We're a few chapters away from the end of this story. Hope you're enjoying it so far.

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JISOO

“Hmm,” Jackson murmured, and looked up from his laptop. He’d arrived at Jisoo’s apartment nearly an hour earlier than planned and cited Rosé’s failed Internet connection as the reason. Jisoo strongly suspected he just wanted to catch her making breakfast so he could have some. “What’s a shorter way of saying ‘tigress in the bedroom’?”

Jisoo looked at him curiously over the kitchen counter between them. “Are you doing some kind of ographic crossword puzzle?”

“No, I’m twittering about our capades. Or is it tweeting? Twittering. Tweeting. Hmm.” He shrugged. “Anyway, I seem to get an influx of followers whenever I write about sleeping with you. So you’ll be happy to know we have a very healthy life.”

“I’ll be sure to note that in my diary,” Jisoo said dryly, and sipped her coffee.

“Granted, I’m just guessing you’d be a tigress in bed what with all those years of pent up ual frustration. So maybe I should be asking Seulgi...?”

Jisoo smiled, both at the mention of Seulgi and at Jackson’s obvious attempt to get information out of her. “Subtle.”

“Knock, knock!” Rosé called from the front door, interrupting whatever Jackson might’ve said next. She walked into view seconds later. “What’s new?”

“Jisoo was just about to tell me about having with Seulgi.” 

Rosé stared, wide-eyed. “You had with her? Seriously?”

Jisoo strongly considered not answering the question, but decided that would simply invite more pestering. “I haven’t slept with her.”

“Oh,” Rosé said, and took a seat on the empty stool beside Jackson. “Well, you don’t want to rush into anything. It’s your first time.”

“You want to rush into it,” Jackson said, closing the laptop. The sound of it snapping shut punctuated his statement. “It’s your first time. Get it the hell over with. Is it ‘cause you’re scared you’ll be really bad? I can walk you through it.”

“Ahem, I think I’d be a little bit more qualified to walk her through it,” Rosé said.

Jisoo frowned at them, slightly offended. “I don’t need either of you to walk me through anything. But thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Well, satisfying women can be tricky,” Jackson said.

Rosé looked at him. “Not if you know what you’re doing.” 

“I always know what I’m doing.”

“Right. Two words for you: Atlantic City.”

“I was drunk and that doesn’t count anyway because of the... well, you know.” Jackson cleared his throat and turned his attention back on Jisoo. “Are you worried she’s going to be into weird stuff?”

Rosé grunted her agreement. “I slept with this guy once that wanted me to peel an apple while we—“

“Oh, my God! That was one time!”

“Wow,” Jisoo said, setting down her cup. “Okay. That’s my cue to go shower.”

“Wait, wait,” Rosé said, her voice all business now. “The studio heads want to meet with you next week about The Bridge of Moes. The director wants to have a sit-down as well. I spoke to Jennie and she said she can work it out as long as it doesn’t go over three days and that you’re back by Friday. Problem is the studio can only meet with you on Tuesday and the director is in New Zealand until Thursday. So do you want me to try and reschedule either of them, or are you okay with leaving late on Monday and coming back late Thursday?”

“That sounds good to me.”

“I love it when you cooperate,” Rosé said, and grinned.

“You should invite Seulgi to come with you,” Jackson suggested. “Give her a little taste of L.A. life. Get her in your Jacuzzi; get a little taste of her.”

Rosé smacked him upside the head. “You’re such a .” 

“And particularly annoying today.” Jisoo added.

“It’s because I wouldn’t sleep with him last night,” Rosé explained. She glared at him. “Since, you know, we’re broken up.”

“Okay, she doesn’t need to know that,” Jackson mumbled.

“Yes, because you guys not sleeping together is too much information,” Jisoo replied, but her thoughts shifted back to Jackson’s earlier suggestion. Seulgi in L.A. At her house...

She caught Jackson watching her. He grinned. “You’re thinking about her in your Jacuzzi, aren’t you?”

“Smack him for me, will you?” 

“On it,” Rosé said.

***

SEULGI

Seulgi managed to track down her professor mostly through blind luck. She spotted the woman hurrying past the Kimmel Center at an impressive, age-defying speed, and she made the on-the-spot decision to chase after her. By the time she caught up, she was out of breath and squeaked out a weak sounding, “Professor Wilson!”

The woman slowed, giving her a chance to fall into step beside her. “Ms. Kang,” she said, in a tired, dismissive tone. “Come to propose?”

Seulgi blinked at the question, feeling mortifed. “I just wanted to apologize for that highly inappropriate email-“

“You already apologized in your second highly inappropriate email, Ms. Kang. I don’t appreciate being stalked for redundant purposes. Perhaps instead you’d like to explain why you haven’t been to class all week or why you haven’t turned in your project?”

“I...” Seulgi didn’t have much of an explanation other than she’d been preoccupied with matters of the heart. A heart condition? That sounded like a good excuse.

