JISOO

Jisoo sat on one of the stools at the faux-bar, waiting and watching as other people worked around her. Often, she’d look toward Seulgi, unable to keep from doing so, but feeling conflicted in the moment. All morning she’d tried to convince herself that Seulgi being there was for the best. She needed to know if she could handle this part of her life. Specifically, she needed to know if this had the potential to become an issue between them.

At the same time, she feared the answer. She didn’t know what to do if Seulgi couldn’t deal with her kissing other people; if perhaps after today she wouldn’t be able to deal with seeing her kiss Joy.

She sighed as her gaze landed on her fellow co-star. Seeing her, Jisoo grew depressed, recalling Seulgi’s hesitation about telling Joy. It made Jisoo want to cry, thinking back on it. Seulgi once told her she’d never tell anyone. Not even Joy, she’d said, and Jisoo had been entirely too overwhelmed that Seulgi was even talking to her to think clearly about what that meant. She recognized, too, that she’d been too selfishly worried about her career, and too wrapped up in her self-pity, to think about things like cause and effect.

Joy sat beside her suddenly, and Jisoo shut off her stream of thoughts and forced a smile. “Hello, Park Joy,” she said, amiably. She’d overheard Joy telling someone that it was strange when celebrities were called by only their first name.

Joy chuckled and said, “Hi, Kim Jisoo.” She looked as if she was going to say more, but Jennie interrupted.

Jisoo glanced briefly at Seulgi, wishing she could send her telepathic messages just because. Hoping her glance was enough to let Seulgi know she was thinking of her, Jisoo turned her full attention on the director. Here we go.

***

SEULGI

Watching Jisoo kiss Joy was every bit the emotional hell that Seulgi had anticipated. At least, at first. Seeing Jisoo and Joy flirt with each other had been uncomfortable, in a God-get-me-out-of-here sort of way. The kiss had been worse. There was no way to watch them and not think it was real. If this had been a bad dream, it would be the sort that spilled into the waking day, its lingering emotions replacing all rational thought.

When Jennie yelled, “Cut!” Seulgi had been grateful. She’d breathed in, nice and slow, and pulled herself together.

After the initial shock of it all wore off, she began to relax. The day fell into the rhythm of the director’s instructions, and after a while, she began to notice the other things: the extras walking around the bar, the bartender serving the drinks. Occasionally, something unexpected would happen: like Joy stumbling over a line and everyone laughing, or someone accidentally dropping a glass. It was these moments that helped break the illusion; the times when Seulgi understood what Jisoo meant by it isn’t real.

But the kisses, for there were many versions, were hard to watch. Even if they weren’t real, they weren’t fake enough not to jab at Seulgi’s heart. It was impossible not to wonder if Jisoo enjoyed kissing Joy, or worse, if the actress thought Joy a better kisser. And it was hard not to be angry at Joy for no doubt loving this, for no doubt feeling triumphant over the fact that she was kissing Kim Jisoo where everyone could see. She hated her, briefly, but strongly, for getting to do something she never would, for getting to kiss Jisoo proudly and in public with no fear of condemnation.

But then Jennie’s voice would interrupt the moment and she could see the shift, first in Jisoo, then in Joy; that almost imperceptible change in body language that meant they were each back to being themselves. It helped, seeing this. It helped to remind her that it wasn’t Jisoo kissing Joy or Joy kissing Jisoo; that they were only acting. It didn’t change the way she felt when watching them kiss, but it helped to soothe the negative emotions.

Eventually, Jennie called it a day and noise erupted over the set as the crew jumped back into action.

“So what did you think?”

Seulgi was surprised by the voice. She turned her head to find Jennie looking at her, smiling her casual, friendly smile. Seulgi was forced to remember that she didn’t actually dislike the director. “It was ... interesting.” She couldn’t think of any other way to describe it. Mostly, she’d found it complicated and emotionally exhausting. But she couldn’t very well say that. She couldn’t very well leave it at ‘interesting,’ either. “I mean, it was fun. I’m glad I came.” That wasn’t any better, but it would have to do.

“Good,” Jennie said, sounding happy enough with this answer. And then she apologized and excused herself as someone came to talk to her.

Seulgi was grateful for the short exchange, as she wasn’t in the mood for awkward chit-chat. Beside her, Rosé stretched and yawned.

“So, are you coming to L.A. with us?” Jackson asked. He was now standing and it took her a second to realize he was addressing her.

“I think so,” Seulgi said, feeling shy and somewhat self-conscious. Up until now, her time with Jisoo had been simply that: her time with Jisoo. But she was starting to realize that Rosé and Jackson came with the package. “Well, I want to. I still have to check with my professors.” Although, she knew she’d simply end up emailing them to say she’d gone in search of passion, per Dr. Wilson’s advice. If they had issues with the subject they could take it up with her.

