SEULGI

 

The phone rang early on January 1st, which no one had expected mainly because such things shouldn’t happen, and though Seulgi was the furthest from the phone, she was the only one that dragged herself out of bed to answer it.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun had come prepared to spend the night and their inflatable mattress now took up most of the living room. But Seulgi smiled at the sight of them snuggled up under the covers, oblivious to the sound of the ringing phone, or perhaps just too hung over.

“Hello?” she said, hiding her annoyance, or at least trying to.

The voice at the other end of the phone sounded entirely too awake. “Hi! Is this Park Joy? My name is Jacob Ryans and I’m the director of Little Purple Butterflies, which you might’ve heard of. Anyhoo, Sierra Murphy gave me your number. She’s the casting director for Summer’s Dance and a good friend of mine, and she told me you would be absolutely perfect for my lead. Which is fabulous because I really need a lead. I know it’s a holiday and all but I was hoping you’d be available for coffee or maybe brunch so we could talk about the film and everything. What do you say?”

Seulgi rubbed her eyes with her free hand. “I’m sorry, this isn’t Joy. Hang on.” She knocked on Joy’s door, too tired to wrap her mind around everything the guy had said to her. When Joy didn’t answer, Seulgi knocked harder, and heard a groan from somewhere in the living room. Exasperated, she turned the handle and walked in.

Joy’s room was a mess of clothes and papers, and the bed was a rainbow of laundry that might’ve been clean or dirty or a combination of both. Seulgi crawled on the bed and dug Joy’s arm from beneath the covers. Her best friend moaned in protest as Seulgi put the phone in her hand. “Phone call,” Seulgi said.

“I’ll call back,” Joy mumbled. “It’s a film director.”

Joy was up in a flash, as though the words had been infused with caffeine or perhaps electricity. “Hello? Hi? This is Joy.”

Seulgi smiled to herself and left Joy to her phone call.

In the living room, Chanyeol was stretching. “How much did we drink last night?”

Seulgi smiled at her stepbrother. “Entirely too much.” She looked down at the mattress to see that Baekhyun was still sleeping. To Chanyeol, she said, “Coffee?”

“I knew I loved you for a reason,” Chanyeol said, yawning. He followed her into the kitchen. “Did I hear the phone?”

“Some film director,” Seulgi said, realizing after saying it that she should’ve sounded more excited. “I’ll, um, give that the proper intonation it deserves after I get some caffeine in my system.”

Chanyeol looked surprised. “A film director, really? I better get Joy’s autograph now before she starts to forget the little people.”

Seulgi smiled and turned to the business of making coffee. She’d drank less alcohol than the rest of them during their big New Year’s extravaganza, but her head was still killing her.

Chanyeol sat at the table and Seulgi saw him looking at the book she’d left there. “The Poisonwood Bible,” he read off the cover. “I think I read this in college. Is it still on the syllabus?”

She hadn’t told her stepbrother about Sooya. Didn’t really know what to tell him, except, “This girl I met online recommended it.”

“You’ve been hanging out in chat rooms lately?”

“Not exactly. She bought a painting from me a while back and emailed to say she liked it. We hit it off.”

Chanyeol smiled and flipped through the book. “That was nice of her.”

Seulgi nodded and found herself smiling. “Yeah, she’s really nice. She’s kind of private, though. I don’t even know her face, actually. Or quite what she does for a living.” She filled the mugs with coffee and joined Chanyeol at the table. “But then she tells me things like... that she’s gay. And that she’s never been with anyone ever. And that she’s never read Harry Potter or been to Paris. And it makes me think about what’s really important to know about a person, you know?”

Chanyeol was looking at her curiously. “So what’s important to know about a person?”

Seulgi shrugged and looked down at the dark liquid in her cup. “I told her about my toilet paper collection.”

He chuckled. “Man, I’d forgotten about that.” 

“She must think I’m such a freak.”

“You are a freak.”

“I never even told Sehun about that.”

Chanyeol was quiet for a moment while he sipped his coffee. “So it’s definitely over between the two of you?”

“Couldn’t possibly be more over.” She smiled to show that this was a good thing. Then she took a deep breath. “He was seeing some other girl.”

“I always knew he was a bastard.”

“Yeah, well, it was for the best. At least I don’t have to feel guilty for not loving him. It makes it easier, in the end, to think of it as his fault.”

“So are you seeing anyone now?”

Seulgi shook her head. “Not really. There’s this guy Kai that Joy set me up with, and he’s really nice and everything. We talk occasionally. But I don’t know.”

“No spark?”

“I guess. I like talking to him, and he’s an artist. But... yeah. I don’t know. He’s kind of flat. You know, boring.” She wrinkled her nose. “That’s a horrible thing to say, I think.”

Chanyeol only smiled. Then he said, “So you’re looking for someone more exciting.”

Seulgi shrugged. “I’m not sure I’m really looking, honestly. But, I guess. Not a daredevil or anything, but someone... I don’t know. Unpredictable. Maybe.” She frowned and shook her head. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

There was movement in the living room, and then, “Do I smell coffee?” Baekhyun stumbled into the kitchen a moment later and stole Chanyeol’s mug. He sat down at the table and took a long sip. “Mmmm.”

“Hey!” Chanyeol grabbed the mug back. “Get your own!” Baekhyun pouted.

Seulgi smiled and got up to get another cup. “So guess who Joy and I met.”

“Brad Pitt?” was Baekhyun’s guess.