Professor Wilson stopped abruptly and turned to face her. “Do you want to know what the difference is between the work that got you into this program and the work you’ve turned in lately?”

“No,” she said, then quickly added, “I mean yes.”

“Passion!” cried the woman, in a voice loud enough to cause several people to stare. “Were you having regular when you first started here?”

Seulgi didn’t even know how to even begin processing the question. She looked around at the people passing by, as if one of them might save her from this conversation. “Uhm...”

“, Ms. Kang,” the professor said, impatiently. “You are an artist of passion. Find passion and paint it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m running late for yoga.”

Seulgi watched her walk away and stood in the middle of the sidewalk, too stunned to move. She almost missed the fact that her cell phone was ringing. She glanced at the screen and hesitated. “Hi, Chanyeol,” she said, and decided to start walking again.

“Hey, little sis. How’s your day going?”

“It’s going... weirdly. I think one of my professors just advised me to get laid.”

“That sounds... awkward.”

“Awkward is the theme of my day,” she said, thinking back on her conversation with Joy.

“Well, in keeping with that theme, I’m calling to ask if you know why Joy called to collect on a bet we made years ago and then hung up when I told her I had no idea what she was talking about.”

She was going to murder Joy. “I’m sorry,” she began, feeling a rush of nervousness, “I meant to tell you sooner...”

“Tell me what, exactly?”

Seulgi considered the best way to phrase everything that had transpired in the past few days. She decided there was no best way. “That I’m sort of maybe kind of... seeing... a girl.”

“Sort of maybe kind of?”

“It’s complicated,” she said, letting out a breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Hey, if anyone should understand, it’s me, right?” He said, lightly. “Are you happy?”

“Sort of maybe kind of.”

He let out a long laugh. “Okay...”

She thought about the question more carefully, trying to weigh her emotions against her perceived notion of happiness. “I’d say... I’m cautiously content.”

“Well that sounds amazingly levelheaded. Listen, we should get together one of these days and have lunch or something. We can talk.”

“Yeah, that would be great,” Seulgi said, relieved that Chanyeol wasn’t asking more questions.

“Good. I have to get going. Baek is having a panic attack over this whole Kim Jisoo interview. Talk to you later?”

“Definitely.” She hung up and looked around, momentarily disoriented. She’d been walking aimlessly and now couldn’t remember where it was she’d meant to go in the first place. Before she could decide on a new direction, her phone rang again, and she smiled at the name on the display. “Before you say anything,” she began, “I’d like to let you know that I’ve officially reached my quota of awkward conversations for today, so whatever you’re calling to say better not be awkward. Okay? Go.”

“I’d like to propose an ,” Jisoo said, “with my stepmother... and a cat.” 

“Okay, I’m hanging up now.”

Jisoo laughed and said, “I was actually calling to see how your day was going.”

“Let’s see,” Seulgi said. “Joy wants me to come by and watch the two of you make out tomorrow. And then my professor, the one I propositioned accidentally, told me the way to improve my art was to get laid. And then Joy decided to out me to my brother...”

“Wow,” Jisoo said. “And it’s not even noon.”

“Tell me about it. Oh! Speaking of awkward things, I forgot to tell you last night to please not feel awkward or weird about the whole Baekhyun interview thing because I don’t want you to feel forced to hire him just because you and I are...” She wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence.

“...having somewhat uous, ?”

“I don’t think a stepmother counts as uous.”

“Well, that’s why I said ‘somewhat.’”

“I really hope your line isn’t bugged,” Seulgi said, smiling. “Imagine the headlines.” 

Jisoo laughed. “I promise I won’t hire him just because you and I are... dating.”

Dating. The word made Seulgi’s heart skip a beat. “Dating,” she said. “Is that what we are doing?” 

“Well you did ask me out last night.”

“Technically, I asked you up to your room last night,” Seulgi corrected. “And then we spent an hour making out. So... yeah, I guess that means we’re dating.”

“Good, glad that’s settled. So, where are you now?”

Seulgi took in her surroundings. “I am entering Washington Square Park.” She spotted an empty bench and headed for it. “You?”

“Trying to decide what to wear. Want to come over and help me? I can send a car for you.”

Seulgi smiled. “I’ve been around you long enough to know you’re perfectly capable of dressing yourself.” She wanted to say that she could come over later and help her undress but then shyness kicked in.

“Just trying to come up with an excuse to see you.”

“You don’t need an excuse for that,” Seulgi said, grinning. “But I really have a lot of homework to catch up on so... maybe tonight?”

“Tonight it is,” Jisoo said.

She hung up the phone, smiling fully. She didn’t even care if she looked ridiculous. She sat on the bench and watched strangers pass by for a few minutes before digging her sketchpad out of the bag. A white page stared up at her in waiting.

She thought of Jisoo as she began to draw.

***

JISOO

Baekhyun was already seated and waiting when Jisoo arrived at the restaurant, but he jumped to his feet the second he spotted her. She noted that he was young, good-looking, and dressed to the nines in an outfit that must have cost about as much as her own. She ignored the whispers of surprised excitement that trailed after her, and focused all of her attention on him. “You must be Baekhyun,” she said, and smiled.

