“Letting go or saying goodbye, though temporary or for long, is something we all don't want to happen. 

 

And even if we do have to, it leaves you with blank spaces that needs to be filled. For some, that could even like a torture. 

 

Let us hold back time and emotions with this little heartfelt gift dedicated to Kkangseul at People Experience department. It's Here Without You by 3 Doors Down.”

 

 

***

 

 

“Do you have to do it to me?”

 

Seulgi angrily spoke as soon as she sat down on the chair next to me in the studio. 

 

In response, I just shrugged and started gathering the many pages of script scattering on the table.

 

“It's just a song, unnie.”

 

“Yes it's just a song but people are talking about it, Wheein ah.” - She sounded strict. - “And I don't like gossip. You could've at least told me in advance, right? It's not that we don't know each other or hadn't done radio together.”

 

“If I had told you, would you still be mad at me like this?”

 

“Don't know.” - Seulgi rolled her eyes. - “Perhaps I would take today off to stay away from all those gossips.”

 

I bit my inner cheeks. She said as if a day was enough for gossip to be forgotten. 

 

But how could people easily ignore a story in which the talented Park Jimin sent in, along with such an emotional song, to express his loneliness after the notorious breakup between him and the mighty Kang Seulgi? 

 

That's why Seulgi made a fuss about it, sending me tons of texts as the request was broadcasted and demanding me to justify my act. 

 

I knew she would get angry but the morality of a radio MC didn't allow me to do otherwise.

 

“I had to do my job, unnie.” - I reached out to hold her hand, trying to suppress anxiety and soften my voice - “And it's up to you to decide the reaction.”

 

“Plus, it's out of her circle of influence, noona.”

 

Taehyung startled us as he spoke up from the studio door. 

 

He then quickly explained his appearance by walking to the table and picking up his highlighters - the purple ones I had bought him, so that he wouldn't use mine. 

 

But he didn't leave. Instead, Taehyung tucked the highlighters onto his back pocket and leaned against the wall opposite to us, arms crossed.

 

“You can go ask him, noona. Wheein-ssi has nothing to do with this.”

 

He said with a dry voice. As if he didn't like that Seulgi pouring her annoyance about Jimin on me.

 

Yet it was not polite at all to behave so. After all, Seulgi was just frustrated. I turned around and quickly threw him a frown, signaling him to be more considerate. 

 

But as unexpectant as he had always been, Taehyung ignored me and went on.

 

“Wheein-ssi was right. We just did our job. I'm sure she has told you about that some respondents rating us 1 star just because we didn't broadcast their requests.”

 

Seulgi sighed, her head lowered as she stared at the carpeted floor. She wasn't in a good mood. 

 

She hadn't been, since the surprising encounter with Jimin at Pyeonghwa. 

 

That day, it turned out that Jimin's father was one of the potential investors for Pyeonghwa and he tagged along his father for family business. 

 

And for his curiosity about the place mentioned in Seulgi's latest post on social media. 

 

As Jimin wandered around the campus, he caught sight of Taehyung and Seulgi running to find me. 

 

He called Taehyung to confirm and only needed one turn to face us in front of the main hall.

 

Just like how I had never expected an association with Taehyung via Pyeonghwa, Seulgi had never imagined meeting her ex in such a random place. 

 

Even worse, Hyojin was also there - in her post and at the scene. And although them three all acted professionally - oh, professional people! - I doubted that Jimin recognized Hyojin and began getting afraid of him, to the extent that later that night he wrote to FM The 9th Hour, requesting Here Without You.

 

Taehyung didn’t reveal Jimin's identity in the script he wrote but it was likely that anyone would recognize it, as Jimin got first prize at Purple Line karaoke contest with this song.

 

And what other recent “goodbye” that garnered even more attention than their breakup?

 

“You guys put me in such a difficult situation.”, said Seulgi bluntly.

 

“Jimin did.” - Taehyung rolled his eyes at her accusation. - “Not us.”

 

“Unnie” - I swallowed my saliva, trying not to throw Taehyung another glare. - “I think he wanted to attract your attention but if you don't care, just leave it like that. Good for you and you can help him save his face.”

 

Seulgi flipped her hair to a side and sighed again. Her eyes rolled around in confusion, obviously showing that she had no idea what to do next. 

