Enjoy.

............

SEULGI

The lights above the elevator door lit up with each passing floor and Seulgi focused on the shapes of the numbers as they came to life. She didn’t remember getting here. She didn’t remember buying the two cups of coffee she was now holding. She remembered her bedroom. She remembered not being able to fall asleep. She remembered rehearsing what she would say to Jisoo, rearranging the words, waiting for the right combination to reveal itself.

The elevator dinged softly; another floor gone by and she still didn’t know what she would say. She could turn back; there was still time to change her mind. But then what? Did she want to go from day to day, swallowing her feelings? Wasn’t it better to put it out there and move on? She didn’t know.

She watched the numbers and willed her heart to slow down. She would do this. She would admit her feelings and face the awkwardness that would follow. She would assure Jisoo that it changed nothing; that they could continue to be friends. Eventually, Jisoo would return to California and they could resume their emails – or, more likely, lose contact altogether – and at some point, these feelings would fade or better yet, move on to someone else. But she would always have this day; the day she put her fears aside and took control of her life.

The doors opened and she stepped out, colliding almost immediately with the person standing there. She managed, somehow, to keep the coffee from spilling as she struggled to regain her balance. “I’m so sorry, I-“ She froze as she looked up. It took her a second to register that it was Jennie standing there, dressed in wrinkled clothes and reeking of alcohol. Seulgi’s gaze flashed quickly to Jisoo’s door and a feeling she didn’t recognize rose up inside her, dark and overwhelming.

“Seulgi!” Jennie sounded as surprised as she felt. “Hi! I um ...” She seemed to be searching for an excuse as to why she was standing there at this hour.

They’d spent the night together. That’s all she could think as she looked at Jennie. They spent the night together. Seulgi suddenly felt ill. What was the right thing to do now? Jump back in the elevator and ride down with Jennie? No, that would be too awkward. “I just wanted to ask Jisoo a quick question about this art project she hired me for,” she said. “Is she in?” There. That was casual. It didn’t scream, “I just came by to tell your girlfriend that I want her.”

“I think she was in the shower when I left, but she’s home.” Jennie moved to block the elevator doors from closing.

Seulgi tried not to dwell on the fact that Jennie had been in Jisoo’s apartment, that it only served to confirm her suspicions. She couldn’t think about that right now. She focused instead on how ridiculous it felt to be standing there with two cups of coffee; how obvious and transparent it made her feel. “Um, would you like one of these? They gave me an extra one by mistake.”

“Yeah?” Jennie accepted the cup with something that resembled relief. “Thank you. That’s really sweet.” She sighed. “I drank way too much last night and I’m a mess and I really have to be at the studio and... sorry, you really don’t need to hear any of this. It was really nice running into you again. Literally.” She laughed as she backed away into the elevator.

“Yeah, it was.” So nice.

“Thanks again!”

Seulgi forced a smile that vanished the second the elevator doors closed. She stared at her reflection in the mirror that remained and shook her head. Now what? Talking to Jisoo was out of the question. Jennie knew she’d been there, so leaving was out of the question. “Crap.” She felt like kicking something; herself preferably.

“Hey, you left your...”

Seulgi whirled around at the sound of Jisoo’s voice. “...Seulgi?”

Jisoo was standing in the open doorway, wrapped in a dark blue towel and nothing more. Drops of water fell from the tips of her dark hair and landed at her bare feet. Seulgi struggled to form a complete a thought as she stared. “Hey.” Confusion shone in Jisoo’s eyes and she felt compelled to add, “One of my classes is meeting at the Met this morning, but I got here early, so I thought I’d say hello.” The lies were coming easily now and she didn’t know whether or not that was a good thing.

“By staring at the elevator?”

“I had something in my eye...”

“Did you get it?”

“Yup, all good.”

Jisoo studied her silently for half a second. “Is everything okay?”

No! Seulgi wanted to shout. “Everything’s great, why?”

“Well...” She eyed the elevator door and then said, “I thought maybe... well, you said you were breaking up with Kai last night. Did that go okay?”

Seulgi felt monumental relief that she had that to fall back on. “It , actually,” and that much was the truth. “But it had to be done.”

Jisoo nodded. “Do you want to come in?”

“Sure.” Why not drag out the torture? She followed Jisoo into the apartment and told herself to breathe. Images of what Jisoo and Jennie might have done the night before flashed persistently through her mind and she pushed them away. “So, your sort of date seems to have gone well.” She added what she hoped was an encouraging smile. She didn’t want to know about this. Why was she asking?

“Hmm, what makes you say that?”

Seulgi watched a drop of water slide down Jisoo’s arm and stifled the urge to wipe it away. Her skin looked so soft. “I ran into Jennie as she was leaving.”

“Oh.” Jisoo looked amused, suddenly. Her eyes sparkled as she smiled. “You think we slept together?”

“Didn’t you?”

“I’m hardly that easy.”

Was that a no? It sounded like a no. “I see...”

“She was drunk and my apartment was closer to the club, so I offered her my couch for a few hours.”

Seulgi practically sighed with relief. “I’m terribly sorry I put your ity into question, then.” She smiled, a real smile, and held up the coffee in her hand. “I brought you coffee,” she said, and was thankful she’d given her own away to Jennie.

“You insult my virtue and then you hope to make it up to me with coffee?”

“Do you have a better idea?” It came out sounding more flirtatious than Seulgi had intended but she decided to go with it.

Jisoo didn’t seem to notice. “My mural,” she said.

“What?”

“Tonight.”

Seulgi glanced at the wall in question. “Tonight?”

“Would you be free around... eight?”

“You’re serious?”

Jisoo smiled. “Very.”

Seulgi felt panicked, for entirely different reasons than she’d expected during this visit. “But I still don’t know what I want to paint.” She hadn’t even thought about it.

