“Don’t you have dinner plans with Seulgi-unnie?” Her cousin asked off-handedly. In the background, she could clearly hear the loud music blaring through the speakers.

Irene raised her eyebrows. She would have addressed the topic, if she wasn't sitting in the midst of relatives, all of whom were giving her eagle-eyed stares.

Hence, she schooled her features into a practiced smile. She had been covering for Yeri for years. This was nothing new.

Bowing to the seniors, she excused herself to move the call to a more secluded area.

“Kim Yerim,” she said through gritted teeth. “you do remember what today is, right?”

“Wednesday?” If she could reach through the phone and flick her forehead, she would.

“The date, Yeri…” She prompted, hoping her cousin would catch on quickly.

There was a long pause.

“Crap.” There was a slight note of panic in Yeri’s voice, which led Irene to believe that she finally realised why she was calling. “Please tell me you’ve already started eating.”

“You know the answer to that.” She replied in an even tone. There was a groan.

“I’m so sorry… Can you stall them?”

“What do you think I’m doing?” Irene hissed. “While you’re still at karaoke?”

“Alright, I get it. I’ll leave now.” Yeri grumbled. The call cut and Irene pursed her lips together.

With the amount of family dinners they’ve had over the years, Yeri should have put the date in the calendar at least, considering the date had been confirmed two weeks ago.

She glanced back towards the table, where her relatives sat, making small talk, which meant trading stories and updating one another about the younger generation. She was at the age where she was supposed to dutifully sit by her parents while they discussed future plans, even though she would rather be anywhere else. Hence, she counted small blessings and allowed herself the excuse of checking on her cousin to break away from the group. Socialising was draining, especially with relatives.

Comments and back-handed compliments were common during family gatherings. It was understandable that Yeri tended to avoid them as much as she could. Her younger siblings were spared the drama, but Yeri being in the same school as Irene meant that her cousin was constantly being compared to her.

As the eldest grandchild, she was supposed to look after the others in her family. It was expected of her.

“Joohyun is so mature for her age, I hope our Yerimmie learns to be more like her.” She had heard the older relatives mention that a few times. Irene disliked it the most when they would say things like that in front of Yeri. She could see the strain in her jaw as the younger girl clenched her fists in the attempt to appear unaffected. She wished she could shield her from things like this.

“Your daughter is such a beauty, yet she’s so humble and intelligent. You’re so lucky, I wish my child was like that.”

“I heard that Joohyun scored distinctions for her subjects again? If only my child was as responsible and studied as hard as her.”

If only you paid more attention to your children and asked what they wanted to do with their lives, she wanted to say. However, talking back to seniors was disrespectful, and doing so would only make things worse. Thus, regardless of her feelings, she had to bite her tongue and pretend she hadn’t heard anything. 

“Joohyun, come here and tell your aunt about your plans for college.”

She exhaled the remaining air in her lungs and inhaled, just to remind herself that she still could.

On days like this, it felt a lot harder to be Joohyun than Irene.

She heard her name being called again. This time, it was more insistent. It was her father so she couldn’t pretend that she hadn’t heard. Sighing, she turned back towards the dining area.

Along the way, she typed out a message to Yeri, informing her that the cut off timing was 8pm and she would be on her own if she was any later than that. Hopefully it would motivate her to at least try to take the shortest path home.

In the few seconds it took for the message to be sent, Irene had already returned to the table and plastered a closed lip smile on her face.

Such that by the time Kim Yerim appeared in the doorway at exactly 8.02pm, panting, the relatives had said their fill of comments. All that was left was to consume the food, which was one common interest everyone had.

If she used her remaining energy to glare at Yeri sternly across the table, the younger girl definitely deserved it.

~~

Irene was having a headache.

Just before she left the house, her father had called her to the living room to question why she hadn’t submitted her early college applications yet. She had narrowly dodged the conversation, but it was getting harder to avoid a confrontation since he brought it up during the family dinner the other night.

In school, she found some respite in her books. Even though she wasn't exactly reading for leisure, it was still better than getting prodded about her future.

She was used to studying alone, but today, she had company. It normally wouldn’t affect too much if it was someone she knew and was comfortable with, but the incessant typing was getting on her nerves.

Sooyoung’s nails clacked noisily against the phone keyboard, disrupting her concentration. It would be bearable if she wasn’t picking up her phone to text every two seconds.

The junior had barely written three sentences on her notebook from what Irene could tell. It was an improvement from the Sooyoung who considered taking a glance through her textbook fifteen minutes before an exam as studying. Yet, after getting used to studying on her own or with Seungwan, who usually kept to her own space unless she had something to discuss, it was difficult to concentrate.

After a while, she gave up. At the rate she was going, she would be lucky to finish two articles.

“Sooyoung-ah.”

The other girl hummed in response.

“Did you get a new boyfriend?”

That gave her pause. Sooyoung put her phone down and gave her a playful look.

“What made you think so?”

She flipped the page of her book and held the edge of the page between her fingertips. “You’ve been smiling at your phone since we sat down. It wasn’t too big of a leap.”

The other girl’s smirk grew. “I mean, what made you think I’m talking to a guy?”

