A.N: Yes, i hate angst, so here's another update ;)

.......................

 

JISOO

 

Jisoo was awake when the first knock came. She’d been staring at the alarm clock for hours, marveling at how slowly time passed in the absence of distraction. She hadn’t slept. She’d busied herself with thoughts and the occasional show on television, but she hadn’t slept. The clock switched to 7:04am just as the second knock came. Jisoo wanted to ignore it, thinking that it was probably Rosé again. Or maybe Jackson. Or worse yet, a stripper. But she got up anyway, because it was the wrong time for any of those visitors, which meant it might be something important.

Her hand was on the handle when the third knock came, and she barely registered who it was before she swung the door open. “Seulgi.”

Seulgi was standing in the hallway, looking tired and disheveled, dressed in paint-stained jeans and her usual black coat. Her brown hair fell loose around her shoulders, and she looked perfectly serious as she said, “I have questions.”

Jisoo opened the door and let the artist in, trying not to let herself feel relieved or even hopeful. Seulgi removed her coat and sat down on the second step.

“I’ve been up all night reading your emails to me,” she said, looking down at the ground, or maybe at her feet. “And then I spent a while looking up things about you on the Internet.”

Jisoo cringed at that. “A terrifying thought...”

Seulgi looked up. “There’s a lot of rumors about you and that guy from your show.”

“I just bet,” Jisoo muttered.

“So it’s not true?” Seulgi pressed.

Jisoo felt depressed suddenly. Seulgi wanted celebrity gossip? That’s why she’d come? 

“No. It’s not remotely true.”

Seulgi watched her curiously, looking like she wanted to say more but not knowing quite how to phrase it. She looked down again. “It was weird reading the emails again,” she said softly. “Trying to insert the thought of you where my image of Sooya used to be...”

Jisoo waited, her heart pounding heavily in her chest.

“And it wasn’t hard. Which was weird because I don’t know you very well. But you were always so vague about everything in the emails...” Seulgi looked up again. She took a deep breath. “Why did you tell me you were gay?”

The bluntness of the question took Jisoo by surprise, and she hesitated. Paranoid thoughts ran through her mind. If this conversation ended up on YouTube she would never forgive her own stupidity. She had no reason to trust this girl. No reason at all. And still she said, “Because I am.”

Seulgi stared at her. “But why did you tell me? Why would you trust me with that?”

Jisoo sighed, relaxing somewhat. She couldn’t stand anymore. She was starting to feel dizzy. So she walked over to the stairs and climbed past Seulgi. She sat two steps above her, forcing the artist to turn around. “Because,” she said, finally, “when you’re a famous artist I can blackmail you back with your toilet paper square collection... and you wouldn’t want that, would you?”

Seulgi cracked a hint of a smile and stretched along the length of the step, her back against the wall. “Artists are supposed to be quirky,” she said matter-of-factly. “People would find it adorable.” She turned serious. “Why did you really tell me? Why even admit it now?”

“Because I didn’t want to lie to you about it,” Jisoo said. “Because I wanted to trust you. Because I do trust you.”

Seulgi shook her head. “You’re insane.” 

“You’ve called me that before.”

“Then I guess it must be true,” Seulgi said. 

“Must be.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Jisoo didn’t know what to say because she couldn’t tell what Seulgi was thinking. Was it a good sign that Seulgi was there, talking to her about these things? Or was it just a prelude to goodbye?

“I won’t tell anyone,” Seulgi said after a while. She looked up at Jisoo. “Not even Joy.”

Jisoo didn’t know what to say. Saying “Thanks” seemed trite. So she let the silence settle over them again.

“I have more questions,” Seulgi said. “But I’m falling asleep.”

Jisoo was entirely too wired to think about sleep. Seulgi had more questions. Did that mean this wasn’t goodbye? She thought about asking Seulgi if she wanted to crash on her bed for a few hours, but that sounded inappropriate. “Do you want coffee?” she asked instead.

Seulgi seemed to consider it, but shook her head. She stood and grabbed her coat. “I should get going or I’ll end up asleep on the subway.”

Jisoo stood too. “Let me call you a car, at least.”

“It’s okay, really,” Seulgi said, making her way toward the door. She paused with her hand on the handle. “The whole... hiring me to paint on your wall thing... did you mean that or was that just an extension of your guilt?”

“I very much meant it,” Jisoo said, hoping she sounded as honest as she felt.

Seulgi looked thoughtful, but her features betrayed nothing as she opened the door. Then she paused again. “Look, I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about all of this,” she said. “There’s a part of me that understands and a part of me that wants nothing more to do with you. And a part of me that wants to forget the whole thing and just start over.” She looked pensively at the floor. “What do you want?”

“I want to be your friend,” Jisoo said simply, though she knew it wasn’t simple. 

“Why?”

“Because,” Jisoo began, not really knowing where to go with this. “Because you’ve been here for at least fifteen minutes and in all of that time you’ve managed not to make fun of my Spongebob pajama pants.”

Seulgi did smile then. “I thought they were kind of cool.” Jisoo ventured a smile at that.

“Catch you later,” Seulgi said.

Jisoo watched her walk away and then retreated back into her apartment. She felt exhausted suddenly, but also relieved and somewhat giddy. Everything wasn’t fine, but she no longer felt hopeless.

Now, she thought, as she climbed the stairs to her room, if she could figure out a way not to fall in love with this girl, everything would be perfect.