“Doesn’t matter; you don’t even have to bring anything. Can you be here?” Sure, who needed sleep? Or to do homework? “I suppose...”

“Good.”

Jisoo walked closer suddenly, and she briefly registered the fact that she had a silver cell phone in one hand. She focused on this because it was far less overwhelming than the fact that Jisoo was right in front of her now; her body only inches away. Seulgi stood still, afraid that any movement would give away how badly she wanted to reach out and touch Jisoo. But isn’t that why she’d come?

Before she had any chance at all to make up her mind, she felt Jisoo’s lips against her cheek. She closed her eyes at the sensation and fought the urge to turn her head; to meet those soft lips with her own. She felt Jisoo’s fingers brush against the back of her hand as they pried away the cup and Seulgi thought she might moan or pass out or do something equally embarrassing. Such innocent contact shouldn’t feel so good, but her body seemed to disagree. She could smell the soap on Jisoo’s skin, the shampoo in her hair, the mint on her breath. All the words she’d come to say grew foggy in her mind, while her emotions swelled and swirled inside her, alive and vibrant against the dark backdrop of her fear.

“Thanks for the coffee,” Jisoo whispered, and Seulgi opened her eyes when she felt her step away. “That was really thoughtful.”

Seconds passed as Seulgi tried desperately to compile a thought and then to voice it. “It was nothing,” she said at last. “I just poured a few drops of coffee into a cup full of sugar, just how you like it.” If possible, Jisoo’s smile made her heart pound harder. She could tell her now. She could blurt it out in a breath or two and get it over with. She could then begin to deal with the rejection; with the endless spectrum of reasons and excuses why they could never be.

“I should probably get ready,” Jisoo said. “I have to get to the studio.”

“Sure, of course.” Seulgi felt embarrassed suddenly for showing up uninvited and taking up Jisoo’s time.

“See you tonight?” Jisoo sounded shy and hopeful and the tone made Seulgi look up. She couldn’t tell what Jisoo was thinking and it frustrated her.

“I’ll be here,” she promised. Half-asleep and comatose and probably failing out of college... but I’ll be here.

***

JISOO

Jisoo stirred the iced tea in her glass, impatient and irritable, but mostly hungry. “Where the hell is he?” She looked around the restaurant, ignoring the curious, interested glances from strangers, the cell phones stealthily capturing her image as she looked past.

“His flight was late,” Rosé said. “Calm down. Eat a roll.”

“I don’t want a roll,” Jisoo snapped, but grabbed one anyway. She cast an apologetic glance in Rosé’s direction. “Sorry. I didn’t get enough sleep.”

Jackson cleared his throat and leaned forward. “Tell us more about that. You and Jennie were looking very cozy together when I left you.”

“They were?”

Jisoo shook her head at Rosé. “No, we were not.”

“Oh c’mon,” said Jackson. “You can’t possibly tell me nothing happened.”

“Nothing happened.”

Rosé was frowning. “But you would tell us if something had, right? You wouldn’t get all... silent and mysterious.”

“Of course she would.”

Jisoo ripped a piece of bread. “Nothing happened. She passed out on my couch and snuck out while I was in the shower.” And then ran into Seulgi; Seulgi, who had stopped by at six in the morning, with coffee, just to say hi. Why? Jisoo had asked herself that very question all day; obsessively.

“You mean she snuck out after you enjoyed a sensual shower together.” Jackson winked and Jisoo threw the piece of bread at his head. She laughed when it landed in his glass of water.

“Can we pretend to be adults for five minutes?” Rosé didn’t seem able to decide which one of them to look at disapprovingly first.

“There’s absolutely no plus side to that,” Jackson argued, fishing the piece of bread out of the glass with a spoon. “You’re paying for this water,” he said to Jisoo.

She smirked and turned to Rosé. “What’s up?”

“Did you look at the applications I sent your way?”

“Applications for...?”

Rosé’s nose flared. “For your assistant!”

“Right.” She’d forgotten entirely. “I did not. But I will.”

“When?”

“When I get a chance.”

“Which will be when?”

Jisoo looked at Jackson. “Which will be when?”

“Crap, was I supposed to be keeping track of that stuff?” Jackson frowned. “Hmm.” 

“Please hire someone,” Rosé begged. “Do it for my sanity.”

“Okay, how about right now? Do you have the applications?”

Rosé brightened. “Of course I do. I even narrowed it down for you. Mostly everyone was entirely under qualified, but these are the better ones. Sorry, none of them will be as awesome as me.” She handed over some files. “I highlighted the pertinent parts.”

Jisoo opened the first file and stared down at the first page. It was a questionnaire. “You asked them what their name would be?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t highlight that,” Rosé said defensively. “I was trying to be thorough. I didn’t know what you wanted to know.”

Jisoo flipped through the pages. “Did any of them mention Seulgi?”

“Jisoo, I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but most people are not as obsessed with her as you are.”

Jisoo decided to ignore that. “She told me that she knew someone that might be interested... I was wondering if they contacted you?”

“When?”

“I don’t know, sometime between Monday and now.”

“A guy named Byun Baekhyun called yesterday,” Rosé said. “He’s the third file. He didn’t mention her. But that’s the only person I’ve heard from between then and now. Plus, he didn’t really have a good answer for how he found out about the job. So...”

“Baekhyun,” Jisoo said, skipping to the last file. “Seulgi knows a Baekhyun...”

“You really want to hire someone based on the fact that they know the girl you’re crushing on?”

“Why not?” Jackson asked. “She can always fire him later.” 

Jisoo looked through the stapled pages. “No questionnaire?”

“No time, sorry, though I’m sure I can find out his name for you if you want. He faxed over his resume last night. It looks pretty solid. He’s currently working as a personal shopper, but was a personal assistant before that.”

