Lately, Lu Han’s been avoiding Minseok. Or so Minseok thinks. 

Minseok figured he’d have to see Lu Han basically 24/7 now that they were living (well, Lu Han didn’t do much ‘living’) in the same dorms, but he was mistaken. Lu Han says he’s busy practising on his own, but Minseok knows something else is up. After all, it’s been five days since he last felt the ghost’s hands on his .

Something must be wrong.

Minseok thinks back over his words and actions. He knows he doesn’t always have a lot of patience dealing with Lu Han, but he doesn’t remember saying anything hurtful to the ghost or having implied in any way that he no longer cared for his company. Minseok should feel happy he can have some Lu Han-free time, but to his horror, he realises he actually misses his ghost friend. 

Yes, Lu Han can be a little overbearing, and idiotic at times, but he’s also fun company and… he’s the one giving Minseok self-confidence. Whether it’s about his singing and dancing skills, or his Chinese grammar or even how Minseok looks, Lu Han’s always complimenting him and telling him he’s a born idol. Even if the words are lies and empty compliments, he can’t help but feel secretly happy hearing them. 

With Lu Han barely speaking to him nowadays, his old doubts and worries are starting to occupy his head again. He knows SM is going to choose the members for the new group they are planning to debut next year really soon. That increases his anxiety. He’s been training for too long to quit now, but if he doesn’t make the cut after everything he’s sacrificed, he doesn’t know what he’ll do. Plus it would be a whole lot harder to make Lu Han debut if Minseok himself can’t even do it.

Then again, once Lu Han somehow debuts, he’ll be gone from Minseok’s life for good.

Whether he likes to admit it or not, he’s grown attached to his ghost friend. Whatever worries he typically has never feel that big of a deal after he remembers that Lu Han’s dead and his own worries will always be greater. Just thinking about Lu Han never flashing him his stupid jaw breaking smile again makes Minseok feel hollow.

If Lu Han never debuts, he’ll always be around him.

Right after daring to think about that, Minseok feels sick. He really just wished for a dead person to never find his peace because it might leave him feeling lonely? He’s the worst. The absolute worst. He’s not even famous yet, and he’s already this self-centred? There’s no hope for him. He doesn’t deserve to become an idol. It’s good Lu Han’s avoiding him because Minseok doesn’t even deserve his company right now.

Perhaps to make up for his earlier, ugly thoughts, the moment Minseok spots Lu Han hovering near one of the practise rooms a few hours later, he rushes to him, not caring about what people think. 

“There you are!” He whispers. 

Lu Han’s eyebrows lift in confusion. “Were you looking for me? Didn’t I tell you I went to practise on my own?” Lu Han asks him, looking wary, which is something he’s never looked like around Minseok. It makes him think that he really must have said or done something wrong earlier.

“What, am I not allowed to miss you anymore?” Minseok pouts, gesturing for Lu Han to follow him. Yifan and Zitao are approaching them and he would rather not make them think he’s talking to himself again. 

Lu Han makes a weird face, one that Minseok can’t decipher, but follows him nevertheless. He leads them into an empty classroom, and pulls out a study book for his variety classes in case someone sees him talking to nobody. He can always claim he was just practising on his own.

Lu Han hovers near the wall, watching Minseok. It’s weird. Too weird. Whenever they are alone, Lu Han has no problems being closer than necessary to him. He’s alway trying to sneak his hand on his shoulder, or on his back, or even on his and he’s used to swatting it away like it’s not a big deal. But never has Lu Han stayed away from him when they are alone like this. Minseok finds himself not liking the distance.

He can only stand the stupid silence between them for five more minutes before opening his mouth. “Did I do something?” He asks, getting Lu Han’s attention.

“Huh?” Lu Han blinks, not understanding Minseok’s question.

“You’re so far away. Did I do something? If that's the case then I’m sorry,” Minseok patiently explains. Is this how Lu Han always feels whenever he tries to create a little distance between them (usually after he’s fought Lu Han’s hands off him the whole day)?

Lu Han’s eyes widen and he shakes his head quickly. “No, no! I was just. I had some… dangerous thoughts lately. So I. I figured it was better if I stayed away from you.”

“Dangerous thoughts? Like you wanted to hurt me? Kill me? Have you finally become a vengeful ghost?” Minseok slowly asks. He never really believed Lu Han could become one. Not when he’s the sweetest (and the most idiotic) ghost around. It’s impossible for him to try to picture Lu Han hurting someone, even when he’s always joking about burning Lu Han’s bones.

“NO!” Lu Han’s quick to clarify. He looks horrified at the mere idea of him wanting to hurt him. 

Minseok feels glad for that. He doesn’t want to become wary or scared around Lu Han when the ghost has slowly become one of his best friends (not that Minseok will tell Lu Han that because then he’ll surely do something scary like try to give him a big, wet kiss). When he takes another look at the ghost, he’s sure he’s seeing things but it almost looks like Lu Han’s blushing when he quietly mutters: “I was talking about a different kind of dangerous…”

“What sort of dangerous?” Minseok asks and now he’s sure he wasn’t imagining it earlier. Lu Han blushes. For a moment the area around his cheeks, neck and ears seem more solid than the rest of his transparent body. But no matter how many times he repeats the question, Lu Han refuses to answer him. He only promises that he’d never hurt him.

Minseok would feel more sullen for not getting a straight answer out of his ghost friend if Lu Han hadn’t moved closer to him during the whole interrogation episode. Or maybe it had been him who had moved closer and Lu Han had stayed still. The results are still the same, there’s no longer a weird distance between them. The ghost still looks a bit awkward, but at least he’s not visibly avoiding him anymore.

When Lu Han’s shoulder brushes against him as the ghost leans closer to look at a new girl group MV on his phone later on, his earlier thoughts invade his head again. Things won’t continue like this forever. Lu Han won’t be around forever. No matter how much he would like him to be. At some point the ghost will find peace (or someone will accidentally burn his bones) and then the spot next to Minseok will be empty and quiet again.

Maybe that’s why it’s Minseok who inches even closer to Lu Han this time. He doubts the ghost even notices, his eyes glued to the cutesy choreography. He doesn’t know how much time they’ll have together but he makes a silent promise to fully enjoy it until the end and not let the other ignore him ever again.

Two days later, after waking up in the trainee dorm, and finding out that Lu Han has been staring at his (most likely ugly) sleeping face like a creep the whole night, Minseok takes it all back.

Oh, how he wishes Lu Han would still keep avoiding him.