Dahyun anxiously glanced at the clock, over and over again until her temple started to hurt. She had 10 minutes before she had to meet up with Sana, and the second the clock struck 6:50pm, she jumped off the couch, shouting a quick ‘good-bye’ to her dormmates, and made her way out of the dorm. She air was warmer than normal; it wasn’t the average blistering cold she and everyone else had gotten used to, but she wouldn’t be afraid to admit that she liked the changes. Though her allergies would probably start to peak pretty soon. 

Dahyun took in the scent of fresh grass, and wafted all the senses into her, calming her nerves and easing her troubles. Her feet unconsciously took the rhythm of the music she was listening to, padding beat after beat, stomp after stomp as she walked down the sidewalk. She closed her eyes, choosing to relish the moment while it lasted, because she knew she’d be a mess within 10 minutes.  

To be honest, she really wasn’t prepared for what was about to come. This was all so new to her, in fact she’d never even had a crush. Then again, she’d never gotten the chance to figure out what a crush was or what it meant to like someone, so to say she was confused about her feelings was definitely an understatement. What she knew, however, was that this was something that made her happy- or rather, Sana was someone who made her happy. That much she knew, at least. 

Her past definitely hadn’t helped in her knowledge of her own feelings, or others’ feelings, since she grew up not getting to experience many of those emotions. She knew love second-hand, since her friend, Chaeyoung, had been in love with Mina for a long, long time. It’s a miracle Chaeyoung finally got the guts to confess. She knew love in the form of longing. She knew love in the form of wanting. She knew love in the form of, well, loving. 

Even though she had seen love, this is the first time she thinks she’s ever felt it. 

That’s the thing, though, the keyword ‘thinks’. The only love she’d ever received were from her friends and her mother, though at the time she was too young to really appreciate the love her mother gave her. She wished she was older, so she could take the time and relish in that love, but little her would’ve never imagined that she’d be stripped of her mother. 

Dahyun shook her thoughts away when she opened her eyes, finally seeing the familiar ice cream shop in the distance, where she’d shared one of her fondest memories from Sana. She opened her phone, smiling at her home screen, looking back to the ice cream shop longingly. She jumped when she felt a pair of hands on her shoulder, and a flash in her face. 

When she turned around, she saw a grinning Sana, face lighting up with the sun’s golden rays, sun dress flowing in the light breeze, hugged loosely by a light fur coat. She had a phone in her hands, pointed directly at Dahyun’s face. Dahyun blushed upon this realization, putting her own phone in her pocket and snatching Sana’s phone. She looked over the photo, seeing her side profile, smiling at a recently forgotten ice cream shop.  

Sana whined, reaching up for Dahyun’s hands as she tried getting her phone back, but Dahyun held it up as high as her tip toes could bring her. But everyone knows Dahyun is short, so Sana easily overpowered her, bringing her arm down and grabbing her phone. She turned it off, and protectively put it in her back pocket, unreachable. 

Dahyun groaned, faking a glare, before breaking off into a smile, hand subconsciously reaching for Sana’s. “You’re lucky I’m short. If I were tall, you know you’d lose so easily,” Dahyun flexed her arms, making Sana giggle. The sound warmed Dahyun’s heart, but she chose not to ignore it. Instead, she let her ears take it in, and she memorized the sound, playing it in her head over and over again until they started walking together. 

They were silent for a while, walking around the park, but before the sun could begin going down below the horizon, releasing it’s beautiful hues, Sana suddenly led them off course of the sidewalk, cutting into the forest a little ways in, before stumbling upon a waterfall. Behind the waterfall was a vast, empty lot of grass, covered with flowers and overgrown brush, the sunset was still clear as day, as the light blue sky was beginning to mash with colors of purple, yellow and orange. 

Both girls sat down on a dry patch of grass, not minding the nearly dried dew that slightly soiled their clothes. They both took in a breath, staring at the horizon, before laying down on their backs, turning their focus on the clouds and the colors making their way from the distant horizon up the sky, in a perfect gradient. 

The sound of the waterfall pounding into a small lake and against the rocks faded into the distance. There were so many senses around them- the grass itching at their legs, scratching softly against their skin. The peaking sun’s heat bouncing on their faces. The smell of flowers and patter of water straying from the fall and onto the grass near them. And most importantly, the sense of each other. They may have basked in the sun, but they wouldn’t ever hesitate to choose to bask in each other’s presence any day. And they both were content and sure of that.  

