She hadn’t approached the topic of Irene Bae since the day she held a trembling Seulgi in her arms. Seulgi had reassured her that it was entirely her fault and she had hurt Irene. Wendy didn’t know how accurate that statement was, since Seulgi once cried when she accidentally stepped on a snail. However, out of respect for her, she decided not to press the issue.

From what she gathered, the best scenario was that they had a fight. The worst case was something she didn’t want to consider.

Hence, when she received a message in the middle of the night, Wendy hesitated.

It was the first message she received from Irene, as Seulgi, in a while.

‘I’ve tried to forget about everything and move on, but your words kept replaying in my head. What you said before, you were right. I am pretending. I’ve pretended to be whatever people needed me to be. In a sense, I’ve probably been pretending longer than you have.’

Wendy was at a loss. It was definitely a bad idea to be reading this without Seulgi. She didn’t have a clue why Irene had suddenly slapped her friend. Irene Bae never lost her cool.

She glanced back at her phone when she felt a buzz.

‘It’s funny. You said love isn’t pretending, but I’ve always pretended for love. I love my family, so I pretended to be happy with their choices for me. I love dance, so I go along with the sets and choreography even when I feel like things could be better.’

‘I... pretended to not have feelings for you, so that it wouldn’t make things complicated.’ 

Wendy nearly dropped her phone.

She had to call Seulgi. Irene was confessing to having feelings for her even after the break up. This was huge.

It made sense now, she thought. They must have fought about the break up. That was the reason why Irene looked so upset and Seulgi said she had hurt her.

Before she could dial Seulgi’s number, she realised the chat was open and Irene was probably waiting for her answer.

Each heartbeat seemed to thud noisily in her chest.

The possibility of her next message being the key to Seulgi and Irene getting back together weighed heavily on her mind. Her fingers hovered uncertainly over the trackpad.

She had to word her sentences carefully. “Seulgi” couldn’t make any rash decisions with what was at stake. Wendy sat back on the bed and bit her lip nervously as Irene sent another message, officially making this one of the longest strings of messages she had ever received from her.

‘Sorry, it must be weird to hear all of this so suddenly. I’m not sure what to think anymore, since this would change everything.’

Wendy glanced over at her desk, where her worn out copy of Great Expectations lay.

She could pretend, for Seulgi, one last time.

‘No one can tell you that your feelings are invalid, not even yourself. Even if it’s a risk, sometimes a bold move can be worth changing everything for. You know, Joohyun-unnie, you shouldn’t settle for anything less out of fear.You deserve the chance to do something you want.’

She sent the message before she could second guess herself.

It felt like old times, to be lying on her bed, waiting for Irene’s reply.

However, this time, the familiar buzzing of her phone was accompanied by something completely unexpected.

‘You disappoint me, Son Seungwan.’

There was a moment of calm just before the panic set in, where Wendy read the sentence twice. The first time, she was confused, and then it hit her. Her eyes widened. It was like her heart had climbed up . Any moment of weakness and she might puke it out.

Irene knew.

Her first thought was that she was screwed.

However, another thought slipped into her consideration.

If Irene had known it was her the entire time, then her message wasn’t meant for Seulgi. It didn’t make sense, unless the message was meant for someone else.

Wendy only registered that she had actually dropped her phone when she heard a loud clatter on the floor.

~~

A rustle of leaves piqued her curiosity. She turned, expecting a familiar face, only to be disappointed by a squirrel who had scurried down from the nearby tree.

Wendy looked at her watch. It was seven minutes past the hour. Irene probably wasn’t going to show up. The senior was always on time for their meetings, even when she was annoyed with her.

This was different.

She was clearly asking for something that Irene was not ready to give. Wendy wasn’t sure what exactly she was asking for; forgiveness, time, or even a chance, but she was mentally prepared to get none.

She looked at the open chat in her hand, and the message which Irene had left on read.

‘I can explain everything. Please meet me at your favorite place after school tomorrow at 3pm. I’ll be waiting.’

She was so stupid.

Wendy had spent the entire morning jittering anxiously in her seat. Irene hadn’t so much as spared her a glance, not that anyone else had been given a different treatment thus far.

The whispers started as soon as she passed the hallway that morning. The senior was holding her books in a slightly tighter grip than usual. The click of her shoes was lighter and softer, as though she had lost some of her power and energy. Most of all, Irene had this look on her face which gave Wendy the urge to pull her aside and cover her with her jacket.

She almost did, when a male student walked up to Irene and hissed something in her ear. She couldn’t hear what he said, but Irene visually straightened and jerked away. Her fists had been clenched until she felt a cool hand cover them. It was Sooyoung’s gentle shake of her head that brought her back to reality. Her brown eyes were clouded with worry and Wendy squeezed her hands to reassure her wordlessly that she was alright. 

Once Sooyoung headed to her own class, Wendy felt her nervousness grow as she made her way towards her English class. She didn’t even notice when the teacher called upon her to answer, because her eyes kept straying to the brunette sitting in the corner.

Chaeyoung, both fortunately and unfortunately, had been dozing off in the seat behind her. So, on one hand, she couldn’t help Wendy with the answer. On the other, because she was sleeping, the teacher got distracted with reprimanding her and forgot about Wendy’s lack of response. Instead, she was bypassed on the teacher’s way back to the front of the class to continue the lesson.