“We’ll keep you company while Jisoo’s at her meetings,” Rosé said.

“We intend to frequently invite ourselves into your company,” Jackson said. “And Jisoo’s pool.”

She laughed at this and tried to think of something witty to reply. She felt shy around them; Jackson especially. In the eyes of the world, he was Jisoo’s recently stolen-back boyfriend, and this was something Seulgi wasn’t sure what to do with. They were both comfortable with their assigned roles in Jisoo’s life and Seulgi was still trying to figure out how she fit in. Maybe the trip to California would help, or maybe it would only serve to alienate her further. 

She looked for Jisoo, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, needing the reassurance only her smiles brought. But Jisoo was gone. Cylon appeared suddenly, practically bouncing on her feet. She was around her age, twenty-one, maybe twenty-two, blue-eyed and willowy. When she saw Jackson she grinned and started twirling a finger through her straight, blonde hair. “Hi, Jackson,” she said, brightly. “What was that like, watching your girlfriend make out with a girl?” She wrinkled her nose in a way that made Seulgi want to punch her.

She was surprised when she felt Rosé slip her arm through hers. “I’ll take care of Seulgi, while you two chat,” Rosé said, pulling her away from the conversation.

“Thanks,” Seulgi said, tentatively. She wasn’t entirely certain that she’d read the situation correctly, but she felt rescued.

“My pleasure,” Rosé said, and let go of her arm. “I’m sure none of this has been fun.”

They walked away from the set and back toward the dressing rooms. “No,” Seulgi admitted, after a moment. “But I suppose I need to get used to it.”

Rosé looked like she wanted to say more, but remained silent. The corridor they walked through was lined with people and Seulgi understood that whatever Rosé wanted to say could not be said at that moment. “I look forward to hanging out with you more,” she said, when they reached Joy’s dressing room.

“Me too,” Seulgi said, meaning it. She appreciated Rosé’s attempt to make her feel welcome.

“I’m off to find Jisoo. Catch you later.”

Seulgi nodded and watched her go, then turned the handle on the door and stepped inside. She expected the dressing room to be empty, as Joy had warned her that she might not be back right away. So, she was surprised to find that the chair was occupied. She was even more surprised to find Jisoo patiently sitting there. Seeing her, Seulgi quickly closed the door. “What are you doing here?” She was suddenly worried for Jisoo; scared that someone might catch her there and piece everything together.

Jisoo’s eyes looked lighter than usual, thinly outlined in black liner. “Waiting for you,” she said, almost smiling but not quite.

“Where’s Joy?”

“Last time I saw her she was flirting with one of the A.D.’s.”

Then that meant there was time. She briefly considered locking the door, but decided that locking herself in a room with Jisoo would only arouse suspicions from anyone coming by. She crossed the small space between them, feeling a foreign sense of determination. The chair was high enough that Seulgi didn’t need to bend down to kiss her. She felt Jisoo relax as their lips touched, as if she’d been holding her breath in waiting. Perhaps they both had. Familiar sensations spread through her body as Jisoo’s arms wrapped around her waist. She pushed away all thoughts of Joy and the movie and all the stupid, senseless jealousy.

Seulgi had expected the kiss to last only seconds, fully aware that at any moment someone might burst through the door and catch them. She’d expected Jisoo’s kisses to be cautious, the type that might be easy to end and conceal should they be walked in on. But Jisoo didn’t seem at all concerned about the door. When they finally pulled away, Seulgi smiled. Her lips tingled, tasting like mint. “Did you brush your teeth before coming here?”

“Yes,” Jisoo said, and smiled back. “I am compulsive about that sort of thing.” After a second she asked, “Was today okay?”

Seulgi backed out of Jisoo’s arms, gently. She didn’t want to appear upset, but she was nervous about the door. “It was as okay as it could be, I guess.”

Jisoo looked like she didn’t know what to make of that. “I was worried.”

Seulgi was surprised. “About what?”

“About you.”

“I’m not going to break up with you,” Seulgi said, determined not to seem weak. The last thing she wanted was Jisoo worrying about these things. Just because she didn’t like watching Jisoo make out with other people didn’t mean she couldn’t handle it. “It’s like when I have to paint models. Does it make you happy the thought of me looking at people all day?”

Jisoo looked more amused than anything else. “That’s not quite the same thing.”

“Well, sometimes it’s private sessions, in my bedroom.” This was a blatant lie, but Seulgi saw the flash of uncertainty in Jisoo’s eyes and that was enough. She laughed. “See, you wouldn’t like that.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” Jisoo eyed her curiously. “But you don’t make out with these models, do you?”