 

 

****

 

SEULGI

 

Seulgi lay in bed, sleepy but sleepless. She’d bought coffee on her way home from Jisoo’s, and that had been a mistake. She closed her eyes as her mind wandered back to the actress. Seulgi felt desperate to dissect every minute detail of this situation. She wanted to think of every question so that every question could be answered. Jisoo was Sooya and Sooya was Jisoo. It all seemed impossible.

Her thoughts drifted, dancing along the edges of her consciousness. Random images floated through her mind: a pen, a flower, a volleyball. She thought she might finally fall asleep. But then the actress’ face popped back into her mind.

Kim Jisoo was gay. It was this that Seulgi came back to. It was this she was having the hardest time believing. She wanted not to focus on what should’ve been a trivial matter. After all, she was not the sort of person that cared about the private lives of celebrities. It should have been an afterthought. But Kim Jisoo was gay and Seulgi could not get past it. She couldn’t get past the actress admitting to it in the first place.

How much would information like that be worth to the media? Probably a lot. And Kim Jisoo trusted Seulgi not to tell.

The thoughts wandered again. Sooya was Jisoo. Did that mean that Jisoo had really never dated anyone? It seemed inconceivable. What of Jackson Wang? And who was Saucy Fipbic? Someone Seulgi might recognize? It felt like detective work, piecing together all of the vague details from Sooya’s emails and trying to make sense of them against the backdrop of Jisoo’s life. She couldn’t remember Saucy’s real name and it was driving Seulgi insane.

She opened her eyes and reached over the edge of the bed to get the laptop. She silently berated herself, but that didn’t stop her. Moments later she was entering keywords into a search engine. Jisoo had been in New York in December and if Seulgi recalled correctly that’s when the date with Saucy had occurred.

It took some time and quite a lot of clicking around from link to link and blog to blog but eventually she found what she’d been looking for. The blog post title read: “Kim Jisoo Samples New York’s Fine Cuisine” and there was a candid picture of the actress standing next to a beautiful girl. The article beneath the photo said, “Kim Jisoo dines out with writer-director/ex-Broadway star, Jennie Ruby, at New York’s Gray’s Papaya.”

The article went on, but Seulgi stopped reading. She stared at the picture for a long time. So that was Saucy Fipbic. Not at all what Seulgi had pictured. The Saucy in her mind had always been somewhat plain and pimply, with shaved, boyish hair and maybe an excessive number of piercings. But Jennie Ruby was anything but plain or pimply, and her hair was long and straight and perfectly styled. The two of them made a stunning couple.

But were they a couple? Seulgi went back into her email archives to see if she’d somehow missed an email or two pertaining to the current status of Jisoo and Jennie’s relationship. The last Seulgi had on the subject was an email in which Saucy had been named the queen of mixed signals. “Hmm,” said Seulgi, switching back to her Internet browser.

Finding information about Jennie Ruby was easier than she had expected. The woman was everywhere, even Facebook. Her details there read: single, lesbian. Seulgi spent some time looking at random pictures and reading people’s comments before deciding she’d done enough stalking for the day.

Seulgi jumped when the door to her room opened suddenly. Heart pounding fast, she frowned at Joy. “Please learn to knock,” she said.

“Oh whatever, like you’re ever in here doing anything naughty.” Joy leaned against the doorway. “You look like crap. Have you slept?”

Seulgi placed the laptop back on the floor and yawned. She shook her head by way of an answer.

“Okay, I’ll leave you alone in a sec, then. Are you busy tonight?” 

“I don’t think so. Why?”

“Because I rented practically every movie Kim Jisoo’s ever been in. You know, for research. And I was hoping we could watch them tonight. I bought tons of popcorn. Oh! And I invited Kai.”

Seulgi sighed. “Why would you do that?” 

“Which part?”

“The Kai part.”

“He came by the café the other day and I thought it’d be fun to do something together. You know, the three of us. Plus, I know you think he’s cute. I also know you’re too much of a wuss to call him and invite him to do anything, so you’re welcome.”

Seulgi was too tired to argue. She sank under the blankets. “I’m going to sleep now,” she announced.

“Okay. Oh hey, did you get the scoop on Kim Jisoo and Skyler Rodriguez?”

“No,” Seulgi lied.

“Hmm. Well, maybe I’ll ask her at the party. Sweet dreams!”

The door closed behind Joy and Seulgi let out a long breath. Kai was coming over tonight? How did she feel about this? She didn’t know. She was too tired to think about it. Instead, she her side and closed her eyes, hoping sleep would finally come.

 

 

***

 

JISOO

 

The limo inched along in New York City traffic and Jisoo leaned her head against the cold glass of the window. Outside, the world continued on. A man walked a dog. A lady spoke on her cell phone. She watched these strangers with a fleeting sense of curiosity. Who were they? Where were they going? Why?

The limo stopped and then moved along, changing Jisoo’s scenery, and with it, her thoughts. Seulgi. It all went back to Seulgi eventually. Jisoo wanted to call. She wanted to call and ask Seulgi if she wanted to go out somewhere, anywhere. She wanted to call and hear about Seulgi’s day. What had she done? What was she doing?

Her eyes closed. “This is so bad,” she whispered.

“What is so bad?” Rosé looked up from her cell phone.

“Nothing.”

“Seulgi?” Rosé guessed.

Jisoo bit her bottom lip, debating whether or not to say anything. She turned to Rosé. “I just shouldn’t be thinking about her so much. I absolutely cannot fall for her.”

“Has it occurred to you at all that maybe it’s too late for that?”

Jisoo sighed and the window clouded where her breath hit it. “I have no idea how to tell the difference,” she admitted. “I tell myself it’s a crush because at least that’s transient. I can trust that it’ll pass. Like a cold.”