“George Clooney?” was Chanyeol’s.

Seulgi returned to the table and handed Baekhyun some coffee. “Kim Jisoo” she said.

“Shut up!” said Baekhyun, his jaw dropping. “I love her.” He turned to Chanyeol. “Don’t I love her?” 

“He loves her,” Chanyeol said.

Baekhyun leaned forward in his chair. “Girl’s got awesome taste in everything. What was she wearing? Tell me everything.”

Seulgi frowned briefly. “Uh...”

“How’d you meet her? Where? When?”

“She was actually at the gallery that night you guys couldn’t make it,” Seulgi said.

“Shut up!”

Seulgi shrugged apologetically.

“So unfair. What’d she say?”

“She loved my art,” Seulgi said, letting herself feel proud. “Then I randomly ran into her a few days later, and she said she wanted me to paint some stuff for her new apartment.”

Baekhyun stared at her in shock. “Okay, you’re making this up.”

“I’m not!”

He shook his head and picked up his coffee. “I don’t believe you.”

Seulgi grinned. “Of course, that assumes that she still remembers who I am and ever actually calls me. But it was really flattering at the time.”

Joy walked out of her room and joined them a second later, still holding on to the phone. “Guess who’s starring in a short film?”

There was a chorus of cheers across the table that came to a halt when they realized how much it hurt their heads to actually speak above a whisper.

Joy helped herself to the coffee and sat down at the table. “I’m meeting with the director for a late brunch so we can discuss my part.”

Baekhyun grinned. “That’s quite a way to start the new year.”

“Tell me about it.” Joy smiled brightly and sighed happily as she settled in the chair. Seulgi had a sudden feeling that it was going to be a very interesting year.

 

 

***

 

JISOO

 

Jisoo awoke to the sound of her cell phone vibrating on her nightstand and though it took her a long moment to decipher the true nature of the buzzing sound, she managed to breathe a groggy, “Hello?” before anyone hung up.

“What did you mean by ‘it might’ve been a date’?”

The sound of Jennie’s voice woke Jisoo up slightly, and she rolled over and sat up. “Uh...” 

“I mean, were you still not sure when you said that, or were you just trying to drive me insane? I’m okay with either.”

Jisoo rubbed her eyes and tucked her hair behind her ear in an attempt to stall. “Maybe both,” she said finally.

Jennie laughed. “Good enough. So, um, I’m in L.A. for a couple of weeks and I was hoping I could accidentally bump into you somewhere. If you’re interested in being bumped into.”

Jisoo didn’t know what she wanted. Maybe eggs. Eggs and bacon sounded good. Anything beyond a breakfast menu was beyond her right then. “I’ve got a photo shoot today and then I’m back on the Guardian set tomorrow and we’re filming straight through until the end of the month. You might be able to catch me by the catering cart if you’re lucky.” She paused a moment to think about her schedule more seriously. “I’m being auctioned off next week at a celebrity charity thing.”

“Does the winner get to date you?”

“The winner gets to sit at a table with me and talk to me for all of ten minutes while a bunch of other people stand around and make sure said winner doesn’t prove to be a psycho. Very exciting stuff. But there’s bound to be a really boring party afterwards.”

Jennie’s laugh was soft. “Maybe I’ll stop by then. I love boring parties.” 

“Be careful, though. They might want to auction you off, too.”

“No one would bid on me.”

Jisoo hesitated but said, “I would.”

There was silence in which Jennie could’ve either been smiling or rolling her eyes or maybe a combination of the two. Finally, the director said, “Hmm.”

Jisoo fell back against the pillows. “Very articulate.”

There was the soft laugh again, followed by, “Yes, well.” Jennie cleared . “Actually there was another reason I was calling.”

“Yes?”

“It’s looking very likely that I’ll be playing Samantha, and I can’t decide if that maybe means we shouldn’t be accidentally bumping into each other places.”

Jisoo frowned briefly. “So you’re calling to say you want to see me, to find out if I want to see you, and also to tell me that maybe we shouldn’t want to see each other?”

Jennie laughed. “It sounds kinda crazy when you put it that way. I want to see you. I want you to want to see me. I just don’t know if it’s the best idea.”

Jisoo was shaking her head. Of course it wasn’t the best idea. “So, what do you propose?”

“How about we see where we are after we’re done shooting?”

“Sounds good.”

There was a pause, and then, “I may still accidentally bump into you at that charity thing.”

“You’re a very confusing woman.”

“Guess we’re even.”

Jisoo smiled at that. “See you around, Ms. Ruby.”

“Bye, Ms. Kim.”

Jisoo stared at the phone long after they’d hung up, unsure of how to feel. She placed it back on the nightstand and looked around the room, taking in the sunlight pouring in from the balcony. It was only 9AM, which gave her a few hours to relax before posing for the camera. She hated photo shoots. She hated the interviews that came with them. She hated how phony she seemed in her attempts to sound genuine.

She’d fallen asleep with the laptop beside her and she pulled it closer and turned it on. Before long, she was starting an email to Seulgi. In the subject line she wrote, “Women are confusing.”

 

Dear Seulgi,

I just had a phone conversation with Saucy that went sort of like this:

Her: I want to see you again. When can I see you again? Me: How about at this place on this day?

Her: Great. I’ll be there.

Me: Looking forward to it.

Her: Actually, I was really calling to say maybe we shouldn’t see each other. 

Me: So, you want to see me but not see me?

Her: Yep.