“Cool,” Jisoo said. She handed the files back to Rosé. “Let’s set up an interview.” 

“For when?”

Jisoo looked at Jackson. “For when?”

Jackson sighed and looked at Rosé. “Don’t pretend like you’ve not kept track of her schedule. I saw you tapping away on that iPad of yours every time you told me to write something down.”

“Fine.” Rosé withdrew the gadget in question from her bag. “Jennie doesn’t need you on Friday, so maybe sometime then.”

“Done.” Jisoo picked up her cell as it started to vibrate on the table. She looked at the incoming caller and accepted the call. “Where the hell are you? I’m due back in forty-five minutes and we’ve not even ordered.”

Her agent’s voice sounded far away, drowned by louder, more persistent noise. “...tr...” Jisoo frowned. “What?”

“The...fu...” And the line went dead.

“Jiyong?” Jisoo locked her phone and addressed the rest of the table. “He’s ‘the fu.’” 

“The what?”

Jisoo shrugged and put the phone back on the table. “My guess is he’s been kidnapped by aliens that only allow him to speak in monosyllables. Bummer. Let’s order.”

Jackson picked up the menu but shook his head. “You wouldn’t be so blasé about the whole thing if you were the one on the spaceship.”

“Might be fun on that spaceship,” Jisoo said, as she looked around for the waiter. “As long as they have food, I’m happy.”

“They’d just anally probe you while reading you Vogon poetry.”

“Oh, that reminds me! I need a favor.”

“Okay, but I don’t know where I’d get a Vogon costume on such short notice.”

She paused to rethink the context of her statement. “Okay, there was a perfectly logical thought process there that has nothing to do with probing or Vogons.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Anyway,” Jisoo said, “I need you to pick up a few things for me and drop them off at my apartment.”

“Intriguing,” Rosé said, joining the conversation. “What sort of things?” 

“Paint,” Jisoo said. “Lots of paint.”

*****

SEULGI

Seulgi stood at her bedroom window, watching the weather argue with itself. She watched as the sun disappeared behind clouds, its absence briefly bathing the room in muted shades of gray. Raindrops fell and scattered against the glass, sliding down in jagged, aimless lines. Then the world was bright again, light reflecting from car windows, from small puddles on the ground. Shadows spilled in textured patterns across her arm, her floor, the unmade covers on her bed.

It was appropriate, this weather; the ying and yang of light and dark which matched her mood quite perfectly. She should be in class instead of standing in her room, sipping lukewarm coffee and staring at the sky, seeing and sawing between happy and depressed, between wired and exhausted. She should be standing in front of a canvas, paintbrush in hand. She should not be thinking about Kim Jisoo. She should not be thinking about Kim Jisoo in a towel, kissing her cheek.

Seulgi sighed and took her cell phone, typed a text message and sent it on its way. She should not be sending Jisoo messages. Random, disembodied thoughts like the one she’d just sent: “My grandfather used to say that when it rained while the sun was out it meant the witches were getting married.” Why would Jisoo care? And still. She couldn’t help but want to be connected to Jisoo at that moment; at every moment. What was Jisoo doing? Thinking? Who was she with?

Is this what infatuation felt like? Had she somehow stepped over the line of sanity and walked blindly into obsessed-stalker territory? A ridiculous thought, really. This wasn’t her; losing sleep over someone, skipping classes, obsessively checking her cell phone for a response. She put the mug of coffee on her bedside table and sat at the edge of her bed. What would fix this? Telling Jisoo? And what if she couldn’t? What if she couldn’t find a good moment to broach the subject? How did you tell a famous actress that you had a crush on her? It was stupid. Jisoo would laugh at her. She’d think, “Who doesn’t?” She’d dismiss it, change the subject. That might be even worse than awkward silence followed by an even more awkward rejection.

Seulgi rubbed her eyes. She’d managed a nap but she was still tired. Her mind kept running around in circles, building imaginary conversations that might never come to pass. A part of her was tempted to just send a text message: “I like you.” Simple, straightforward, but perhaps too easily misinterpreted. “I have a crush on you.” Too ... blunt; random. She didn’t know how to narrow all of what she felt into a simple statement. Perhaps an email would be better.

The laptop lay open on her bed, an email at the center, addressed to one of her professors. She read over the contents of her attempted excuse for missing class and deleted the text. She’d come up with something later, maybe. She minimized the first email and opened a new one. The blank space below the subject line stared at her expectantly, awaiting her confessions. But the thoughts stilled in her mind, and minutes later she gave up. She surfed the web, letting the nonsense in, hoping to find the words to express her feelings in random YouTube videos.

Eventually, she came back to the email and started to type, quickly, thoughtlessly:

I shouldn’t be sending you this email. I know I shouldn’t because there’s a lot of things I shouldn’t be doing lately, like thinking of you - and not in the normal thinking-of-you way, the other kind of thinking of you. The kind of thinking of you that keeps me up at night sometimes because the thought of you does crazy things to me. My feelings for you have evolved into something nameless, something that – at least in my realm of experience – defies definition. Or perhaps I’m too scared to define it because I’ve never been here before. In this scared, bumbling, rambling place. I’ve never been the one chasing after someone. I don’t know how to be that person. So I’m running a marathon around what I’m really trying to say, which is that I like you. I’m not arrogant enough to think that you could ever return these feelings but I thought if you knew, then at least I could move on. I have no expectations from you. I don’t want things to get awkward. I just wanted you to know so that I can stop thinking about telling you and maybe get some sleep.

-Seulgi

And she sent the message before she could change her mind. She stared at the outbox folder until the email disappeared and she took a deep breath. She’d done it. Her heart felt like it might pound its way out of her chest, but she’d done it. She looked around the room, biting her lip. Now what? She grabbed her cell phone again. In her typing frenzy she’d missed a text message from Jisoo. It said: “Did the witches marry each other?” She smiled and then her smile faltered as she remembered the email she’d just sent. She replied: “Yes, they totally did. PS: Can you check your email in your phone?”

