"We shared our pain, didn’t we? Even when we didn’t know what was wrong." --Memories 

Jongjin’s POV 

I paused for three exact seconds before I looked up and told Heechul hyung, “Please don’t force me, hyung.”

I know people may have thought it is bizarre to hide the fact that your friend is having cancer from anyone. Even from the ones he treasured the most. I know deep down how conflicted I am the whole time, how every time my brother is talking to me I cannot help but do not dare to look straight into his eyes. Guilt, shame, these are all the words I can use to depict my feeling. 

That day when Ryeowook hyung told me he had cancer, I cannot react to his announcement. I return back to my office with my soul completely off my body. I do not cry, I do not think of anything, but I feel like a part of me had fallen apart. Stage 3 cancer. How many times I had soothed my own patient, telling them the high survival rate but end up seeing them suffering from excruciating pain? Now my best friend will be experiencing the same thing. Here I am, standing here to witness his suffering and do nothing for him. 

I surely know what kind of person is Kim Ryeowook, the kind of person who insists they are fine when they are not, a person who pushes himself hard off the limit when he really wants to do something. And I know, from the look in his eyes, the thing he wanted to do the most, is merely to protect the ones around him.

"I can't bring more pain to them."

It is what he has sent me by text that afternoon. I guess I can do nothing to compensate him, but I can help him to fulfil the thing he truly wants to pursue. Because I know, how breaking it would be for everyone if any of them knows Ryeowook hyung gets cancer. 

Heechul hyung clutches my collar. That is when two of tears accidentally fall beneath my eyes without prior signal. That is the first time I tear up ever since the news. I crudely wipe away from them with my hands and take a deep breath. 

“I am sorry…hyung…I am so sorry” 

Heechul hyung, though he is not my real blood hyung, he treated me as a real dongsaeng. And I am deceiving him with this greatest secret ever. He comes to me and dries the tears that are threatening to fall. For that particular gesture, he reminds me of my mother.

My mother. Yes. She used to tell me everything would be fine if I stay true to my heart. 

I nervously said, “Hyung,”

He responded, “Yeah?” 

“Do you know what my mom used to tell me?” 

He shakes his head then he looks at me, every part of him reminds me of my mother, at that moment, I take down my guard proactively, I open to him, 

“She told me if I worked hard and became a doctor, I could earn a great fortune