“Oh, my God, it’s really you,” he said as he shook her hand. “I’m sorry, I’m trying not to freak out too much.”

Jisoo laughed and sat down. The waiter handed her a menu and she thanked him before turning her attention back on her dining companion. She was relieved that he was nervous because the truth of the matter was that so was she. This was someone important in Seulgi’s life and she wanted him to like her. “So,” she said, “should we just get the stressful interview portion over with?”

“Is there another portion?” 

“Eating?”

Baekhyun dropped his menu on the table. “Then by all means. I’m too nervous to do anything besides sweat.” He made a face. “Pretend I didn’t say that.”

Jisoo sat up and cleared in mock seriousness. “So, Baekhyun, why do you want to work for me?”

“Okay, do you want the serious, corporate job answer that I’ve been rehearsing in front of the mirror all week or would you prefer the truth?”

Jisoo smiled. “The truth.”

“Okay.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve been a fan of yours for, like, ever and working for you would be a dream come true. Actually, sitting here with you now is a dream come true. Being around you all the time would be like... well, whatever comes after a dream coming true. And I know that’s a pretty lame reason, but you asked for the truth. So... that’s the truth. But! In addition to being a total fanboy, I’m both qualified and willing to do pretty much anything you ask, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.”

Jisoo considered the answer and shrugged. “Works for me,” she said, and smiled. “Can you start next week?”

He blinked at her. “Wait, that’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“I’m hired?”

“You’re hired.”

“Oh, my God,” he said. “Oh, my God...”

Jisoo grinned and picked up the menu again, giving him time to absorb the information. There was little chance that she wouldn’t have hired him, and there was no sense in prolonging his nervousness. Now, for the fun part. “So, tell me about yourself,” she said, pretending to scan the menu. “I hear you have a boyfriend.”

***

SEULGI

The trek to Jisoo’s place always gave Seulgi ample time to think. It was during these moments when the worrisome aspects of her life would emerge, taking over her every thought. On the one hand, she was happy; she was happy in a blinding, freeing sort of way. A very vivid part of her wanted to laugh and dance around the train car, hugging random strangers and maybe breaking into song. But trailing behind these pleasant, if absurd, moments, were other, more persistent reminders of all that could go wrong.

The subway train screeched to a halt and she watched as passengers exchanged places. It was comforting, the constant refreshing of faces she’d likely never see again. Two girls came to stand next to her, continuing a conversation that must have started long before.

“Well, you can’t tell your mom,” one told the other, and already Seulgi could relate. She wondered what they’d think if she joined in. If she opened with, “I know what you mean. I can’t tell my mom I’m dating a woman.” And not just any woman. Kim Jisoo. She wasn’t sure which part might freak her family out more, come to think of it.

It was easier to think of Jisoo as simply Jisoo. If Seulgi stripped away the fame and its attached responsibilities and thought only of the person—the Jisoo in ripped jeans and glasses—then things didn’t feel quite as overwhelming. But there was no picking and choosing when it came to a relationship and Seulgi knew that. She knew, too, that it would take time to get used to it all; whatever ‘all’ turned out to be.

“Just tell her we fell asleep studying,” the same girl said. “She won’t know Travis was there. Besides, it’s sort of the truth.”

“I think I’m going to throw up,” the other replied, and Seulgi moved away, just in case. The train sped up and slowed down and soon stopped altogether, and she walked out of the now open doors and away from the girls and their problems. Their voices melted into new, more persistent sounds, and by the time she stepped out into the cool New York air, she’d forgotten them entirely.

The walk to Jisoo’s building came with its own distinct palette of conflicting emotions. There was, at one end of the spectrum, the giddy anticipation of seeing Jisoo again. And at the other: fear in its many shades of color. Fear, mostly, that she’d arrive at Jisoo’s door to find that the actress had changed her mind; that this brittle road they walked upon had crumbled without her knowledge.

But even through the thickening fog of uncertainty, Seulgi was perfectly clear on one thing: She was in love with Jisoo. She was in love and there was no turning back from that. The exact moment she’d gone from having no idea how she felt to being entirely decided on the subject had come and gone without preamble. There remained simply the realization that these feelings had been there almost from the start, and were now as obvious as they were irresistible.

Jisoo’s apartment building came into view moments later and she hurried toward the door. Inside, she found the doorman arguing with a man in clown suit. Their voices echoed loudly, reverberating off the high ceiling. She paused only long enough to verify that she wouldn’t be noticed, and then continued toward the elevator. The arguing grew louder, but she only caught the words “hooker” and “parrot” before the doors closed.

The ride up was a quiet one, and before long, the doors re-opened. Walking toward Jisoo’s apartment was usually her least favorite part of the trip. Somewhere between getting off the elevator and knocking on the door, all matter of extreme emotion would rise to the surface and settle painfully in her stomach. On this occasion, it felt somewhat worse. She knocked.