Me: Okay then.

Her: But I’ll still probably see you at that place. 

Me: ...

So there you have it. So basically she thinks us getting romantically involved might negatively impact our working relationship – which makes perfect sense. But then she still wants to see me? I crown Saucy Fipbic the new Queen of Mixed Signals.

But anyway. I start work again tomorrow. Today, really, which means my emails are likely to slow down in frequency and quantity. I apologize ahead of time. It’s very time consuming hiding all those dead bodies. ;)

Anyway, I should run. Gotta get the rope and the duct tape ready.

All the best in the new year. I don’t think there’s such a thing as too much happiness. :)

Your friend, Sooya.

P.S. I started reading Harry Potter.

 

 

***

 

 

SEULGI 

 

Seulgi sat at Washington Square Park sipping coffee and reading The Poisonwood Bible. It was cold, too cold to be sitting outside, but she didn’t mind. She enjoyed the feel of the icy breeze on her face. She liked the smell of melting snow. She loved New York in the winter. Even in gloomy weather, she still found it beautiful.

The book was good. Different than the sort of books Seulgi read, in the rare occasions when she did read. Mainly, she liked going over the words and thinking of Sooya having read them before her. It made her want to read Harry Potter again, too, and experience it anew. She wondered if Sooya was enjoying it, or if she’d put it aside and forgotten about it. Her online friend hadn’t lied when she’d said that her emails would wane in frequency. It had been over a week since the last one, and Seulgi missed turning on her computer to find an email from Sooya waiting there. She’d decided, instead, to throw herself into the business of reading Sooya’s favorite books. She’d bought The Color Purple along with the other, knowing she would want to read it even if Sooya didn’t make it through the Harry Potter experience.

School didn’t start up again for another week, and her artistic inspiration was once again at a standstill. The money from the artwork she’d sold at the gallery had come through and she’d stared at the check for a long time, unsure whether to deposit it or simply frame it. She’d deposited it, in the end, because the money was useful, but the entire time she’d stood in line at the bank she’d felt a sense of wonder that someone had paid nearly $3000 for her work.

She thought of Kim Jisoo then, and let herself feel flattered by the compliments the actress had paid her. Even if the call never came, she was still grateful for the sentiment behind the offer. And if she was honest, a part of her hoped the call never would come. She didn’t want to disappoint the actress if she should find herself completely devoid of inspiration.

The artist finished her coffee and tossed the cup into the garbage can beside her. After a moment, she returned to the book.

 

***

 

 

JISOO

 

Jisoo stood by the bar, waiting for a refill on her champagne. Beside her, one of her co-stars from Guardian went on about his holidays abroad. She thanked the bartender and turned her full attention to the young guy beside her, who was still working up the nerve, she knew, to ask her out.

“So what did you get up to?” he asked, dark hair sliding over hazel eyes. “Any fun parties? I heard Jeff Sark threw a crazy wild one for New Year’s. Did you go?”

He was bordering drunk, the fact evident by how close he was standing, but Jisoo didn’t mind. Having him by her side meant few others would saunter up to her. Skyler Rodriguez was beautiful in a way most others found intimidating. “I missed it, actually. I had a small gathering at home.”

He smiled in the way he knew made most women melt. “So I heard you and Mr. Wang finally broke up.”

“Interesting segue,” Jisoo said, picking up her glass.

“He’s an idiot for letting you go,” Skyler said, undeterred. He leaned against the bar and swirled the liquid in his glass around. “I never liked him.”

“Dirty martini, please,” someone said behind her, and Jisoo recognized the voice immediately.

She almost smiled, but didn’t turn around. “Yeah, I don’t know what it is about directors I find so appealing,” she told Skyler.

“Bah. Stick to actors. We’ll treat you right. Speaking of which, Jisoo, I was actually meaning to ask if you’d like to come to a party I’m hosting next weekend? It’s small... intimate.” He smiled that smile again.

“I’ll have to check my calendar, but if I’m free, sure,” she said, knowing she wouldn’t be free. Jennie chose that moment to cross her field of vision, martini in hand. “Jennie,” she called.

The director turned her way and smiled in greeting. “Jisoo, hi. Didn’t see you there.”

Jisoo knew that was a lie. “Skyler, do you know Jennie Ruby? I’ll be starring in her next film.”

They shook hands, and Skyler grinned. “If you’re looking for a male lead...”

Jennie smiled in return. “It’s more of a girl-on-girl thing,” she said, and Jisoo nearly choked on her drink.

Skyler laughed. “Never mind then. That’s great though. I’ll be watching. If Jisoo’s in it, I’m there.” He winked in Jisoo’s direction. “Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, ladies, I’ve got to go to the little boy’s room.”

They watched him go, and Jisoo turned to Jennie. “I almost didn’t think you’d show.”

“I almost didn’t,” Jennie admitted, coming to stand where Skyler had been. “But then I thought, ‘it’s for a good cause, so...’”

Jisoo grinned. “Do you even know what the cause is?”

“You know, I actually don’t. And I gave a huge check at the entrance. Tell me it’s not for something like... handing out make-up to underprivileged poodles?”

“That’s next week,” Jisoo said, with a laugh. She sipped her champagne, and was glad, suddenly, that Jennie had shown. She didn’t know what it meant for them, but she liked having the director there. “It’s for a children’s hospital, actually.”

Jennie breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. So how much did you go for? I missed the exciting stuff.”

“Twenty-five grand.”