--- * --- 

It was silent for a while, until the sun’s peak was just barely visible, and the once bright colors were fading into a dark blue, mixed with hues of gray and black, stars starting to become visible. Though the atmosphere appeared serene, for Sana and Dahyun it was tense, and there were hundreds, if not thousands, of unanswered questions hanging in the air. Sana decided it was finally time to address the elephant in the room. 

“Dahyun-ah, you like me, right?” Sana asked hesitantly, question hanging around for a few long seconds, staring at the stars as if they’d give her the answer she’d hoped for; the answer she’d longed for. Dahyun sighed. 

“You want me to be honest?” Dahyun asked, tilting her head to look at Sana briefly. She saw Sana nod her head, biting her lip, so Dahyun took that as her cue to continue, forcing her gaze away from her. “I’m 99.9% sure I like you,” Dahyun finished, tightening her hold on Sana’s hand.  

Sana gulped at her answer. Thoughts were swirling in her mind, countless doubts popping up, never ceasing. “And what about that .1%, Dahyun-ah?” Sana bit her lip harder, painfully, nearly making it bleed. The hand that wasn’t holding Dahyun’s was tightening into a fist, short nails digging into her palm. Dahyun couldn’t reach for her hand this time, to stop it from happening.  

Dahyun switched her gaze from Sana, and gazed at the stars. This would be a hard conversation, she knew that, but she also knew it was a necessary one. If she wanted her happy ending, she’d have to kill a few dragons to get to the princess. 

Dahyun began, taking in short puffs of air as she expressed her worries, her thoughts; her reasons. “I really didn’t expect to like someone. It was never a thought I had, if anything it was in the back of my mind, but it was never about me liking someone. It was about Chaeyoung loving Mina, or any of my other friends when they ended up getting a crush. Even though I never understood it truly, I at least knew what it was based on how my friends would describe it,” The word love made Sana’s heart skip a beat, but she ignored it, and continued listening intently to Dahyun’s words. “the only love I’d ever had was from my friends and my mom. At the time, though, back 13 years ago, I took that love forgranted, and ended up being broken afterwards. I’d never realized how much of my life was devoted to loving someone, until I had that love ripped out of my hands by my step father,” Dahyun took in a deep breath, closing her eyes. Sana tightened her grip around her protectively, unraveling her other hand, bringing it up to fully close Dahyun’s hand. Dahyun took this encouragement and pushed forward. “I... I don’t talk about this, at all, but I think it’s... I think it’s something you need to know, if we, you know, uh...” Dahyun trailed off a little, a hint of blush rising to her cheeks, quickly disappearing before Sana could even notice it, “if we start dating after today,” Sana smiled involuntarily, rubbing a thumb over Dahyun’s wrist. Dahyun continued, not done with her story yet. “But anyway, yeah, barely anyone actually really knows me. The only people who know about my past, and my name are, well, my dormmates. I only told them because I trust them. My mom was- she was-” Dahyun choked up a little, tears forcing them way into her vision, making the stars she had been staring at dazedly turning into blobs. They made her brain unfocus, and she found it hard to continue. The warmth Sana was giving her- the comfort she offered, though, made her regain her confidence and composure, though just barely, and allowed her to continue. “S-she was murdered, by my f-father. I... I’m sorry, I really didn’t want to cry, I just, I-” Before Dahyun could continue, Sana her side and threw an arm over her chest, nuzzling her face into her neck, before whispering into her ear, saying how okay it was for her to be feeling this; how easy it was for this to be hard on her.  

“It’s okay, Dahyun-ah, it’s okay. We have all the time in the world, don’t we? Take your time, I’ll be here, holding you, until you’re ready to continue,” Sana mumbled into her ear, the warmth hitting it, sending shivers down Dahyun’s whole being.  

Dahyun had a bitter sweet sense of deja vu at this, how once before their positions were switched, and Dahyun was the one reassuring a breaking Sana. The tables have turned, and Dahyun really understood then and there that they would, and have really kept their promise. The really have helped each other solve their problems, and they always will, through thick and thin, through thunderstorms and sunny days.

Dahyun sniffed, before letting out a quiet sob. Though she was a mess, and she was blabbering all over her words and stuttering left and right, she continued, because Sana had to know. If this was going to work out, Sana had to know what she was getting herself into.  