It didn’t take long for Jisoo to open the door, but it was plenty of time for her paranoia to take over. She envisioned Jisoo standing there, looking troubled and somber, breaking the ice with something vague but telling, something like, “We have to talk.” Perhaps in the hours since they’d last spoken Jisoo had realized that whatever there was between them wasn’t worth the effort; that there was too much to lose and too little to gain. This had become Seulgi’s biggest fear.

The knob turned, and Jisoo was suddenly in the doorway, smiling, somehow looking more beautiful than Seulgi remembered. Her hair was up, held at the back by crossed chopsticks. She had expected her to still be dressed in whatever outfit she met Baekhyun in, but the actress had changed into her usual ensemble of t-shirt and jeans.

“What took you so long?”

“Is that your way of saying you missed me?” Seulgi asked, finding confidence in Jisoo’s smile. She felt light, her worries slipping away. She left them in the hallway and stepped inside. The apartment was cooler than usual and she wondered if that was on purpose. Perhaps she was becoming the sort of person that read too much into everything.

Jisoo closed the door. “I always miss you,” she said, in a way that made her heartbeat skip.

“I bet you say that to all your other girlfriends,” she teased, and was reminded of their earlier conversation. It still felt strange to think of Jisoo as her girlfriend. She couldn’t wrap her mind around what that meant exactly. But here in Jisoo’s apartment, in Jisoo’s presence, she felt none of the fears or worries that clouded their time apart.

“Only the hot ones.”

“Ah, well, now I feel truly special.” But she smiled, because she did feel special. Lucky, too. She met Jisoo’s gaze. The actress was staring at her. “What?”

“Nothing,” Jisoo said, and shrugged. “You’re just really beautiful.”

The comment surprised her, and she blushed, unable to help it. She wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to Jisoo saying things like that to her. She didn’t know what to say, besides, “Thank you.”

Jisoo smiled, sensing her embarrassment. “I’m making dinner.”

“Is that what that smell is?” Seulgi asked, thankful for the change of subject. She wasn’t used to being in the spotlight, however pleasant the attention. The air smelled vaguely of food, but nothing particularly recognizable. She followed Jisoo into the kitchen. On the counter waited a vast array of vegetables and fruits and fresh spices. “Wow, hungry much?”

“Well, not exactly.” Jisoo turned to her, looking somewhat sheepish. “See, I was bored so I decided it might be fun to see what might happen if I used a random ingredient from each of the first fifteen pages of this cookbook.”

Seulgi glanced briefly at the book in question and then back at Jisoo, thinking her fascinatingly strange. “You’re so weird.”

“Says she who collects toilet paper.”

“I did that in the name of art. And, anyway, I never said that you being weird was a bad thing.” She met Jisoo’s gaze again and was momentarily struck by how badly she wanted to kiss her. She wished that she didn’t feel so shy at times, wondering how she’d ever managed to make that first move. She wanted to skip ahead to the part where they felt entirely comfortable with each other. She glanced away and focused on the oven. “So is that your creation in there?”

“Yeah.” Jisoo crossed her arms and tilted her head thoughtfully. “Does it smell bad?”

“Not bad,” Seulgi answered, and came to stand beside her, close enough that their arms touched. “Not good, either. Kind of like garlic ... and feet. What’s in it?”

“Garlic... and feet.” She smiled when Seulgi laughed. Then she turned serious and said, “I hired Baekhyun.”

Seulgi wasn’t entirely surprised by the statement. Baekhyun had left her a somewhat hysterical and high-pitched voicemail message which Seulgi had struggled and failed to comprehend. The switching of trains hadn’t given her much of a chance to call back. But she’d guessed the news was good. She looked at Jisoo and said, “I hope you didn’t do it because of me.”

“I didn’t,” and Jisoo sounded sincere, but there was something else in her tone that she couldn’t place. “We should probably tell him about us...”

The statement sounded like a question and Seulgi thought it over for a second before saying, “I’d really like to tell Joy before anyone else.”

“Do you want me to be there when you tell her?”

The question caught Seulgi off-guard. She’d expected more of an argument; a logical explanation as to why it’d be best to wait a while before telling people. “When?”

Jisoo shrugged and her arm brushed against hers again, making her skin tingle. “Whenever you want.”

Whenever I want. “You don’t mind?” 

“Mind?”

“I mean...” Seulgi hesitated, trying to find the right words. “I just thought you wouldn’t want other people to know yet.”

“I told Jackson and Rosé, why shouldn’t you tell Joy?”

Seulgi knew the answer, but didn’t know how to phrase it. She felt overwhelming relief at the thought of telling Joy everything about Jisoo. But she worried about pushing the actress’ trust. “But are you sure? I don’t mind waiting if you’re worried at all that things won’t work out between us...”

Jisoo frowned at her. “Why? Are you planning on dumping me soon?”