Jennie whistled. “For ten minutes of your time?”

Jisoo nodded. “Crazy, I know. And the guy spent the first five minutes staring at me, and the other five babbling incoherently about... fishing, I think?”

“Poor guy,” Jennie said. “That’s what you get for being so beautiful.” She said the last part in a whisper, but Jisoo heard her anyway.

Jisoo didn’t embarrass easily, but she was suddenly at a loss for words. She looked at the director, dressed in her black suit, with her long blonde hair loose around her shoulders, and decided to change the subject. “You look like you’re on your way to a corporate meeting.”

Jennie shook her head, and glanced down at herself. “I just got out of one, actually, with a bunch of stuffy men in suits. I can’t wait to change out of this.”

Jisoo only nodded. After a moment of silence, she said, “Jennie, why did you come?” The director looked at her but hesitated. “You really want to talk about this here?”

Jisoo looked around. Skyler was making his way back toward them, and she suddenly felt tired. “Can I give you a ride back to your hotel?”

Jennie nodded. “Sure.”

Skyler reached them. “Who’s up for an afterparty?”

“We’re actually heading out,” Jisoo said to him. “When do you sleep? We’ve got to be at the set in like five hours.”

Skyler grinned brightly. “That’s when not being the star comes in handy. I’ll crash in my trailer between takes. Don’t you worry about me. Let me walk the two of you out.”

Outside, her limo was waiting for her, along with Samuel, her chauffeur, and half of Hollywood’s paparazzi. The cameras flashed as they walked out and Jisoo could only imagine what the blog headlines would be saying in the morning. It didn’t help matters any that Skyler had opted to put his arm around her as they’d walked out.

Samuel opened the door as they approached and greeted them cordially.

Jennie climbed into the car.

Jisoo turned to Skyler and said, “See you tomorrow.”

He kissed her cheek just as a camera flashed in their direction. And then the door closed and she and Jennie were alone.

“This is going to be all over the Internet tomorrow,” Jisoo said, shaking her head. She lowered the partition once she knew Samuel had climbed into the driver’s seat. To Jennie she asked, “Where can we drop you?”

“Beverly Hills Hotel.”

Samuel waved a hand to mean that he’d understood, and the partition went up again. “Fancy,” Jisoo said, referring to the hotel.

“Wasn’t my idea,” Jennie replied, settling into the plush leather seats. “I’m meeting with a studio about a potential TV show that may or may not happen. We’ll see. It’s in the can’t- jinx-it-by-talking-about-it stage.”

Jisoo nodded, understanding. “So.”

“I have no idea why I came,” Jennie blurted. “I was in that meeting and the only thing I could think about was how nice it would be to see you again. And I know that I’m all over the place with the signals and you must think me totally insane. There’s just this part of me that wants to keep things strictly professional and then there’s this other part of me that can’t stop thinking about kissing you.”

Jisoo’s heart began to pound furiously in her chest at the words and the images that accompanied them. It would be so simple to lean over and kiss the director, to forget reality for a short while and give in to her curiosity, perhaps even her desire. But what then? She looked away, at the lights passing by her window.

“It would be selfish of me to kiss you,” she said softly, “because I want to, but beyond that, I don’t know what I want.” She turned to look at the director. “I do know that I don’t want to gamble with this film.”

Jennie smiled softly. “Neither do I.”

Jisoo felt a wave of relief. “So... friends?” 

“Friends,” Jennie agreed.

 

 

*****

 

 

SEULGI

 

Seulgi glanced at the time on her cell phone as she hurried out of the Barney Building. Class had ended early, for a change. The professor’s obsession with a certain Tuesday night television show meant that class was held in turbo speed.

“Hey, beautiful,” a voice said near her ear, and Seulgi turned to see Kai standing there.

She smiled. “Hey stranger,” she said, as he fell in step beside her. “Long time no see.”

“I kept meaning to call and say hi, but family holiday stuff, you know? How are your classes this semester?”

He’d cut his hair, Seulgi noticed. The sides were shaved off and the top was spiked. She thought it made his eyes look prettier somehow. “Art & Contemporary Culture is going to kick my . I’m sure of it. The rest are okay. What about you?”

“Lots of electives. I’m loving Media Fundamentals, though. I opted for Digital Art.”

“Bold move for a dancer.” She smiled. “Are you headed to class?”

“I’ve got Psych in a couple of hours,” he said. “You?”

“I’m done, thankfully. I’m meeting Joy in Central Park. Did she tell you? She’s shooting a film there.”

“No kidding?” He looked impressed. “That’s awesome. I hadn’t talked to her in a while.” 

“Yeah, I think today’s the last day, though. I’m Joy’s date to the wrap-up party.”

“Joy’s got good taste.” He grinned in a way that managed to look sweet, somehow, and she looked away, feeling shy all of a sudden.

They came to a stop at 3rd Avenue. “I’m headed to Lafayette,” Seulgi told him.

“I’m gonna get something to eat before class. We should get together sometime,” he said, looking hopeful.

“That’d be nice. Give me a call?”

“Count on it.”

They headed in opposite directions, and Seulgi stuffed her hands in the pockets of her jacket to keep them from freezing. Despite her love of winter, she was looking forward to spring. The muddy piles of snow and leafless trees were beginning to depress her. And it was only the first week of February.

Her phone began to chime somewhere inside her messenger bag, with a tune assigned to unknown numbers. She dug the object from the depths of her bag, and stared at the unfamiliar number on the display screen. “Hello?”