She stared at the phone until the response came and then she held her breath as she opened it. “My cell can do anything. But I got nothing from you. Did you send something?”

Confusion replaced her nervousness and she frowned at the response. Perhaps the email was delayed? She turned to the laptop and checked the sent folder to make sure it hadn’t gotten jammed. But no, it had sent. The problem was something else entirely. “Oh .” She blinked, read the name again and let out another stream of curses. Her professor. She’d sent the email to her professor; her very old, very female, very unfriendly professor. “!”

In a blind haste, she opened another email and shot off what she hoped was an apologetic retraction to her earlier message. She double-checked that she hadn’t accidentally addressed that to the wrong person and sent it on its way. She stared blankly at her closed door, trying not to think about what she’d just done. The thought of her professor reading that email made her want to crawl under a rock and die. The universe was clearly trying to tell her that confessing her feelings to Jisoo was a grave mistake. “No,” she wrote in reply to Jisoo’s text. “Was just wondering.”

She tossed the phone aside, put the laptop on the floor, and pulled the covers over her head.

***

JISOO

Jiyong caught up to them as they were getting into the limo, looking so dirty and disheveled that they didn’t recognize him. It wasn’t until he called Jisoo’s name that they even looked in his direction.

“Jesus, what happened to you?”

“Long ing story,” her agent said, slapping white dust from the sleeves of his dark suit. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Get in, I’ve got to get back to the studio,” Jisoo said, after staring at him for a moment. “Tell us on the way.”

He helped himself to a bottle of water from the limo’s mini-bar and settled into the leather seats with a deep sigh. “I ing hate New York,” he said, uncapping his drink. 

“Looks like you went swimming in a pool of flour,” Jackson said.

“Yeah, well.” Jiyong rubbed at his eyes and sniffled. “Plane ended up in ing Newark because of some problem with JFK, and then the cab broke down on the Turnpike. The driver didn’t speak a word of English. I don’t know what the he was saying. I went out to pace around, get some fresh air, calm the hell down, and some truck sped merrily along, spilling this white in the air, which then landed all over my brand new Armani.” He drank half the bottle of water in one long gulp. “ing hate New York.”

“Technically, it should be New Jersey you hate,” Rosé said, but he only glared at her. Jisoo bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing. “Well, glad you made it.”

He eyed her. “You look good.”

“You always say I look good.”

“You always do look good,” he said, and finished his water.

“So what’s this great script you’ve got for us?” Rosé said, her voice all business now.

Jiyong put the empty bottle aside and picked up his briefcase. “How do you feel about France?” 

“I have no specific feelings about France,” Jisoo said cautiously. “Why?”

“They want you for the lead in a romantic comedy.” He handed her the bound pages of the screenplay. “Set in France. Starts filming in June. Big budget, big studio, big names. Full pay.”

Jisoo handed the script over to Rosé without looking at it. “We’ll take a look at it.”

“Look at it fast,” He said. “The director wants to meet with you next week. He’ll be in New York. But the offer’s as good as yours.”

“You came all the way to New York for a romance comedy?” Rosé asked.

“No, I came all the way to New York for this,” and he handed Jisoo another script.

She read the title The Bridge of Moes several times over before it finally sank in. She’d read this script two years before and fallen in love with it. She hadn’t gotten the part. “I don’t understand. I thought they’d already found a lead.”

He grinned brightly. “Change of plans. Change of directors, too. Whole big Hollywood mess, actually. Point is they’re scrapping the whole thing and starting over. And as far as the lead goes, they now want you.”

“Oh, my God.” Jisoo stared dumbly at the pages in her hand. Here it was at last, the type of film she’d always dreamed of doing. The script she’d loved from the very first page. “So, that’s it? I’ve got it?”

“It’s about as sure as anything is in Hollywood,” he said with a shrug. “But yeah. They want you. Should I tell them it’s a yes then?”

Jisoo smiled, happier and lighter than she’d felt in years. “Yes. Absolutely, yes.”

***

SEULGI

Seulgi had somehow gathered what was left of her pride and dragged it all the way to the Upper East Side. She’d ignored her email and skipped all of her classes and had strongly considered transferring to a different university entirely, because the thought of walking into class and facing her professor made her insides shrivel. On the plus side, she’d been too preoccupied with overwhelming humiliation to think of Jisoo. Much. But now she was back in Jisoo’s building, in Jisoo’s elevator, in Jisoo’s hallway, and finally, in front of Jisoo’s door, which, to her surprise, was partly open. She knocked softly, worried that she’d arrived just in time to witness a robbery in progress, because that was the sort of day this was shaping up to be. But soon Jisoo’s voice greeted her from the other side of the door, inviting her in.

Seulgi pushed the door open and stepped inside and then immediately froze. The lightwood floor near the wall had been covered with a long white tarp, upon which rested dozens of cans of paint of varying shades of color. In the center stood Jisoo, dressed in baggy ripped jeans and a white shirt. “What... the hell?”

Jisoo was smiling. “You look surprised.”

Seulgi closed the door and started removing her jacket. “You could say that. What’s all this?”

“For an artist you’re astoundingly ignorant on the basics.”

“You’re not half as clever as you think you are.”

“Deep down I think you think I am.”

“Deep down I think you’re crazy.” Seulgi walked over and stood just outside the edge of the tarp. She surveyed the random assortment of paints and brushes before looking up. She’d somehow forgotten that Jisoo had asked her to come over to paint. She’d been too preoccupied with the business of trying to tell Jisoo how she felt to consider the plans set before her. “So... you just want me to paint something now?”

“I can start,” Jisoo said easily, and picked up a paintbrush. She dipped it in a can of pink paint.