Seulgi instinctively laughed at the question, thinking it ridiculous. But her heart beat faster at the suggestion that Jisoo was hers to dump. She grinned and said, “I think I can put up with you for another day or two.”

“Oh, good.” Jisoo smiled in the way that Seulgi loved. But then her expression changed. “You can tell Joy whatever you want, whenever you want. I’m sorry I’ve made you feel like you had to do otherwise.”

“You didn’t,” Seulgi said quickly. She shrugged, feeling awkward. “I just wanted you to know you could trust me, so I never said anything.”

Jisoo looked at her quietly, and Seulgi wondered what she was thinking. Finally, she said, “As I recall, I’m the one who lied to you...”

Seulgi narrowed her eyes at the reminder. “You’re right,” she said. “And I’m still sort of mad at you for that.” But she smiled to show that she wasn’t really serious. She looked away for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. “I guess I’ll tell Joy. Maybe after your scene tomorrow.”

“So, you’ll be there?”

Seulgi hadn’t stopped to wonder what Jisoo might think of the idea. “Would you rather I wasn’t?”

Jisoo hesitated, but said, “I don’t mind. Do you not want to be there?”

Seulgi almost laughed. “Not even a little bit.”

“Does it make you jealous?”

Jealous. The word conjured up visions of her mother tossing food at people. Or of how moody and angry Sehun would get when he thought some other guy was looking at her. She didn’t want to toss anything at Joy, but the thought of her kissing Jisoo made her stomach turn. How could she not be jealous? “Of you and my best friend getting it on... naw...”

Jisoo moved so that she was standing in front of Seulgi instead of beside her. “It’s not real, you know?”

“The jealousy?” Seulgi asked jokingly. She felt incredibly distracted all of a sudden. She was distracted by Jisoo’s eyes and her long eyelashes and her perfect lips. It occurred to her that she’d never felt this in her prior relationships; this sort of nervous anticipation. She couldn’t remember ever feeling this desperate need to touch someone before.

“The getting it on part.”

It took her a second to remember what they’d been talking about. “Right,” she said. “That’s why Joy is currently at home, practicing how to unhook your bra with her teeth.”

Jisoo laughed. “She is not.”

“She could be.”

Jisoo took her hand. “Here, I’ll show you,” she said, and led Seulgi around the counter.

“How to unhook your bra with my teeth?”

Jisoo turned back to her, shaking her head and smiling. Seulgi could swear the actress was blushing. Instead of replying, she patted the stool and said, “Sit.”

Seulgi pulled it closer and complied. “What are we doing?”

“I’m gonna show you what to expect tomorrow so you don’t worry so much. Pretend that we’re at a bar.”

Seulgi sat up and took a deep breath. She did her best to bring up the memory of the last bar she was at. She tried to visualize shelves of bottles where the oven and microwave were, tried to see everything in a dimmer shade of light. But the image faded quickly and she was back in Jisoo’s apartment, staring at shiny appliances. Still, she said, “Okay.”

“Okay, now pretend you think I’m hot.”

Seulgi smiled at that. “I’m not sure my imagination stretches that far.”

“Well, then I’ll settle for non-repulsive.” Then Jisoo leaned against the marble counter and said, “And now say something flirtatious.”

“Um.” Seulgi tried to think of something to say, but came up blank. She couldn’t recall ever hitting on anyone in her life. So, she went with, “Come here often?”

“That’s your best pick-up line?”

“Yes,” she stated seriously. “Is that not enough to make you want to fall madly into bed with me?”

Jisoo grinned and moved closer. She seemed to hesitate before saying, “Do you want to come to California with me next week?”

The question felt out of place in the context of the moment. “Is that part of the pretend scene?”

“No, sorry, I just didn’t know how to bring it up.” Jisoo looked shy and embarrassed in a way that Seulgi had never seen before. “I have to go home next week for a few days and I was thinking ... well, hoping ... you’d consider going with me?”

The word ‘home’ bothered Seulgi. It was an uncomfortable reminder of all of the uncertainty yet before them. But she couldn’t think about that now. She turned instead to the question at hand, and tried to make sense of it.

“I know you have school and everything,” Jisoo was saying. “And that maybe it’s too soon ...”

Seulgi regarded her curiously, surprised by the fact that Jisoo was nervous and very near babbling. “Do you think it’s too soon?”

“No! I mean, maybe?” She hesitated and said, “Too soon for what, exactly?” 

“I don’t know. You brought it up.”

“Oh. I did. I guess... too soon to jump on a plane with me and travel across the country? I mean, I wouldn’t have asked if I thought it was ... but if you think it is...”

“I don’t,” Seulgi said, because she didn’t, and really, the thought of doing anything at all with Jisoo was always extremely appealing. “I’d love to go.”

“Seriously?”

“Sure.” Seulgi smiled at the surprise on Jisoo’s face. “I mean, I’d have to check with my professors and also see if it’s not too late to get a good price on a plane ticket.”

Jisoo looked confused, but then she smiled. “Oh, no, don’t worry about that. I’m chartering a private jet.”

