"Unnie..."

"Hmmph?" Irene barely managed to crack her eyes open. It wasn't even morning, and she wanted to go back to sleep after a long day on teh road for a wedding couple's photoshoot that took hours.

She had also forgotten that she asked Wendy to stay over. The snow was atrocious these days and she was worried the younger would get stuck in the cold. Moreover, she preferred knowing that Wendy was safe by staying overnight.

Irene her side. Wendy was still asleep, maybe she's dreaming. The older woman gently brushed back a stray lock from the girl's cheek and pulled the sheets higher over her shoulders.

What is this feeling?

--

Seulgi's baby shower was destined to ruin her weekend. As childhood friend, she knew her duty was to show up and engage with her and the other guests, friend and acquaintance. 

Honestly, baby showers were a lot of noise over nothing, money thrown down the well for...well, nothing too exciting. Humans find a way to celebrate anythig, she mused grumpily.

Back in her younger days, she might have found an excuse and spent time with Wendy instead. 

"Irene, your old friend is having a party. WOn't you go to see them?"

"No thanks, I promised to help a friend move out. She's younger than me and living alone so I want to make sure she's ok."

It was in the early days of meeting Wendy, and she did not regret that choice. She was helping Wendy move to a different complex, and that night they grew closer than ever before. Something just...clicked between them.

Irene brought a cash gift because she was too lazy to actually buy anything on the wishlist. Everyone was fawning over Seulgi and her soon to be born babay - literally any second at this point. The bump was huge.

After receviing the gifts and cooing over each one for like forever, they settled down for snacks and chat, reminiscing old times and looking forward to the future.

"I bet Irene's baby gonna be super pretty," the statement broke IRene from her thoughts.

She looked up to find everyone staring at her. Seulgi looked hopeful as well, and Irene remained stoic. She was sure they had all heard about what went and happened between her and Junmyeon. Who knows how much her mother said, and she really didn't want to talk about it to anyone. 

"Yeah...shame it didn't work out. We were so happy for you!" Rose said. 

"Men are weird, but that's why we coexist," Lisa added. "You'll find someone better."

Why are you consoling me?! she had to take in a deep breath not to burst out in rage. 

I did find someone better, she thought to herself. But I was stupid and a coward not to let her...love me...

"There's no rush," Irene told them with a casul sip of her tea. "I don't need anyone right now. I still have a lot of things I want to do."

"Oh right, how's your friend?" Rose changed the subject. "That girl...kinda tomboyish....Wandy?"

.

"What about her?" Irene had to tread these waters carefully. She didn't want to be hostile at a joyous celbration of baby life, but she really didn't like the direction the conversation was going.

Rose just shrugged. "Just wondering. I heard that she was...y'know...gay..."

"..."

"Anywya, Seulgi, what do you think you'll name the baby?" another guest changed the subject while the moment played over and over in Irene's mind.

Gay. That word echoed on reverb in her mind. Why do we have to label everything and anything?

Why can't we just be? 

Why can't they just let me be?

Irene felt awful after the baby shower, and she popped open another beer while sitting alone at the table with a bowl of ramen.

After, she got back to work on developing her photos, and curating an invoice. She realized she needed to look back at teh client info in her planner and she pulled open the drawer to select her planner. As she pulled it out an envelope slipped out, aging and yellowing at the edges.

Irene frowned and picked it up, flipping it over to look over the address.

Wendy.

She slipped out the contents - the only letter Wendy had sent all those years ago. Irene kenw she should have tossed it, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Her hungry eyes drank in all of the words, trying not to tear up because she didn't understand why she felt like this.

She realized too late the love of her life was right under her nose. 

But she was too afraid to love back and be with Wendy.

How could she be happy if she disappointed her family with her chocies? How could she be happy knowing that she shamed the family name in the name of love?

She remember her mtother's account of love. It s you over, the fleeting feeling that makes you reel over for someone until the passion dies out like a small flame.

I woudln't be happy either way, she told herself as she crammed the letter back in the envelope. Irene had half a mind to dump it so she wouldn't think about it again, but she didn't have the heart to let go of the last thing she had of Wendy.

A once over of the address and she knew Wendy wasn't that far away. She knew the exact place the girl was at because they had been to that part of the countryside before back then. It was there that Irene told her her wish to live peacefully in the countryside away from the world.

Just two of them without a care in the world.

--

Irene returned to the old bar she and Wendy used to frequent together all those years ago. She remembered that woman hitting on Wendy, and that strange feeling of jealousy that Wendy's attention was on someone other than her. 

She ordered her old favorite but only a few sips because she didn't have a Wendy to drive her home anymore. 

The clientele was different now, people came and went with the years. Irene wondered what Wendy might be doing now not having to accompany Irene anymore. Is she happier now? without me?

OH the irony. Irene almost choked on her drink when she chuckled to herself. SHe had beeen the one to say that it was time to move on, not to dwell on the past. She was the one who wanted Wendy to go away because she coudln't handle knowing the pain she caused her most favorite person. 

And now she still wanted Wendy back.

The heart is fickle, she reminded herself. Love is fickle.

but her wistful memories of Wendy continued to persist and she coudln't understand why.

Is this love?

--