“Byulyi unnie! Byulyi unnie!” 

She slowly open her eyes, annoyed that her nap has been distrubed, and turns to look at her friend, Ahn Hyejin, “What is it Hyejin-ah?”

“She’s looking at you again!” Hyejin whispers, subtly tilting her head to the side where a group of people sat, eating their lunch. Byulyi briefly glance over to see a girl duck her head and look way.

Kim Yongsun.  Senior. 

Byulyi would have to be deaf not to know her.  Kim Yongsun.  She’s all everyone talks about.  Class valedictorian.  President of the Senior Class. Leader for way too many clubs to name. And of course, star player of the school soccer team. 

She’s everyone's dream girl.  Boys and girls go crazy over her.  Except she only has eyes for one person.  Moon Byul Yi. And everyone knows that.  

They hated Byulyi for it.  For being the one person who has her attention, but also the one person who doesn’t care for it.

She used to get bullied for it.  Kids and jealousy don't go well together.  It comes out in anger. 

Not anymore though.  Yongsun stopped it.  But it’s too late.

--------------

“We can’t do this any more Byul,” 

The younger girl stood crying in front of her, unsure of what went wrong.

“Yong..”

“Don't Byul,” Yongsun shook her head “I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore”

“Weh?! Did I - Did I do something?” Byul whispers, heartbroken.  Her back against the wall with Yongsun in front of her.  Physically and emotionally trapped. 

“This is wrong Byul, we can’t - “

“Love isn’t wrong Yongsun!”

The older one shook her head, angry and frustrated, “I know!  But hiding, pretending, lying! It’s all wrong!  I’m tired of it Byul,”

“We don't have to hide unnie,”

“You know we can’t do that!” 

“Then what?  What is it you want, Yongsun? You’re tired of hiding so you're breaking up with me, but you don't want to stop hiding?”

Yongsun stepped back, trying to stop her own tears, “I’m sorry Byul-yi, but we’re over”

And just like that, Yongsun turned her back to her and walked out.  

--------------

Regret.  That’s all Yongsun knows.  From the moment she walked away.

She did what she thought was right for them.  This isn’t Seoul.  This is a small town, full of small minded people. She never wanted to break up, but at that time, as a new student at this school, not yet a senior, not yet the Kim Yongsun, she witnessed a couple getting beat up, for their love. She got scared.  Scared of it happening to them, but more scared of Byul getting hurt.

So she did what she thought was right.  To protect them.

She had a plan. She’ll get so popular at this school, she’ll change it all. She worked her off, barely sleeping, to get to where she is at school.

Byul came to this school a year after her. At that time, she was still working her way to the top but already popular enough to warrant underclassmen liking her.  Yongsun thought she was subtle in her looks, but she wasn’t.  And everything she sacrificed for fell apart.

--------------

“Hey Moon Fart,” Byul heard someone calling from the back as she walked home, tired from another stressful day at school.  She sigh, thinking that since she’s out of school, they’ll leave her alone.

“Hey!” A hand grabbed onto her shoulder and pushed her into the wall, “I’m talking to you! Are you deaf?”

Byul simply looked down, not wanting to answer and give them more ammunition.

“Tsk, you mute too?” 

A hand grabbed her face and roughly forced her to look up.

“I don't know what Yongsun Sunbaenim see in you, you're nothing but trash,” 

Another hand, in her hair this time, pulling her up.  She scrunch up her face in pain as they laugh. 

Then she felt herself falling, and the rough grovel of the floor digging into her skin.

She didn’t get up until she heard them leaving.

Painfully picking herself up from the floor, she looks up to see Yongsun looking at her from afar.  She stayed like that, half lying on the floor, looking at the girl who she still loves, praying she’ll come.  But she only got a small shake of the head.  Once more, she watched as Yongsun turned her back and walked away.

--------------

It’s easy, Yongsun knows.  If she walks up to her and asks her out, Byul will say yes.  She’s not cocky, but she knows Byul, knows the depth of her love.  That’s why she walked away.  She rage at those bullies the next day, so much they never even looked at her again.  She propelled herself to popularity as she screamed at them in anger.  