“Hello, is this Kang Seulgi?” a female voice asked.

“This is me, well, her.” Seulgi rolled her eyes at herself. “What can I do for you?” 

“I’m Rosé Park, Kim Jisoo’s assistant. Do you have a moment?”

Seulgi halted in her steps, and nearly got trampled by a stroller. She got out of the way, and quickly said, “Ah, yeah! Sure. I mean, I do.”

“Ms. Kim was wondering if you were still interested in contributing your art to her new apartment?”

“Sure, yeah. I’d love to.” Seulgi rolled her eyes again, knowing she sounded like an idiot. “Great. Would you be available to meet with her sometime this week?”

Seulgi’s stomach fluttered at the prospect of meeting with the actress. “Um, sure. I have classes but maybe after...” She paused, then said, “I’m free on Friday.”

“That works. How about Friday at two?”

“Great.”

“I’ll send you a text message with the address. Thanks for your time, Ms. Kang.”

“Take care.” Seulgi dropped the phone from her ear and shook her head. A minute later a text message came through with the details of the appointment and Seulgi stared at the series of letters and numbers in mild disbelief. She locked the phone and threw it back in her bag. Her hands were cold again and she rubbed them together before putting them back in her pockets. Then she hurried toward the subway station.

Somewhere along the way it hit her that the phone call she’d been both anticipating and dreading had finally come. She didn’t forget about me, Seulgi thought, as she headed down the stairs and into the warmth.

 

 

***

 

 

JISOO

 

Jisoo stared expectantly at Rosé the moment her assistant hung up the phone. “Well? What did she say? How did she sound?”

Rosé lifted an eyebrow, looking amused as she put the phone down on the kitchen counter. “Like... she’s terrified.” She regarded Jisoo seriously. “Are you sure you’ve thought this through?”

“Yes,” Jisoo said. “And by yes, I mean of course not. If I thought this through I’d be forced to have myself committed.” She took a deep breath. “What do you mean by ‘terrified’?”

“Just that.”

Jisoo frowned. “Do I seem intimidating? I don’t want to intimidate her.”

“Yeah, good luck with that.” Rosé shook her head and looked around. “I love this apartment.”

Jisoo allowed the change of topic, and surveyed her surroundings. She’d fallen in love with the apartment the second she’d seen the pictures. She loved the hardwood floors, the floor-to-ceiling windows, the state of the art kitchen, the gorgeous view. It had cost almost as much as her beach front property and it was worth every penny. “Do you think it comes across as pompous?”

Rosé glanced at her curiously. “Is this about Seulgi again?”

“No,” Jisoo lied. “Okay, maybe. I just don’t want her to think I’m a snob.”

“Jisoo, I doubt she thinks you live in a cardboard box.” Rosé looked around again. “Besides you have no furniture. The only thing it comes across as is... empty.”

Jisoo smiled at that. “Like a canvas.”

Rosé rolled her eyes. “Okay, on that note, I’m out of here. I have to go finish unpacking before Jackson gets here tomorrow.”

“Have fun.”

Rosé disappeared out of view and a few seconds later, the sound of the door echoed through the apartment. Jisoo let the stillness settle before disrupting the silence with her movement. She climbed the stairs that led to her bedroom and collapsed on the bed. She turned the stereo on and let the radio pick the soundtrack for the evening. Jisoo hadn’t brought much to New York. The bed was new. She’d had it delivered before arriving. The stereo, the flat-screen TV, the bedside tables, all of that she’d purchased in the days following her arrival. She wanted New York to feel like a fresh start.

KT Tunstall began to play just as her cell phone chimed and Jisoo grabbed it off the nightstand and checked her missed messages. She had only a text message. 

 

From: Seulgi.

K.J. actually called. Sort of. Details later. Off 2 party w/ strangers. Ick.

 

Jisoo smiled and replied.

 

Have fun :)

 

She let the phone slide out of her hand and onto the covers. She wanted to pretend that she wasn’t petrified about Seulgi coming to her apartment. She wanted to pretend that she and Sooya were entirely different people, and that she wasn’t actually lying to anyone but herself. But none of that was the truth. Seulgi would be stepping into the apartment in a few days and Kim Jisoo would be there to welcome her. And at some point, preferably before things got any more complicated than they already were, the truth would have to come out.

How or when, Jisoo had no idea.

 

 

*****

 

 

SEULGI

 

Seulgi stared up at the structure in front of her and let out a shaky breath. Finding Kim Jisoo’s apartment building hadn’t been hard. It was a brand new development on the Upper East Side and she had passed by it several times before and wondered what it would cost to live in such a place. She took in the sleek and modern architecture and tall, shiny windows and focused on breathing.

She glanced at the time on her cell. She was early, but not too early, and after a couple of calming breaths she made her way toward the doorman.

“Ms. Kim is waiting for you,” he said, after she’d convincingly proved her identity. He opened the door and tipped his hat.

Seulgi stepped inside. The lobby was busy with people in business suits talking on cells or with each other. There were chairs and couches that made Seulgi think of IKEA furniture but that probably cost much more. What am I doing here? She wondered as she started toward the elevators. She couldn’t have felt more out of place. She thought of her own building: dark and dingy and falling apart; the light past the front door flickering in and out. Any day now she’d walk in to find no light at all, and then it would take a week or so for the landlord to bother fixing it.

Seulgi called for the elevator.