Seulgi stared in horror as Jisoo drew an uneven circle on the pristine white wall. “What are you doing?”

Jisoo regarded her creation. “An Easter egg, maybe.”

“You can’t just... you can’t...” The words failed her as she stared uncomprehendingly at the actress.

“I can’t what?” Jisoo was taunting her. “C’mon, this is fun. Draw an Easter egg with me.” 

“Are you high?”

“On paint fumes a little,” Jisoo said, and began to color in her ‘egg’. “This could be like a themed wall. Ooh, the Halloween one would be cool.” She made another pink blob on the wall. “Seriously, come paint some eggs with me. And maybe a bunny.”

“You’ve lost your ever loving mind,” Seulgi said, but she leaned down to pick up a paintbrush. It was too late to salvage the wall. She watched as Jisoo painted what looked like horns on the egg. “What’s that supposed to be?”

“Bunny ears.”

She stepped over the cans of paint in her way and walked over to Jisoo. “It looks like you’re painting satanic bubblegum.” The statement earned her a deep frown, which only made Seulgi smile. It was this, she thought, it was this moment and her feelings about this moment that she couldn’t begin to explain, never mind verbalize. She felt giddy inside; horrified by Jisoo’s attempts at art, but content to be here, witnessing it, being a part of it. It was this, she thought, that she wanted more of. “I’ll paint the bunny.”

***

JISOO

Eventually, Jisoo gave up trying to paint satanic bubbles across her wall and stood back to watch Seulgi instead. It was fascinating to see images come to life, to watch the random shapes suddenly take form and become recognizable. She stood and stared, mesmerized by every deliberate of the paintbrush, by how simple Seulgi made it seem. She would be content to stand and watch her paint forever.

“You’re staring at me,” Seulgi said, without turning toward her. She was putting the finishing touches on the rabbit’s face.

“I was just thinking how much better my side of the wall turned out.”

Seulgi did look at her then, brown eyes narrowed. “I assure you that this is the best psychedelic Easter bunny in the whole of the Upper East Side.”

“The use of neon paint was a nice touch.”

“Well, I had to figure out a way to keep up with your special brand of crazy.” Seulgi stepped back to regard her creation, coming to a stop beside Jisoo. “I think it turned out pretty good.”

Seulgi sounded genuinely pleased and it made Jisoo smile. She would gladly paint across every surface of her apartment just to get a repeat of this evening. Seulgi was standing so close that their arms were almost touching and Jisoo’s heart sped up. “The yellow paint is supposed to glow in the dark.”

“Do you have a black light?”

“I don’t. I could turn off the lights and see what happens, though.” She hit the switch but soon the lights from the City spilled in from outside. “Not dark enough, I guess.”

“No, but wow,” Seulgi said, moving toward the window. “Your view is unbelievable. Do you ever just stand here in the dark and stare out?”

“Sometimes.” Jisoo crossed the room. She looked at the bright lights of buildings near and far, of Central Park in the distance, and tried to see what Seulgi saw. I could give you this, she wanted to say, but didn’t. Instead, she pulled the ottoman from its place by the couch and rolled it to where Seulgi was standing. “Sit. I’ll bring the champagne.”

“There’s champagne? Are we celebrating something?”

“Psychedelic bunnies, satanic bubblegum, what’s not to celebrate?” Jisoo removed the bottle from the bucket of ice she’d left it in and dried away the moisture before grabbing a couple of glasses and heading back. She paused briefly to take in the sight of Seulgi silhouetted against the backdrop of New York. She wanted to remember this; she wanted the image of this moment forever burned into her mind.

Seulgi relieved her of the glasses when she approached. “If you poke my eye out with the cork, my mother will kill you.”

“I’m deeply offended,” Jisoo said, removing the foil from the bottle. She untwisted the wire cage and draped a towel over the cork. “I’ve yet to injure someone with a cork.”

“Yet.”

But the cork in question gave way as Jisoo turned the bottle, and she eased it off without struggle. “And voila.” She filled a glass and handed it back to Seulgi, then filled the other. “You doubted me.”

“After watching you wield a paintbrush, how could I not?” She waited until Jisoo sat down and asked, “Are we really celebrating psychedelic bunnies and satanic bubblegum?”

“Partly.” Jisoo met Seulgi’s gaze, and she wondered if the artist was bothered by their proximity; if she was even aware of it. “My agent had really good news for me today.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I got a role I’d desperately wanted and thought I’d never have.”

“That’s definitely worth celebrating.” Seulgi smiled and held up her glass. “To getting that which you thought you’d never have.”

Their glasses clinked and they both drank, and after a moment, Jisoo said, “What about you? Anything interesting happen today?”

Seulgi chuckled and turned her gaze back on the view. “Today has been a really weird day.”

“Because of the witches getting married?”

“Yes, that’s definitely at the top of the list,” Seulgi said, and smiled. “So, what’s this role you got?”

“The Bridge of Moes.”

“The Bridge of Moes,” Seulgi echoed. “That tells me nothing, but okay.”

“I’m scared to jinx it,” Jisoo admitted.

“So, I guess that means you’re going back to California once you’re done here.”

The statement caught Jisoo off-guard. It had never occurred to her that Seulgi might care if she left or not. “It looks more like I’ll be heading to France first.”

“France? Is that where it’s set?”

“I’m doing a romantic comedy first. Then it’s off to... who knows. The story takes place on an island, but I’m not sure where they’re filming.”

Seulgi nodded and smiled again, though Jisoo thought she saw it falter. “I’m happy for you. It all sounds really exciting.”

The shift in Seulgi’s mood was palpable and Jisoo wasn’t sure what to make of it. “I’m sure it will be interesting.” She studied her profile, trying to decipher her thoughts. “I was thinking of making New York my more permanent residence.”