“I-I loved her, she was the only one I’ve ever really loved. T-that's why I’m so ing confused, because I... I think I love you, actually, I really, really think I love you, b-but I’ve never loved someone, romantically, like this. Sana, I’m just so- so c-confused, I don’t know what to do or how to act around you, because all this time, I’ve never felt this way! I guess t-that’s why I’m so sure I really love you, because I-I don’t know how to describe it, just like what Chaeng said,” Dahyun let out frustrated, huffing here and there, free hand clutching at her own shirt, until it was a crinkled mess. She let her tears flow down her cheeks, and Sana didn’t even mind that Dahyun’s tears were now melding with her own. Hearing Dahyun in this much distress- this much pain, and knowing some of the pain she had already gone through- not even all of it yet, she was already balling with Dahyun. Sana was sad she hadn’t been there for Dahyun before, and just wanted to go and wrap up Dahyun as a child, protecting her from the world and her evil father, but she couldn’t do that. She opted to just do that to the present Dahyun, instead, seeing her in this weak, miserable state. Dahyun looked even smaller, if possible, curled up in Sana’s arms, crying and sobbing and saying her doubts out to the open air, to the vast stars, and to the beyond worried girl holding her. 

They sat there, Sana with her closed eyes, holding Dahyun tightly until she had calmed down enough to continue, and so she did continue, deciding to push through it till the end. “And so, after my m-mom died, I ran away. My brother, he stayed, in that god-forsaken house, until he could afford to move out. I kept contact with him, still do today, but we never talk about it. The thing that still haunts me to this day, is that I... I saw the whole thing. I can’t forget it, it just won’t leave my mind, flashing images of the screams, of the pain, of the torment, of the crazed eyes of my father- they won’t leave my alone. That’s why I ran away, after I saw that, I ran to my neighbour’s house, and they called the police. I didn’t stay long after I saw him get dragged into the police car, him letting out screams of agony and defiance- crazy screams, that won’t stop echoing in my nightmares. I ran away, tears in my eyes, and I just kept running. Soon enough, I found myself running to my childhood friend’s house, where her mother took care of us both, so I guess I could call her a second mother. She couldn’t replace the original, though. Nobody could. After that day, I stayed with them for a long time, until Chaeng and I decided it was time to finally move out and not be so much of a burden on her parents. We both bought a dorm together, where we met our dormmates, who you already know,” Sana nodded in Dahyun’s neck, the vibrations of Dahyun’s voice calming her worries. “We decided to move in with them since it was cheaper, and we were both broke students fresh out of high school, you know the grind. Anyway, I decided to go into hiding after the incident, several years ago, and nobody knew me as ‘Kim Dahyun’ Anymore. A friend who I met not long after I got into middle school helped me erase my files from the school system, so instead of Kim Dahyun, I was known as Dubu. A mysterious girl, who never really talked, and never really smiled, but had the dumb nickname of a piece of food. Creative, I know,” Dahyun cracked a smile, and felt Sana smiling on her neck. “That’s why normally people would call me Dubu. About the nurse, she only knows because she’s close with Chaeyoung, in a way, since Chaeyoung often ends up in the hospital, and my name kinda slipped from . She still owes me for that, speaking of which...” Dahyun trailed. Sana, however, had a million questions forming in her brain, and she decided to finally strip herself from Dahyun’s neck, laying on her side, staring at the broken girl. Dahyun had a small smile on her face, stuck in her thoughts about her friends. 

Dahyun turned her attention to Sana once she felt her gaze on her. Dahuyn gave her a questionable stare, before Sana asked a question she had been wondering since she’d told her about it. “Why did you go into hiding, though?” 

“Ah, I just, didn’t want to be known as the girl who had her mom killed. I didn’t want the constant sympathy, and I didn’t want to constantly be reminded of it. It’s traumatizing, really, having it mentioned on a nearly daily basis, so I got sick and tired of it, and decided it’d be easier just disappearing into the shadows; the girl who had her mom killed and dad in prison, and has a brother who she hasn’t seen in nearly a decade. My brother and I just decided it’d be best to go our separate ways, until we get better mentally. I still keep my name, though, and that’s why I haven’t changed it. It’s the only thing I have left from my mother,” Dahyun smiled sadly, eyes closing shut. 

