The weeks passed without anything bizarre happened.

Seungyoun was back in shooting few scenes and then rehearsals and then the dubbing. And for the past few days, he makes sure that when he goes home, Jamie’s either sleeping already or she was gone to anywhere, so that they won’t have chance to talk because he’s already sleeping on his feet. And when the morning comes, he makes sure that Jamie was already out of the gate before he rises up and starts his life.

He also avoided everyone, like literally everyone in their friendship circles.

It’s not like he wanted to, but he NEEDED too.

He needed to think, to be ready and fix himself first before he met any of them or he’ll start talking nonsense and just having a break down in front of them.

Which is not funny at all.

He knows that sooner or later it will happen but at least, he wanted to prepare himself first before it will come, yeah? He needed to do that if he wanted to save at least the precious friendship that they have.

If Jamie decide to avoid and shut him off from her life completely, Seungyoun would did not know what to do with his life anymore. Jamie is the only constant things in his life, after both his parent death, she’s the only one in this world who truly cares and know anything about him.

He would never let Jamie go.

If he can’t have her as his wife or girlfriend, it’s okay. As long as she’s still there, as long as she’s with him, whether as a bestfriend or just an acquaintance, it’s okay.  

Seungyoun then started returning his things to his old house that good thing he doesn’t sell yet. In due time by 6^th month, he had packed everything and can go without a problem smoothly.

He just transferred all the boxes he prepared last night into his car and was having a break at the moment. Moving those things from their house is sure tiring him a lot, physically and emotionally.

He already cleared almost all of  his things, only a few clothes and shoes in his bedroom were left. Jamie was out earlier and he doesn’t know where she goes. Probably working with the new album or just hanging out with Jaebum, maybe catching up for their lost time together. His heart clenching at the thought.

But he knows it is a right choice for him to takes out all his things from the house without the other person catching or seeing him. Questions are the things, as much possible, he wanted to avoid at this very moment.

“You’re putting away your things,” startled, he almost drop the glass he was holding when Jamie barge into the kitchen, her arms squared against her chest, her eyes is red from tears, brows knitted.

She’s angry and mostly upset.

Being a friends for almost a decade, he knows that Jamie is the type of person who have a habbit of crying while being upset and angry.

“The other day it was your clothes and now even your script from the library and those books you collected were gone. Even Misu and Miso’s sleeping mats were all gone. What are you trying to do?”

Seungyoun opens his mouth to say something but his mind is blank, so he closes it again like a fish of the water.

“And what are those boxes in your car? You think I’ll never notice how you avoided me like a plague for the past couple of days?”

Silence.

That’s the only thing he can give to her right now.

It should be obvious for her then that he doesn’t want to talk about it.

“Answer me Cho Seungyoun!” Jamie slams her hand against the kitchen island and that startled him, a bit too hard that Seungyoun’s worried she’s hurt. “Don’t just stand there?!”

He want to console the now teared up girl, want to step forward to see if she’s hurt, to see if her hand was fine but he can’t bring himself to step forward because for once, he reminded himself that he doesn’t have the right to.

Who is he anyway?

What he and Jamie vowed that day was all temporary, a patched up that soon will comes to end.

“Don’t just stand there, answer me… please?” Through a desperate eyes. Jamie curled her hand into a fist like she wanted to punch something.

A sigh escapes from Seungyoun’s mouth then, it’s now or never,

“You’re getting back with Jaebum, aren’t you?” that had Jamie stops in her track, “I’m just preparing my old house to come home to in case both of you decided to stay here which I think is better if you ask me,”

“Wha— How—”

“Someone told me that they saw you the other day with him and last week I saw you two at the grocery store. You seem very happy together, that’s good you know… good that now you’re getting better… and reconciling,” he turned his back to her then, putting the glass into the sink and started washing it.

“How long is it anyway? Why you never told me. I thought we were bestfriend,”

“Seungyoun,”

“And I saw that you stop wearing the wedding ring too so I think it’s about the time? It’s over. Our six months will be over in few days anyway.”

Silence.

Only the small tap of water from the sink can be heard as Jamie gathers her thought.

“I’m sorry, but this is not-”

“It’s okay, I understand.”

“No, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him, about us. It’s just too complicated. I mean, I’m so sorry. But you should know that it’s not like what you think, the reason of why—” She steps forward, towards him but Seungyoun moved one step away from her.

Jamie can only sigh in defeat.

Watched every emotion Seungyoun can show, tried to decipher what the man truly feeling about behind his black hair that was covering half of his face. She used to be able to read him like an open book back then, but now she doesn’t know.

“It’s okay, really. I’m just thinking that you could’ve just told me, you know. I can understand. You love him of course you’ll choose to be with him. Of course you’ll be happy to give him every chance possible in this lifetime so you could be together again. But don’t you think that I… I deserve a bit more of the truth, of a respect because I’m still your husband or because at least I’m also your friend before all of this happens?”