Jisoo said ‘private jet’ in the same way someone might’ve said ‘lawnmower,’ with a sort of casual nonchalance. It suddenly occurred to Seulgi that she was back in a relationship with someone for whom money was no object. She’d forgotten this, somehow, or maybe she’d done a good job of ignoring it.

“Seul?” Jisoo’s voice broke through her thoughts, serious and concerned, and Seulgi looked up at her.

“You can’t pay for everything,” she said in response. “I mean, I can’t compete with a trip to California, but I don’t want things to be like... you paying for everything.”

If Jisoo was taken aback, she didn’t show it. “Okay,” she agreed. She looked pensively toward the window, then back at Seulgi. “Well, we’ll need groceries when we get there.”

“Okay,” She said, feeling somewhat better. Groceries she could do. “Deal.” She shook Jisoo’s hand, mostly because she wanted to touch her. She ran her finger down her palm. “So where were we?”

Instead of answering, Jisoo leaned down and kissed her, making it difficult, if not impossible, to remember things like parental disapproval, and money issues, and the fact that their relationship might fall apart at any moment. Seulgi was certain that the world might end around them and she’d neither care nor notice, because Jisoo’s lips were too soft, and whenever she pulled her closer or kissed her deeper, all the blood in her brain would rush down to other parts of her body, making it impossible to think at all.

The oven beeped, and it might’ve been the first time or the eighth time, Seulgi couldn’t be sure. She pulled reluctantly away and said, “You better not kiss Joy like that tomorrow.”

Jisoo smiled and kissed her again, the oven forgotten.

*****

She stood impatiently in Joy’s dressing room, or what Joy had introduced as her dressing room, but felt to Seulgi more like a janitor’s closet. “Cozy” had been her diplomatic reaction, and it might’ve been true enough if not for the random clothes and hangers strewn about the floor, or the strange smell emanating from a mysterious bag in the corner. It was a shared space, Joy explained, as if that, in and of itself, were a big deal.

“You move up in the world,” Joy continued, matter-of-factly. “Jisoo’s dressing room is huge. I glanced in the other day. Huge. It’s got like a living room in it, practically. One day, that one will be mine.”

Seulgi only nodded and silently wished that Jisoo would drop in. If there was such a thing as being in withdrawal from another person’s company, then that’s what she was. She felt jittery and anxious.

“So,” Joy said, digging through the small bag on her lap. “I need your opinion on something.”

“Hmm?”

“What flavor lip gloss do you think Jisoo would like most?” Joy held up various colored tubes. “I’ve got cherry, mango, orange, strawberry, apple—“

“Apple,” Seulgi said automatically. Joy looked over at her. “Yeah?”

She wanted to kick herself. What was she doing trying to help Joy select the right flavored lip gloss? “Or... strawberry.”

“You’re no help.” Joy threw the tubes back in the bag and sat back in her chair. There was only one chair in the room, as only one chair would fit in there. They’d agreed to take turns sitting. “Waiting has to be the most annoying part of filming.” She sighed and then brightened. “So, are you going to tell me about your mystery lover yet?”

“Tonight,” she promised.

“Why not now? You’re so infuriating with this stuff. Can I at least ask questions?”

“Sure, why not.” Seulgi was happy enough to talk about Jisoo, albeit indirectly.

“What’s she like in bed?”

It was entirely unsurprising for Joy to open with a question like that, and still Seulgi blushed. “I don’t know ... yet.”

“Oh no, no,” Joy said, shaking her head. “You haven’t slept together yet? Why in the world not?”

Why in the world not. Seulgi didn’t know Jisoo’s reasons, nor if Jisoo even had reasons. The actress always seemed content to let Seulgi set the pace.

“I’m just not ready,” is what she told Joy, and that was really the bottom line, as far as she was concerned. She wanted someone to talk to about all of this first. She needed to divulge every last detail of the past few months and sort through all the pieces. She needed Joy to forgive her for lying and hug her and tell her that falling in love with a closeted movie star was actually a good thing. She didn’t know why, but it felt important not to have all of these secrets weighing down on her.

Joy looked very much like she wanted to protest the very notion of not being ready for , but Seulgi was spared the lecture by a knock at the door. “Come in!”

The door opened and Rosé appeared, and Seulgi couldn’t help but look behind her to see if Jisoo was nearby.

“Hey, I was just looking for Marshall, have you seen him?” Rosé directed the question at Joy, but she glanced strangely at Seulgi.

It was then Seulgi noticed that Rosé had a piece of paper in her hand and that she was discreetly urging her to take it.

“No, he dropped by earlier to make sure I was here, but I haven’t seen him since.”

Seulgi made a quick grab for the paper when she was sure Joy wasn’t looking at her. She couldn’t begin to guess what was in it, but she had a good feeling she knew who it was from.

“Okay, well, if you see him, please tell him I’m looking for him, and that he still owes me twenty bucks.”

“Will do.”

Rosé smiled in Seulgi’s direction and let herself out.

