It was December 24 and I was on my way to the Xmas-plus-Taehyung-birthday party. 

It had been booked in our calendar even before all recent incidents happened among us. 

Therefore, on a personal perspective, it will surely be awkward considering our current status.

I entered the BBQ restaurant and saw Hongsol already there in her university hoodie, going through something on her notebook. 

She was the earliest as usual but it was strange that Juyeon wasn't here by then. 

Walking over and dropping my bag onto the chair next to Hongsol, I startled her with a nudge on the shoulder.

     “Hey, what makes you so focused?”

Hongsol's gaze shifted upwards with a frown at first, which quickly disappeared the moment she realized me. 

     “Unnie!” - She put on her bright mode almost immediately - “You're early!”

     “Huh? Are you expecting someone else?”

I and she replied with a big grin and a “Just saying” instead of any specific name. Normally, it should be Juyeon though

Hongsol closed her notebook and put it back to the tote bag I had drawn and gifted her, starting a rant about her upcoming exam.

     “I'm quite worried about Insurance in Trading subject.” - She let out a big sigh - “I just couldn't remember anything.”

    “Isn't the exam a business case?” - I asked her as I rubbed my hands with sanitary liquid - “You only need to understand the nature for analyzing the case instead of memorizing all notes, don't you?”

     “I know.” - She shrugged. - “But finding the key points among the case details is crucial. And I at it.”

She replied, making a duck face.

Hongsol's major was International Business but it looked like she wouldn't pursue a related job after graduating. 

She didn't even find the subjects at school as interesting as barista or baking. 

But in order not to waste the last three and a half years, she still got to finish it all, starting with the final exam for one of the most difficult specialized subjects in her opinion.

     “I have no such background to advise.” - I told her. - “But I guess you can compensate for that weakness by another subject.”

     “Geez. . . That's what I'm thinking too. I got better grade in International Trade.”

     “Anyway” - I went on, pulling out from my bag a wrapped box and pushing it to the right end of the table. It was my part for the Christmas gift exchange. - “Hope the Christmas present would help cheering you up.”

We chatted for a few more minutes when Taehyung arrived. 

He was still in his business attire but the necktie had been loosened and he also got the familiar padded coat on. 

Unlike me having the afternoon free as the company allowed one and a half day off for Christmas, Taehyung must have stayed overtime at the office to work on his project of a new product launching early next year. 

That also explained why he had been on and off with the radio show lately.

We therefore could only exchange quick greetings when crossing paths at the office or brief emails about the script as he insisted on helping me with it for a break from work despite his absence on air.

I owed a thank to him for my workload had also increased when year-end activities came. 

But except for those professional stuff, I still felt a bit embarrassed talking to him personally after that serious revelation from his perspective about the so-called serendipity between us. 

I always changed the topics to either the show, his project, the company year-end party, this party or the upcoming performance appraisal when any of us said something off the professional track. 

And he perhaps sensed that with his recent message.

“Let's have a coffee later when you're more relaxed.”

Right. When I'm more relaxed after completing works or more relaxed with what's going on between us - something I couldn't even name it? He let me to decide it.

     “Hey, how's things going?”

I asked him as he settled across from me. For courtesy, of course. 

     “Fortunately, kinda smooth, I guess?”

     “Nice. Anyway, you should take care. Don't go home too late, eh?”

Having said that, I just hoped I wasn't sending him wrong signal though. 

Taehyung just let out a sniffing laugh, and raised his eyesbrow as a yes while pushing his gift towards mine and Hongsol's. 

His gift was wrapped in purple paper - I'm not surprised at all!  

I checked my watch. I was supposed to leave in an hour, with the excuse of urgency at home and Taehyung would suggest to drive me home since he had borrowed Seokjin's car today. 

It was our plan to make space for Juyeon and Hongsol, as Taehyung had told Juyeon to communicate clearly with the girl, for the sake of their relationship and the group's atmosphere. 

Well, as if I and Taehyung weren't shy with each other. On a personal aspect.

But Juyeon was still no where to be seen even though the 7pm point had passed for forty five minutes already.

    “Shouldn't we call Juyeonie?” 

I asked, feeling a bit impatient. Juyeon had never been late to our gatherings. And he couldn't have forgotten this party if he really wanted to make things clear with Hongsol.

   “He didn't even read his Katalk.”

Taehyung frowned at his phone, scrolling through the text messages. 

He channelled exactly my feelings with his expression then. I glanced at Hongsol, she still casually grilled the meat and enjoyed it with beer. 

As if she had no interest in the strange absence of her crush. 

My eyes then went back to Taehyung, who responded me with a shrug. 