Wendy turned back to the front, but she couldn’t help but notice that Irene’s book was now angled slightly towards her. Irene was still steadfastly facing away from her, but once Wendy sat up a little straighter, a circled answer was visible on the page.

A few seconds later, the book was abruptly pulled back to the centre of the desk as Irene took down more notes.

Something had bloomed within her chest that felt a lot like hope.

Hence, she decided to pull herself together and head to the quiet playground after class, despite her mind telling her to give up and go home.

The wind was colder now. Summer was fading, preparing, she supposed, for Autumn.

In a few months, the green leaves would be replaced by orange, red and yellow; the colours of the dusk sky. In a way, it fit with the waning of the seasons.

It was the end of one half of the year and the beginning of another.

She looked at her phone again.

It was approaching twenty minutes past the hour. She sighed. Once the sun set, it would probably be too cold for Irene to be comfortable anyway.

Ten minutes, she told herself. I’ll wait for ten more minutes and then I’ll go home.

She didn’t hear the footsteps behind her, but a familiar soft voice reached her ears and caused her to turn around.

Irene’s bag was hanging off her shoulder inelegantly and she looked slightly out of breath. Wendy wouldn’t have expected to see a somewhat dishevelled Irene once, much less twice.

“Sunbae...” The word came out in an airy whisper, more for herself than anyone else.

“I was stuck in a meeting with a teacher.” She offered as an explanation, even though Wendy was already grateful that Irene hadn’t blown her off after knowing what she did. While Wendy tried to figure out what to say, Irene trudged over and placed herself on the swing next to her.

For a few moments, Wendy focused on the sounds of the swing moving back and forth. It didn’t take much for her to sense that Irene wasn’t as light hearted or relaxed as she had been a few days ago. It pained her to see the distance that the other girl had forced between them again.

“So, how long have you known?” Catching sight of Irene’s raised eyebrows, Wendy felt her blush physically rise up her neck. “That- Seulgi and I- I mean, that I was helping Seulgi.”

Irene hummed.

“Ah... About that, Seulgi sort of indirectly confessed at the cafeteria, but you confirmed it on your own.” Wendy frowned. opened to ask her what she meant but Irene beat her to it. Her voice was soft when she spoke again. “Seulgi... She stopped calling me Joohyun the day we broke up.”

Wendy huffed out a breath of air at her own carelessness.

“It wasn’t-“ Irene shook her head in light frustration. “In a way, I guess I’ve always noticed the similarities... between you two. Maybe I just didn’t want to put it together.”

The sigh at the end of her sentence made Wendy feel an acute sense of regret. It was probably a tingle compared to what Irene was feeling.

“Anyway, you said you wanted to explain yourself.” Irene sat up straighter and glanced down at her phone screen. Wendy recognized her expression from the day they had their presentation. It was Irene’s way of being professional and getting to business. “You have twenty minutes before I go home, Wendy-ssi.”

Wendy grimaced at the way Irene addressed her. Even her own name sounded like an insult. Irene’s voice was colder than the wind that had made Wendy shiver earlier. “If you try to lie, I’ll leave and don’t even think about contacting me again.”

Wendy gulped.

“What do you want to know?”

“Aside from the acknowledgement that you and Seulgi betrayed my trust and played with my feelings, was any of it real?”

“All of it.” She relied automatically.

“I said no lies.” Irene shot back. Her grip on her bag tightened as though she was ready to leave.

“It’s the truth!” Wendy defended. “None of it was a lie. Seulgi was crazy for you. She had all these feelings bottled up and she just didn’t know how to talk to you, so that’s where I came in. You know Seulgi, she can’t lie. She was always real.”

The brunette stared at her warily, but she had relinquished her hold on her bag and she no longer looked like she was going to bolt any moment.

“But... what about you?”

Wendy paused, tilting her head to rest against one of the chains holding the swing up.

“I’ve always been Seungwan to you.”

She held Irene’s gaze, knowing that the other girl was searching for a sign of dishonesty.

After what seemed like an eternity, the senior nodded. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

“In return,” she added. “I’ll be honest with you about this. I... I’m not ready to forgive you for what you and Seulgi did. I don’t hate you, but you broke my trust and I can’t see and talk to you as if none of it happened. You know how important honesty is to me.”

Wendy felt her heart sink but willed herself not to react. It would only make things worse. She technically deserved it.

“I need time to heal and process all this before I can decide where we stand.” The older girl finished finally.

“Okay.” Wendy expected that. Maybe it was even for the better that things ended up like this. At least she would get some form of closure even if Irene never spoke to her again. “I respect your decision and I’ll give you some space.”

Irene nodded.

Wendy picked up her bag, intending to keep true to her words. After everything, she wasn’t sure how much of her words Irene would believe anymore.

However, it was all she had to offer Irene at the moment. If staying away was what the other girl needed, she would do it without hesitation.

“For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry. It was just supposed to be one letter. I never meant to hurt you.” She hoped that the older girl understood all the things she didn’t say. That she cared about her. That she would always be there, supporting and watching out for her.

“Take care of yourself, Seungwan.” This time, her name sounded like a goodbye. Wendy tried not to let it bother her.

She’d lost her right to feel that way the moment she picked up the pen to write that first letter.

The rustling of leaves accompanied her as Wendy stepped away from their shared space, leaving pieces of heart behind in her wake.

She wasn’t sure what hurt more, walking away from Bae Joohyun or the fact that she didn’t try to stop her.

~~

Over the