Seulgi fought the urge to open the note right then and there and instead asked, “Who’s Marshall?”

“The second A.D.”

She nodded as if that meant anything to her.

“It’s your turn to sit on the magical chair,” Joy announced, standing. “I’m off to the little actresses’ room. Back in a sec.”

Seulgi was monumentally pleased by Joy’s timing. She waited until the door had closed before unfolding the paper. It said, simply: “I miss you,” and had an undecipherable drawing that vaguely resembled a chicken. Or a dog. Seulgi grinned and stared stupidly at the words. She reached for her cell phone. Since she didn’t have anyone to act as a messenger, a text message would have to do.

***

JISOO

“... this marvelous invention, known to some as ‘the cell phone,’ now comes with a fascinating service the technological elite like to call ‘text messaging.’ These text messages traverse stone and metal, hike mountains and instantaneously appear on the receiving device’s screen, thereby eliminating the need for ancient tools such as pen and paper.”

Jackson’s teasing only served to make Jisoo smile. “Do you think it was lame?”

“Do I think it was lame?” Jackson asked. “Yes. But she’ll probably think it’s adorable what with the drawing of the... um... sheep.”

“Rabbit.”

“You have no idea what a rabbit looks like, do you?” He settled back into the couch cushions and crossed his arms, looking back at her thoughtfully. “You look different.”

Jisoo raised her eyebrows. “Different how?”

He studied her, his eyes narrowing in concentration. Then he grinned. “Happy.”

She smiled at that. Happy, yes. She was certainly that. Thinking of Seulgi made her feel lighter, brighter, excited about nothing and everything. Every moment felt like it was bursting with possibility. It was silly, she knew, and probably naïve to let herself see only the positive side of things. There were all these other, darker, more serious issues hovering overhead, but it was hard to care. She didn’t want to think about the what-ifs. She was tired of feeling scared. Seulgi was hers and she wanted to cling to that for however long it lasted.

Rosé entered the room, and Jisoo’s heartbeat sped up. Despite her optimism, which relied, mainly, on the certainty of her own feelings, there was still a creeping doubt which grew out of her frustrating inability to read Seulgi’s mind. She was suddenly fearful that sending Seulgi the note had, in fact, been incredibly lame and that Seulgi was, at this very moment, reconsidering her feelings about Jisoo. Feeling anxious, she said, “Well?”

But Rosé was in the process of jumping over Jackson to get to the other side of the couch. A move that Jisoo found impractical, seeing as there was plenty of room for her to walk around. Jackson had raised his leg to block her and Rosé practically dove over him, her legs landing on his stomach. Jackson yelped somewhat overdramatically and Rosé laughed, the sound muffled by the cushions. Jisoo briefly wondered if they were back together.

Rosé  twisted around so that her back was on the couch. Her legs were still on Jackson. She glanced at Jisoo, as if remembering she was there. “Your note was successfully delivered, Romeo. It was actually kind of fun. Like I was back in high school.”

Jisoo winced at this, hoping Seulgi hadn’t thought her juvenile. She started to ask if Seulgi had said anything, given some hint as to her feelings on the situation, but the cell phone interrupted. She reached for it and saw that she had a message from Seulgi. It read: “Thanks for the drawing of the (insert whatever it was here). It was really good! I miss you to and thought you should also know that I’m dying to kiss you.”

“Is she blushing?” Jackson asked.

“She is,” Rosé said. “So cute.”

“Young love.”

Jisoo reread the message and put the phone away. She was grinning. To her friends she said, “Shut up.”

****

SEULGI

Seulgi walked beside a blonde girl from the film crew that introduced herself as Cylon. “That’s not my real name, obviously, but the nickname’s a long story. Want to hear it?” The girl didn’t wait for a reply before launching into a complicated, disjointed tale about Battlestar Galactica and a toaster. Seulgi had trouble following the story, so she mostly kept quiet and laughed along when she felt it appropriate.

While listening, she looked around the set for Jisoo, but didn’t see her among the people walking around. She focused her attention on the activity around her, watching the crew members as they moved about, rearranging lights and calling out to each other. She could see the bar Jisoo had tried to get her to visualize the night before. It looked startlingly bizarre in the center of the room, with two missing walls and people walking through it, dragging cables, switching chairs around. She caught sight of someone sitting at one of the tables, and realized it was Jennie.

Seulgi had forgotten all about Jennie, or at least forgotten all the feelings of jealousy that Jennie stirred up in her. It suddenly occurred to her that she had no idea where things stood between the director and Jisoo. She felt a pang of fear. She’d been so relieved that Jisoo and Jennie hadn’t slept together that she’d automatically assumed it meant Jisoo wasn’t interested. But they’d been on a date. They’d been on a date and then Seulgi had thrown herself at Jisoo. And now what?

Cylon led her to a row of chairs that had been placed near the cameras and handed her a headset. Then she lingered. “So you’re friends with Jules?”

Seulgi looked at her, deciding to ignore her worries for the moment. “You mean Joy?”

