"i still love you."

It seemed to take a few moments before Irene registered what Wendy just said, and she wore a broken smile on her face without an answer. Wendy had never felt so much pain gazing at this woman she loved so much. She sat down beside her and held her hand gently. "I shouldn't have let you go, Irene. I'm so sorry. It was all my fault for letting you slip away from me."

"I guess my mom was really good at pretending everything was ok when she married my step-dad," Irene commented. "I didn't want to let them down. Everyone was expecting me to do the right thing."

Wendy took in a breath to say something, but we'll never know fo sure now because even she didn't know what she was going to say. Just something to put Irene at ease if she could. "Irene...they can't," she started.

"Junmyeon told me I had to change in order for things to work out." Irene completely disregarded Wendy. "I did, right? I gave up my business. I gave up my freedom. I gave up everything to make it possible to fulfill my parents' dreams. Even my sanity." She laughed and leaned closer so she could whisper like some big secret. "He told my parents I was crazy and he's right." 

The older woman turned to Wendy with a grin that was not befitting of this moment. "I was so close." She indicated the amount with less than a millimeter gap between her thumb and forefinger. "I almost made it out of there, but the stupid doctors brought me back to life!

He got over me pretty quickly after that. He even said it was ok for me to walk away from him, and I did. But you know what, he coudln't handle it too, and then he thought he could get rid of me by putting me here! HAHAHA! Silly, right?"

Wendy listened with horror while Irene continued to laugh, her eyes spilling over with tears.

Irene wiped her tears away and sniffled. "That's why I'm here. To live out the rest of my days, dead to the rest of the world."

"..."

"I bet you were happy you didn't have to go on those dates, huh?" Irene smirked. "Did you and that woman hit it off yet?"

"No, Irene. I met no one."

"Well, you should. After all, there's no need to keep following me around anymore."

"You're my family," Wendy told her quietly. "Remember?"

That seemed to break Irene out of her dark humour fit for a little bit.

"The only thing that makes me feel better is the medicine," Irene started talking again. "At least i can pretend like nothing is wrong with me."

"I guess it took my parents a while to find you," the older woman continued as she glanced at Wendy.

Wendy hesitated as her mind raced to calculate the consequences of telling teh truth or simply leaving it out in the open. She didn't meet Irene's eyes and watched a butterfly ascent to the open sky. Wendy didn't know what to say. There wasn't anything that could be said to make Irene feel better - not like before, when Wendy could cheer her up just by being there with her. 

--

"Did you find her?" Joy asked when Wendy arrived at the studio the next morning.

Wendy nodded, trying to think of the right way to phrase things without having to give away so much of IRene's personal life to someone who didn't know her well enough. 

"Oh ok, she must have been happy to see you, eh?" Joy rose her eyebrows comically - well, more like attempted to. "I guess Junmyeon wasn't holding her hostage then like Seulgi said..."

"She was...ok..." Wendy realized that it didn't sound any more reassuring than she felt right now. Whne Joy gave her a questioning glance, Wendy glanced at teh clock. "I gotta get in and finish mastering the tracks. See ya."

Wendy wished she was allowed to get off early, but now that she had used up her leave she had to finsh up the internship and stay in the game so she could keep the full time hire opportunity.

That also meant she woudnl't be able to visit Irene because by the time she would get there, visiting hours would be closed since she finisehd working late in the afternoon. 

She would have to wait until the weekend to see Irene. She wanted to call Irene, but their conversatinos were recorded, and Wendy felt like that was a breach of their privacy. There were things she would rather not some institution have access to (ex. her love for Irene and their memories).

The week went by too long for Wendy. She had called in advance to check if she could see Irene in a few days, just in case mabe Irene's parents had plans to see her or maybe the medical institute had some kind of course for her.

"I didn't think you'd come back," Irene said when she walked into the courtyard to join Wendy on teh bench. 

"i'm sorry, i had to work so I wasn't able to make it here before visiting hours are over," Wendy replied. "But I the whole weekend off."

"Mhm..." Irene sounded distracted and she lazily twirled her hair with a finger while staring at another couple far from them.

