now playing: what do i call you - taeyeon 
"you used to be mine."

it’s not fair, why did she have to see her again?

and when she saw her again, why did she have to look so pretty? so happy, so carefree, and so much better off.

seeing her felt like seeing a stranger. just a very beautiful, kind-looking, and attractive stranger.

standing across the room, with long hair dyed a light shade of brown and straightened to perfection, a red cup in hand and laughing with her eyes; she looked so beautiful. she laughed the same, with the dimple on her chin and her eyes disappearing.

every time she laughed like that, joohyun would find herself staring. it wasn’t much different now.

“why are you staring at me?”

“nothing, i just think you’re cute.”

“i wasn’t trying to be.” she said, looking back at her phone to switch to a different filter and she giggled when her face was put onto a lemon.

joohyun smiled fondly at her, “i think you’re cute even when you’re not trying.”

she turned back to look at joohyun with a bashful gaze, blushing when she saw the way joohyun looked at her, full of affection and warmth. her phone was quickly abandoned on the couch and she kissed her sweetly, thanking her for her words with actions.

but that was just a memory now.

memories, memories, and memories. that was all she had left of her, of them.

“listen to this.”

“what is it?” joohyun asked, putting the earbud into her ear as the couch dipped with the newly added weight and she hit play on her phone.

listen to my favorite song

i want to listen with you

so I put it in thinking about you

the story of the two of us

“nice, right?”

joohyun looked at her, eyes widening slightly as realisation dawned. “did you write this?”

she beamed, eyes curving into crescents and her smile was so contagious that joohyun was already grinning. “this is just a demo for now, but they said they like my lyrics and might use it for the final song.”

“oh my god.” joohyun gushed, throwing her arms around her girlfriend and squeezing her excitedly as they shared laughter. “that’s amazing!” she said. “i’m so proud of you.”

“i couldn’t have done it without you.” she cupped her cheeks, gazing into her eyes lovingly. “my inspiration.”

play this song for me

can you hear my heart

the melody that resembles us

stay still, it rings in our ears…

as soon as the familiar tune played through the speakers in the apartment, joohyun couldn’t stop herself from looking across the room.

as she expected, they made eye contact and joohyun was the first to look away, mentally scolding herself.

she wished she wasn’t here. she wished she avoided her as much as she was avoiding her, but she should’ve known. she was too nice to ignore anyone - even if that anyone was an ex. she had always been the bigger person out of them, after all.

“hey stranger.” footsteps approached and joohyun looked up at her, panicking internally but she hoped she masked it well.

“hi.”

“wild party huh?”

joohyun took a quick glance around at the very calm and peaceful house party with only a handful of people chatting amongst their groups.

she managed a small smile, looking back at her and her gaze lingered on her ever so charming smile while the playful tone of her voice was on replay in her head.

“yeah. i’m smashed.” joohyun replied monotonously, holding her cup of water.

she laughed lightly with a hand to and joohyun looked at her, only able to think of how many memories that sound reminded her of.

“have you been well?” she asked, and if she was nervous about speaking to her, it definitely didn’t show. she was more confident than joohyun remembered; more self-assured, more bold. her sharp eyeliner accentuated her monolids beautifully, and her red lips were constantly calling out for joohyun to stare.

why was she here? she thought to herself.

why was it that even after they said goodbye, she was still here beside her like before? with the chatter of voices and the sound of music playing, the memories flooded back.

“are you drunk already?”

she shook her head with a smile, leaning against her for support and felt her lover’s arms circle her protectively.

“just happy.”

“happy?”

joohyun looked up at her, brushing her lips against her jaw due to their height difference. “i like how you take care of me even when you have so many friends around.”

“hyun, you know you’re always my first priority.”

joohyun just smiled, unsure if the heat in her cheeks were an effect of the alcohol or the sweet words. she cupped her jaw and leaned up to kiss her, feeling her arms hug her tighter. she felt so content.

“yes.” joohyun said, looking down at her water and wished it could turn into alcohol right now so she could be less aware of how awkward it felt between them. “and you?” she asked in a soft voice, because she didn’t know if she was meant to talk to her like this. was she meant to talk to her as if nothing happened?

“i’ve been good.” she replied. “just...you know, life. the usual.” she lifted a shoulder.

joohyun nodded despite not knowing. or at least, not anymore. she used to know her life; every detail, every minute of the day, she would know what was happening to the younger woman. even if it was something as mundane as the coffee she got on her way to work (which was always an iced vanilla latte), she would tell joohyun about it. if she saw a cat on the way to work, joohyun would know. if she saw someone wearing purple clothes, joohyun would know. it was (keyword: was) their way of staying present in each others’ lives even when they were physically apart.