Rosé smiled sympathetically. “Well, I certainly can’t tell you what you feel.” She regarded Jisoo pensively. “Has she forgiven you?”

Jisoo shrugged and turned her gaze to the view outside the window. A kid on a skateboard caught her attention briefly. “I don’t know,” she said finally.

“She will.” At Jisoo’s silence, she continued. “Are you looking forward to Jennies’s party?”

The change in topic caught Jisoo by surprise, but she welcomed it all the same. 

“It should be interesting,” she said. “Do you think Joy will be there?”

Rosé looked amused. “And by that do you mean, do I think Seulgi will be there?”

Jisoo closed her eyes again and let her head fall back against the seat. “This is so bad.”

 

 

***

 

SEULGI

 

“This is so good!” Joy held out the now-empty glass in her hand. “What is this?”

Kai chuckled and refilled the glass. “It’s a family secret. My father likes coming up with new drinks and this was his big hit. I’m the only other person who knows the recipe.”

Seulgi sipped the green liquid and wrinkled her nose at the initial bitterness. “Tastes like... apples and... something else.”

“Kiwi!” Joy blurted. “Is there kiwi in this?”

“I’m not telling,” Kai said, laughing. “I’ll pass the recipe on to my children. Maybe.”

Joy shook her head. “Seul, hurry up and marry this guy so you can start popping out some babies.”

Seulgi blushed. The alcohol – whatever it was – was going to her head. It didn’t help that she’d barely slept and that the only thing in her stomach besides Kai’s concoction was several handfuls of popcorn. She leaned forward on the couch to grab some more.

“Where’s that damn pizza? I’m starving.” Joy put her feet on the coffee table. “Should I start the movie?”

Kai settled back, his arm brushing against Seulgi’s. “What are we watching?”

“It’s a Kim Jisoo marathon night,” Joy announced. “We shall begin with Silence Speaks.” Joy picked up the DVD box and read from the back. “’A young woman faces her deepest fears and ultimately finds true love in the most unexpected places.’”

Seulgi put her feet up, too. She didn’t know how she felt about the whole Kim Jisoo movie marathon thing. She was partly curious because she’d never actually watched any of Jisoo’s films, but she was also a bit apprehensive about it. What if she hated them? Or worse, what if she hated Jisoo in them?

“I’ve not seen this one,” Kai said. “I heard she was good in it, though.”

“There’s a lot of gratuitous ,” Joy said. “You’ll appreciate it.”

Kai laughed. “She is pretty hot.”

“She’s a good kisser, too.” Joy giggled. “God, I love that I can say that. It’s such a good ice breaker.”

Seulgi sighed quietly to herself. Lots of things were wrong with this picture and she didn’t know quite where to start. Gratuitous ? Did she really want to see Jisoo ? Wouldn’t that be incredibly awkward? And did Joy have to keep mentioning the fact that she’d kissed Jisoo?

The movie started and Seulgi forced herself to focus on something other than Kai sliding progressively closer to her. On the screen, Kim Jisoo was in the shower and the camera was taking its sweet time trailing down her body. Seulgi looked away. She felt uncomfortable suddenly and had no idea what to do about it. Her gaze wandered back to the screen. A man had stepped into the shower. “Ew,” she found herself saying.

“I know. He’s like twice her age. But he’s got appeal.”

Kai snorted.

Seulgi cringed as the ugly man kissed Jisoo. “Tell me that’s not her true love?”

“No, her true love is young and really hot. She’s just using this guy.”

A knock at the door interrupted the make-out session on the screen, and Seulgi was secretly grateful.

“Pizza!” Joy jumped up to get the door.

Kai leaned over. “Did she really kiss Kim Jisoo?” he whispered.

“So she says,” Seulgi said. “I wasn’t there.”

Kai laughed. “She’s probably making it up.”

Seulgi didn’t say anything to the contrary. The subject made her head spin and the last thing she wanted was to discuss it further.

Joy returned with a couple of pizza boxes. “Let me get some plates.” 

Kai jumped to his feet. “Let me help you.”

Seulgi considered going to help but she felt too exhausted to move; exhausted and partly drunk. She glanced at the time on her cell phone. It was half past seven and she had no idea how long this little gathering was supposed to last. She’d meant to call Jisoo just to say hi; just to keep the communication lines open so things wouldn’t get awkward between them. But she hadn’t come up with anything to say and then Kai had arrived.

Now, however, she felt anxious. She glanced into the kitchen to verify that Joy and Kai were still getting things together, and took her phone. A quick text message. That was casual enough. Sleep well? she typed out. She heard footsteps approaching and sent off the message just in time to accept a plate from Kai. “Thanks.” She smiled at him. He sat down beside her again and served up the slices. The movie resumed. And a minute or two later, her phone vibrated. Seulgi glanced at it and smiled to herself. She felt better suddenly, knowing that she had a message from Jisoo. Jisoo and not Sooya. It was going to take a while to get used the distinction.

On the TV screen, Jisoo’s character was driving a red convertible. Her dark hair was hidden beneath a pink bandana.

Seulgi picked up the slice of pizza and took a bite, determined to pay attention. But her gaze kept drifting to the phone. Curiosity eventually won. She read the reply: I did. Thank you. I had a dream that a giant penguin had stolen my flying cantaloupe. What do you think that means?

Seulgi grinned and put the phone away. She regretted that she couldn’t call Jisoo just then. But maybe later. Later, when Kai had gone. She glanced at him, his profile illuminated by the moving lights on the screen. She liked him. She liked his easy smile. She liked the peacefulness he radiated. Boring might not have been the best way to describe him, she decided. Uncomplicated, maybe. Uncomplicated sounded incredibly appealing to her suddenly.