 

It was already the fourth quarter of the year and there was no sign that her workload was less heavy.

 

And I had just bothered her with potential gossip. 

 

That's when I started feeling guilty.

 

“Unnie. . .” - I my lips, chapped from the excessively low temperature in the studio. - “I'm sor. . .”

 

I couldn't even finish as Taehyung interrupted, leaving his place to stand next to me.

 

“Sorry noona, we gotta leave now. The kids are waiting for us. You'd better think about it yourself.”

 

My eyes bugged out in confusion. “The kids” he mentioned must be Juyeon and Hongsol. 

 

But do we have any gathering with them today? 

 

After the incidents at the camping trip where we both left early and Juyeon drove Hongsol home on Taehyung's car, they had been acting quite distant with each other. 

 

Partly because Hongsol had been on and off at the café due to her semester-end exams at university.

 

But the major reason might be their hesitation to talk in person.

 

I glanced at Taehyung with a questioning look and he smiled knowingly in response, his hand reached to tap my shoulder to signal. 

 

“Pack your bag, Wheein-ssi.” 

 

He murmured and I unconsciously followed him as Seulgi, massaging her temples, stood up and said goodbye to us.

 

“We'll talk about this later.”

 

 

○●○

 

 

“You regret doing it, don't you?”

 

“No. . .um. . . Yeah. . . A little.”

 

I admitted shyly, hands holding tightly the beer can on my lap.

 

Next to me, Taehyung hugged his own backpack and tapped his feet to a Christmas melody played nearby. 

 

Festive season was around the corner as it was getting colder these days. 

 

We sat down on a bench outside a random store already twinkling with Christmas decoration lights. 

 

There was of course no Juyeon or Hongsol, it was just Taehyung's excuse to drag me out of Seulgi's “interrogation”.

 

“As I said, it's within your circle of interest, but not your circle of influence.” - Taehyung clearly found my feeling unacceptable. His cheeks puffed as he blew out a thin layer of smoke. - “Only Seulgi noona could decide how good or bad it will turn out.”

 

“You've been telling me so since we received the request.”

 

“Just in case you let your guard down like this. And let me remind you” - Taehyung cleared his throat - “I was the one to write this part. Not you. So I took full responsibility for it.”

 

I laughed nervously. 

 

Nope. With him being V, Kim Taehyung wouldn't have to take any responsibility. 

 

“And meanwhile, accountability is on me.”

 

“Alright, Miss Accountability” - Taehyung spoke, intentionally dragged the words and added melody to sound like singing - “If you really want to claim your part in this so-called crime, we both decided to do that. And since I didn't regret, you should, too. Ok?”

 

I glanced at him but quickly broke the eyes contact when our eyes met, feeling dimples peeking out on my cheeks as I pursed my lips and nodded slightly. 

 

For his goofy motivational words, for his willingness to protect me and cheer me up. 

 

“Nice words, Taehyung-ssi.”

 

“Ew. . . That's just to make you feel better.” - He grinned, chewing a piece of Hershey's Kisses taken from my sweets pouch. - “But honestly, I don't understand why Seulgi noona had to make a fuss like that.”

 

“She's frustrated, I guess. She always wants to be in control but that request is something she can't.” 

 

“I think she's just being indecisive with letting all go. . .” - Taehyung also joined the guess game with me. -“But you know what, you're right back then. Why bothering herself with something she could ignore and then bothering you too?”

 

Perhaps because I genuinely care for her. And she had no one but me to express her confusion. 

 

I had told Hyojin about this via text on my way to the pavilion with Taehyung, but it was unlikely that Hyojin could help. 

 

He couldn't contact Seulgi, like “Hey, Wheeinie said your ex sent you a song, are you still ok?” though. 

 

And Taehyung, he was merely a colleague to her.

 

“Hey, you don't drink much today.” - Taehyung interrupted my thoughts as he nudged me by the arm, continued being the talking one. - “Are you really the Jung Wheein I know, eh?”

 

Once again, his effortless playfulness worked magic to me as I finally broke into smile. 

 

I unconsciously wiped a corner of my dry eyes and sighed.

 

“I thought you'd got used to me being full of thoughts?”