“Only the hot ones.”

Jisoo shook her head but smiled. She glanced at the door, then back at Seulgi. “Are you telling Joy about us soon?”

“Tonight, hopefully.”

Jisoo nodded. “Good, I’m glad. I was wondering ... well, she’d have to check with Jennie but ... would you like her to come to California with us?”

Seulgi hadn’t expected the question and so she didn’t have an immediate answer. Mostly, she was confused. “Why?”

“I was thinking it would be good for our friends to get to know each other,” Jisoo said. “And Baekhyun’s going.”

This was news to Seulgi. “He is going?”

“Well, yeah,” Jisoo said. “He starts on Monday.”

“Right.” Seulgi wasn’t sure why she’d thought that this trip to California meant that she and Jisoo would have time alone together. “Is Chanyeol going too?”

“Your brother? Do you want him to go?”

“Can you fit all these people in your house?” Seulgi felt mostly annoyed. She felt bad for feeling annoyed, but the feeling was still there.

Jisoo laughed, sounding thoroughly entertained by the conversation. “If that’s what you want. But, I thought Joy could stay with Rosé and Baekhyun could stay with Jackson.”

“Oh,” Seulgi said, feeling relieved.

“That is, unless you don’t want to be all alone in a house with me? I promise not to take advantage of you.”

Seulgi grinned. “I wouldn’t want you to promise that.”

Before Jisoo could respond, the door opened and in stepped Joy. She froze in the doorway when she saw Jisoo.

“Hi, Park Joy,” Jisoo said, smiling, sounding casual and relaxed. “I came by to see if the two of you would like a ride back into the city.”

Seulgi glanced at Jisoo, wondering if she’d made that up on the spot or if she’d come armed with that explanation.

Joy disguised her surprise with a nonchalant look. “Sure, thank you.” She glanced at Seulgi. “I mean, right?”

“Sure,” Seulgi said.

“Great,” Jisoo said, and rose. “Then I’m off to change. See you in a bit.”

Joy moved to let Jisoo out. When the door closed, she turned to Seulgi. “Did that just happen?”

Seulgi swallowed, thinking that now was probably a good time to begin her confessions.

“What did you think of the scene?” Joy started digging through her bag for the change of clothes she’d brought.

“It was really great,” Seulgi said. “You were awesome.”

“Yeah? This morning you made it seem like I was dragging you to your death.”

Seulgi winced. “I’m sorry.”

“I mean, I get that you have that new mystery woman of yours and probably want to spend time with her or whatever but a few hours with me isn’t going to kill you.”

“Joy, I have to tell you something,” she began, thinking that she now perfectly understood how Jisoo had felt about telling her the truth. “Actually, a few somethings.”

“Mmm?”

“But you have to swear on two things before I tell you.”

Joy stood, her clothes in hand. She seemed distracted, looking around the floor for something. “Okay, I swear.”

“No, I mean, you have to seriously swear, Joy. Like, swear on our friendship. Swear on your acting career. Swear on coffee.”

Whatever Joy had been searching for was now forgotten. “This sounds serious.”

“It is serious.”

“Is this about your politician?”

“She’s not...” Seulgi sighed. “Okay, the first thing you have to swear on is that you will not tell a soul. Not a soul. No one.”

Joy sat down on the chair, giving Seulgi her full attention. “I swear on our friendship, my acting career and coffee that I will not tell anyone.”

“Okay,” she said, feeling better. “The second thing you have to swear is that you’re going to believe me, even though you’re not going to believe me, if that makes sense.”

“Holy , are you dating Hillary Clinton?”

“Swear!”

“Okay, I swear I’ll believe you.”

Seulgi took a deep breath, ignoring the still lingering scent of the mystery thing rotting away in the corner. “It’s Jisoo.”

Joy frowned, as if the name made no sense to her. “Kim.”

Joy blinked. Once, twice... “What?”

Seulgi lowered her voice, suddenly paranoid about eavesdroppers. She should’ve waited until they got home to begin this conversation. Now she was stuck. “I’m dating Jisoo,” she said softly.

“Like, the Jisoo that was just here?” 

“Yes.”

“The Jisoo I’m in a movie with?”

“Yes, Joy.” Seulgi felt impatient now, wanting to get on with the real reaction. Joy didn’t say anything for a very long time, and Seulgi couldn’t tell if she was angry or shocked or simply processing the information. She leaned back against the wall, waiting.

“I knew I’d seen that ing jacket somewhere!!!” Joy said finally. “I’d been racking my brain this whole time because I knew I’d seen it. And of course, she was wearing it at the gallery that one time. I’m pissed I didn’t remember that before.”