He caught her looking and she glanced away, embarrassed. She didn’t want to give him the wrong impression, but she wasn’t altogether sure she knew what that was anymore.

 

 

***

 

JISOO

 

Jisoo stared at the phone while trying very hard to look like she wasn’t staring. She’d put it on the table just in case it rang. A text message from Seulgi didn’t necessarily signal an imminent phone call, but there was always the chance for more messages, and Jisoo didn’t want to miss any of those either. But she tore her gaze away from the silent phone, not wanting to seem desperate.

The restaurant was noisy, but the food came well recommended and that was all that mattered. Jisoo had wanted to dine out for a change. She’d been meaning to talk to Rosé and this seemed like a better setting than her kitchen or the limo. Her gaze settled on Rosé. “Can we talk seriously for a moment?”

Her assistant looked startled. “Of course.”

At Rosé’s worried glance, Jisoo continued. “How much longer do you think you’ll want to be working for me?” The question made Rosé flinch, and Jisoo felt guilty for her bluntness, but she said nothing to soften it. This was important.

The question clearly caught Rosé off-guard and she shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “I didn’t have any plans to not be working for you in the near future,” she said. “Why? Are you firing me?”

“I would never fire you,” Jisoo said seriously. “I’m asking because I know you have other projects on the side. I don’t know at what point they’ll become the center of your attention.”

Rosé sighed and picked up her drink. “I have no answer for you, Jisoo. I’m working with Jackson on a screenplay but that’s a long way from being anything substantial. I’ve got nothing else going on besides that.”

Jisoo nodded. “Okay, then I’ve got a proposition for you.” Rosé looked at her expectantly and Jisoo continued. “I want you to be my manager.”

The look on Rosé’s face was priceless and Jisoo almost considered picking up her cell phone and taking a picture. 

“I’m sorry. What?”

“I trust you,” Jisoo said simply. “I trust your advice. I trust your opinions. I trust your instincts. I trust you not to use me or screw me over for your own professional gain.” At Rosé’s silence, she added, “Let’s say, ten percent of anything I make?”

Rosé looked stunned. She shook her head. “Jisoo...” 

“Okay, fifteen.”

“You’re serious about this.”

“Completely.”

“Who’s going to be your assistant then?”

Jisoo shrugged. “I’ll find someone. Is that a yes?”

Rosé looked around the restaurant before turning her attention back to Jisoo. “Why now?”

“Because I’m distracted,” Jisoo said. “I need someone to keep me focused. I need someone who’ll care about my career on days when I don’t. I need someone who’ll care about me on days when I don’t. I don’t trust that I know what’s best for me anymore. But I trust that you would.”

Rosé looked conflicted. “I don’t know if I can make that switch, Jisoo. From being the person that picks up your dry-cleaning to being the person in charge of guiding your career. That’s a huge leap.” She frowned, looking at nothing in particular. “Have you talked to Jackson about this? Wouldn’t he be a better candidate for the job?”

“Jackson’s more distracted than I am,” Jisoo said good-naturedly. “And you do far more than just pick up my dry-cleaning, Rosé. I wouldn’t be offering you this if I didn’t think you were right for it.” She leaned back in her chair. “You don’t have to answer right away.”

The wheels were turning in Rosé’s head and she sighed. “When would you want me to start?”

“The second you say yes.”

Rosé bit her lip. “Fifteen percent?”

Jisoo smiled. “Is that a yes?”

“Jiyong’s going to throw a fit,” Rosé said thoughtfully. “He loves that you don’t have a manager.”

“Rosé...”

Rosé met Jisoo’s gaze. “It’s a yes.”

 

***

 

SEULGI

 

Halfway through the second movie Joy had mysteriously wandered off to her room, conveniently leaving Seulgi and Kai alone. The movie played on, and they sat through the rest of it without saying much of anything to each other. Seulgi knew Joy had left on purpose. In fact, she had expected it, but it didn’t make it any less annoying. The credits rolled and she tried to think of something to say.

“What did you think?”

It was Kai who broke the silence and Seulgi looked at him. What did she think? Of the movie? The movie had been fine. And Jisoo had been more than fine in it; she’d bordered on distracting, in fact. Shower scenes, pool scenes, love scenes. Seulgi had given up averting her gaze. Gorgeous people begged to be looked at, and Kim Jisoo was certainly gorgeous.

“It was good,” she said casually. Kai had also been distracting her; with his proximity, with his looks, with his smile, with the seemingly accidental touches she’d pretended not to notice.

“She’s not coming back out, is she?”

Seulgi glanced briefly at Joy’s door. “No, I doubt it. She doesn’t do subtle.”

Kai chuckled, but he sounded nervous, which in turn made Seulgi feel nervous. 

“Well, um, I guess I should get going. It’s getting pretty late.”

“Oh,” Seulgi said, surprised. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected. Conversation, maybe. “Okay.” She felt awkward, which was annoying because she’d never felt awkward with Kai before. Not like this.

They both stood and made their way to the door. Kai slipped on his jacket and put his hands in the pockets.

“Thanks for coming,” Seulgi said lamely.

“Oh, yeah, my pleasure,” he said. “It was fun.” He was stalling. He looked at her for a long moment before shifting his gaze. “Okay, um, I know you said you weren’t looking for anything serious or even semi-serious, but I thought maybe... ah...” The floor seemed very fascinating to him suddenly. “I thought maybe... possibly... you’d consider going out with me sometime.”