Irene didn't seem like she wanted to talk anymor, wasn't trying to make an effort to keep the conversation going anymore. She didn't even seem to want to see Wend yat all. 

"That could've been us," Irene nodded her chin at the couple kissing and cuddling at the table a far wasy from them so they weren't aware the duo were watching them. 

Wendy took in a shallow breath, holdling it for a little before opening . "W-why not?"

A small smile formed on the older woman's lips and she stared into Wendy's eyes. "You think we could?"

"Would you want to?"

"Do you think we could be like that?" Irene asked again. "Would it work out?" 

Wendy rubbed teh back of her neck, unsure how to answer. 

"Junmyeon said things would work out later," Irene told her. "He said we'd get used to each other and I would eventually forget about you."

"Irene...j-Junmyeon doesn't have control over you."

The latter laaughed, empty of humor. "He put me here. I'll never leave." She turned to Wendy and gently brushed back Wendy's fringe form her eyes. "You haven't cut your hair yet..." she sounded disappointed. 

"But you're....divorced..." Wendy pointed out as gently as she could since it was still a sensitive topic.

"Ahahahah, you're right. My parents wouldn't let me out anyway. Can't stay with them, can't live alone. Why not be stuck in a place with people as crazy as me?" Irene laughed again. 

"What would it take to get you out?"

Irene snorted. "My sanity. I don't plan on leaving anytime soon. I have nothing outside of here, this is the only place I can be."

Wendy felt her heart sink. "But you have me."

Irene was silent for a painful long silence until she spoke again in a low voice. "I'm not the same Irene you knew before."

"Y-you said we're family..."

"We're not. You need to find other people to to mix with, not me. I'm not happy to see you, and I don't want you to see me like this!" Irene snapped and stood up abruptly. "If you really love me, then you'll leave me alone."

Wendy felt like Irene slapped her in the face. Irene never spoke to her like this before. The look on her face was pure rage and bitterness, the gentle collected composure had dissipated away as if Junmyeon had taken all of her old personality out of her.

"I'm...I'm sorry..."

Wendy cried herself to sleep when she returned that night. The end of her conversation with Irene hurt even more than when she had to watch Irene marry someone else. 

Irene openly spoke she wanted nothing to do with Wendy anymore.

The younger girl felt it was unfair, but she didn't want to think that way because Irene was suffering more too. 

She should heed Irene's request to leave her alone, but Wendy was more afraid of losing Irene and not knowing if something happened to her. I'm being selfish, she thought as she sat in traffic after work the next week. She'd gotten off early after meeting with her supervisor to discuss the next project and artist they would be working with.

Wendy would have brought a gift or something to make amends, but no one was allowed to bring anything in case patients might use it to harm anyone or themselves.

She didn't even know what she was hoping to hear from Irene. She knew IRene didn't want to see her, but she just couldn't let go. Not like when she let Irene go after the wedding.

"Didn't I tell you to go away?" Irene growled when they met again in the courtyard.

"You could have told the nurses to send me away," Wendy replied. 

"I'm making your trip worth the while." Irene looked very unwell today, and her body seemed more frail than usual.

"A-are you eating?" Wendy asked.

"I eat whenever I want." Irene gave Wendy a once over, scanning her from head to toe. "You're dressed nicely today. Did you meet someone?"

"No, it was work meeting."

"A meeting's a meeting," Irene's dark eyes glinted with mischief. "Did you like them?"

The younger girl frowned at her. "It's work, Irene."

"Aish, so serious all the time...lighten up, won't you?" Irene slapped her arm a little too hard, causing Wndy to flinch in shock. "You're too good. Too good for the whole world."

I thought you were too good for someone like me. Wendy could only remember the tear-stained kiss under the rain.

--

Wendy knew this must be a horrible idea. She didn't even know what came over her, but there were too many holes that needed to be covered. 

She knew she shoudl have talked this over with someone (like Joy), but even she didn't trust her own pal enough to share sensitive information about Irene.

Besides, Wendy had nothing else to do other than work, and she really wanted to know why everything happened the way it did.

The easy answer, of course, Junmyeon and Irene's desire to fulfill her parent's dream.

