Well, except, that was wrong. Sana was aware of her feelings, however our little oblivious, confused Dubu was a little out of the know.  

“Thanks for the ride, unnie, I know I'd be dead if I walked home in this weather,” though the temperatures were slowly rising, and new flowers were beginning to bloom in the changes of the weather, it was still nearly frigid outside. Yeah, Dahyun had her fair share of running out into the cold blizzards and icy streets, nearly breaking an arm or two from slipping around, a lot recently, but those were all in-the-moment type of events. Now that her head was clear, she was sadly very aware of her body temperature. Just being out with Sana was a bit much, but she was distracted anyway, so it wasn’t as bad. 

There was a light layer of snow that coated the ground and Dahyun’s boots as she walked away from Sana’s car. When she looked back, by her door, she saw Sana still staring at her, and when Dahyun waved at her, smiling, Sana held her smile and waved back a small, shy wave, before rolling up her window. She drove away when Dahyun finally entered the door. 

Dahyun shut the door, leaning her back on it and heaving a heavy sigh. She stayed there for a few seconds before walking further into the house, shaking off her boots by the welcome mat before kicking them off, trudging her way to her room, dead tired. She had a long day and all she could think about was bed. 

Momo was eating in the kitchen, while Tzuyu was watching tv in the living room. They watched as Dahyun entered, finding the situation weird since this is the first time they’d see Dahyun like this. Normally, when she came home, she’d kick her shoes off without a care and immediately go to her room and lock herself in there. Well, she’d either do that, or get a snack or some water first. Tzuyu was confused while Momo was entertained. 

Before they could watch Dahyun’s figure disappear behind her shared bedroom door, Momo decided she wanted to tease the younger girl first, for her daily entertainment. She’d never get tired of getting a kick and a reaction out of the poor tofu. 

“Hey Dahyun-ah! Where were you? You look like you just ran a mile, care to share?” Momo yelled across the room, smirking at me. I shot her a confused look, before running a hand through my wet hair, damp from the snow, and answering her. 

“Are you okay? Did you hit your head again? Aren’t you supposed to sound dumb?” Dahyun joked, tempting a light chuckle, but when she noticed Momo’s straight face, she shut . Momo kept staring, a sharp eyebrow raised behind her bangs. “What’s going on Momo? Did something... did something happen?” Dahyun asks, concerned. She wasn’t used to her friend looking this serious. Normally, out of all of them, Momo was more of the jokester. At least the one who seemed to be in a lighter mood out of all of them, since Dahyun and Chaeyoung were the deemed ‘unfunny jokesters’ of the group. 

Momo’s straight face shifted into a more calm, relaxed smile. “Nothings wrong Dahyun. But for real, where were you? We were worried, it’s not like you to come home so late looking red like you ran a mile, and having a really creepy smile on your face. It’s freaking me and Chuchu out.” Momo motioned to Tzuyu, who was still staring at the tv. Her attention shifted to Dahyun and Momo upon hearing her name, when despite seeming into her show, was much more attracted to the reason of Dahyun’s weird face. Tzuyu nodded, before pausing her show and standing up from the couch, lazily dragging her feet to the two who sat at the kitchen table. 

Dahyun got where they were coming from and chose the safe answer. She doesn’t know why, but she sees impending doom awaiting her based on her answer. “I was just out with a friend for the day, and we ended up getting distracted for a while at her house so time kind of just, uh...” She trailed off, eyes darting to the floor, nervous at her friends’ suspicious, knowing looks. “Lost track... of... time?” She squeaked out, eyes hesitantly leaving the brash floor and locking with Momo’s, who’s eyes were burning holes into her head.  

Momo stared at her, same with Tzuyu, as they were trying to figure something out. Like figuring out if she was lying, which in fact, she technically wasn’t. But she wasn’t telling the whole truth either, and that’s what they figured out. 

“You like her,” Momo suddenly stated matter-of-factly to a confused Dubu. Dahyun raised her eyebrows, brain slowly filling in the missing voids. Momo nodded at what she said, then Tzuyu. 

“Wait wait wait, you two don’t even know who I was out with,” Dahyun said, it being the first thing that popped into her mind. After she said it, though, she kind of instantly regretted it. 

Tzuyu and Momo bit back a laugh, ears turning red from how funny they thought Dahyun was. They both slowly brought their smiles back into looks of disappointment, though, when they found Dahyun looking serious, not joking. “You’re kidding, right Dahyun? We know who you were out with,” Momo trailed off; Tzuyu finished her sentence. 