Seulgi felt something that closely approximated relief, but that bordered on something else. She had no word for whatever else it could be, so she smiled and said, “Okay, yeah.”

Kai smiled, brighter than Seulgi had ever seen. “Really? Great! I... um... we can go to a museum?”

“Sure,” Seulgi said.

“Saturday?”

Seulgi was about to say yes, but she remembered the party. The party she’d had no intention on attending until just that moment. A date with Kai was the perfect excuse to get out of going. But. “Actually, I have plans for Saturday.” At his disappointed look she quickly added, “With Joy. I promised I’d go with her to a party... but that wouldn’t be until the evening anyway. So, we can do lunch. If that’s okay?”

The smile was back. “Lunch. Perfect.”

“Okay,” she said in that way people had of making the word sound official.

“Okay,” he said, opening the door. “See you Saturday.”

 

 

***

 

JISOO

 

The phone rang long after Jisoo had given up hoping that it would. She muted the television and grabbed the vibrating object off the nightstand. Her heart started pounding faster as she answered, “Hey.”

“So, what color was the flying cantaloupe?”

Jisoo smiled and shut the TV off altogether. “It was a normal, cantaloupe color.”

“Was it sliced?”

Jisoo thought back to her dream, trying to recall the details. “I’m pretty sure it was whole.”

“Hmm, well Freud would probably say it all ties into somehow.”

“Well, I do find giant penguins incredibly attractive.”

Seulgi laughed.

“So, how was your day?” Jisoo asked, not wanting their conversation to fall into silence. Had it only been hours since they’d last spoken? It felt like weeks.

“My day? Well, I slept about three hours and then I woke up to really loud music coming from upstairs... or maybe next door... it was hard to tell. And then I took a shower. And then... did you really want a play-by-play?”

Jisoo first thought Seulgi meant a play-by-play of the shower and her mind flew to all sorts of inappropriate places. But then she realized that’s not what Seulgi had meant. “Yes,” she said, forcing her thoughts out of the gutter. “I like hearing about your day.”

“Okay, well then I ate leftover Chinese food, and then I... wow, I’m boring myself. Okay, I’ll just go ahead and fast forward to more interesting events: I got a date.”

Jisoo frowned. “With the Chinese food?” Seulgi laughed again and Jisoo smiled at the sound. But she had a feeling that she wasn’t going to like the real answer to the question.

“With Kai.”

Kai. Right. Seulgi hadn’t mentioned him in a while and Jisoo had assumed that meant he was long gone. But then, why would he be? “Well, congrats,” she said, feigning excitement. She could play this role. “How did that happen?”

“Well, Joy invited him over to watch movies and... I don’t know. I just kind of felt like maybe I’d been stupid not to go out with him before. I mean, I get that I was trying to get over the whole thing with Sehun, so I guess it makes sense. But who knows, maybe I’m finally over it now. Maybe I’m getting to a point where I’m ready to start dating again. So when he asked me, I said yes.”

It sounded so simple. Why couldn’t it be that simple for her?

Before isoo could come up with an appropriate response, Seulgi said, “So, is this what we’re doing?”

“Is what what we’re doing?”

“Continuing on as though nothing’s changed,” Seulgi said softly. The change in tone made Jisoo swallow. 

“That’s up to you.”

There was a moment of silence. In the background, Jisoo heard music. It sounded like Damien Rice but maybe it wasn’t. 

“It’s really easy to talk to you like this,” Seulgi said. “You sound like Sooya and so it’s really easy to think that it’s her and not you. Even though I know you’re the same person.” She paused again. “It’s really weird. This whole thing.”

“I’m sure...” Jisoo bit her lip, wishing she could come up with something to say that would make things better. But this wasn’t the sort of situation in which words meant anything.

“I’m okay with the continuing on as though nothing’s changed thing...” Seulgi said after a while. “We can give it a try, anyway.”

“Okay,” Jisoo said, not wanting to feel relieved or excited or anything that might be construed as a positive emotion. Not yet. “So you said this morning that you had more questions.”

“I do,” Seulgi said. “But um... are you free tomorrow? Or is that something I should run by Rosé? Actually, should I even be calling you directly?”

“Yes, to the first question. No to the second. Yes to the third.”

“Hang on, I don’t even remember what I just asked you,” Seulgi said, laughing. “Okay, so do you mind if I stop by tomorrow?”

Jisoo smiled at the question. “Not at all.” 

“Then I will.”

The conversation was coming to an end, Jisoo realized. She searched for something to say that would keep it going. But nothing came to mind. “You must be exhausted,” she said, knowing that wouldn’t help matters any.

“I should be,” Seulgi said. “Mostly I just feel kind of... drunk.” 

“Oh?”

“Yeah, Kai brought over this weird drink his father came up with. I forget what he called it. Anyway, I had a little too much of it, I think. My mind’s a little... fuzzy.”

Kai. Why did that name make Jisoo’s skin crawl? “If it makes you feel any better, you don’t sound... fuzzy.”

Seulgi giggled. “Sorry. I don’t even know why that struck me as funny. I should go to bed. I need sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Jisoo liked the sound of those words coming from Seulgi. “Until tomorrow.” 

 

 

***

 

SEULGI

 

Until tomorrow. The words echoed in Seulgi’s mind as she moved around her room, getting ready for bed. In the bathroom, her conversation with Jisoo played in her head as she brushed her teeth. Giant penguins. She grinned and narrowly avoided getting toothpaste on her shirt.

“Ooh, someone’s in a good mood.” Joy was standing in the doorway, smiling brightly. “Please tell me Kai’s currently tied to your bed...”

