A.N: And here's another chapter. Enjoy.

............

SEULGI

“Wow, so many people,” Joy said, looking around. “I feel like we’ve come to watch a performance instead of audition.”

Seulgi nodded distractedly. “Yeah absolutely.” She looked around. “Do you think the line for the bathroom has died down yet?”

“How should I know? Why didn’t you pee before we left?”

“Because you dragged me out of the apartment like the place was on fire. I was lucky to grab a jacket.”

Joy held up her hands in front of her face. They were trembling. “Look at me, I’m nervous. I never get nervous.”

“You’ll be fine. You’re always fine. I’m not even sure why I’m here.”

“Holy mother of cows,” Joy said suddenly.

“What?”

Joy motioned with her chin, and Seulgi followed her gaze until it landed on the balcony seats. Behind the black railing sat none other than Kim Jisoo. “Holy mother of cows,” she echoed.

“Okay, I’m officially freaking out. Why is Kim Jisoo here?”

The guy in front of them turned around. “I hear she’s here with a director and a producer trying to cast for her next movie.”

“No ?”

The guy shook his head. “If there was ever a place to be today it’s here. To think I almost told my agent I didn’t want to come.” He laughed and turned back around.

Joy sat very still. “Wow,” was all she said.

Seulgi glanced up at balcony again, trying to catch a better look, but it was far, and the railing blocked most of her view.

“Do you think she’ll remember me?” Joy asked.

“I don’t know,” Seulgi said. “It was only a few days ago. Her memory can’t be that bad.”

“I knew I should’ve gone back to talk to her more. Maybe you should audition. She’ll remember you for sure.”

Seulgi smiled and shook her head at the thought of auditioning. “Right.” And then she remembered a far more important matter. “I really do have to pee. I’m going to brave that line.”

“Just go into the men’s room. That’s what I do.”

Seulgi laughed. “It may just come to that.”

***

JISOO

All under control, Jisoo repeated to herself, doing her best to look anywhere but down at the crowd. So what if she foundSeulgi attractive? Lots of people had to find her attractive. Lots of people had to find her funny and interesting, too. It didn’t have to mean anything.

She looked down because there simply wasn’t anywhere else to look that didn’t feel ridiculous. Her gaze wandered to the spot where Seulgi sat. It took her half a second to register the fact that it was empty. She scanned the seats and isles to see if she had wandered elsewhere, but there was no sign of the artist.

“I’m going to get some fresh air,” she found herself saying a second later. Rosé looked incredulous. “In New York City?”

“Maybe I feel like inhaling car exhaust,” she said, standing.

Rosé shook her head but made no move to stop her.

Jisoo walked through the curtains and down the ramp that joined with the other sections of the theater. The clusters of performers were gone, having presumably migrated to the auditorium. Their absence left behind an eerie kind of stillness in the hallway. Jisoo looked around for Seulgi, trying to determine where she could have gone; trying to ignore the many warning bells in her mind. “What am I doing?” she whispered to herself, but had no answer.

She walked down the main staircase. She wandered outside. No sign of Seulgi. By the time she returned to the theater, she’d given up, or come to her senses, or both.

And then, suddenly, there was Seulgi, walking hurriedly out of the men’s room. She halted in her steps at the sight of Jisoo. Brown eyes went round with surprise.

The actress smiled in silent greeting, and glanced over Seulgi’s shoulder to look at the men’s restroom sign. She arched a brow in question.

Seulgi looked embarrassed. Her cheeks reddened ever so slightly as she glanced behind her. “There was a line ... and then the cleaning lady ... I ... um ... don’t do this often.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” Jisoo teased. She could stand there all day looking at this girl, she thought, as a million alarm bells chimed in her head. She ignored them. “I was looking for you.”

“You were? For me?”

“I saw you from the balcony,” Jisoo found herself admitting. “I didn’t know you acted on the side.”

“Oh, I don’t. My best friend, Joy, she’s the actress. I don’t know if you remember her, but I think you guys met—“

“I remember. She’s not easy to forget.”

Seulgi nodded, looking somewhat nervous and awkward. She put her hands in the pockets of her sweater. “I’ll be sure to tell her you think so.”

Whatever you do, don’t look at her lips. “Anyway,” Jisoo began, deciding to get to the point before she forgot that she’d come up with one, “the reason I was looking for you is that I have a proposal for you.” She’d lain in bed the night before thinking of the many ways in which Seulgi might fit into her life; and after many hours, she’d come up with one. “I’m going to be moving here in a couple of months,” she continued, thinking it surreal that she was speaking these thoughts aloud, “and I’m getting a new apartment that will undoubtedly need some personal touches. Long story short, I really want your artwork on my walls.”