Irene didn’t know how to respond for a moment. The next thing she heard was Sooyoung’s laughter.

“Unnie, it can’t have been that surprising.”

“It’s not-“ she started, “I just-“

“It’s okay, unnie, I’m just teasing you.” The younger girl smiled sweetly.

“Oh.” Irene felt an embarrassed flush in her cheeks.

“And before you ask, I’m not seeing anyone.” She paused, her gaze dipped to the side. “Not yet, at least.”

“So, you have someone in mind?”

“Meh.” She gave her a non-committal shrug. “Emotionally unavailable tends to be my type.”

She tried to look unaffected, but there was a clear sadness in her eyes.

At times like this, Irene was reminded of how different Sooyoung was from her and Yeri. In fact, her relationships with both girls were so different, it was hard to believe the three of them could spend time together at the same time.

“How do you know they’re unavailable?” She asked. “Are they in a relationship?”

Sooyoung shook her head. “But they don’t need to be in a relationship to be unavailable.”

Irene placed her hand on her arm.

“Sooyoung-ah, you have a warm heart and you love wholly and completely. If you really fall for someone, you deserve the chance to find out whether the person likes you. That way, you can move on without regretting.”

It didn’t sit right with her to see the usually confident girl so despondent. Sooyoung could be flirty and somewhat flamboyant, but it was an act to cover up her soft heart, which she only showed to people close to her.

She had called herself Joy because she wanted to bring joy to other people’s lives. There were many sides to her, but she was always the most vulnerable when it came to romance, which made her all the more protective.

Sooyoung sometimes played it off as a joke, and told her that she could handle things on her own. Yet, Irene was always the one she went to for advice anyway.

Sooyoung having crushes was normal. In fact, during middle school, Sooyoung went through multiple crushes at the same time. However, they were never taken that seriously. Sometimes she confessed and sometimes she didn’t, but when she got rejected, she would cry for a day and then move on. This time, however, there was something different about Sooyoung.

“Somehow I think feelings aren’t always enough to warrant possibly ruining a friendship with someone you care about...”

The younger girl paused for a moment before replying, which didn’t go unnoticed by Irene.

The hesitation was new, Irene thought.

Sooyoung usually threw caution to the wind and chased her crushes earnestly and confidently. For her to take the extra effort to consider the consequences meant that she had either matured in the last few months, or this person meant more to her than her previous crushes.

Both were things that Irene noted down in her mind as Sooyoung decided to change the topic and asked for her opinion on which dress looked better, and she allowed her.

~~

“Bae Irene-ssi, you’ve been staring at the same paragraph for twenty minutes.” Seungwan commented dryly.

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed. We’re using a shared document so I can tell that you’ve not typed anything new.”

Irene groaned audibly and placed her head on the table. “Give me a break, my head hurts.”

There was a gentle laughter that followed her complaint. Her arms blocked her from seeing Seungwan’s face first hand, but she could picture the amusement in her eyes.

Usually she would feel annoyed at being called out but she couldn’t find the energy to react. It was either that or she didn’t feel annoyed like she used to.

“If you have enough energy to tease me, then you can take over and I can take a break.” Her voice was muffled but she knew Seungwan would hear her perfectly.

There was that laughter again. Irene was beginning to feel the beginnings of her own smile forming at the edge of her lips. She was glad Seungwan couldn’t see her expression.

She heard a squeak on the floor as a chair shifted. The younger girl hummed and there was a sudden tingle on her side due to their proximity. She didn’t look up, but she angled her legs to the other side to make room.

“I think it looks good so far. What’s troubling you?”

Irene sighed into her arms. “Why is this discussion so complicated? Everything I type doesn’t sound accurate enough to be realistic. Estella definitely doesn’t love anyone, not even herself. She doesn’t know how to. Yet, it doesn’t make sense to say that Estella hates Pip either because that’s just how she was brought up to deal with other people.”

The other girl listened to her quietly for a while. “Irene-sunbae, what does love mean to you?”

Irene groaned again. She really didn't want to think about love when it was the main reason she was struggling with her essay.

“Love is a waste of time.”

She heard a “tsk” from the other girl and whipped around to face her. Seungwan didn't flinch or even look fazed. The headache was making her lose her touch, clearly.  “That’s a lie.”

“What did you say?”

“I don’t think that’s true.” Seungwan said simply. “You wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of trying to find a shred of love in Estella if you believe that love is a waste of time.”

“Pip put in so much energy to love someone who treats him with contempt. Doesn’t it put a dampener on romanticists?”

“Yes, but that’s exactly why love is radical.” Seungwan explained. “If you think about it, when you like someone, naturally you want them to like you back. The norm is for affections to be reciprocal. However, not all love is the same because it differs from person to person. Sometimes you just love someone even if they don’t love you back.”

The wistful way Seungwan said the last sentence made Irene wonder if she had personal experience with the subject matter. The thought of the younger girl in that position affected her more than she would have liked, so she focused on the character at hand. Seungwan was right. People couldn't control their feelings and who they had feelings for.

“Anyway, there’s always a dichotomy when it comes to characters. Where there is love, there is also hate. Why not talk about Estella as a personification of both love and hate then?” Irene lifted her head sli