“Yeah, it was kind of obvious that you were with Sana,” she shook her head. “You always look really stupid when you get back from being out with her, it’s kinda funny but a little creepy,” 

Dahyun looked bewildered, which to be honest, was a pretty funny sight for Tzuyu and Momo. “What do you mean I like Sana? I don’t... Do I? What? What’s going on again?” Dahyun said dumbly, her mind a mess flashing back to the times she’s spent with the pink haired girl, the one she realized hasn’t left her mind in a long, long time. Ever since they first met, that night when they were staring at the stars, she discovered. She found out that she had a fondness and softness for the girl, something she couldn’t pinpoint exactly, but it was just weird how the girl could make Dahyun feel mushy inside, and feel really stupid at other times. 

Moments flashed into her mind. Sana, does she really like Sana? I mean, yeah, Dahyun couldn’t deny her beauty. The bright, shining hazel-brown eyes that glistened golden in the evening sunlight. The bright, bubblegum pink hair that shone and swayed as she walked, and as she talked and danced, and even when she bounced happily when she’d run into the pale girl. The thing is, Sana has been through a lot recently, but then again, this caused Dahyun to fret about her all the time. How is Sana today? I wonder if she’s eating well. She better be getting enough sleep, this and that and this and that, never ending, that she could barely remember to take care of herself. She’d always stare at her phone sometimes for a long while, hesitating and debating if she should check in on her. But the butterflies in her stomach were always discouraging.  

Sana was just, well, Sana. There’s no better way to say it. It seems that ever since Dahyun had run into the girl, the problems in her life just seemed to dissipate. No, they didn’t disappear, because she knew that would never happen. Her problems wouldn’t pass, and what has happened will be forever said and done, but with Sana, at least they didn’t keep her up at night as much. At least the nightmares wouldn’t come for a vengeance anytime she’d shut her eyes. At least when she was holding Sana’s hand, or when she was hearing Sana’s soft voice in late-night calls, the nightmares would get scared and run back deep into her brain. Maybe they feared Sana, because she was something so, so good, that the nightmares didn’t know what to do with themselves.  

Dahyun didn’t know what was going on. 

She was so used to not knowing how to love; not knowing how to receive love, that this was all knew to her. 

She didn’t know what to do. 

She didn’t know what to say. 

She was drowning in her own thoughts, and they wouldn’t cease to hold her under. 

But she liked thinking of Sana, and she’d rather drown than swim if it were up to her. 

So, Dahyun sat there, dumbfounded with a far, far away look in her eyes, so far they seemed to be focused on another planet, another universe. Momo and Tzuyu looked at her concered. Momo had enough of the tense, but quiet atmosphere, and shook her hand in front of Dahyun’s face. When that didn’t work, and Dahyun’s dark brown eyes- even more dark and deep in the moment, seemingly void of everything, but at the same time, full of thousands of wordless thoughts, Momo shook her shoulders lightly. Dahyun startled, and looked around, eyes darting every-which-way before landing on Momo, eyebrows raised up hidden behind a curtain of black hair. 

Dahyun let the senses get to her slowly. The deep navy-blue wallpaper of their kitchen. The painfully cold wooden tiles underneath her bare feet. The smell of jokbal slowly losing its hot temperature. Her cheeks were stinging, a bright shade of red covering them, maybe from the cold, or from the embarrassing situation she found herself in. Momo and Tzuyu were still staring at her, piercing but concerned gazes tearing Dahyun apart piece by piece in hopes to find the answers they were searching for. 

“Is it true, Dahyun? Do you like her, honestly?” Tzuyu asked, a soft tone present in her voice, features relaxed but tense at the same time. Tzuyu was being unusually concerned and soft, and that made Dahyun snap out of her haze. 

Dahyun slowly nodded her head. 

--- * --- 

After that, Dahyun felt even more drained and tired, dragging her feet shamelessly to her room, not bothering to eat anything since she figured she didn’t have nearly enough energy. 

She slowly opened the door to her room, the door creaking softly, making Chaeyoung turn her head to the miserable tofu. Chaeyoung’s eyebrows furrowed in concern, and she shot up from her chair, rushing to Dahyun, pulling her into a tight hug. Dahyun let the tears flow from her bloodshot eyes, dragging her hair out of her face before wrapping her arms around Chaeyoung in a death grip, allowing the stress and thoughts about everything flow out of her. 

Chaeyoung rubbed her back comfortingly, and when she felt Dahyun’s heartbeat return to a normal pace, she let her go, holding Dahyun’s hand and leading her to her bed. Dahyun sat next to Chaeyoung, but her eyes refused to meet hers out of embarrassment. She couldn’t handle any more of that today. 

“Dubs, tell me what happened. Please?” Chaeyoung pleaded. She hasn’t seen Dahyun this messed up in a while, ever since the last time Chaeyoung had been in the hospital. Dahyun’s eyes tried to attach to Chaeyeong's, but they ultimately dropped back down to her hands which were fiddling with the end of her sweatshirt. 