Yongsun wanted to help so much, wanted their hands off the girl she loves. But if she interferes, she knows she’ll break.  She knows she’ll go back to Byul with just a touch.  So she walked away.  But not right away.  This is her punishment. She wanted to protect Byul, but in the end, Byul got hurt because of her.  And she stood by and watched.  Sear it into her mind to reply over and over, every day, a reminder of her failure.

After she got popular and banned bullying, lest they want to face her wrath, she saw Byul strive, her natural openness, tomboyish charm, and kind heartedness attracting girls to her like flies.  Kim Yongsun might be the popular one, but outside of school, she’s nothing. No, it’s Moon Byul Yi that, once in the adult world, they’ll drop everything for.  And ByulYi, her sweet, kind Byulyi, doesn't even know it. 

But she has always been able to understand Byulyi, in ways no one ever has.  So she knows that Byulyi must be the one to approach her, must be the one to seek reconciliation, because if she does the approaching, Byul will accept her again, and the younger girl will bite her tongue, living in fear of a past repeating itself.

So she stares at her from afar, and when no one is looking, she’ll replay Byul on the floor, begging for her help, Byul trap between her and the wall as she tore their relationship apart.  She’ll replay the heartbeat, the pain, the betrayal, the sadness, the tears, all of that, over and over again in her mind, until she can no longer breathe from her tears. It’s what she deserve after all.

--------------

“Maybe you should give it a try unnie, I mean, clearly, she really like you,”

This isn’t the first time Hyejin said that.  Heck, all of her friends tell her that. They don't know.  She debated telling them, but her heart won out.  Her damn heart caused this in the first place.  If they knew, they'd stop pestering her. But telling them means outing Yongsun, and even though it’s obvious, Yongsun never outside said it, never confirmed it, so it wasn’t her place to do so. And for all the hurt Yongsun brought her, Byul still wants to protect Yongsun. 

“I’m not going to date her,” (but god, how much she wants to)

“Maybe you’ll fall for her,”

“I will not,”  (she already fell)

“Ah unnie, you're such a heartbreaker!”  

“Sorry to disappoint Hyejin, I have to keep my image!” (yes, yes she is)

“You know she’s graduating next month! Maybe just for a month?”

“Hyejin-ah, no, that’s horrible!” (a month is not enough, a lifetime isn’t enough)

“Fine, you're boring unnie!” Hyejin whine, “i’m going to Wheeinie, she’ll be more fun!” 

Byul shook her head in amusement as her friend stomped away.

She glanced back at Yongsun, who’s now talking to one of her many friends.

Byul is older now, and with the benefit of hindsight and age, and of course, her knowledge of who Yongsun is, she have a good understanding of why things happened as they did.

Forgiveness.  Forgiveness is so easy.  But forgiveness and acceptance are two different things.  She knows Yongsun is punishing herself.  She knows that if she approaches Yongsun, they’ll be back together.  She can't do that, not when the words filled with pain and anger still clings tightly to her tongue, one wrong move and it’ll come out, destroying Yongsun in the process. 

--------------

“Yongsun-shi,” he said, but she didn’t bother answering him, because standing in front of her, in a sharp suit, is none other than Moon Byul Yi. 

Time has been kind to her. She’s older now, there’s some lines to her face.  Her face is thinner now too, gone is her baby fat. She’s much more assured of herself, confident and proud. But her smile is still the same, her eyes are still the same, her presence is still the same.  So much so that Yongsun’s reaction to her is still the same - the same yearning and want, the same love, the same desire.  

“This is Moon Byul Yi, she’s the new head of talent, you’ll be working alongside her to ensure good contracts.” 

She simply nod, not really hearing him, too busy trying to sear this older Byulyi into her head, trying to replace the broken one she left behind. 

“I trust you two can take it from here,” 

“”Byulyi..”

A small smile made its way up her face, Yongsun knows that’s one of her shy smile, “Hi unnie,” 

“Hi,”

“You look amazing unnie,”

“Ye-yeah, thanks, so do you,” her hand twitch, wanting to reach out. 

 Byul notice, of course she did, and she reached out and gently held her hand, “Do you want to go get dinner Kim Yong Sun?” 

They have so much to talk about, so much pain to work through, before they can even begin to heal.  

But, for the first time in many many years, Yongsun feels like she can finally breathe again.

“Yes, I would love to have dinner with you Moon Byul Yi.”