Seulgi blinked at her. “You want my artwork? On your walls?”

“You seem surprised.” Jisoo went on. “Anyway, yes: your artwork, my walls. I’d pay for your time, your supplies, and of course, the art itself.” 

“You’re serious about this.”

Jisoo looked into light brown eyes and smiled softly. “Why wouldn’t I be serious?”

Seulgi stared at her silently for a long moment. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why me?”

“Why not you?” Jisoo countered.

“Because...” Seulgi started to answer but trailed off. She was silent again, looking pensively at the carpet. “Okay,” she said, looking up. “I’d be happy to.”

~.~

SEULGI

There had been many instances in her life when Seulgi had thought that she was dreaming. There was the incident in the first grade when she’d accidentally peed herself in class because she’d been too shy to ask the teacher for permission to go to the bathroom. To this day she still refused to tell anyone about that, even Joy. There had also been the cafeteria incident in middle school, during which she’d slipped on a puddle of milk on the floor and landed with her lunch tray all over her brand new clothes; to the amusement of her fellow students.

Many years later, Kang Seulgi found herself in a fancy New York theater, hurrying out of a men’s bathroom. And because it was her life, and not anyone else’s, there simply had to be a Hollywood star passing by at just the right moment to catch her. And not just any Hollywood star, the only Hollywood star that actually knew who she was.

“... got your card at the gallery, so I’ll have my assistant get in touch with you, if that’s okay?”

Seulgi felt her head move up and down. It was, she decided, still possibly a dream. The theater did have a rather strange, empty quality to it. She could hear the sound of conversation, but it was distant and muffled. Would a dream involve distant and muffled sounds? She didn’t know.

Kim Jisoo was still in front of her. She half expected the actress to morph into someone else entirely, like her mom; or maybe something, like a bat, or a magical carpet. But no, the blue eyes looking down at her were distinctly Kim Jisoo’s, and Seulgi was certain that if it were a dream, she wouldn’t be noticing Kim Jisoo’s perfume, which Seulgi didn’t have a name for, but decided she liked it.

In a dream, also, she decided that the actress would not have been dressed in jeans and a black V-neck sweater over a white button-down shirt, no matter how nicely fitted it all was. In a dream, Kim Jisoo would have been wearing a dress; something weird and expensive, worthy of red carpet mockery and the Worst Dressed list. No, this wasn’t a dream. She had really just agreed to create artwork for Kim Jisoo’s apartment. “I, uh, look forward to the call.”

“Great,” said the actress. “I should be heading back in there. I kind of wandered off. I’ll be in touch.”

Seulgi watched her walk away for longer than necessary; if it was even necessary to watch someone walk away. She shook her head, and headed back into the auditorium to find her seat.

“Did you fall in?”

Seulgi plopped down on the chair. “This really isn’t a dream?”

“Why would it be a dream?”

“I ran into Kim Jisoo.”

“In the bathroom?”

“No, outside of it. And if that wasn’t weird enough, she said she was looking for me.”

Joy’s mouth fell open slightly. “That is weird.”

“Oh, it gets weirder. She said she wanted my artwork on the walls of her New York apartment.”

“You’re ting me.” 

“I not.”

Joy took a moment to absorb the information. After a minute of reflection, she came back with, “This is ing huge. I mean, if she throws celebrity parties, everyone’s going to see your work. You’re gonna become like... Kang Seulgi: Artist to the Stars.”

Seulgi laughed, though her heart sped up a bit at the thought. At that very moment, anything seemed possible.

“Did she say anything about me?”

“Only that she liked your .”

“Seriously?”

“No. But she did say she remembered you and that you were hard to forget.”

Joy grinned. “She said that? Really?” She bounced in her chair. “I’d never been so excited about a woman remembering who I am before. I feel giddy.”

“And witty and gay?”

Joy laughed. “No matter what happens with this audition, we should go out and celebrate afterwards.”

Seulgi glanced up at the balcony, out of reflex, and maybe curiosity. Jisoo was leaning over to talk to someone else. Seulgi had no idea what she’d just gotten herself into; wasn’t entirely certain that it was real. Her excitement was tinged with a distinct level of trepidation. She didn’t want to get her hopes up. “Let’s not celebrate this yet. I don’t want to jinx it.”

“What, you think she’s going to change her mind?”