Seulgi spit out the toothpaste in in an attempt not to choke on it. She rinsed and stared at Joy. 

“He’s chained to my swing, actually,” she deadpanned, and Joy laughed. “Very subtle move, by the way, leaving us alone like that.”

“Oh you noticed that, did you?”

“The fact that one moment you were there and the next you weren’t? Yeah! Hard to miss.”

Joy only smiled. “I hoped the two of you would be too blinded by love to miss little ol’ me. By the second movie he was sitting so close to you he was practically on your lap. And you didn’t seem to be minding all that much.”

Seulgi bit her lip. “He asked me out.”

“Please tell me you said yes.”

“I said yes.”

Joy clapped her hands. “Yes! I should win an award for my match-making skills. Now get out of the bathroom. I really have to pee.”

Seulgi laughed and headed back to her room. Though the date with Kai was present in her thoughts, it was Jisoo the one Seulgi was thinking about as she crawled into bed. She wasn’t sure why she’d forgiven the actress, other than she’d wanted to. She didn’t know why Jisoo seemed to want to be her friend, but she knew the thought of it made her happy. She turned out the light and listened to the sound of the sink in the bathroom. She half expected Joy to burst in and demand more details about the upcoming date, but the bathroom door opened and then a moment later, she heard Joy’s bedroom door close.

Seulgi relaxed into the covers, and shivered. She was tempted to pick up the phone again and send Jisoo a text message. Something pointless and unnecessary like, “Good night,” but she decided that was silly. Instead, she closed her eyes and tried to think of nothing. But there was always something there: the memory of Kai’s arm brushing against hers every time he’d moved; the image of Kim Jisoo’s body as she’d lifted herself out of a pool.

 

 ****

 

JISOO

 

“So, Jiyong threatened to fly to New York just to talk you out of making me your manager.”

Jisoo switched the phone to her other ear and used her free hand to scroll down the website page. Couches. She was standing in her kitchen, looking at potential couches because the lack of furniture was starting to bug her. 

“That was sweet of him. What’d you tell him?”

“I asked him if he’d ever met you. When has anyone ever talked you out of anything?”

Jisoo smiled. “Hey what do you think of this couch?” She emailed the link. “I like that sandy-cream color.”

Rosé sighed in her ear. “Jisoo, are you sure about this?”

“Well, no. That’s why I asked for your opinion.”

“I’m talking about this whole manager thing. I printed a list of management agencies that would love to represent you. Wouldn’t you like to give one of those a shot? And ooh, nice couch. I wonder if I could fit that in my apartment?”

“Oh sure, steal my couch.” Jisoo moved on to a different website. “Stop asking me if I’m sure about the manager thing and start telling me what I should do about this ad campaign they want me for. Did Jiyong fill you in?”

There was a deep breath from the other end of the line. “Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it. I think you should do it, and not just because I think you’d look hot in a tie, though you would, but because the photos will be coming out around the time Summer’s Dance will be generating a lot of buzz. It’ll be great publicity for you, and as an added bonus, I think you’ll win over any reluctant lesbian fans.”

“Because I’m in a tie?”

“Hey, never doubt the seductive powers of hot women in ties,” Rosé said wisely.

“You know I’m trying hard not to be a lesbian poster girl, right?”

“Yes, but I think it’s stupid.” Rosé laughed. “Hey, I get to say things like that to you now. Cool.”

“Yay,” Jisoo said unenthusiastically.

“Look, I really think the smartest thing you can do right now is embrace the gay and lesbian community. The gay press is already showing interest in the film. And if you shy away from them they’ll question why. If you embrace them they’ll call you an ally. And no one seems to be questioning your uality anyway, even with those pictures of Jennie getting into that limo with you. People were far more interested in you and Skyler.”

Jisoo let Rosé’s words sink in.

“But back to the point, you won’t be the only actress in the ad campaign,” Rosé continued. “And half the proceeds go to charity. It’s a win-win.”

Jisoo smiled softly. “Okay,” she said. “Let Jiyong know I’m in for the photo shoot.” She emailed another link. “What do you think of that one?”

There was silence, followed by the sound of clicking. “I think... hang on, it’s loading really slowly for some reason.” A laugh. “Wow, that has to be the ugliest couch ever made.”

Jisoo giggled. “Looks like a reject from the Beetlejuice furniture collect—“ The sudden knock at the door interrupted the rest of her sentence. “I think Seulgi is here.”

“Okay, then. Go get her, Tiger.”

 

 

***

 

SEULGI

 

Seulgi took a breath and knocked. She listened for sounds, tell-tale signs of what she might have interrupted. But the apartment at the other side of the door was silent, and so she waited for whatever came next.

The trip to Jisoo’s apartment had been uneventful and her morning equally so. She hadn’t gotten enough sleep. She’d kept herself awake with thoughts she shouldn’t be having and images that shouldn’t have lingered. She wanted to believe that it was all normal. That befriending a famous movie and television star was bound to elicit... what? Attraction? Is that what she’d felt for the woman on the screen? Confusion felt like a more accurate word.

The lock clicked open, and Seulgi held her breath as the door opened. Jisoo appeared in the doorway seconds later. Images from the films flashed briefly through her mind at the sight of the actress, and she pushed them away, replacing them with more appropriate versions. Jisoo was dressed in jeans and a blue-sleeved baseball tee; an outfit that begged to be looked at only when worn by someone like Kim Jisoo.

“Hey,” Jisoo said, and smiled. Seulgi liked this smile. She’d seen it once or twice before, but never on film. It was, Seulgi suspected, the kind of smile Jisoo reserved for certain people. That she was one of them gave Seulgi an odd sense of confidence.