 

“A bit.” - He shrugged - “But too much thinking is depressing, you know? And I hate seeing you that way.”

 

“So there's another me that you don't hate?”

 

Those words just blurted out of my mouth without control and that was when our conversation made an U-turn. 

 

Before I could say anything to explain, Taehyung hummed to confirm his acknowledgment. 

 

He slowly scratched his chin and then turned to me, said briefly.

 

“I like it when you smiled.”

 

Ok, I wasn't prepared for such confession. 

 

And he didn't even give me time to prepare or to consolidate my feelings for a proper - and perhaps witty - response at all.

 

“You might not remember” - He went on, ignoring the fact that I was slowly getting flustered - “But the first time we met wasn't at that meeting. It was at Fairytale Night last Christmas at Pyeonghwa, I saw you on stage with Hyojinie hyung. You got very bright smile back then. I was struck but after that day, I couldn't find you anywhere. Sounds like Cinderella, eh?”

 

“Umm. . . That was my last day.”

 

That was the only silly sound coming from me in response to him. But Taehyung didn't stop there. As if he had found the perfect moment to spill it out.

 

Well, I didn't consider sitting outside a store on an early December night perfect.

 

“I never expected that just a few weeks later, I joined Purple Line and when you passed by third floor to look for Juyeonie, I recognized you right away, just with your smile.”

 

I gulped but choked on my saliva. So I coughed. As if coughing could help cover my embarrassment. 

 

Of all the how-to-be-cool lessons I had learnt from the Mamamoo girls and even Seulgi, there was none about responding to sudden compliment, especially from guys like this. 

 

Not that I wasn't used to being praised for my smile, getting complimented by Taehyung was. . . 

 

Different.

 

Because my stomach swirled when he said so.

 

Because I then started to question myself if he sang Dimples at the festival with an intention other than provoking me.

 

And because he didn't just compliment my smile, he told a story of what happened between us from his perspective.

 

“But it took me six ing months to be able to speak to you properly. You know, I'm close with Juyeonie but I just couldn't tell him to introduce me to you.” - He smirked, sounding a bit bitter and rubbing his messy hair. - “Lucky that Seulgi noona allowed a last minute registration for the show. And lucky that you didn't reject me too. Ain't it my serendipity?”

 

If there was anything I hated, it would be reading between the lines. 

 

Or was it that the more people grew, the more vague they became with their words just because they found it amusing to watch others making guesses? 

 

This applied to Taehyung, what did he expect from me when saying all those words? 

 

Was it a “semi-confession” from him that he's got special feeling for me - or my smile, both of which I hoped not? 

 

Or was it just simple words that he just had the urge to share now? 

 

I had no idea.

 

But fortunately, I knew how to turn off his romantic mood - or whatever it was that could make me feel embarrassed myself.

 

“Right, I admit that it's serendipity for me too, V-ssi.” - I laughed, hoping that he would understand that I was referring to him as my radio partner and hence, ignored the trembling in my voice - “I just had an idea to get that serendipity fulfilled. Wanna hear?”

 

Taehyung's smirk froze on his face. He must've found my reaction too surprising.

 

“You mean. . . ”

 

“Geez. . .” - I pouted and spit words as fast as possible - “Don't act like you don't know your birthday is coming and that's the perfect occasion to get things resolved for our kids.”

 

“Why?”

 

“We started it out first” - I shrugged - “and at least we got to achieve our initial goal.”

 

“You're doing stuff outside your circle of influence.”, he commented.

 

“Yes.” - I grinned, hurried to say it all before the sense of regret wrapped around me again as my heartbeat was obviously increasing. - “I could forego the regret with Seulgi but not with them.”

 

It took a few moments for my determination to sink into Taehyung's mind. He stared at me for a while. And I looked back at him - I just couldn't break the eye contact for it'd be totally impolite of me! 

 

The little butterfly he had given me was still there in my stomach and I had to clench my teeth so that I would not melt under its effect and the close proximity with him.  

 

As if we had never been this close before! 

 

But I couldn't stop my heart from thumping loudly against my chest, praying for him to answer as my expectation, even though the success rate might not be very high. 

 

Please, please agree and I can entirely escape this self-embarrasment. 

 

“Ok.” - His lips finally broke into a smile. - “As long as you want to.”