“The jacket,” Seulgi said in disbelief. “You’re seriously talking to me about the stupid jacket?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, think how much more awesome this conversation would’ve been if I’d totally figured out the mystery of the jacket and you were like, ‘Oh I’m dating Kim Jisoo’ and I was like, ‘I already know,’ or you know, something better than that. I at dialogue. But, something like that. You’d be like, ‘You know?’ And I’d be like, ‘I figured it out... the jacket showed me the way.’”

“You do totally at dialogue.”

Joy looked over at her. “You’re dating Kim Jisoo.”

Seulgi bit her lip, waiting. It hadn’t been a question, so she didn’t answer. “Is that why you didn’t want to come today? Because of the kissing?” She nodded.

Joy nodded, too, looking pensively at nothing. “Then I guess I won’t invite you for the scene.” She frowned. “You don’t hate me, right? For kissing the girlfriend I didn’t know you had ‘cause you didn’t tell me she was your girlfriend?”

“I don’t hate you,” she said, feeling guilty that for the shortest of seconds she had hated her. Or maybe it hadn’t been hate. Maybe it had been something else; a dark sort of envy. “Do you hate me for not telling you sooner?”

Joy considered the question. “I’m not sure. I haven’t fully processed this. I’m upset because of the jacket thing” She smiled and stood. “I should get changed,” Then she said, “I don’t hate you, though. I could never hate you. This is just a little... well... out of the blue. You can hardly see the ing blue from where this whole thing is standing. You just see a dot that could be the blue, but probably isn’t. It’s probably the red. You get me?”

“You see a dot that might be the red.”

“Exactly.” Joy slipped out of the dress she was wearing. “How the hell did you start dating Kim Jisoo, anyway? How does a thing like that even happen?”

Seulgi crossed her arms and took another deep breath. “Well, do you remember my lesbian...?”

*****

JISOO

Jisoo looked up from the book she was reading, drawn away from the words on the page by the shouts and laughter on the other side of the plane. Baekhyun and Jackson stood around cheering as Joy and Seulgi arm wrestled. For several seconds, it looked like a draw. But then Seulgi let out a loud laugh and brought Joy’s arm down. More cheering ensued, and Jisoo smiled, quietly pleased by the outcome.

She watched Seulgi for a moment longer, content to sit back and let her girlfriend be the center of attention for a change. But a part of her wished that they were alone. It had been a long weekend. Filming had gone late into the night on Sunday, and she’d not seen Seulgi at all after the ride from the studio. She smiled briefly at the recollection of Joy’s curious, questioning glances. It had been a pleasant, if slightly awkward, ride.

Seulgi had told Joy everything on Saturday. On Sunday, Seulgi had told Baekhyun and Chanyeol. And now there it was, all the details of their relationship, the truth about Kim Jisoo, finally unveiled.

Jisoo knew she should feel scared, perhaps worried that her best-kept secret was quickly becoming public knowledge. She’d expected to feel more concern, more panic at the sudden loss of control. But she felt... peaceful; relieved. For the first time since she’d privately accepted that she’d never fall in love with a boy, a guy, a man, she felt... free. For the first time in as many years, she felt like she was doing something her grandmother would be proud of.

Rosé dropped down into the seat beside her, suddenly. “Feeling anti-social?” 

“No, I just felt like reading.”

“Can we talk business for a sec?”

Jisoo slipped a bookmark between the pages of the book. “What’s up?”

“I need to know what your plans are.” 

“My plans?”

“For you and Seulgi.” She lowered her voice. “I think we need to have a sit-down with Cynthia and outline a plan of action.”

Jisoo frowned, realizing this was not a conversation she wanted to be having. She turned her head and looked out into the vast, cloudless sky. Her feeling of freedom wavered. After a long moment, she said, “You know what my grandma told me the day before she died?”

“What?”

“She told me that I had to learn how to be myself, independent of the fame.” 

“And have you?”

Jisoo sighed, turning back to Rosé. “No, because I can’t separate the two things, and apparently neither can anyone else, or you wouldn’t be here asking me to discuss my personal life with my publicist.” She looked away again. “I don’t want to lie about who I am anymore.”

Rosé hesitated, but said, “Jisoo, I get it. You’re in love. And you want to shout it from the rooftops so the whole world can hear. But it’s more complicated than that, and you know it. Forget, for a second, that you coming out would cause a media frenzy and potentially ruin your chances with Bridge. You tell the world that you’re dating Seulgi, and the press isn’t going to leave her alone. You really want her to have to deal with that this early on in your relationship? It’s been, what, like four days since you guys got together?”