A woman in a pink velour track suit walked up. She fixed her perfect blonde curls in the nearest reflection she could find and glanced her up and down out of the corner of her eye.

The doors opened and an older woman walked out yelling something at the two men behind her, who apologized severely for whatever infraction they’d committed. Their voices echoed in the lobby, mixing with the others in a chorus of pretention.

Seulgi stepped into the elevator after the track suit lady, who waited with a bored expression to see what button she pushed.

A model-perfect brow lifted slightly at the sight of the other lit button on the panel. “Are you sure you’ve got the right floor, honey? There’s only one apartment up there.”

The tone aimed for politeness, she guessed, but fell short. “I’m sure,” she said.

“I heard a movie star moved into the penthouse,” the lady said conversationally, her tone softening ever so slightly at the thought that perhaps she was standing beside someone who knew someone important.

Seulgi only offered a tight smile in reply, and waited quietly for the doors to open on the eleventh floor so the lady would leave. Nothing else was said between them, and the ride to Kim Jisoo’s penthouse apartment was blissfully free of interruptions.

The elevator doors opened into a brightly lit hallway and finding the actress’ door was simple enough. Knocking was decidedly harder, and Seulgi looked at the time again just to make sure she wasn’t late. She could always call and say she couldn’t make it after all, that life had thrown a curve ball and her time would be swallowed up by other matters. She could always change her mind. There were other artists. Better artists. Artists far better suited to this type of work and this type of lifestyle.

It would be a lot easier on everyone if Seulgi changed her mind before Kim Jisoo changed hers. But then the door opened and Kim Jisoo was suddenly standing in front of her wearing a big blue sweatshirt with a giant “Y” and the word “Bulldogs” emblazoned at the center and baggy light blue jeans that were frayed at one knee. She looked so different that Seulgi almost didn’t recognize her.

The actress was looking at her apologetically. “You looked like you were about to bolt back to the elevator.”

Seulgi must have looked confused because the actress pointed to the camera above the door. Of course, she thought.

“Please come in?” Kim Jisoo said in a tone that sounded almost like pleading. “I promise if you absolutely don’t want to do this, you don’t have to. But since you’re here...”

Yes, since I’m here, she thought and nodded, feeling embarrassed for being so transparent in her nervousness. The actress moved to the side, and Seulgi walked in, distracted instantly by the sight of the apartment. The ceiling was at least twenty feet high, and the windows stretched all the way up, leaving a clear view of Manhattan. The walls were pristine white and the floors were light, polished hardwood.

Everything was so beautiful that it took Seulgi a minute to realize that there was no furniture anywhere; no chairs, no couches, no tables. And then the smell of coffee reached her nose and she was distracted all over again.

“Would you like some coffee?” The actress had closed the door and was on the move. Seulgi noticed that she was barefoot and she wondered if she should take off her own shoes. She felt a bit like she was standing in a museum, though it was far warmer, and there was nothing to look at but a beautiful actress that at this moment looked very much like any other person; someone that might’ve sat beside her in class, or passed by her at a coffee shop.

And the thought of coffee reminded Seulgi that she’d been asked a question. “Um, sure. I’d love some,” she said, and followed the actress.

The kitchen was open, facing the incredible view of the city, and everything in it looked like it came out of a professional chef’s dream. Kim Jisoo might’ve not had any furniture but she’d clearly spent a fortune on kitchen appliances. 

“Did you find the building okay?”

“It was hard to miss,” Seulgi told her, leaning against the black marble countertop, before thinking perhaps she shouldn’t touch anything at all. She moved away and tried not to stare as Kim Jisoo moved around the kitchen.

“Yeah, it’s a bit of an eyesore.” The actress placed a mug in front of Seulgi. “Black?”

Seulgi frowned briefly. “How did you know?”

Kim Jisoo smiled and walked to the refrigerator. She took out a bottle of milk and said, “It was in your bio. From the program at the gallery. It said your biggest addictions were ...” She scrunched up her face in thought and counted off in one hand, “Salvador Dali paintings... watching really bad movies with your best friend... and black coffee.”

Seulgi vaguely recalled writing that. “Oh.” She looked down at the steam rising from the mug. “I didn’t think anyone actually read those.”

The actress poured milk into her own mug. “Well, before inviting you over, I wanted to check that your hobbies didn’t include murdering celebrities.”

“Oh they edited that part out.” Seulgi offered half a smile and picked up her coffee. It was hot but delicious, and she wondered what brand it was.

The actress grinned and then proceeded to put about six spoonfuls of sugar into her mug. Seulgi must have looked horrified because Kim Jisoo stopped what she was doing. “What’s wrong?”

Seulgi looked down and away. “Nothing.”

“No, really. What’s the matter?”

Seulgi looked back up and sighed. “You’re just massacring that poor coffee.”

Brown eyes, made even darker by the sweatshirt, regarded her curiously, then dropped down to look between the spoon of sugar in her hand and the mug. She looked up again. “I am?”

“Completely. You probably shouldn’t even call it coffee now.” 

“What should I call it?”

The actress looked amused, and Seulgi was relieved that she hadn’t offended her. “I don’t know... ‘noffee’.” She rolled her eyes at her inability to come up with anything better. “You should try it pure... sometime... I mean, if you want.” She felt like an idiot. She was sure the next words out of the actress’ mouth would be, “Who are you to tell Kim Jisoo how to take her coffee?”

But Jisoo simply shrugged, and said, “Okay.” And she poured the contents of her mug into the sink. She rinsed the mug and filled it back up again. “Better?”