“Look I’m really really sorry,” Jamie is now shaking with a tears flooding from her eyes.

Seungyoun nodded, “It’s okay. I’ve already forgive you anyway before uhm— It’s okay, really.” He nodded again like confirming to himself that it is really okay.

“Please let me explain,” Jamie pleads as she whined and steps forward again but Seungyoun stops her.

“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain, really. You don’t have to, because we both know that sooner or later it will come to this, that whatever is this called marriage will end. It’s my fault anyway to get it through me even if it shouldn’t— I shouldn’t.” He chuckles sadly, pained, as he can’t found a words anymore and biting his lips trying to hold back his tears, and Jamie can hear her own heart breaking at the sight of Cho Seungyoun hurting.

“Seungyoun-ah,” She tried to touch him,

“Please… don’t” a broken huff escapes from his throat with a shaken voice as he motioned Jamie to stop walking closer to him, “Uhmm, I’ll transfer all my things now all at once so Jaebum can move as soon as possible.”

That’s all and he left.

Without hearing any explanations from her, without even looking into her eyes at all. Jamie was left alone still standing at the center of the kitchen. Eyes flooded with tears and heart filled with guilt.

She doesn’t even know what should she do right now, what to think.

All she can think was, she messed up again, big time.

She has hurted him.

***

Jamie doesn’t have the chance to fix whatever mess she had with Seungyoun since the next day, she’s flying out of the country for a month long tour in the United States and she are set to stay in there until two to three months more for the other commitments she needed to attend to.

Before she can even settle down after her concert, they are already flying out of the U.S and into Canada to do another show, another concert.

She tried reaching out to Seungyoun, texting him, calling him, but she got nothing… then she knows that Seungyoun is ignoring her purposely.

She then ask his manager, his friends, but there’s nothing that she got rather than Seungyoun packed up schedule, she is worried so much.

Their friends says that Seungyoun is doesn’t even meet them anymore, not even Nathan.

His manager told her that he barely even living, he ask Jamie to stop Seungyoun from overworking himself as he ask the manager for more and more schedule as if all that he wants to is working, as if he wants to run away from his own life.  He never saw Seungyoun looks this messed up after his parents died.

Working, sleep, eat, and back to work again. He lost a lot of weight. His manager plead Jamie to comeback to Korea soon as he think that the reason of why his artist living like this is because of Jamie’s non-existence presence.

God, she felt so guilty.

“Are you okay?” after one of her interview, Jamie manager asked.

Jamie just nodded to that and slumps into the couch, close her eyes and just wanted to catch some sleep before she is out again to do another interview or show or something.

“You’re not,” as he take the next chair from Jamie’s, “You can talk to me, you know.”

“If it is obvious then stop asking.”

“Jimin-ah,”

“I’m fine… but then again if I’m not, do I have a choice not to?” still her eyes were closed, “Oppa… I need sleep, please. Can you leave me alone for a moment?” Her manager just pats her shoulder knowingly and told all the staff and stylist to get out of the room to give the artist her space.

“How did you celebrate your wedding anniversary anyway? You’re too far from each other.” The interviewer asks.

Jamie wanted to avoid the question but it was already out so she just smiles and said, “Ah, it’s our secret. It’s kinda private.” But the truth is, Jamie just wanted to walk out of the room and take a flight home.

She’s feeling sick all of a sudden.

Sick of the question, sick of the emptiness, sick of herself, sick of everything.

Her manager just tap her back in support and she just talks some nonsense then just to end the topic because she felt so uncomfortable talking about that as of the moment and sooner or later the whole world will know how she f’ed up her marriage and her husband left her for good.

That was on repeat on her mind since it ended an hour or so. And she wanted to go home now, curled into her bed and sleeps all day without the care in the world. But she’s not ready to come back, yet. It’s been one year.

One year since the day Seungyoun saved her from the chaos her supposed marriage to the love of her life created.

One year since she vowed not to hurt him,

To care for him in sickness and in health, richer and poorer, through thick and thin and till death does part them but,

Where is she now?

Somewhere out of reach as Seungyoun never reached out either.

She’s grateful at that though, because she is afraid, afraid that once they met, she would be rejected, afraid that it was over. After all, it’s just six months, a contract that both of them knows should ended.

After her work engagement for the day, they all headed to their hotel rooms exhausted and already sleeping in her feet. Bid goodbyes to the staff while her eyes were already closed and already leaning against her hotel room door.

“I miss you Seungyoun-ah” she said after she plopped on the bed, she blankly stared at the ceilings, her eyes filled with tears and heart pained with a sense of guilt, regret, longing…

And love.