Jisoo glanced over at Seulgi, softening at the sight of her. More than anything, she wanted to make her happy, but she didn’t know how to do that while living a lie. To Rosé, she said, “I’m not saying I want to shout it from the rooftops. I’m saying I don’t want to lie anymore. Not directly. Not when I can help it. Like, no more of Jackson being my boyfriend. I want it cleared up that we’re just friends.”

“So do you want to meet with Cynthia?” 

“No, but you can.”

“And what should I tell her, exactly?”

“Tell her that I’m not going to step off this plane and announce to the press that I’m a lesbian. But that I’m also no longer going to go out of my way to hide it or tell lies to conceal it. I’m done with all of that.” Jisoo nodded, feeling content with this assertion.

Rosé sighed and shook her head. “I just don’t want you to get so wrapped up in this relationship that you make decisions you can’t undo.”

“It’s not about the relationship,” Jisoo said. “Not entirely. My grandmother was right. I need to figure out who I am. I need to figure out who I want to be when I’m no longer a star. I don’t want to look back on my life and see that I was the sort of person that put their career ahead of the people they love.” She shrugged. “And as far as decisions that can’t be undone ... well, I’m gay. With or without Seulgi I’m still gay. The world will just have to get over it. I’m so tired of caring about what other people think. It’s exhausting. Besides, that’s what I hired you people for, to worry for me.”

Rosé stared at her for a long time. Then she shook her head with a sigh. “Honestly, I don’t know whether to yell at you or hug you. The manager side of me has a really big headache. But the friend part of me is actually really happy to hear you talk like this. Look, I’ll meet with Cynthia. And I’ll get back to you with her full-on freak out. And then... then we’ll figure something out. Okay?”

“Sounds good.”

“Good. Can we change the subject now?”

“Please.”

Rosé leaned closer. “What do you think of me signing Joy?” 

“Signing Joy to do what?”

“You know, to represent her. She doesn’t have a manager. The way I figure it is: if you can hire your girlfriend’s brother’s boyfriend to be your assistant, then I can see if your girlfriend’s best friend will hire me as her manager. That way, when you and Seulgi get caught in the middle of a Lord of the Rings themed and your career goes belly up, I’ll have something to fall back on.”

Jisoo laughed and gently elbowed Rosé. “Go away.”

Rosé laughed and got up, passing Seulgi on her way down the aisle. Jisoo smiled. “Hey.”

Seulgi grinned and slid into the seat beside her. “Hey.” She gazed after Rosé, watching as she joined the others. When she turned back to Jisoo, she looked serious. “Everything okay?”

The question was vague enough that Jisoo could have dismissed it. For a moment, she considered the pros of steering the conversation toward a lighter subject matter. But in the end, she said, “Are you okay with me not dating Jackson anymore?”

Seulgi laughed. “What?”

“I told Rosé I didn’t want to lie anymore,” Jisoo said. “You know, about me; out there, in the real world. Like, not blurt it all out or anything, but not hide it, either. Does that make sense?” She looked into Seulgi’s brown eyes in the hopes of finding a trace of understanding.

“Sort of.” Seulgi looked thoughtful. “Is this about me? You know I can handle it, right? If you need to pretend I’m your cousin or something.”

“But I don’t want you to be my cousin. Do you want to be my cousin?” 

“No. But this isn’t about me.”

“It is,” Jisoo said, worried suddenly that she didn’t understand. “It is about you, Seul. Everything I do is going to affect you. So, I need us to be on the same page. If you want us to be super careful, then tell me.”

“What’s the alternative? Are you going to start kissing me in public?”

Jisoo smiled. “I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe we’ll host a Lord of the Rings themed .”

“I’ve always wanted to sleep with a Hobbit.”

“I’m afraid I’m a little tall to be a Hobbit. Also, I have no hair on my feet.”

“Well, my attraction to you is going downhill fast.” Seulgi smiled. She looked into Jisoo’s eyes and said, “What do you want?”

It wasn’t a simple question and therefore had no simple answer, but Jisoo felt fairly certain about her desires. “I want not to lie anymore,” she said after a moment. “I want to just be.”

“Then be.”

“Even if it ends up outing us to the world eventually?”

“Sure. At least then everyone will know you’re mine and that they can’t have you.”

It wasn’t at all what Jisoo had expected Seulgi to say, and she laughed, though a different part of her, or perhaps the same part, wanted to cry. She felt both overwhelmed and incredibly relieved and also somewhat terrified of all of the unknowns and unknowables that lay ahead. Miles above the ground it felt safe enough to discuss the things she wanted. But the reality was far more complicated, and she could only hope that they were both strong enough to face it all.

At Jisoo’s silence, Seulgi asked, “Was that the wrong thing to say?”