Seulgi was too surprised to comment. She watched as the actress attempted a sip only to make a face that Seulgi had never seen before.

“That’s disgusting,” she said, and Seulgi found herself laughing.

“It’s an acquired taste,” Seulgi admitted, and drank her own contentedly.

Kim Jisoo picked up the milk again. “I think I’ll just enjoy my ‘noffee’ instead.”

Seulgi only smiled to herself. She was starting to feel glad that she hadn’t run away, or rather, that the actress had caught her before she did. She would have hated to miss out on the face Kim Jisoo had made.

And also the coffee was divine.

 

 

****

 

 

JISOO

 

Jisoo tried not to focus on the fact that Kang Seulgi was in her apartment, and tried instead to concentrate on being herself. At least, the closest approximation to herself she could be considering how nervous she was. She had spent her entire morning staring anxiously at the time, willing it to go faster or maybe stop altogether; she went back and forth depending on her level of panic.

And now that they were standing only a few feet apart, Jisoo felt an undercurrent of excitement, which somehow surpassed her ever-present fears. Seulgi was standing in her apartment, looking as beautiful as Jisoo remembered; yet she was acutely aware of the artists’ nervousness which radiated through every word and every movement and served to make Jisoo wonder if they could ever be anything beyond strangers standing awkwardly in a room. Jisoo noticed that Seulgi was still wearing her jacket, and she kicked herself for not having noticed sooner. “I’m sorry. I’m a terrible hostess. Are you too warm?”

Seulgi glanced down at herself; at the black Converse, the flared jeans, or just at the jacket itself, Jisoo wasn’t sure. “Um,” said the artist, “a bit.”

Jisoo would’ve given anything to make Seulgi feel at home. But how could she? There wasn’t even any furniture. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I turned up the heat like crazy because I’m not used to the cold.” She glanced around. “I can show you where to put your stuff, if you want.” She headed for the stairs. At least her bedroom had some semblance of personality.

Seulgi followed several steps behind and at the top step she paused and looked around. “Is this your room?”

Jisoo took in the semi-open space, trying to see it as Seulgi did. “Yeah it wasn’t supposed to be, exactly. I think it was meant to be like a... den... or an office. It’s a lot smaller than the master bedroom, but I like that it’s open. I like just walking up the stairs and being in my room. And it’s cool just looking down at everything. Plus,” and here she pointed upwards, “I really love that.”

Seulgi glanced up and noticed the skylight. Her face broke into a smile at the sight of it. “That’s so cool. I love this,” she said, motioning to the room in general. “I’d love a bedroom like this. Mine is so... dark.”

Jisoo didn’t know what to say to that, because her only instinct was to offer her every possession to Seulgi on a silver platter. “You can just drop everything on the bed.”

The artist placed the bag on the floor and removed her jacket, but kept her scarf, which Jisoo remembered from the day at the theater. Underneath, she wore a black hoodie sweatshirt with a faded pattern across the chest. She tossed the jacket on the bed and regarded Jisoo with a somewhat expectant expression.

Jisoo hadn’t planned on bringing Seulgi to her room, and having her there felt strangely intimate. She had to remind herself that Kim Jisoo and Kang Seulgi weren’t friends. Not yet. Maybe not ever. “So,” she said, turning to look down at the apartment below. “What do you think?”

Seulgi walked over and stood beside her. She looked pensive as she surveyed the view. “I’m not really even sure what you want.”

At that moment Jisoo wanted many things that could never be. Being that close to Seulgi was distracting and she moved away. “I was thinking a mural.”

“A mural?”

Jisoo nodded. “Yeah, on that big wall when you first walk in.”

“And what do you want me to paint on this wall?”

“Anything you like.” Jisoo shrugged. “You can do graffiti art for all I care.” She looked around. “It’s just all so boring, you know? I’d love to walk in and see something original.”

Seulgi was looking at her strangely. “You seriously want me to paint your wall?” 

“Is that weird?”

“Well, what if you don’t like it?”

Jisoo figured there was little chance of that. She’d seen a few of Seulgi’s paintings. In fact, she owned four of them, and there was nothing about them she didn’t love.

“I think what you do with a paintbrush is magical,” she said, knowing that if anything else between them could be construed as a lie, that this, above all else, was the absolute truth. “I doubt there’s anything you could do that I wouldn’t love.”

Seulgi looked momentarily speechless and Jisoo decided to save her from having to say something. “I opted not to buy any furniture until you knew what you wanted to paint. I didn’t want to limit or influence your creativity in any way.”

Seulgi sighed. “I think you think I’m something that I’m not. You’d be better off just hiring a professional.”

“And what are you?”

“I’m just an art student.”

“Oh.” Jisoo wondered what Seulgi was really afraid of.

“I don’t want to waste your time, Ms. Kim. I don’t even know if I can come up with anything to paint.”

Jisoo looked at the artist thoughtfully. She wondered how it was possible for someone so talented to be so unsure of herself. Jisoo might have accepted any number of excuses from Seulgi, but self-doubt was certainly not one of them. 

“Well, I guess I have a problem then.”

“You do?”

Jisoo nodded. “I mean, there are other artists who do beautiful work, don’t get me wrong, but out of all of them, you’re the only one I want.” That hadn’t been quite what she’d intended to say, and if she were the type to blush, she would have. But it was the truth, at least, in more ways than one, and she liked being able to tell the truth.

