Lately, Minseok’s been feeling tired.

Summer is starting to turn into autumn, Minseok is still a trainee, and Lu Han is still a ghost.

There are some rumors of SM’s new idol group going around. They’re still vague, but it’s enough to make Minseok work a little harder, stay at practice a little longer, sing just a bit more everyday. He’s even making Lu Han teach him Chinese outside of his classes, causing Minseok to have a slight Beijing accent whenever he speaks the language. 

Schoolwork is still as hard as ever, and on top of that, there’s the problem of Lu Han wanting to be an idol. Despite going through hundreds of ghost-related websites, they’re no closer to figuring out how to make a ghost debut. Lu Han acts like it doesn’t bother him, but Minseok sometimes notices a frown on Lu Han’s lips when he thinks the elder isn’t looking. So, at home Minseok sacrifices the little sleep he has to dive deeper and deeper into the web. Every useless piece of information makes him grumpier, and he feels like he’s ready to snap any time now.

Sometimes Minseok catches himself wondering if he’s ever going to get a break from all this.

Still, he isn’t about to give up. Not when everytime he sees Lu Han, the ghost’s whole face lights up from just seeing Minseok again. Lu Han may be clingy at times, but that’s understandable — he’s been all alone for so long. Minseok’s feeling slightly protective over the ghost; Lu Han didn’t deserve to die so young, after all. He had so much to give to the world. Still has, if they just figure out how to make him debut. That beautiful singing voice shouldn’t go to waste, and those dance moves should be seen by everyone.

There are days when Minseok wonders if it would be okay to tell Junmyeon everything. He’s the only one of the current trainees who knows about Lu Han, remembers him. But then he sees Junmyeon, working hard, probably even harder than Minseok himself, and there’s just no way Minseok can burden the younger man even further. After all these years of being a trainee, Junmyeon’s desperate to debut and probably doesn’t have time for silly ghost stories. 

So, Minseok keeps everything to himself. It’s not like anyone else knows any more about ghost debuts than he does, anyway. In truth, it’s not the help that Minseok wants. Just sharing this burden would be enough for him. What if Lu Han doesn’t debut? What if he’s destined to wander these halls forever and there’s nothing Minseok can do? He already feels guilty because they’re no closer to solving this problem than they were two months ago, and Minseok knows he’s going to fully blame himself once he (hopefully) debuts and Lu Han is left behind.

“Hyung… Are you sleeping enough? You look really tired”, Yixing comments one day, after a tiresome dance practice that leaves Minseok lying on the floor, wishing he had slept more than just two and a half hours last night. Yixing’s question makes Minseok want to cry, because no, he isn’t sleeping enough. His eyes hurt from staying up late every night, looking at the bright computer screen and going through yet another supernatural site in hopes of finding something useful.

“No, I’m not”, he barely has the energy to reply. He wishes he could just sleep here.

“Are you okay? Are you having trouble with something?” Yixing worries again, and Minseok already feels bad. It’s not like Yixing’s without dark eyebags himself.

“I see dead people”, he jokes, except for him it’s not a joke. Minseok dares to say it out loud, because right now Lu Han’s not here. He’s attending some advanced singing class, because apparently he doesn’t think his voice is angelic enough yet. Minseok doesn’t want to worry Lu Han, because sometimes it seems like the ghost boy is afraid Minseok will leave him. He can’t exactly pat Lu Han’s head to reassure him, and Minseok’s never been the best with words. He hopes that one of these days, Lu Han will finally realise Minseok isn’t going anywhere and that he’s going to help Lu Han until the end.

Yixing looks scandalized, and too late, Minseok realizes Yixing didn’t take his words as a joke.

“Minseok-hyung, you need to call an e….ex…exo…” The Chinese man searches for the right Korean word.

“Exorcist, and it’s okay. The ghost’s not angry”, Minseok helps him. He could still claim he was just joking, but Yixing is one of those people you feel bad for lying to. Minseok didn’t think Yixing would take his words seriously, but somehow, letting the the truth slip out makes Minseok’s insides feel less heavy.

“It’s not angry, but… it’s still preventing you from sleeping?” Yixing moves to gently massage Minseok’s calves, and it feels so good Minseok thinks he could die right there. Maybe Lu Han would appreciate the company.

“I am preventing myself from sleeping. I’m kinda… trying to help the ghost.” Minseok may as well share the whole story now that the cat is out of the bag. It’s not like anyone’s going to believe the gossip if Yixing’s spreads it, anyway. They won’t be labeled as crazy trainees in need of a mental health check-up. Hopefully.

“Don’t tell anyone, though”, Minseok decides to play it safe. Not that Yixing is the type to gossip, but just in case. He then offers to massage Yixing’s stiff shoulders, and the younger man gives him a thankful smile.

“So, what are you trying to help the ghost with? Hopefully not with anything… dangerous”, Yixing asks while Minseok’s hands carefully move over his tense body.

“Debuting”, Minseok deadpans. It sounds ridiculous, and he has to laugh at his late night thoughts of just going to Lee Sooman and asking if Lu Han could maybe debut so he can find peace. Sooman would probably call the ambulance, because clearly one of his trainees had lost the last of his brain cells.

Yixing catches up unexpectedly fast for him. “The ghost wants to be an idol?”

“I know, sounds crazy. But that’s the truth”, Minseok sighs behind Yixing. Then he adds, “You wouldn’t happen to know how to make ghosts debut, would you?”

Yixing tilts his head to look at Minseok. His eyes are apologetic, and Minseok already regrets saying anything. “I don’t… I’m so sorry, hyung.”

“Ah, no, no. Don’t be! I wasn’t really expecting you to know”, Minseok hastily replies. “In fact, you can forget this conversation ever happened.” He really shouldn’t have burdened Yixing. Lu Han keeps saying he’s a lousy ghost, but Minseok is a lousy hyung. Yixing turns around to face Minseok. His normally relaxed eyes look surprisingly serious. It’s a look you would normally only witness when he’s dancing.

“Minseok-hyung… you aren’t tricking me, right?”

Minseok should say yes. He should say yes, and then apologize for lying to Yixing. Minseok should tell him it was all a big joke, because after all, ghosts don’t exist. He should be a proper hyung to the younger ones and not burden them with this at all. But Minseok’s so tired and feeling trapped because he can’t do anything for Lu Han. He doesn’t want to fail his new ghost friend and leave him behind when the time for Minseok’s debut comes. He’s not exactly sure how Yixing can help, but like Lu Han had once told him, three brains are better than two. So, Minseok allows himself to be a bad hyung for one last time.

“I’m not. I really do see a ghost”, he tells Yixing the truth, “and I’m trying to help him to debut as an idol. I just… have no idea how.”

Yixing places his hands on Minseok’s shoulders, and suddenly it feels like the Chinese man is his hyung instead of the other way around. “Let me help you, then.”

Minseok feels like he could cry. Lu Han had probably felt like this when Minseok had first agreed to help him. He doesn’t cry, though, but pulls Yixing closer and hugs the younger man.

Yixing hugs him back, nice and tight, and suddenly Minseok doesn’t feel so tired anymore.