“No,” Jisoo said, smiling gently. “It was exactly the right thing.” Her heart burst with the need to tell her that she loved her, but it felt like entirely the wrong moment. She wasn’t sure what the right moment would be, or whether it was too soon to be declaring her feelings.

Seulgi studied her quietly, and then leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips. “You worry too much.”

****

SEULGI

Los Angeles welcomed their arrival with sunshine, pleasant weather, and flashing cameras. Seulgi didn’t get a chance to be startled, as Rosé and Jackson quickly ushered her and Jisoo into an awaiting SUV. And then they were off, off and away into stop-and-go traffic.

The driver was a middle-aged man with salt-and-pepper hair and kind brown eyes. His voice was deep and loud and accented, and to Seulgi’s ears, both friendly and kind. He recognized Jisoo right away, but said nothing to her directly. Seulgi caught him looking at the actress in the rearview mirror often, but when he spoke, he spoke to Seulgi.

“Are you an actress, too?” he asked her at one point. 

“Definitely not an actress.”

“A model?”

Seulgi laughed at the question and told him that she was an artist from New York. At the mention of New York, the man perked up. He had a lot to say about the Big Apple. And Seulgi settled back into the comfortable seat, letting his voice fill the empty spaces of the car. She wanted to take Jisoo’s hand; to make contact. The weekend had felt long, almost eternal, and she was glad to be once again in Jisoo’s company. They hadn’t had a moment alone since the few, stolen minutes in Joy’s dressing room, and Seulgi missed her.

The weekend had been long, but emotionally productive. Together, she and Joy had sifted through the details of her unexpected relationship, and Seulgi had been content to relive it all; to finally feel, believe and accept that this was truly happening. That what had started as a piece of charcoal against a white sheet of paper had mysteriously and wondrously brought her to this moment, to this car, to this now-familiar need to touch the woman she loved.

The ride to Jisoo’s house took longer than Seulgi had imagined, but the time passed in a blur of internal monologues and external polite conversation, and, if Seulgi was honest, the more-than-occasional lustful thought starring her and a certain Hollywood actress. And so, Seulgi was mildly surprised when the car rolled to a stop.

What fully startled her was the sight of the house they’d stopped in front of: a two-story modern beach house that looked to be straight off the cover of a luxury homes magazine. She blinked, staring up at their destination through the dark tinted windows of the car.

She heard Jisoo shift beside her and open the door, so Seulgi pushed her surprise aside, and stepped outside. The breeze hit her face immediately, feeling much cooler than it had felt outside the airport. The air smelled like the ocean and Seulgi closed her eyes, breathing it all in. When she opened her eyes, Jisoo was smiling at her.

She smiled back, then movement caught her eye and she saw the driver walking back from dropping their bags at the front door.

Jisoo paid him, thanked him, and wished him a great day. And then, finally, they were alone. She turned to Seulgi. “Ready?”

She nodded and followed the actress toward the front door, feeling incredibly far away from New York suddenly. Here was yet another alien part of Jisoo’s life.

Jisoo unlocked the door and pushed it open, nearly tripping over a cardboard box on the floor. “What the...”

Seulgi glanced into the box and her eyebrows rose at the piles and piles of salacious titles. “, Jisoo? I’ve learned so much about you already and I’ve yet to walk in the door.”

Jisoo shoved the box aside with her foot and opened the door fully. “It’s Jackson’s.”

“Sure it is.” Teasing Jisoo was fun, but the second she stepped inside, Seulgi forgot all about the box on the floor. Beyond the pristine white walls and floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall windows was the most amazing view she had ever seen. She walked further into the house and stared at the ocean in the distance, at the pool that seemed to empty out into the sea. “Do you seriously live here?” She turned to find Jisoo watching her intently.

“I take it you like it?”

“Like it?” Seulgi almost laughed. She’d been impressed by Jisoo’s New York apartment, but this was something else entirely. This was paradise. “I’m never leaving.”

“That can be arranged.”

The comment caught Seulgi’s full attention, drawing her gaze away from the blue of the horizon and over to the blue of Jisoo’s eyes. She wanted to say something suddenly; something important and all-encompassing; something to express the inexpressible surge of her emotions; something that had nothing at all to do with the ocean view or the promise of luxury. But she didn’t know how to paint with words, and so, instead, she took Jisoo’s hand and pulled her closer until their lips met.

She felt herself melt the moment Jisoo’s arms wrapped around her, feeling, despite the unfamiliar surroundings, instantly, and inexplicably, at home. She wanted to say this, too, but knew that it would sound strange, in or out of context. So she shut her mind off, distracted by the steady jolt of desire that always arose from the feel of Jisoo’s body against hers, from its warmth and softness; from the alluring scent that clung to Jisoo’s skin. With her hand she traced the outline of Jisoo’s waist, feeling the curve of her hips beneath the fabric of her clothes. She could sense the way Jisoo reacted to her touch; the subtle, almost imperceptible intake of breath that let Seulgi know she wasn’t alone in wanting more.

