Heechul did not come home last night. After he had some drink with the others, he went somewhere to calm himself after what happened last night. Sungmin tried to persuade him to sleep at home, but he refused.

“What really happen to you guys after I left? I just want to know the real story. Please tell me. There’s a lot of solution for this problem. You guys just need to tell me first the problem is,” I ask them that morning while having our breakfast with all of them except Heechul.

“Before we tell you the true story, can I ask one question?” ask Shindong.

“Yeah sure, you can hyung. You can ask me more than one question if you want to,”

“Why did you don’t know about the others left? It’s not like our world doesn’t have any internet anymore. You can search about us in the internet, in the magazines, anywhere. Can you please answer us honestly?”

“Oh about that, should I? I mean seriously I don’t know a thing about you guys after I left. It’s not like I don’t want to have any relationship with you guys anymore. It’s my mom. She was controlling my life. She said she don’t want to lose me anymore. She said if she let me to go on and search about you guys again, I will left her one day. And yeah, I did but just for one month. Now, you guys knew the real story of mine, can you please tell me the real story of yours?” I explained. They are looking at me speechlessly.

“It was started with Kibum. He said he wanted to start his career as an actor and not as singer anymore. Now, he is nowhere. The SM staff now where he is right now, but they wouldn’t tell us. We tried a few times, but failed. Here, this was the last message he sent to us, one year ago,” Leeteuk give me a piece of paper.

I look at it, and read it silently:

To Leeteuk:

Eeteuk hyung is like a brother and a father. I have always tried to be a child that he doesn’t have to worry about, even though I know that he feels helpless that I don’t always fit in, but he has always supported me. Sometimes I will even tease that him sacrificing his idol image to be funny is useless, but he knows that I still care a lot for him, and don’t want him to be so tired. And then one day he faced the camera and said while smiling, actually Kibum is the one child I have always worried about, not caring about how many tears he has shed but still shouting my name. He’s even willing to once again sacrifice for my sake. [TN: I’m not sure if he’s referring to himself or what Eeteuk said] Eeteuk hyung, Kibum loves you, and so I will always walk with you to the end.


To Heechul:

Heechul hyung, to me, is the most special. At first we couldn’t get along with each other. You didn’t like my informality to you, and I didn’t like you
treating me differently than everyone else. And then fate brought us together, during those days filming Rainbow Romance, I slowly started understanding you, and you started accepting me, and I became Kim Heechul’s favorite dongsaeng. Until today, when I look at everything you’ve done for me, I can only choose to help you along, because that was how you cared for me. When you were in the car accident, and when you had the surgery, when Hankyung hyung wasn’t with you, I was with you. So Heechul hyung, you have always used your strength and persistence to protect me, so Heechul hyung, Kibum won’t disappoint you.


To Hangeng:

Hankyung hyung, I feel like we are very similar. For a dream, you traveled far from
your home, while I for my dream, returned to my home. But we were both far from our families, had no friends, and had to start over. It was a lot like returning to those three years when I first arrived in America, I didn’t have friends and I couldn’t communicate. Those days were hard to endure. Hankyung hyung would smile a warm smile every time, and his strength made me ashamed of myself. Hankyung hyung, those days being in the middle [not fitting in] were hard, right? Charging forward and retreating were both difficult. I think I understand you, and I think you understand me as well. We are both two children who wander for our dreams. Hankyung hyung, even with everything going on now, can we still walk together? I think we will never give up.


To Yesung:

Yehsung hyung, I admit that you can sometimes make people speechless. You’re always making jokes and spasming no matter where we are or what mood we’re in. But Jongwoon hyung, your voice is what I envy the most. I know you are SJ’s irreplaceable main vocal. But to create that funny atmosphere you hurt your idol image. Actually, away from the camera, you are very charming, and you always quietly do your share. The strong little boy from Chungnam has become a reliable mountain. Jongwoon hyung, even though sometimes I’ll forget, but I know you are a big parent of the SJ family. Without you, Teuk hyung wouldn’t be able to withstand it all.


To Kangin:

Kangin hyung, no Youngwoon hyung. Everyone says that if there’s a kind mother in a family, then there must be a strict father. You are that strict father. But I know that in actuality your heart is the softest and easiest to pick on. You take up all the burdens yourself, protecting even Teuk hyung. When we were filming the movie you said you were going to work hard for SJ, and really was fighting hard for us, as a person who discarded the idol singer image and has only a face. [aka is human] When we first debuted, I know I was the cover boy, and was in charge of popularity, but now that I think about it, I really wanted you to take care of me, and tell everyone “this is my dongsaeng, an equally excellent actor, he doesn’t just have a pretty face”. Youngwoon hyung, I’ll follow you, and believe you, all the way to the end.


