shivering.

Cara rubbed his back getting up from his lap.

“After this, it’s my most precious possession.”

Both of them were silent for few moments.

“So how do you feel daughter.” The boy asked Cara’s head.

“You will make a good mom.” Cara said smiling honestly.

 “I guess you wanted to say dad.” The boy corrected.

“I don’t know, I envy your children already.” Cara said being honest but he made it come out like a joke.

“I would have adopted you if I were married; I don’t think anyone will marry a man with a daughter almost same age as him.” He said pinching Cara’s nose.

Cara could not control herself with him this close, she pulled him by his neck and pressed her lips against his.

The next thing Cara knew was she was covered with sand all over her back and hair from lying on the sand of shore. There was no one beside her. She would have believed everything was a dream if she would not have found a chain half buried in sand. It was a ring shaped pendant.

“I awe him many things. At least a thank you and this one.” Cara said to Pari holding the ring in her hand. The past incident was still green in her thoughts. She could remember every detail except for the face of that person. May be because, sometimes memories are way more precious than the persons associated with them. Or partly because she could not see him properly because of darkness both in the surrounding and her head.

After that day, she never visited her parents. She always knew she doesn’t belong there. It’s just that she was not brave enough to accept it. Though she occasionally got calls from her mother but they felt more like formalities than concerns.

“Get some sleep girl.” Pari said her head.

“Hmm we should.” Cara said burying herself in her blanket.