She stepped into the apartment, reaching instantly for the buttons on her coat. Jisoo’s apartment was kept at tropical island temperatures and Seulgi could almost envision the Earth’s resources struggling to keep up. “At what temperature do you keep your thermostat?” she asked.

“At a very normal, human temperature,” Jisoo said as she closed the door.

“Really? That’s funny because I just ran into Satan in the elevator and he was like, ‘Wow, I just came from Kim Jisoo’s apartment and boy was it hot in there.’”

Jisoo narrowed her eyes. “I was going to say that I was glad you were here, but now I’m not so sure.”

Seulgi grinned, somewhat smugly, and handed her coat to Jisoo, and then her scarf. “Why are you glad I’m here?”

“Because I need your help.”

Seulgi watched the actress as she headed up the stairs. “It doesn’t involve any heavy lifting, does it? If it does, I just remembered I have to be somewhere.”

“Oh yeah?” Jisoo paused at the top of the stairs and glanced down. “Where?”

“Somewhere. Important. Where the lifting of things is not only unnecessary but also forbidden.”

Jisoo disappeared out of view. She reappeared moments later and started down the stairs. “That sounds entirely like a place you just made up. Thankfully, no heavy lifting is necessary.”

“Happy to help, then,” Seulgi said and followed Jisoo into the kitchen.

“I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I have no furniture,” Jisoo said.

Seulgi glanced around the empty space. “Really? Somehow that escaped my notice.”

“Sarcasm both noted and appreciated. So, I’m starting with the couch and I’ve narrowed it down to a few choices...”

Seulgi frowned at the laptop on the kitchen counter. “Wait, are you shopping online?” She was unable to keep the disapproval from her tone.

Jisoo glanced at her, eyebrow raised in question. “Yes?”

“But you mean to go out and purchase the couch in person,” Seulgi said hopefully. 

“No?”

Seulgi sighed at the actress and walked over to look at the computer. On the screen was a sand-color couch with an astounding number of digits after the dollar sign. “Holy prices, Batman, did they import this couch from Mars?”

“Pluto, actually,” Jisoo said. “It’s nice, though, isn’t it?”

“Not sure, I’ve never been to Pluto,” Seulgi teased. “I think you’re crazy to spend this much on a couch you’ve never sat on. How do you know it’s comfortable?” She wanted to argue further that a couch was meant to be purchased in person so that one could compare the different levels of comfort, but she was distracted by Jisoo’s proximity. She was distracted by her scent. What was it today? Apples? Seulgi swallowed nervously but didn’t move, even when Jisoo stepped closer to use the trackpad.

“It’s got really good reviews,” Jisoo said as she scrolled down the page. “This person says it’s the most comfortable couch they’ve ever sat on.”

Apples, Seulgi decided. She should not be noticing these things, she also decided. Her heart should not be beating wildly. And she definitely should not be wondering how it would feel to move even closer. It was clear that at some point in the past twenty-four hours her mind had short-circuited, turning her into a . A with lesbian tendencies. This was not at all alarming, no. Seulgi was relieved when Jisoo moved away. “You trust the opinion of a person named ‘Spankybottoms928’?” Seulgi managed.

“An unfortunate name, but he’s got only his parents to blame,” Jisoo answered easily. “Is it really that hot in here? You’re sweating. Can I get you a drink?”

She was indeed sweating, though she wasn’t entirely sure why. “Water would be wonderful,” Seulgi said, and was grateful when Jisoo handed her a cold bottle of Evian. Evian. Of course. “Thank you.”

“Maybe sand is too bland a color,” Jisoo said thoughtfully. “I was looking at a red one. But I might be too boring a person to have a red couch.”

Boring was not quite the word Seulgi would use to describe Kim Jisoo. “Do you really want my opinion?”

“Absolutely.”

“I think you should go out there and try couches until you fall in love.”

Jisoo looked at her curiously. “Fall in love with...?”

“A couch,” Seulgi said.

“I think you’ve misunderstood the term ‘lesbian.’”

Seulgi laughed, shaking her head. “I’m serious. You’ll know the one when you sit on her.” Jisoo burst out laughing.

“It!” Seulgi said quickly, blushing furiously. “I meant, it!”

 

 

***

 

JISOO

 

Spending time with Seulgi, Jisoo found, was both addictive and unbearable. Standing beside her only made Jisoo want to stand closer. She’d had to move away, in the end. She’d had to put distance between them. She had to keep herself from staring, from smiling too much. Jisoo didn’t know what the key to not falling in love was. She didn’t know at what point she’d lost control; at what point her feelings had taken over. If only she could step aside from her emotions; hang them on a coat rack and put them back on later, when Seulgi wasn’t around, then, maybe, denial would come easier. Why wasn’t friendship enough?

“God,” Seulgi said, and laughed. “So, here’s where you change the subject to spare me any further embarrassment...”

Jisoo was smiling, but something inside her ached. “I’m not sure if there’s any topic that’s safe with you now,” she teased, but complied. “So you said you had questions...?”

“Oh.” Seulgi looked uncomfortable still. Her gaze dropped. “They’re not really questions.” She shrugged and picked up the bottle of water again. She started playing with the cap. “It’s just me being nosy, really.”

What sorts of things did Seulgi wonder about? The personal lives of actors Jisoo knew, maybe? The behind the scenes gossip of movies she’d done? Seulgi didn’t strike her as the type of person that cared about such things, but Jisoo didn’t know Seulgi well enough to be sure of that. “Ask away.”