Seulgi looked at her in surprise. “Oh?” 

“Yeah, I like it here.” You’re here. 

“Have you even gone anywhere?” 

“What do you mean?”

Seulgi pointed to the world outside. “Have you seen anything of Manhattan? You know, something other than fancy restaurants and nightclubs?”

“There’s more than that?” Jisoo joked, but Seulgi only rolled her eyes at her.

“There’s this tiny café near where I live that has the best coffee and the worst live poetry readings you will ever encounter.”

“Worse than Vogon poetry?” 

“What the hell is Vogon poetry?”

Jisoo laughed. “According to Douglas Adams it’s the third worst poetry in the whole universe.”

“Then yes, this might actually be worse.” 

“Let’s go then.”

“Go where?”

“To this café of perpetual hyperbole,” Jisoo answered, and stood. “I just need to change real quick.”

Seulgi stared up at her. “Are you always this impulsive?”

“Does it bother you?”

“No,” Seulgi said after a moment. She finished her drink and rose to her feet. “I kinda like it.”

*****

SEULGI

The café felt even smaller than Seulgi remembered, though everything felt smaller after Jisoos apartment. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been here, couldn’t believe that Jisoo had wanted to come. The space was almost dark, lit by small candles at each table, most of which were empty. A spotlight cast an orange glow upon the stage, where a woman stood, reading from a small, spiral notebook.

“The...” said the woman, and rang a tiny bell, “HYMEN... broke...”

Seulgi could hear Jisoo snicker behind her as they moved toward an open table. “I told you it was bad,” she whispered, when they reached their destination.

“... SAND ... in the webbed toes of proverbial wombs ...” Ding. 

“I think this is officially my favorite place ever,” Jisoo said.

A woman appeared out of nowhere and placed two cups of coffee in front of them, then walked off without a word.

“They just bring it,” Seulgi explained. “It’s really good, though. Try it.” Jisoo reached for the sugar and poured in packet after packet.

“Doesn’t diabetes concern you at all?” Seulgi asked, watching the display with a mixture of horror and fascination.

“Ask me again in twenty years.” Jisoo sipped her coffee and looked surprised. “This really is good. Without milk, even.”

Seulgi grinned, pleased and somewhat relieved that she and Jisoo were on the same page; at least where coffee and bad poetry were concerned.

“SHAKE THE PELVIS...” Ding. “Shake ... the pel pel pel...vi...sion...”

“Wow. Just wow.”

“That about sums it up.” But she wasn’t listening to the poetry. She was too busy watching Jisoo while trying not to look obvious about it. Seulgi wondered if she’d ever get around to

telling her what she’d been meaning to tell her all day. She should have come out with it back in the apartment. They’d had champagne, a gorgeous view... it would’ve been the perfect moment.

“...SALMON...”

This, on the other hand, was not the perfect moment, and she was almost certain that there would be nothing left to do but part ways after this. “Do you have to be up at the crack of dawn again tomorrow?”

“I can sleep in a little. Why?”

“Just wondering.” It could wait, Seulgi thought. It didn’t have to be tonight. In a month or two Jisoo would head off to Europe and none of this would matter. “Would you like to see my apartment after this?” she asked, without thinking.

Jisoo turned to look at her, and the surprise was clearly written on her face. “I’d love to.”

“Great,” Seulgi said, and felt her stomach flutter with anxious anticipation. There was still time.

*****

She tried not to feel self-conscious about the state of her building, tried not to look too closely at every glaring imperfection. Already she worried that Jisoo regretted her decision to come along. “I’m sorry the elevator’s broken,” she said, as they reached another flight of stairs.

“I don’t mind.”

It was the polite thing to say, she knew, and she couldn’t tell if Jisoo meant it or not. She should have told Jisoo to go home. All of this was selfish, and stupid, and would surely end in embarrassment and humiliation, her quota of which had already been reached for the day.

“Actually reminds me that I could use the exercise,” Jisoo added.

“Yeah, I noticed your is starting to sag a little,” she teased.

“You’ve been looking at my ?”

That wasn’t the part she’d expected Jisoo to focus on. “Well, you’re the one in front of me.”

“Interesting.”

Seulgi chewed on her bottom lip and kept on climbing steps. At this rate Jisoo would figure it all out before they even got to the apartment. They reached her floor a moment later and she unlocked the door, grateful that Joy had gone out for the night. Now all that was left to do was open and confess. “Sorry for the mess,” she said, as they stepped inside. She the light and looked around, suddenly worried that something embarrassing had been left out of place.

But Joy had cleaned up. The dishes on the kitchen counter had been washed and put away, the pile of laundry on the couch no longer visible. She was relieved enough not to feel embarrassed about everything else: the cheap furniture, the water stains on the ceiling, the cracks on the walls. But she did look at Jisoo, trying to gauge her reaction. “It must seem really depressing compared to yours,” she said, when she couldn’t read the actress’ expression.

“I wasn’t comparing,” Jisoo said, meeting her gaze. “I was just thinking it was nice to see where you live finally.”

Finally. Seulgi didn’t realize Jisoo had been waiting for an invitation. “Do you want something to drink?”

“I’m good.” Jisoo was inspecting the art on the walls of the hallway. “Are all of these yours?”

Seulgi glanced at the framed paintings, trying to remember how she felt about them; trying to determine whether or not to feel embarrassed that Jisoo was seeing them “They’re old,” she said by way of an answer, because she was too nervous to put her thoughts in order. She couldn’t get used to the sight of Jisoo in her apartment. “Do you want to see my room?”

“Of course.”