“I’m so confused, Chae, I don’t know what to think, or-or what to do-” Dahyun rambled exasperated, feeling a sigh fill her lungs, letting her continue, “What’s going on with me, Chae? I like her, I do, but what if... What if I don’t? I don’t know, I’ve never b-been in love or I... I’ve never even liked someone, Chae! What do I do, how do I act around her now? Things are going to be differ-” 

“Dubs, Dubs, Chill out! One at a time, please? Is this- is this about Sana?” Chaeyoung asked, bewildered. She’d never seen Dahyun this confused and conflicted before, and it was freaking her out. Normally Dahyun was more chill and supportive when it came to things like this, though normally she was a crackhead. But this- her freaking out, wasn’t normal at all. It scared Chaeyoung, seeing her childhood bestfriend like this. 

Dahyun slowly nodded, distressed eyes finally forcing themselves to lock onto Chaeyeong's concerned ones. Chaeyoung sighed and nodded, seeing the issue. Dahyun hadn’t been in love before, and the only love she’d ever felt before was forcefully stripped away from her by her father. The only one she loved before disaster struck was her mom, and her brother, but she was scarred from what happened with them, so she opted to throw that part of her away. The part that would ever love someone, and the part that had ever been loved by someone. It was only natural, Chaeyoung thought, for Dahyun to be scared and feel helpless in this situation. Because if anything was true, Dahyun had no say in this, and she couldn’t help if she did fall in love with Sana. But the only thing was, Dahyun was scared that she’d have that love stripped away from her, too. 

Chaeyoung understood Dahyun, though, because she herself was conflicted and confused. 

“Ah, Dubs, come here,” Chaeyoung opened her arms. Dahyun closed her eyes, before letting herself be surrounded in the comfort her best friend offered. It felt safe, but it didn’t feel like Sana’s. It was different. But they were both good, she concluded. But Dahyun didn’t feel her heart skip beats and race around with Chaeyoung. She didn’t feel butterflies in her stomach, flying around as if they’d been stuck in a cage in her stomach for ages and only finally got released, thanks to the pink haired girl. Chaeyoung didn’t make her skin feel on fire, with simple, innocent touches. Chaeyoung didn’t make her face burn from easy, careless compliments that just seemed to roll off Sana’s tongue. Chaeyoung didn’t make Dahyun love, but Sana did.  

This realization struck a chord with Dahyun. 

“Chaeyoung, , I do. I love her, Chaeyoung, I do. What do I do?? How do I-” Chaeyoung interrupted Dahyun’s rambles, and put in her own two cents. 

“Admit to her,” 

Dahyun pulled away from Chaeyoungs embraced, eyes wide and mouth agape, and said, “Do what?! Are you insane? Why would I... That’s horrible advice, idiot! What if she doesn’t like me back?” Dahyun rushed out, fear striking her mono-lid eyes suddenly as she fell back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. Funny how she couldn’t stop her mind from wandering back to Sana, even in a moment like this, where they were staring at the ceiling, together. 

“Look Dubs, I know it sounds crazy, but what else can you do? Sometimes life just throws random at you, and you have to either accept that, or not. Same with crushes. If life throws a random special someone your way, you either accept it, and with that you get happiness and dumb, cheesy moments and stuff, or you could throw it away, and suffer in pain for a long period of time as you wished that pain could end. Look, even if you get rejected, that pains temporary. But if you don’t get rejected, that pain lasts. You’ll always know that you had a shot, but never took it, and you’ll always be pining after someone you can’t have and soak up in all of your self-pity and self doubt,” Chaeyoung paused, the words burning her tongue. She realized she wasn’t just saying this to Dahyun.  

Dahyun’s eyes went to Chaeyoung’s and Dahyun then realized that this went for both of them. “We’re really screwed, aren’t we dude?” Chaeyoung nodded, a faraway look in her eyes, but snapped out of it, a light-hearted smile replacing her once distraught one. 

“I’ll cut you a deal, Dubu. We both admit within this week, and I’ll get you whatever food your heart desires. And if we don’t... Whoever doesn’t go through with it buys the other dinner once a week for the next year,” Chaeyoung shivers at the thought, knowing how scary that punishment was, but it was for the greater good, she decides. 

“Dude, you’re really going big huh? You realize you’ll lose, right? And I’ll get alllll the food I could ever dream of,” Dahyun looked into the distance, eyes shining, mouthwatering at the thoughts of all the chocopies she could ever want. Chaeyoung grimaced. 

“No way, not happening. Cut whatever you’re thinking about permanently out of your brain, or else you’ll get your hopes up, idiot.” 

Dahyun grinned at Chaeyoung, before snatching a pillow from behind her head and hitting Chaeyoung, thus causing a war between them.  

But they were still both happily, though nervously, laughing and enjoying the peaceful night while it lasts.