Seulgi smiled shyly. “Okay. So, ‘Saucy’... it’s the film director from your new movie, isn’t it?”

Jisoo hesitated briefly at the question. This is what Seulgi wondered about? “Jennie, yes,” she said finally. “How did you guess?”

“Well, you told me her name before,” Seulgi said. “But I’d forgotten it.” She looked embarrassed again. “If I tell you how I guessed it you’re going to think I was stalking you.”

Jisoo smiled at Seulgi’s tone; at the way Seulgi’s nose wrinkled when she said things she was shy about. 

“I see,” Jisoo said, curious now about what Seulgi had found, and how.

“Okay, see, it was killing me that I couldn’t remember her name. But then I remembered you went out on a date with her back in December. So really it was just a matter of... umm..”

“Stalking me online?”

Seulgi laughed. “It sounds so wrong when you say it like that!” She shook her head. “I’m on a roll with embarrassing myself today. So, are you two dating? You never told me.”

Jisoo found it interesting that she cared so much about her personal life. At least she wasn’t uncomfortable with it. That was something. “We admitted our mutual attraction to one another and decided to revisit all of that after the film was done shooting.”

“How mature of you.”

“Yes, I thought so,” Jisoo stated proudly. But she shrugged. “I don’t really know what’s going to happen.”

“Because of the piece of wood sticking out of her forehead?”

Jisoo laughed, having forgotten that particular image. “Yes, exactly.” She didn’t know what else to say on the subject. She couldn’t very well say that she didn’t think anything would happen with Jennie because Jisoo was too busy fighting her feelings for someone else. The only thing left to do was change the subject. “How about you? You have a date tomorrow. Are you excited?” Jisoo knew the topic bordered on masochistic, but it seemed like the right thing to ask.

Seulgi looked momentarily pensive. “I don’t know that ‘excited’ is the word. I’m a little nervous and a little curious to see what comes out of it. I told Chanyeoñ, my step-brother, that I thought Kai was a little boring. But I think he’s just... nice. Maybe, after Sehun, I just don’t know how to recognize nice.”

“Is that what you want? Someone who’s nice?”

“Who knows,” Seulgi said. “Nobody is just one thing.”

“This is starting to sound like our emails,” Jisoo said, aiming for levity.

Seulgi smiled. “I liked our emails.”

“Me too.” Jisoo looked around the apartment, feeling the lull in the conversation approaching. She searched for something to say; something that might keep her heart from shriveling at the thought of Seulgi with someone else. She thought of what Seulgi had said about the couches. “Do you want to go out somewhere?”

Seulgi looked surprised. “Uh, sure. Where do you want to go?”

“To a store, maybe. And if there happens to be couches there, well, all the better.”

“You want me to go couch shopping with you?”

“I’ll buy you dinner for your troubles.”

“Bribing me with food,” Seulgi said, shaking her head. She paused to consider. “That works, actually. Let’s go.”

 

****

 

SEULGI

 

“Oh look,” Jisoo said suddenly. “It’s Harrison Ford!”

Seulgi immediately slid over from her side of the limo, not caring that she was practically on top of Jisoo. “Where?” she demanded, looking frantically through the dark-tinted windows at the people on the sidewalk.

Jisoo pointed, and Seulgi continued her search until she realized that Jisoo was pointing at a balding black man playing a violin. “You !” she said, and Jisoo laughed. “I was really excited for a second.” Seulgi fell back against the plush leather seats. Her leg brushed against Jisoo’s as she moved, and Seulgi grew irritated with herself for noticing.

“Are you saying that being in the company of one movie star isn’t enough for you?”

“Harrison Ford is more than a movie star; he’s a legend.”

Jisoo rolled her eyes, but smiled. She looked away, her gaze back on the world beyond the window, and Seulgi watched her silently before looking elsewhere. She wanted to ask what Jisoo was thinking, but it was the sort of inappropriate curiosity she would have to keep to herself. Seulgi glanced outside and wondered how she’d come to be sitting in a limousine next to Kim Jisoo. The actress had bought her artwork and now here Seulgi was, sitting beside her, on their way to buy a couch.

“How do you feel about women in ties?” Jisoo asked suddenly, and Seulgi turned to look at her.

“In what sense?”

“They want me to do an ad campaign for ties,” Jisoo said.

“Is that all you’ll be wearing?” Seulgi meant to be teasing, but her heart sped up at the thought.

Jisoo looked thoughtful. “I don’t know, actually.”

Seulgi turned in her seat so she could look at Jisoo without hurting her neck. “It doesn’t bother you? Being in front of the world?”

“No,” Jisoo said simply. “People are so distracted by the outside it keeps them from looking in.”

Seulgi frowned slightly. Is that what Jisoo wanted? To be seen only on the surface? “What if you dated someone and they didn’t want you to do shots?”

“Then I wouldn’t.” Jisoo glanced at her. “Would it bother you?”

“If I were dating you?” And the question made her heart speed up again.

“Not me necessarily. Harrison Ford, for example.”

Seulgi laughed at the thought of herself with Harrison Ford. She liked him as an actor but anything more seemed too ridiculous to contemplate. “I guess,” she said anyway. “I can’t imagine it, being with someone in the public eye.”

Jisoo looked away and Seulgi wondered if she’d said something wrong. “Hey, is that a furniture store?” Jisoo asked.

Seulgi let it go, the thought that she’d somehow offended Jisoo; the presumption that Kim Jisoo might care what Kang Seulgi thought. “Looks like it,” she said. “Ready to find your true love?”

“Yes, let’s go sit on her.”

Jisoo giggled as Seulgi slapped her arm.