Dahyun spent the next morning packing her things. She had a feeling this trip would be longer than she would expect. Sana helped her pack, even offering to come with her, but Dahyun insisted that this was something she had to do on her own. That and she didn’t want Sana to see her in such a bad state.  

Dahyun wrapped her scarf around her neck, buttoned up her jacket, and walked out the door surrounded in makeshift confidence. She took one last look at her apartment, seeing everyone standing outside the door, waving her a goodbye. With one last wave, she got into her car, starting the ignition, taking a deep breath. In and out. Then she pushed down the pedal, and she was off. There was no going back.  

Opening the folds of her past was not something she thought about doing often. Not something she had ever wanted to do. She was perfectly content in hiding behind a persona that had never belonged to her. At least she thought she was. 

 But here she was. Her chest tightened, anxiety taking control of her mind. Behind her mask, she was terrified. After so long of not having to focus on herself and her own emotions, the weight of the world hit her just as hard as it had all those years ago. A demon who was waiting for her moment of weakness. 

She had to take multiple breaks in various parking lots, just to catch her breath and will her heart to stop racing and distract her mind with some reading. While she was driving, she had music blasting so loud, it forced its way into her head, and forced back the thoughts. Even if she was in distress, she was a safe driver.  

Even with the music, though, some thoughts were bound to slip by. She hadn’t seen Taeyoung in years. She wondered how he was like and how he aged. She still cared about the guy, a lot, but it was just too painful. Every time she looked at him, she couldn’t stop herself from remembering the things she so desperately wanted to forget. 

She thought back to the initial shock of the night. Her dad hadn’t seemed too awful at first. It was something gradual. He used to be nice, would buy her gifts and take them to the fair every year, had a radiant smile that could infect everyone around him, even his sad wife. But then, those trips were one in a million. The gifts were cheap and plastic, no heart seen anywhere. His smiles seemed more wild. Crazy. And his wife, their mom, sadder. Dahyun noticed she flinched whenever he would raise his arms to give her a hug in front of her and Taeyoung. At the time it didn’t seem like much. It was weird, sure, but to a little child’s eyes, who had grown accustomed to seeing such things, weird didn’t come in the form of abuse. Weird came in the form of aliens and goblins and elves and magic. Dahyun didn’t think much of it. How could she have known? How could she have known? If only she’d known. 

--- * --- 

After a painful hour of driving, she finally pulled up to Taeyoung’s house. It was a small, modern cottage esque house, with a cobblestone driveway and a small garden in the front yard, the whole yard surrounded by a wooden fence. After she turned off the car, she took a few minutes to gather herself. Was she really ready? Well, not really, but she didn’t have much of an option at this point. She really didn’t want to drive another hour. So, reluctantly, she opened the door, carefully bringing one foot out onto the driveway. Hearing the rocks crack under her boot gave her a strange sense of déjà vu, but it was comforting. It reminded her of when her and Taeyoung used to play in the yard at their old house. A glimpse into the past, when times were easier, clearer, and innocent. Then again, it always is in a kid’s mind. 

She took her time walking up to the front door. The house was mostly made of dark wood and stone, but the door stuck out. It was painted a light shade of yellow. It gave a sense of personality and joy to the house. It was nice.  

She tried ringing the door bell, and after a minute of no response, she started clicking it over and over again, giving herself a satisfied grin when she could hear the sound ringing from inside the house.  

“Hey hey hey! Stop that, it’s annoying!” She could hear someone yell from inside the house. She stopped for a few seconds but decided to ring it one last time before she heard heavy footsteps make their way closer to the door. The knob turned, the door swung open, and a pair of arms flung their way around her. She was enveloped in a foreign scent, something like pinewood and oranges. A weird combo, but it somehow worked. 

She couldn’t get her brain to function enough to wrap her arms around him in time before he suddenly pulled away, and then she took a good look at him. He had changed since she last saw him. Puberty hit him harder than a rock, since he was a bit of a late bloomer, and he had grown himself a respectable amount of stubble. His hair was parted in the middle, about medium length, and he was wearing a t-shirt and cargo shorts. His face still looked way too familiar though. He still looked like the Taeyoung she remembered and loved, just... older. 

“Dahyun, oh my god, it’s been years! Come in, come in, my boyfriend’s out right now but he’ll be back later on,” he said excitedly, showing off a sharp smile. Dahyun couldn’t fight back her own smile and walked in behind him while he led her to his living room.  