It was, she knew, a promise of things to come. And when Jisoo ended the kiss, she didn’t stop her. She only smiled and breathed and willed her heart to slow back down into a natural beat.

Seulgi took the time to take in the rest of her surroundings, then. Unlike the apartment, the house was fully and tastefully decorated in chic, modern furniture that likely cost more than her yearly rent. A row of framed photographs decorated the wall on the left, and she found her feet moving toward them. The first picture was a black and white shot of a baby in an older woman’s arms. It looked like a professional shot and yet... “Is that you?”

Jisoo walked up beside her and said, “And my grandmother.”

The wistfulness in Jisoo’s tone made her glance at her. She remembered the last time the subject of her grandmother had come up. Jisoo had said she didn’t really like to talk about it, and Seulgi hadn’t pressed, but suddenly she wanted to know. She wanted to know everything about Jisoo. She turned back to the picture, trying to find the answers in the stillness of the image. Seeing Jisoo as a baby made Seulgi smile. “You were cute.”

“Were?”

“Yeah, I don’t know what happened.” Her smile widened but she didn’t look at Jisoo. Instead, she regarded the woman in the photo. It was obvious that good looks ran in Jisoo’s family. It was obvious, too, that the woman in the picture loved the baby in her arms. She thought of Jisoo saying that she didn’t really have a family anymore, and her smile faltered. “What was her name?”

“Sarah.”

“That’s a nice name,” Seulgi said. It felt strange, realizing how little they still knew about each other. She moved on to the next photo. In this one, a woman that looked astoundingly like Jisoo, sat on a big wing chair, her knees drawn to her chest, her gaze fixed on something far away and unseen.

“That’s my mom,” Jisoo said softly. “Self portrait.”

Seulgi looked at the photo again. Here were the hidden pieces of Jisoo’s life, framed and arranged in a perfect row of captured memories. The woman in the picture could have been Jisoo’s older sister. They had the same eyes, the same intense look in their gaze. But there was something else, too, that was entirely unlike Jisoo. There was, in that frozen expression, a deep and untouchable sadness. “Did she take the first photo as well?”

“She took them all.” Jisoo motioned to the rest of the images. “She was a photographer.”

“Oh.” Seulgi hadn’t known this. She looked at the photo of Jisoo’s mother again and wondered what it would be like to meet her. Would she have approved of her as Jisoo’s girlfriend? Would she have approved of Jisoo having a girlfriend? Did Jisoo wonder the same things? The thought saddened her. As much as her own family drove her insane, she couldn’t imagine life without them. Even her father, whom she’d kept at arm’s length for most of her life, had always remained a distant, but prominent figure in her life. She thought of all of the recent emails left unanswered in her inbox and she swallowed back the guilt.

The other photos were of random objects and scenery. They were all beautifully shot and Seulgi could tell that Jisoo had put thought into the order in which she’d hung them. The wall wrapped around and Seulgi followed all the photos until she got to the end. When she finished, she turned away from the wall, and found that Jisoo was leaning against a white, L-shaped couch, watching her curiously. “Sorry, they were just so beautiful. I forgot where I was.”

“That’s okay,” Jisoo said, and smiled. “I’m happy you like them.” Then she looked away and bit her lip. “I have to show you something, and I hope... I hope you don’t get mad at me.”

Seulgi wasn’t sure how to react. She couldn’t fathom what Jisoo might have to show her that might upset her in any way. “Is it a torture chamber or something?” She hoped the question would lighten the mood, but Jisoo still looked worried. She decided it was best to get it over with. “Show me.”

Jisoo led the way back toward the front door, and then headed up a winding staircase. Seulgi followed quietly, unsure of what was happening. Jisoo paused at the top of the stairs, in front of a closed door. She hesitated, then pushed it open and motioned for her to walk in.

She half expected to find some random, half- woman tied to a bed. But she did as commanded and stood in the doorway, staring into the large bedroom. She didn’t have time to look around because her gaze flew, almost immediately, to the framed artwork above the bed. It was hers; the charcoal sketch that started it all. She stepped forward, touched that Jisoo had placed it where she had.

Confused, she turned back to Jisoo. She was about to ask what she was supposed to be angry about, when she noticed the other paintings that hung along the opposite wall. “You’re the one who bought them?”

Jisoo leaned against the doorframe. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I honestly forgot to tell you and only just remembered on the drive here.”