To Shindong:

Shindong hyung, happy and chubby Shindong hyung. I know that when we first debuted you had the most pressure, with all the debate about you. What they don’t know is, to choreograph our charming dances, how many all-nighters you pulled. Today, you have already become a 100% talented fellow. While I am proud of you, I feel ashamed, and want to say Shindong hyung thank you, don’t ever say anymore of those “I’m dragging down SJ’s popularity so I’ll quit”. Without you, our dances wouldn’t be as organized and synchronized. Without you, who would rap with us? So you have to wait for me, to once again stand up on that stage with you, and we’ll shout out our name together.


To Sungmin:

Sungmin hyung, the one in charge of cuteness in SJ. Hehe, aren’t our laughs similar? Fans describe us similarly. You’re a cute rabbit, but have they ever seen you practicing martial arts? Actually, you’re a tough man. Stubborn, and aren’t willing to shed a single tear. When we won the big award at the end of the year, when we were standing at our highest, you watched us all in a crowd, crying, and comforted each one of us, smiling, and refusing to cry. Offstage, you had your head bowed, and i knew you were crying for everything we’ve gone through in the past. Sungmin hyung, you said that you have 6 hyungs, and 6 dongsaengs, so you have to be strong and couldn’t cry. Sungmin hyung is the most overall perfect person, because of you, I feel like I don’t have to worry about anything.


To Eunhyuk:

Eunhyuk hyung, hey, Lee Hyukjae! Are you crying again? You’re so silly, a crybaby. Yeah, if you weren’t silly, why would you give up so many chances just to be with your good friends? If you weren’t silly, then why would you slip out to meet with his fans to cheer him on without him knowing when he debuted before you? If you weren’t silly, then you wouldn’t have pretended to be cool and fine but secretly cried for a month. Silly people have their happiness. In SJ, you are the main dancer. This position, no one can take from you. Oh, right, you can also write songs and lyrics. We really can’t see from your appearance that you also have a passionate side. Hey, Lee Hyukjae, like before, divide your raps half and half with me, we can do it together. You have to wait for me. And guys really lose a lot of face when they ccry, okay? Also, don’t lie to me. I have had enough of your “image control”. Remember, you have to wait for me.


To Donghae:

Donghae, my Lee Donghae. I won’t call you hyung, because I feel like I’m the hyung, a hyung that should protect you. My Lee Donghae has a pair of unforgettable eyes, your smile is so pure and innocent, causing my ice cold heart to melt in an instant. I still remember when I first came to Korea, a completely foreign environment. It was you who was the first to hold out your hand, it was you who hugged the really scared me. Let’s be brothers forever, okay? Lee Donghae is Kim Kibum’s best friend, I’ll be your hyung okay? When your father died the impact it had on you I can never forget, but I couldn’t spend too much time comforting you, because I have to stick to my work. I can’t let other people look down on us right? Lee Donghae is the kindest person, Teuk hyung said that us two were the two children he trusted the most. When you’re in China, don’t be homesick. Follow Geng hyung, I believe you can do it.


To Siwon:

Siwon hyung, I finally got to you. Choi Siwon, are you really an angel? Or did the environment you grew up in not allow you to see evil in the world? You know, you gave me a lot of pressure. While I looked at you I often felt ashamed of myself. I still remember you hanging around the me hiding in the corner, wanting to be my friend. At that time, your face was so sincere, I felt that this world really did have angels. At that time you saved me? Me, a person who came from such a different background and environment, was able to become your friend. Maybe when I’m tired I should do as Kangin hyung suggested, whine and act cute and say I’m tired, and not stick it out all alone. I think Siwon hyung, you would help me right? It’s been decided, I want to rely on you, because your shoulders are the most reliable. Don’t let go, okay?


To Ryeowook:

Ryeowook-ah, the hyung who is only older by a few days, and yet always calls himself the magnae. To me, you are the 100% magnae, a dongseng always needing to be taken care of and cherished. When we first debuted, you were the last one who took Junyoung’s place and joined us. You had the aura of only having trained for a few weeks, but they never saw how much you worked. In such a short time, you went from a cute chubby boy to your current image. How much did you suffer? I only know that you can never gain weight and be like you were before. Ryeowook-ah, without me by your side, is it hard to get used to? Don’t worry and don’t cry, I’m still waiting for you to sing and play piano pieces for me. Kim Ryeowook is the best, SJ’s eternal magnae, we have to be the magnaes that the hyungs would be the most proud of right?