She was preetty fired up until she reached the Bae's front porch again, another month later. Her finger already pressed the doorbell and there was no turning back when Mrs. Bae answered the door, still looking the same as last time.

"You again? I gave you what you wanted to know about Irene."

"I wanted to thank you," Wendy presented her some flowers that Irene told her was Mrs. Bae's favorite.

Irene's mother's eyes widened bigger than Wendy ahd ever seen. "Thanks." The old woman took the floral gift and lifted it to her nose. "How's Irene? I'm assuming you did find her."

"She's alive," was the only thing Wendy could say because Irene wasn't feeling good at all. "Mrs. Bae, I...why don't you visit Irene?"

The latter's expression dropped immediately. "She hates us."

"Why didn't you try to call me?" Wendy asked. "When Irene wrote to you?"

Mrs. Bae narrowed her eyes but didn't falter. "We don't know you. We don't have your number."

"But you do know Seulgi. You could have asked her..."

"You're far too nosy for your own good," Mrs. Bae finally snapped. She threw the flowers at Wendy's face causing the younger to splutter as the petals and leaves went in . "You dare to come and bring me a gift just to pry in our lives! You and Irene may have been close, but you're never going to be anything more than a friend to Irene!

Junmyeon told me everything after the wedding, how irene is obsessively attached to you, how she planned the wedding with you and not him, how you kissed Irene right in front of him. You're a snake. You're a coward. And an abomination to society! Ugh, it's probably for the better your parents are dead, so they can't see you now!"

Wendy had to hold herself back from punching this lady. Everyone kept using her family as a weapon to stab her over and over and over...

"I know why Irene hates you now," Wendy finally growled. "You didn't even try."

"Shut up."

"You made her like this," Wendy continued. "Just because your relationship with your second husband worked out without emotional attachments, doesn't mean it will for Irene. Junmyeon was abusing her!"

"He never hit her."

"He doesn't have to."

"What do you know?" Mrs. Bae challenged. "All I see in front of me is a girl pretending to be something bigger! You're just...you're just -  don't talk about my marriage life! You don't know what I went through with Irene's father! He promised, he would love me till death do us part and guess what? He found another woman to love. So tell me, do you think love is enough?"

"..."

"Love is a fickle thing. You cannot depend on it."

Wendy was shaking with rage, and she knew she had to leave before things escalated too quickly. She didn't want to get in a squabble with police anytime soon over a stupid argument. "You may be right, but I don't have anything to lose." 

Mrs. Bae shook her head and laughed. "Stop pretending. You do have something to lose."

--

"Seungwan, wake up." Irene gently shook Wendy's shoulder.

"Hmmm. don't wanna...." 

"You have to get up. You don't want to be late for your internship." Irene's fingers brushed Wendy's hair back comfortably. 

"What time izzzit?" Wendy slurred as she sleepy sat up.

"8:30."

"WAHT!?" the younger girl sprang out and looked at the clock. She had to be at the studio at 9AM sharp - "It;s....7:05, hey!"

Irene laughed - a sound that Wendy loved to hear. "I want to have breakfast with you before you go. It would be weird if you left without saying anything to me."

"Only if you make it weird," Wendy replied and stretch, her back cracking in the process.

"Stop doing that," Irene covered her ears and made a face.

Wendy grinned and realized Irene was already fully dressed. She must have woekn up way earlier to ...

"I washed your clothes for you. Fresh from the dryer," Irene pointed at a folded set of Wendy's clothes on the edge of the bed. Undergarments and everything...

Teh younger girl felt a rush of heat rise to her cheeks. "T-thanks."

"Hurry and get changed so we can eat." Irene reached over to pat her blushng cheeks before heading out the door.

Wendy smiled like a fool, her mind making up scenarios of married life with Irene. It wasn't impossible. with the way things were going between them, it seemed like it could be true.

Wendy sat alone at home with a beer in hand as she reminisced over old times. She wished things could go back the way they were.

Before everything that had passed, before Irene started going on impromptu dates with a whole bunch of strangers. 

It felt like a dream, like some sort of nightmare Wendy couldn't wake out of.

--