Seulgi looked back to the paintings she’d sold at the gallery. Of course Jisoo had bought them. How had the possibility never occurred to her?

“I sent Rosé in to buy them before anyone else could.”

“So you bought them without seeing them?”

“I didn’t have to see them to know I would love them,” Jisoo said. “And I didn’t want anyone else to have them.”

The way she spoke made Seulgi wonder whether Jisoo was referring only to the paintings. She wasn’t angry. A part of her was even relieved. Another part was flattered. She turned back to Jisoo. “You’re not going to like... chain me to an easel and force me to paint for you night and day, are you?”

Hesitantly, Jisoo asked, “You’re not mad?”

“That you’re obsessed with me and my artwork? Not really. A little concerned you’re going to turn all Kathy Bates in Misery on me...”

“Well, you had to know that was always a risk. Besides, you already said you didn’t want to leave.”

“And I don’t.” She’d just noticed the balcony and walked toward it. She loved this view. She loved this house. Outside, a lounge chair pointed toward the glass railing and the ocean beyond. Another winding staircase led down to the pool area. She couldn’t quite believe that she was here.

When she turned, it hit her: She was standing in Jisoo’s bedroom. It occurred to her, too, that at no point at all had they discussed where she would sleep. She glanced at the bed. And then she looked at Jisoo, who was still standing in the doorway. “So, where am I sleeping?” She asked the question as innocently as she could, watching for Jisoo’s reaction.

By all appearances, it was probably the last thing Jisoo expected her to ask. “Oh. Umm... well, I thought ... I thought...I didn’t want to just assume...” She trailed off and came back with a different approach. “Where do you want to sleep?”

Seulgi couldn’t help but laugh at Jisoo’s inability to answer the question. She crossed the room until she was standing in front of the actress. Without a word, she stepped closer until their bodies were touching. She pressed to Jisoo’s neck and ran her lips over the soft skin, loving the way it felt. She placed a kiss on her jaw and said, “Where do you think?”

Jisoo’s breath came out slightly ragged. “Well, my bed is very comfortable...”

“Then that’s settled.” Seulgi smiled, but stepped away. Touching Jisoo made her brain malfunction and she needed to think. She looked up into brown eyes. “Are you nervous about sleeping with me?” The answer seemed obvious, but she wanted to know what Jisoo would say.

“Aren’t you?”

Of course she was. But the nervousness was almost irrelevant now; she was mostly excited. She’d tried to imagine her first time with Jisoo, the when and where and how of it. She’d replayed it all a thousand times in her head. It could happen anywhere. It could happen any time. It could happen now, if she wanted; if they wanted. The thought made her heart beat faster. 

She looked from Jisoo’s lips to her eyes. “Not really,” she said. It was a lie, but she could feel the nervous tension between them and she didn’t want it to be that way. She wanted their first time together, whenever it came, to be like everything else between them: fun, unpredictable.

“You’re not?” Jisoo both looked, and sounded, surprised.

Seulgi shrugged, adopting a casual stance, as if they were discussing something entirely neutral, like the weather. “Well, it’s your first time. So, I figure you’ll probably love anything I do to you.”

Jisoo tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I see. And I suppose your ual experience with women vastly surpasses mine?”

Seulgi smiled, relaxing. “As a matter-of-fact, it does. I mean, just today I’ve made love to you about a hundred times in my head.”

Jisoo’s expression was almost comical; a mixture of surprise and amusement and curiosity. “Really.” She seemed to ponder this revelation. “And how was I?”

Seulgi pretended to seriously consider the question, while trying desperately not to blush. She’d meant it all as a joke, and yet the truth of it was evident. She had made love to Jisoo a hundred times in her head, and it had been amazing. And she imagined the reality would be even better. “Mediocre,” she said. “You could use some practice.”

“I see.” Jisoo nodded slowly. “And you?”

“Oh, I was unbelievable,” Seulgi said in mock seriousness. “Best you ever had.”

Jisoo laughed and the sound filled Seulgi with insurmountable happiness. “Well, then, I guess I’m not nervous anymore.”

“Oh?”

“Well, yeah. Here I was operating under the assumption that you’d expect me to be good in bed. But now that I know you’re only expecting a mediocre performance, well, that’s a load off my mind.” She smiled brightly and leaned down to kiss Seulgi’s cheek. “You, on the other hand, have your work cut out for you. I mean, I had high expectations to begin with, but now ... wow.” She grinned and started down the stairs. “Can’t wait to see what unbelievable things you do to me.”

Seulgi stared at Jisoo’s back, thrown by the sudden shift of logic. Halfway down the steps, Jisoo turned and gazed up at her. “Want to go grocery shopping?”

It’s going to be a long day, Seulgi thought.