“Right, sorry. Obviously I don’t know her very well.” She looked around and then leaned closer. “Have you met Kim Jisoo?”

The way she said Jisoo’s name startled her momentarily, reminding her that Jisoo, her Jisoo, was not really hers at all, but rather someone that belonged to the realm of the worshipped and admired; a place where she herself did not exist. Instead of answering, she asked, “Have you?”

Cylon looked like she’d been hoping for the question. She grinned. “I brought her coffee earlier and she said she loves it when I bring her the coffee. She didn’t say why, but I know it’s because none of the other assistants ever put enough sugar.” She lowered her voice. “Her boyfriend is so hot. Have you seen him?”

Seulgi only nodded, finding it strange, this whole other world of Jisoo’s that she was not a part of. She felt displaced in it. At this moment, she could easily believe that she’d imagined everything; that Jisoo was nothing but a stranger, a victim of an elaborate fantasy. She shook the thought away and, for the sake of saying something, said, “Yeah, he’s hot.”

“Who’s hot?” Seulgi turned her head to find that Rosé had walked up to them and was looking at her curiously. She was instantly embarrassed.

“Jackson Wang,” Cylon said easily. “But I guess you’d know that.” She laughed as if she didn’t find the conversation remotely awkward. “I should get back to work. Nice meeting you Sofie.”

Seulgi started to correct her but decided it wasn’t worth the effort. Besides, she was anxious to backtrack on her earlier comment. When Rosé sat beside her, she said, “I don’t really think Jackson is hot.”

“You don’t?” Seulgi jumped at the sound of a male voice. Oh God. Jackson had snuck up behind her, and was now frowning down at her. She was mortified.

“No! You are hot! I just meant ... I was just ...” She had no idea how to finish the sentence.

“... trying to deny your overwhelming attraction for me?” He grinned. “I understand. I’m hard to resist.”

He was teasing her, offering her a way out of the embarrassing situation, and Seulgi was grateful. She took his cue and sighed. “I suppose I’ll have to learn to contain myself somehow.”

He leaned down and whispered, “Good, ‘cause otherwise Jisoo would kill me.” He winked and moved away so he could take a seat beside Rosé. Seulgi laughed, mostly out of reflex. She was too stunned to say anything else. She wasn’t prepared for how nice it would feel to have her relationship with Jisoo acknowledged. Jackson’s words made her feel like she could breathe.

Rosé leaned over and said, softly, “We’re really happy for the two of you.”

“And by that she means that we’re relieved that you-know-who can finally stop pining over you as it was getting ridiculously old.” Jackson grinned.

Seulgi wasn’t sure what to make that. “Pining? I’m the one that threw herself at her.”

Jackson was leaning over the arm of his chair, practically falling into Rosé’s lap. “Really? Tell us more about that.”

Rosé hit him over the head. “What he means is that we’re glad it all worked out.” 

Jackson rubbed his head and frowned at Rosé. “That’s not...”

Seulgi missed the rest of his sentence, fully distracted by the fact that Jisoo had walked into view. Her breath caught at the sight of her. The actress had about four people walking alongside her, but it was impossible to look at anyone else. She hadn’t even thought to wonder what Jisoo might be wearing during the scene, and would’ve never guessed that she’d be so dressed up. Her dress was long, black and backless, with a plunging neckline that left little to the imagination. Her hair was loose, silky and incredibly straight, falling over part of her face. Seulgi watched her push it away and then their gazes met.

Jisoo smiled at her, softly and briefly, before turning her attention back to the people around her. Seulgi let out her breath and risked a glance at Jennie, expecting to find the director openly leering at her girlfriend. But Jennie was nowhere in sight and Seulgi relaxed slightly, thinking she had to stop freaking out.

“Che Guevara was not Cuban, you idiot. He was Argentinean.”

The statement pulled Seulgi back to the conversation between Rosé and Jackson.

Jackson was frowning. “Are you sure? I thought he only died in Argentina?”

“Bolivia,” Seulgi said, for no particular reason, as she had no idea why they were discussing Che Guevara. “He died in Bolivia.”

“Yes, thank you!” Rosé said, grinning at her. To Jackson she said, “Maybe you should try reading something other than comics once in a while.”

Jackson waved his hand dismissively. “What’s the fun in that?”

Seulgi smiled to herself and shook her head, looking around again for Jisoo. She spotted her by the barstools and was surprised to find that Joy was standing with her. Seeing Joy, dressed up and on set, shocked Seulgi. All of this time, it hadn’t truly hit her: Joy was in this movie.

Her best friend Joy was actually in a movie. All of this time, she’d given no thought at all to Joy’s feelings. Here it was, her best friend’s big break, and all Seulgi could think to do was whine about a stupid kiss. She sighed, feeling awful. She’d been acting like a selfish jerk.

She watched Joy, hoping she’d look back at her. When she finally did, Seulgi smiled brightly at her, hoping she looked both proud and supportive, because she was. And she aimed to get better at showing that.