“so yeah.” she breathed out, putting a hand in her back pocket and rocking back on her heels. it seemed like she was finally showing some discomfort and felt an air of awkwardness since joohyun wasn’t speaking.

they fell into an awkward silence, neither of them saying anything or moving, just looking around and trying not to make eye contact.

then joohyun accidentally let out a small laugh. it could barely be classified as a laugh as it was more like a sudden exhale through her nose, but it was still heard and made her raise her eyebrows.

“what’s so funny?” she asked, an amused smile forming on her face.

joohyun shook her head, still smiling and she looked at her. her, the person she used to love. the person who now felt like a stranger, so distant and so foreign. the person who used to be hers.

she had laughed because they were so awkward.

the awkwardness around them that never used to exist, back when they could do anything around each other comfortably; back when they were so close. who would’ve thought they would be acting like this today?

she laughed, not because she was happy. she laughed because life was so unpredictable and strange and cruel.

“hyun.”

“yeah?”

“i have a question.”

joohyun looked up from her book, giving her full attention to her girlfriend. “what is it?”

“what do bees make?”

“huh?” she furrowed her brows. she had been expecting any question, but not this.

“it’s not a trick question, just answer simply.” the younger prompted.

“honey?”

a mischievous smile spread across her face, “yes? you called?”

joohyun blinked, “what- oh.” she felt her cheeks heat up and she glared playfully at the girl who was clapping her hands joyfully and laughing.

“come here.” joohyun tossed her book aside, reaching across to pull her into some sort of chokehold and she playfully fought back so they wrestled for a while until it ended with her kissing her to placate her.

joohyun’s gaze turned from playful to soft as she looked at her while they were holding each other tightly on the couch with joohyun on top of her.

“did you want me to call you that?”

“what?”

“h-honey.” joohyun uttered shyly, cheeks turning pink again. “since i don’t have any nicknames for you…”

her eyes were full of stars and she caressed her warm cheeks, kissing her lightly. “you can call me anything you want.”

“can i call you mine?” joohyun asked with a cheeky lopsided smile.

“classic.” she rolled her eyes. “but of course. i am yours, aren’t i?”

“you’re my everything.” joohyun said. “my sun and my moon and the stars.” she smiled wider upon seeing the flustered expression on her girlfriend’s face. “my daisy.”

“why daisy?” she asked, confused.

joohyun took a second to answer. “just because you remind me of them.” she said. “they’re cute and lovely. like you.”

“are you sure it’s not because the first time we met was when i cried after i stepped on some daisies?”

joohyun laughed, “at least they’re in heaven now.”

“don’t make fun of me.” she huffed.

“i’m not.” joohyun reached up to brush the strands of hair back from her forehead, her touch soft and careful. “you’re my daisy because they remind me of the moment i fell in love.”

“why are you so cheesy today?”

“do you not like it?” joohyun looked worried.

“no,” she reached up to take the glasses off her face and joohyun had to blink a few times to refocus her vision on her. “i love it.” she smiled before pulling her down.

“i should probably go now.” she said, shuffling her feet.

“oh...yeah.” joohyun glanced at the clock across the room.

“since it’s late.”

“yeah.” joohyun agreed, trying not to cringe at the awkwardness.

“it was good to see you again, joohyun...unnie.” she said, rubbing the back of her neck and offering a small smile.

unnie.

she still called her unnie.

joohyun didn’t know how to feel about that.

calling someone ‘unnie’ meant you were close with them right? it was a respectful but endearing term to use. she was just being polite and considerate about their current civil relationship.

but unnie wasn’t the same as joohyun, hyun, or baby.

using unnie for her may as well have meant stranger and the reminder stung a little.

“yeah.” joohyun said, biting her lip as her mind raced.

what do i call you?

what do i call you at a moment like this?

she shifted her weight on her feet, forcing her gaze to meet hers. “it was nice to see you too…”

“i love you.”

“i love you too.” joohyun replied and she smiled back brightly, giving her one of those smiles that made joohyun’s heart feel like it could stop. she lifted herself up slightly so that she could kiss her way up her chest and joohyun’s breathing quickened as her hand found hers and intertwined their fingers, pressing her hand back against the mattress as her lips teased along her collarbone