We both shared the same concern that our plan would go to waste.

     “Oppa, unnie.” - Hongsol put down her chopsticks and looked at us. - “Why don't you eat anything?”

     “We do.” -Replied Taehyung, chewing meat with a sound. - “But why the heck hasn't Lee Juyeon come?”

     “He won't.”

Just two words from Hongsol was enough to freak us out. I pursed my lips to moisturize them and turned to her.

     “What do you mean?”

     “I say” - Hongsol leaned back against the bench. - “Lee Juyeon sunbae won't come today.”

     “But he said he would on the group chat. . .”

     “No, unnie.” - Hongsol shook her head and said with matter-of-fact voice - “He had a blind date today, with Soyeon's friend. She told me this morning.”

Taehyung sighed right away and I could see him proceed to dial Juyeon's number. 

     “Such a coward.”

Taehyung murmured, sounding annoyed. Taehyung was the one to persuade Juyeon to join the party after the music camp incident. Even if the party was not a set up date for him and Hongsol, Juyeon's decision to withdraw from this friendly meal only worsened the situation. 

I looked at Taehyung, begging him as he could explode with anger anytime Juyeon picked up.

     “Taehyung, don't be so harsh on him, ok?” 

     “Sheez. . .” - Taehyung growled and stood up, walking outside for quietness. I had never seen him this angry before. - “He didn't even answer the phone.”

     “It's fine.” - Hongsol picked up her chopsticks and grinned at me. - “We three can finish all, can't we?”

    “Hongsol ah. . .”

    “Right, unnie” - She drank her beer empty and rested her face on her cupped palms. - “Anyway, I gotta thank you and Taehyung oppa a lot. I've never thought I would befriend seniors like you guys.”

     “What are you saying Kwon Hongsol? You're being weird.” 

I frowned at her doubtfully. 

She had been drinking several pints and her cheeks got slightly reddened, which was not quite common at all. 

     “I'm serious unnie ah.” - She smiled sheepishly. - “I'm just a part-timer that happens to work for a company café. I would never expect to be close to the employees there, much less being in a group, getting your help with studying, hanging out and having so much fun like this. . .”

Bewilderment was slowly creeping in my heart as I listened to her sharing. I didn't see something positive coming at all.

     “Plus. . .” - She went on. - “I really appreciate your effort to introduce me and Juyeon sunbaenim together.”

     “Did we?”

     “Geez” - Hongsol chuckled, as if she couldn't believe I still played dumb. - “Remember when you guys left us at the camping site with Taehyung oppa's car. Juyeon sunbae drove me home and I asked him if he sent the song. He said you guys made it up.”

I gulped. Oh , busted!

     “I'm sorry” - I confessed. Even though Taehyung initiated this, it would be so irresponsible of me to blame it all on him. Miss Accountability, he would joke. - “I just thought you guys might be good together.”

     “Oh never mind. I did have a crush on him, don't you remember?”

     “But it seemed not work out so well.” - I randomly touched the buttons on my blazer and murmured, feeling all flustered. - “That. . . I mean, he also had feelings for you and. . . ”

     “Unnie.” - Hongsol grabbed my hand, gazing pointedly at me while I couldn't look straight at her. - “You literally brought me out of the dark. I'm thankful for that. Without you, I don't know for how long I would be stuck with this annoying one-sided feeling.”

Taking a moment to break, she inhaled with determination.

     “But you know what, unnie? Only the two people in the relationship know how they feel about each other. I know I like him. I've been giving him signals and was totally cool about his ex. But the more he keeps me waiting, the more impatient I get. So for the rest, I'll accept whatever might come, even the worst.”

I almost stopped breathing listening to her. Hongsol was 6 years younger than me. She claimed not having been in a relationship but been more experienced with unrequitted feeling.

Was it the reason why she could say those words that lightly? 

     “Unnie” - Hongsol stood up, pulling me back to the reality- “I think I've got to go now. I had to visit the church with my parents.”

And without waiting for my response, she took out her notebook, opened it and dropped onto the table four folded pieces of paper. 

    “I made the tickets. But too bad we couldn't use them all tonight.”

I watched Hongsol pick up one ticket and smiled wryly as she grabbed my sparkling white box, winking at me.

     “Thanks unnie. Merry Christmas!”

I found myself mumble a Merry Christmas to her and sat there pathetically after she was gone. 

Moments later, Taehyung walked in. And as soon as he saw me being all alone with a gloomy face, he couldn't help sighing.

Our little plan had crumbled.

But it's not just that. He swallowed and reached for his coat and bag, looking at me worriedly.

     “Wheein-ssi, we need to go. Hyojin hyung and Jimin got hospitalized!”