Sana broke Dahuyn’s resivour, asking a question that had settled in her mind. She couldn’t help her curiousity. “But Dahyun-ah, you told me your name, but you didn’t know me. I don’t get it, why?” Sana asked innocently, eyes wide and shining with a thousand stars. Dahyun couldn’t help but smile at the sight, as she took in the question, processing answers, getting distracted by the cute sight in front of her.  

“At the time, yeah, I didn’t know you, but I knew in that moment that you were vulnerable, about to lose someone precious to you,” Sana’s eyes dimmed, and Dahyun quickly brought her hand up to her chin, rubbing her tumb across it gently. Sana’s eyes sparked again, lighting a fire she hadn’t known was begging to be kindled. “And I told you, because you reminded me of me. I wanted to be there for you, so that’s what I did. I guess I didn’t really think it through, but now that I’m here, I don’t really... regret it...” Dahyun dragged her words out, getting sidetracked by Sana’s look. Sana’s look was piercing, nearly wanting, and so many other emotions Dahyun couldn’t decipher. Dahyun thought she was mysterious, and thought of herself as a book locked with a hundred chains, impossible to read, but now that she looked at Sana, she decided maybe the same was for her. 

It clicked, though, when Sana’s eyes quickly flashed down to Dahyun’s lips. Dahyun gulped, unconsciously  her lips. Sana did the same.  

Dahyun was nervous, she’d never felt tension like this before. Sure, there had been little flashes, but the atmosphere quickly changed, since back then, neither of them were sure or even conscious about their feelings. But now, everything was said, done, and up in the air, and there was nothing stopping them. 

Sana pulled her face closer, and Dahyun felt her warm, vanilla scented breath hit her face, making her face smolder with unwanted nerves. Before Sana pulled herself any closer, she uttered, “Can I?” 

Dahyun never shook her head quicker than she had just then. 

Truth is, Dahyun was petrified, because this was so new to her. Forget liking someone, forget loving someone, she had experienced that, and she was nearly sure of it, but this was now another new thing, and she was quickly getting overwhelmed. New experience after new emotion after new emotion, her mind was hazy, but she knew she wanted this. She knew she had been wanting this, deep down, but it wasn’t until now that she truly let her heart win over her mind. Head empty. 

Sana closed her eyes, soon followed by Dahyun, before she took Dahyun’s chin in her hand, gently leading her lips onto Dahyun’s. Dahyun was amazed by how soft her lips were; it’s safe to say she hadn’t expected it to feel this good. Their lips brushed against each other’s softly, until Dahyun pulled on Sana’s bottom lip, and Sana responded by slowly deepening the kiss They knew they had all the time in the world, so they chose to bask in all of the feelings they were experiencing just then. Her heart wouldn’t stop skipping in her chest, and her stomach wouldn’t stop turning. She’d definitely have to get used to this feeling, or she’d be screwed. 

This wasn’t just new to Dahyun, though, as this is the first time Sana’s kissed with so much passion, so much want, and so much need. This was the first time someone had set butterflies to tramble along her stomach. This was the first time someone had managed to set her cheeks ablaze. Her heart skipped beats, and soon the darkness around them had disappeared.  

Sana dragged her tongue across Dahyun’s lip, and Dahyun suddenly pulled away, panting, pupils dialated, blush dusting her cheeks. 

Sana giggled at the sight, and laid her head on Dahyun’s lap, staring at her. 

Dahyun looked at her bewildered, “You’re just gonna laugh and lay there? What even just happened?? That was... what?” Dahyun asked lazily, and despite what she said and the hypocracy of it, she laid down with Sana, as they both spooned, taking in the low sound of the waterfall splashing against the rocks, and the sound of crickets and tree frogs humming into the now dark night sky. 

Sana grinned, “It was a kiss, obviously, you know enough to know what a kiss is, right? If not, then I guess you’ll learn eventually,” Sana winked, making Dahyun choke on nothing.  

“Of course I know what a kiss is, I’m not an idiot!” Dahyun expressed. Sana choked back a laugh, teasingly staring at the girl. “I was just- it was my f-first kiss, I was just surprised,” her voice gradually got quieter as she became embarrassed, covering her face with her arms. Sana took her arms away from her face, kissing her cheeks before turning around, leaving Dahyun staring at her back, dazed yet again. 

Dahyun groaned. Dating Sana was going to be a journey in itself.