Seulgi tried to envision the state of her room as she led Jisoo in its direction. If she’d known she’d be inviting Kim Jisoo over, she’d have performed a total makeover, but there was no time now. There was only the faint hope that magical elves had appeared during the day and cleaned up after her. No such luck. She winced slightly at the myriad of art supplies haphazardly piled in a corner, at the assortment of sketchbooks and textbooks she’d never gotten around to putting away. The carpet looked even more stained than usual, spots of paint randomly scattered across its surface. At least she’d had the foresight to make the bed. “It’s a bit of a nightmare,” she said.

Jisoo came to stand by the bed and looked around. “I like it.”

“You like it?” Seulgi stared dubiously at the actress, who seemed perfectly at home in her dingy apartment.

Jisoo removed her jacket and tossed it on the bed. “I do. It’s very you.”

“Very me?” Seulgi looked around again, trying to figure out what Jisoo meant by that. Jisoo stepped toward a section of the wall. “What’s this?”

“It’s a photography project I was working on,” Seulgi said, looking at the collage of photos she’d glued to the wall. “Of New York life.”

“Did you take these?”

“Yeah.”

“They’re amazing. I didn’t know you took photos.”

“I don’t,” she said quickly, feeling shy all of a sudden. “I mean, not really. I was just trying something.” Jisoo glanced up suddenly and Seulgi followed her gaze. Above them was her failed attempt at ceiling art, a painting of a sunset that never quite got finished. “I didn’t have a canvas handy...”

Jisoo smiled at her. “So where is it?” 

“Where is... what?”

“Your toilet paper collection.”

“I can’t believe you remember that.”

“I can’t believe you think I’d forget.”

Seulgi shook her head. “I’m afraid it’s top secret. You don’t have the proper clearance.”

“I see.” Jisoo sat at the edge of the bed and glanced up at her, looking so beautiful that it made Seulgi ache.

It was now or never. “Ask me again about my day,” she said, more forcefully than she’d intended.

Jisoo regarded her with curiosity, a question in her eyes. “Okay. Tell me about your day.”

“I didn’t have a class at the Met,” she said, opting to open with a confession, thinking that would make the rest come easier. She could hear her heartbeat punctuating every word. “I came by this morning because I couldn’t sleep, because I desperately wanted to tell you something. I took a cab, I picked up coffee, I rehearsed what I would say. And then I ran into Jennie, and I thought she’d spent the night with you and I felt like... like dying, or-or throwing up or maiming her; maybe all at the same time, which would be weird and messy.”

She watched Jisoo’s expression, trying to gauge a reaction, but Jisoo looked mostly confused. She continued. “And so I thought that I’d just leave, but then there you were... in a towel. And I’m not sure if you know this, but you look really good with your hair wet... and your legs are really...”

She saw Jisoo’s eyebrow curve upward and she decided to stick to the point. Or maybe that was the point. She was too nervous to think. “And then you kissed my cheek which kind of fried my brain even more than it already was. So I came home and took a nap and that did nothing. And I woke up still with this monologue in my head, which, by the way, sounded nothing like this one now. It was way more eloquent and had big, flowy words... anyway, I wrote you this email, because I thought maybe that would be easier. For both of us. Well, mainly for me; but for you too. But I sent it to my professor by mistake, which is why you didn’t receive it...”

Jisoo was looking at her intently and it made Seulgi swallow. She momentarily forgot what else she wanted to say. She felt like she was drifting in a sea of senselessness, trying desperately to find her point. “I just wanted you to know that... I was really happy that you hadn’t slept with Jennie because... because I like you. You know... like you a lot. And I thought you should know.” She breathed, feeling instantly stupid. “Anyway, if you still want to see the toilet paper collection I can get—“

She felt a touch on her arm like a jolt of electricity. Seulgi looked down and found Jisoo’s hand there, stopping her.

“You like me?” Jisoo was standing now.

Seulgi looked at her, meeting blue eyes. She couldn’t read them. “Look, I know it’s crazy. You’re you and I’m...” She waved her free hand, pointing to everything, to nothing. She wanted this moment to pass. “... not you.”

Jisoo’s hand was still on her arm, sliding down, slowly, fingers trailing down her wrist, her palm. Seulgi closed her eyes briefly, trying to calm herself, to breathe. Then she looked up. A strand of dark hair curled in front of Jisoo’s face and Seulgi reached up to push it away. Her hand came to rest on Jisoo’s neck, and then she leaned forward, propelled by a courage that sprung from somewhere foreign and unrecognizable. She brushed her lips against Jisoo’s, softly, quickly; a question in the touch. Her lips tingled as they lingered millimeters away. She felt suddenly terrified that she’d made everything worse.

But she felt Jisoo’s hand move to her hip, felt her step closer until their bodies were pressed together. And all of these sensations hit her at once: Jisoo’s thumb caressing the skin above her belt, the warmth of her body, the softness of her lips as they moved against hers. She felt suddenly breathless, dizzy, she pulled Jisoo even closer, kissing her hungrily, desperately. She wanted more.

Somewhere in the apartment, a door slammed. They pulled apart, waited; their labored breathing the only sound in the room.

“Seul? You home?” The voice came from far away, but the steps grew closer.

“You have to hide,” Seulgi whispered to Jisoo, already pushing her toward the closet. “If she sees you here she’ll never leave. Never mind the endless barrage of questions.”

Jisoo frowned at her, but obliged. “You know, this is kind of ironic.”

Seulgi shut the closet door, rushed to the bed and sat down, trying to find a casual pose. She could still feel Jisoo’s lips on hers. She was shaking. She’d been kissing Jisoo. Jisoo had been kissing her. She was going to kill Joy.

“Seul?” Joy called her name in lieu of knocking. She entered a second later. “Hey, good, you are home.”

“I thought you were gone for the night?” She tried to keep the annoyance out of her voice, but she was too flustered.

Joy didn’t seem to notice, lost to whatever thoughts floated in her head. “I am, but I came to get you. Best party, I swear to God. You have to come. You’ve got to change, though.” She started toward the closet. “How about that red—“

“AAAAHHHH!!!” It was the only thing that she could think to do. Joy whirled around, startled.