Inside the house itself was a whole different story. He had soft colors all around the place, mainly accents sticking out from the woodsy vibe of everything else. A nice fireplace under the tv, and a burgundy couch to tie the whole place together. On the walls he had plenty of pictures with him and his friends and boyfriend all around the place, as well as some cool artwork. It really looked like something straight out of a movie, the man really outdid himself with this. 

“I see you like the vibes- I tried my hardest. Most of the credit goes to Woobin though. As you can see, he has some damn good taste,” Tae said, mostly referencing himself. Dahyun played out a grimace, and Taeyoung deflated a bit. He shook it off in a second, plopping himself down on the couch, motioning for Dahyun to sit across from him.  

She did, and she immediately sunk down into the couch. One thing Dahyun was bitter about, was always being the shortest of the two. By a lot.  

Taeyoung laughed at her lightheartedly, and Dahyun frowned, pushing herself up, glaring at Taeyoung. He put his hands up in the air in surrender, feigning innocence. Then his smile slowly crept down, as he reached over to the coffee table in front of him, pulling off a manila envelope. A pretty big one at that. 

Taeyoung looked up and noticed how his sister’s face all the sudden darkened. He could still see the fear in her eyes. I mean, how could he not? They both went through the same childhood, seen the same stuff despite them interpreting things much differently at first. He knew her pain, and he knew this was a big step for the both of them. It was necessary, but it could wait until later. Anyway, it is the first time they’ve seen each other in years, they should enjoy it, right? 

“Hey, hey, don’t get all sad on me yet. We can get to the nitty gritty later, okay? Let’s just catch up for now, maybe we can start this tonight or tomorrow, whatever you want,” Taeyoung said softly. Dahyun looked into his eyes and nodded. He really was a good guy, she felt awful for avoiding him all this time. She just wasn’t ready to accept things as reality. But now, she was done hiding. And they did have a lot to catch up on. 

---*---  

“You have a girlfriend now??” Taeyoung said, suppressing his shock by putting a hand in front of his mouth. Then his expression shifted to a mocking one. “Man, I’ve always gotten gay vibes from you.” 

It was Dahyun’s turn to be surprised now. “Huh? What do you mean?? How did I give off gay vibes when I was literally a stupid, dense child?” 

Taeyoung laughed, “Duh, you always wanted to pair up Barbie with girls. When I did suggest the hetero alternative, you would shake your head and pout. That’s a little suspicious, isn’t it? And now it all makes sense,” His eyes widened as if the world’s secrets had just been revealed to him. 

Dahyun shook her head, letting off a light laugh, “To be fair, you would always steal Ken away from me when I tried to play with him. You were so protective over a doll, I didn’t get it,”  

Taeyoung flushed, trying to defend himself, “Look, Ken had bigger priorities than ‘girls’, he had work and stuff...”  

Dahyun stared at him in disbelief.  

“Man, we’re gay,” They both said, laughing it off. 

“It’s really not very surprising. I guess I’m glad I never had to ‘come out’ to my parents,” Taeyoung said. The air became a little thick, but both did share the sentiment. Dahyun sighed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring them up, it just happened,” Taeyoung said, “Look, Dahyunnie, I know things turned out messed up, hell, we turned out pretty messed up too, didn’t we?” 

“Speak for yourself, Mr. ‘I own a cute cottage house with a cute dog and a boyfriend,’” Dahyun said, not in a mocking way. She truly was happy for him, but sometimes she wished she turned out like that. It was envious, but she wasn’t angry. She was happy she met Sana and met her friends. She knew she wouldn’t give them up for the world.  

“I’m sorry, I really am. I wish we could have kept in contact- I really do. I wish I could have helped you through all of your tough times, like a brother should,” He said, eyes glued to the floor.  

Dahyun looked at him guiltily. She really felt awful about avoiding him. “You shouldn’t be sorry, you really shouldn’t be, Tae,” This made him look up at her, hearing the change in tone of her voice. “I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’m the one that became distant. I’m the one who was too selfish for her own good. I pushed everyone away. I pushed you away. That was wrong, I knew you needed someone just as much, maybe even more, as I did. But I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready for a long, long time. I wish I was stronger, like you, but I’m just so weak,” Dahyun let out, sniffing. Even more tears were threatening to fall, but she blinked them away. The last thing she would want to do is make Taeyoung feel even worse. She’d done enough harm already. 

Dahyun heard some ruffling, her eyes still stuck to the floor, and all the sudden she was wrapped up in another warm embrace. This time, she had plenty of time to hang her arms around his chest, a warmth she had been missing out on for years. The warmth of family, of a brother.  

A brother she had missed dearly. A brother she now would never let slip away again.