To Kyuhyun:

Kyuhyun Cho Kyuhyun I feel that you are the one that causes the hyungs to have the most headaches. A stubborn evil child. Armed with your magnae status, who knows how many times you have picked on the hyungs. But every time I see your smile after your evil plan has been achieved, I’m not angry at all. Because you have finally shown who you really are. As the last member to join SJ, you had a lot of hard times at the beginning, do you still remember? When fans gave you your first present, you had disbelief all over your face. When you sang on stage, you made everyone proud. It was almost like you were born to be in SJ. After that hellish training, you have finally grown up. When you get back to the dorms you purposely ignore your hyungs, and go directly to bed. You really are an evil child. When you dragged your still healing body to give the 2jib a complete stage, I was really worried. Today, you are standing on the stage calling for me, just as we called for you. Because of this, hyung will be back soon. You GameKyu, just wait for my PK with you. Watch me beat you!

To __________;

I don’t really sure. Should I write something for you? I am so sure that one day you will be coming back so I guess I should. You are the one who alwaysmake my day. Noona, I always want to call you that but you are younger than me, and was it true that only Kyuhyun can call you that? Kyu told me that. Nevermind. I still can remember the first ‘slumber-part’ you made for us. It was fun. I admit, it was nice when you are here but not anymore. The last day with you, I will admit that it was a great loss. Anyway, you were alwaysgoing to be my girl-chingu. I had a feeling that maybe one day we will be seeing each other again.

To Zhoumi;

I know when we meet each other for the first time, I am the least close to you that the others but you are such a good guy. I never meet someone as good as you. You always try to make up things immediately. You also a very great friend.  You always put friend first. That’s why I adore you. Hope we can meet one day and make up our relationships better than before.

To Henry;

Henry~ ahh! You are our real magnae. I know you always try to show yourself that you are already matured and don’t want to be treated as a little boy anymore. Hyung know about that, Henry. You always think that I don’t care about you anymore, I love you as much I love the others. Don’t be too sad, just show your own self. Prove to them that you can handle your own life without others help anymore. Henry~ahh! Fighting!

“Done. Let’s just continue with Hangeng,” I said avoiding my eyes with their eyes. I don’t want to look weak in front of them. I’m strong enough to facing such a problem like this.

“Hangeng, well he left because he requested the dissolution of his contract against SM Entertainment. He . . , well after he left Heechul just can’t go through his life anymore. He said that it was very difficult for him to laugh on TV and dance on stage anymore. For 3 months, he lived in seclusion. Locking his door and his only friends were two cats,” explained Siwon this time.

“Miserable, I could say,” said Ryeowook.

“Continue with Zhoumi and Henry, please.”

“Henry and Zhoumi, left us just a week after you left but they said they don’t want to be Super Junior members anymore. They just want to perform in subs group that is SJ-M. Recently, they were asking us, a permission should I say, to left the subs group. That’s why the president came last night. Although, our popularity is still increasing day by day, they said it will be better if we disband this group. He said, it was not worth anymore,” said yesung.

I was speechless.

I could say the only thing that I remember before I faint is a song, I don’t know how to sang it because I don’t know what is the melody.

 Where you might be leaving from..?
I wonder if it's too late for you to return
I wonder if you ever give a second thought to me
I wonder if you've already erased me from all memory

I'm sorry, there isn't one thing I've done for you
I guess I must have entrusted that to you
Even the words thanking you, or I love you
I postponed them until tomorrow, all for nothing

Maybe it's like that, Maybe it's like that
Love is something you only understand after it's gone
Your now unoccupied spot you used to protect me from
I never knew could become this wide and gaping hole

I want to be able to return that love
I could've been able to treat you well
But at this point, time seems to wait for no one
No matter how much I want to turn back time

Maybe it's like that, Maybe it's like that
At this parting, love has something to say
I wonder if you know how much I still love you
Because this separation has been showing me how much

Maybe it's like that, Maybe it's like that
You can start regretting any moment, but it's still too late
Love that has become nothing more than tears,
I never knew it could hurt this much

I never knew it could make me cry this much.

( Davichi’s song actually- the opposite of break up)

review for next chapter :

"what's your plan ?"

"Getting you guys back together again, I supposed, You need to help me,"

"Getting them back ? Sounds impossible, you should get help from SNSD then,"

"Should I ?"

"No you, silly. I will help you, but make sure this is serious,"