“Cramps,” Seulgi said quickly, feigning pain. “Really bad.”

“Well, . Did you take something?”

“No,” she said, and then wondered which answer might make Joy leave quicker. “Yes.”

“Well, here, get in bed.” Joy was pulling down the covers, urging her under. “Wait, at least take your pants off. Why are you in jeans? You’re shaking. Are you cold? I’ll make you some tea.”

“No,” Seulgi said quickly. “I was just going to change and go to bed. You go. Have fun.”

Joy hesitated, looked at her with concern.

“I’ll be fine,” she insisted. “Really.” To her relief, Joy started toward the door.

She paused in the doorway, pensively staring back. “Didn’t you have your period like a week and a half ago?”

Seulgi clenched her jaw. “Yeah, it’s being weird.” 

“That’s not good. You should see someone.”

“I will.” Go. Please, for the love of God.

“Is that a new jacket?”

She glanced at the object on her bed and felt a wave of panic. “Uh, no. It’s ... a friend from class left it. I’m going to return it tomorrow.”

“Right,” Joy said, staring at her now, and Seulgi was certain it was all over. But Joy only shrugged. “Well, feel better. Call me if you need anything. It’s not that far.” She closed the door and she held her breath as she listened to the retreating footsteps. It felt like ages before she finally heard the front door close.

She jumped up, fearful now that everything would be awkward. Jisoo had kissed her. The reality of what that meant hadn’t quite hit her yet. She didn’t even know what it meant; didn’t really care at that moment. “Sor—“She started to apologize but Jisoo’s lips were on hers again, her arms around her waist, pulling her close. Desire shot through her; spread everywhere at once, red hot and overwhelming. Jisoo’s hair fell forward, tickled Seulgi’s cheek, and she brushed it back, deepened the kiss until they fell back against the wall.

“Jesus,” Jisoo gasped, as Seulgi fell against her. “You’re driving me crazy.”

Seulgi smiled against Jisoo’s lips, feeling both giddy and lightheaded. The moment was beginning to take on the surrealistic qualities of a dream. She felt like she was somewhere else entirely; floating, melting, standing beside herself. She didn’t know how long this might last but she didn’t want it to end. Jisoo kissed her again, and Seulgi wondered how anyone’s lips could feel so soft. She felt bold, alive. She started moving toward the bed, pulling Jisoo with her, not daring to break the kiss.

She felt Jisoo’s hands on her sides, steadying her as they lowered themselves onto the bed. Seulgi couldn’t think. Her body was on fire and Jisoo was on top of her, kissing her still. Seulgi could feel her against every inch of her and somehow it didn’t feel like enough.

“Wait,” Jisoo said suddenly, breathlessly, pulling her lips away. “We should talk about this.”

Talk. The word sounded strange, foreign. Seulgi opened her eyes and drew in a breath at the sight of Jisoo above her. Talk. She could barely think. “Okay,” she managed, her nervousness returning. She felt like she was coming out of a trance. “Let’s talk.”

***

JISOO

Jisoo stared up at the unfamiliar print above the bed and tried to think of things that might bring her body temperature down, but all she could think about was Seulgi; Seulgi beside her, Seulgi beneath her, Seulgi kissing her. She closed her eyes. She could still taste Seulgi’s lips, could still feel the softness of her body. She’d never felt so out of control. She couldn’t believe any of this was happening. “I thought you were straight,” she said softly, expelled the words like a breath.

“Yeah, I feel very straight right now,” Seulgi said, turning her head, smiling at her. “I’m so I can’t even think.”

It would be in bad taste, Jisoo thought, to have a heart attack now. But what she felt right then was something between panic and elation and her heart beat to the rhythm of each extreme. She could feel her body respond to Seulgi’s words and she wanted desperately to reach out and touch her again. But the uncertainty of what any of this meant stopped her.

Seulgi her side and looked at her, her features serious. “I know you and I make no sense,” she said, her voice a whisper. “I know that not very long from now you’re going to be traveling to who knows where and for who knows how long and that it’s ridiculous for me to even think of starting anything with you. I know that you can’t be ‘out.’ I know that any day now you’ll be going to work and making out with my best friend and also with a gorgeous woman that clearly wants you. And I can’t pretend that I don’t hate the thought of it. I can’t even promise that none of these things will ever faze me and that I’m okay with it all. I don’t know if I am. I honestly hadn’t thought past you rejecting me. But ...” Seulgi paused in her monologue, was quiet for a second then said, “But, I think what I’m saying is that... if you want me... I’m yours.”

Jisoo could only blink. She was really here, in Seulgi’s room, hearing these words. This was really happening. If you want me ... “Seulgi,” she began, “I’ve wanted you since...” She tried to think back, but failed. Her thoughts were too jumbled to think linearly or even coherently. “I can’t remember. Since before we even met. Since before I even went to your show at the gallery. Since forever, it feels like. There’s no ‘if’... there’s just a lot of... fuzziness.”

“Fuzziness,” Seulgi repeated.

“Yeah,” Jisoo said, thinking it was about as good a word as she would manage under these circumstances. “I’ve never been here before.”

“In my room?”

Jisoo smiled. “In anyone’s room; kissing... talking about... this.”

“This.” Seulgi looked thoughtful. Then she smiled. “Have you really wanted me all that time?”

“You couldn’t tell?”

“Oh yeah,” Seulgi said, and laughed. “Everyday I thought, ‘Wow that Kim Jisoo really wants my y body.’”

“It is y,” Jisoo said, smiling, feeling a rush of confidence. She reached out and took Seulgi’s hand, loving the silky softness of it. Every time they touched it felt electric. 

“So... what now?”

“Now” Seulgi said “... I think you should go back to kissing me.”