Seulgi only stared at her.

“You can take as long as you want to come up with whatever it is you end up painting. I’m in no hurry. My guests can just sit on the floor.”

There was a flicker of a smile on Kang Seuli’s lips. And then, “Let me see this wall.”

 

 

***

 

 

SEULGI 

 

Seulgi agreed to it, in the end. She agreed to a mural and whatever else Kim Jisoo wanted her to do because she had run out of excuses, and turning this opportunity down would be monumentally stupid. But there were other reasons, too. She’d been surprised by the actress’ words, and her praise, which had seemed to Seulgi at once genuine and pleading, flattered her. For whatever reason, Kim Jisoo wanted her to paint for her, and Seulgi could think of no higher compliment than that.

“I guess I can come up with some rough sketches and you tell me what you like best,” Seulgi suggested.

The sound of the lock at the door echoed softly through the large apartment, interrupting whatever the actress might’ve said next, and Seulgi turned to see a young woman enter the apartment. She looked vaguely familiar, and Seulgi thought she might have seen her at the gallery. Her hair was reddish brown back then though, it was blonde now and was clipped back away from her face. She was young, in her mid-twenties, Seulgi guessed, and was dressed in jeans and a black pea coat. She carried in her hand a plastic bag and had a cell phone to her ear. “... well, you’re not supposed to reheat a cheeseburger for ten minutes in the microwave! What did you think was going to happen? Anyway, I just got to Jisoo’s. I’ll call you later. Please don’t burn anything down.” She noticed Seulgi and Jisoo watching her and looked surprised. 

“Sorry, I’m just dropping this off,” she said, lifting up the bag in her hand.

“Seuli, this is my assistant, Rosé Park. Rosé, this is Kang Seulgi.”

Rosé walked over and shook Seulgi’s hand. “Pleasure to meet you,” she said kindly. “I’m sorry to interrupt.” To Jisoo, she said, “Where do you want these?”

Seulgi idly wondered what was in the bag, out of curiosity and nothing more.

The actress waved in the general direction of nowhere in particular and said, “Anywhere is fine. Thanks, Rosé.”

“I live to serve,” she said, as her cell phone rang again. She made an apologetic face and answered, while moving off in the direction of the kitchen. “... she’s busy at the moment, but I can have her get back to you...”

Seulgi regarded the actress. “I should get going,” she said, because she suddenly felt like she’d been there too long and maybe Kim Jisoo had other matters to attend to. “I’ve got some errands to run.” She didn’t know why she felt the need to make up an excuse.

“Sure, let me get your stuff,” the actress replied, and headed up the stairs.

The assistant was off the phone by the time she walked back over. She smiled at Seulgi. “It was really nice to meet you. I really loved your work when I saw it at the gallery.”

Seulgi returned the smile. “Thanks. That means a lot.”

Rosé waved and headed for the door. “I’m off to make sure Jackson didn’t burn down the apartment!” she said loud enough for Jisoo would hear. “See you later!”

The actress was walking down the stairs, Seulgi’s jacket and bag in hand. “Have fun,” she said to Rosé.

And then they were alone again.

Seulgi accepted her belongings. “Thanks. Oh, and um, how should I... uh, contact you?”

“Oh! Right. Hang on.” Kim Jisoo rushed back up the stairs, taking them two at a time, which Seulgi found amusing. She returned moments later with a pen and a small notebook. “Let me give you Rosé’s number. You can get in touch with her any time.” She started to write, then glanced up, looking apologetic. “I’m sorry. I’m a little hard to reach sometimes, so it’s just easier if you go through her.”

Seulgi didn’t know why Kim Jisoo felt the need to apologize to her. But she shrugged anyway and proclaimed it okay. She took the piece of paper when it was offered to her.

At the door, Kim Jisoo said, “Thanks for doing this,” she said, her tone soft and somewhat vulnerable.

The thought of Sooya popped into Seulgi’s mind and it suddenly hit her just how similar their voices were. She almost laughed at the thought. “I just hope you don’t end up regretting it...”

The actress shook her head at her, and then said, “Oh, I almost forgot.” She took an envelope out of her back pocket and pointed it at Seulgi. “I know we never discussed a fee, but I thought this might be enough to get you started.”

Seulgi tentatively accepted the envelope and peeked inside. She didn’t know what she’d expected, but certainly not this. “Ten thousand dollars?” She offered the envelope back. “I’m sorry, Ms. Kim. That’s entirely too much money. All I did was stare at a wall.”

“Please call me Jisoo. And that seems to be the going rate for staring at walls these days. I Googled it.”

Seulgi tried to think of something to reply back to that but her mind went blank. She lowered her arm.

“Take it,” Jisoo insisted.

Seulgi wondered what ten thousand dollars actually meant to someone like Kim Jisoo. It was probably what she spent a week on shoes. But to Seulgi, it was a ridiculous amount of money. “I think you’re insane,” she said, before she could stop herself.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

The actress smiled, and Seulgi found herself thinking how unfair it was for someone to be that beautiful. She smiled back. “I guess I’ll be in touch.”

“I look forward to it.”

Seulgi walked away then. As she waited for the elevator, she glanced back, but Kim Jisoo had disappeared inside her apartment. She glanced down at the envelope in her hand. She’d never held a check with so many zeros attached to it before.

She didn’t think about the money, though, on her ride back down to earth. She thought mostly of Kim Jisoo’s words, and how nice it felt to have someone else believing in her.