“She doesn’t even have an apartment here yet. I think it’s a bit premature. Let’s celebrate when we know it’s for real.”

“As you wiiiiiiish.”

She smiled, but said nothing. She was content to sit in silence and let her mind wander. Why me? she wondered again, staring up through the balcony railings. Of all the artists in the world... why do you want me?

......

JISOO

Jisoo had been spacey and distracted since returning to her seat. She’d ignored Rosé’s questioning glances, and later, the questions themselves. She didn’t want to admit to her assistant – to herself, really – that she’d stalked the artist, and then offered her a job for no other reason than to be closer to her.

The sound of clapping broke through her thoughts, and Jisoo regarded the stage where another actor had taken the spotlight. She watched his performance for a full minute before losing interest. So far, no one had caught her eye. Ella Peters had left half an hour into the auditions, proclaiming it a waste of her time. Jisoo might have been tempted to follow suit were it not for the fact that Joy’s audition was coming up.

There was another round of clapping, and Jisoo glanced down to see a familiar redhead take the stage. Park Joy introduced herself and the two contrasting monologues she’d prepared. After a short pause, she began.

Jisoo hadn’t been expecting much. All performances up to that point had been adequate, perhaps excellent at times, but certainly not what they were searching for. Joy, on the other hand, was something else entirely.

As Jisoo sat in her balcony seat, watching her, she found herself shaking her head. What were the odds that Joy would be this talented?

“What do you think?” Jennie asked, when Joy had finished and the thunderous clapping had died down.

“She’s worth calling in.”

“Agreed.” Jennie wrote something down in the notebook she carried. “I also liked that other girl; the one with the hot pink scarf and the funky glasses.”

Jisoo must have been spaced out during that one. “Uh, yeah. She was good.” 

“Great. I feel good about this.”

Jisoo smiled at the director’s optimism, but felt a pain in the pit of her stomach. Her life, which up until this point had felt simple and straightforward, was suddenly spinning out of her control. Even if she had never emailed Seulgi, she would still be sitting there in that theater, agreeing to grant Park Joy an audition.

“Maybe it’s fate,” Rosé whispered, as if reading her thoughts.

Jisoo ignored the comment. Ignoring things seemed, for the moment, like the best thing to do.

***

SEULGI

“I still think we should go out and celebrate or something,” said Joy, as she tossed her keys onto the kitchen table. “I mean, just the fact that she suggested – hell, just the fact that she came up to you. When does like that happen? Never. like that doesn’t happen. We should celebrate the anomaly that is your encounter with Kim Jisoo.”

Seulgi sat down on the couch and kicked off her shoes. “If we’re to celebrate anything, it’s your totally kick- audition today. When did you get that good?”

“I’ve always been that good,” Joy said, without an ounce of modesty. She dropped down on the couch beside her and popped open a can of soda. “Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean crap. Jisoo and her posse will probably cast that guy... the one that was drooling during his monologue.”

“It was some pretty impressive drool.”

“Or how about that girl, the one who clicked her tongue after every other word. It was like, ‘Today tsk I went to the bank tsk and it was great tsk.’ What was that?”

Seulgi laughed, both at the memory, and at Joy’s rendition. “There were quite a few disasters up on that stage.”

“Thank God, too, ‘cause it would’ve been so boring with no one to make fun of. Anyway, back to this whole Kim Jisoo business... I feel like we should be screaming and jumping around or something. Just sitting here feels wrong; like it’s no big deal that a major celebrity wants to hang your artwork in her apartment. I don’t know how you can act so blasé about the whole thing.”

Seulgi felt anything but blasé. She had fidgeted in her seat the entire time she’d been at the theater. As much as she hadn’t wanted to think about it, or get her hopes up, she couldn’t quite stop trying to picture what it would be like to work for Kim Jisoo; she couldn’t help but worry about all of the things that could go wrong. What if the actress didn’t like what Seulgi came up with? What if Seulgi was unable to meet Kim Jisoo’s demands?

The ringing of the telephone broke through her thoughts, and she was secretly thankful for the interruption. As much as she prided herself in telling Joy everything, she was embarrassed by her worries. Why, for once, couldn’t she just feel proud?

From somewhere in the apartment she heard Joy say, “This is Park Joy,” in the voice she reserved for Matters of Great Importance. Curious now, Seulgi turned around in the couch to catch her best friend walking back into the living room. “Absolutely,” Joy said into the phone, “...where? ten o’clock? I’ll be there... Do I need to prepare anything? Oh, sure... no that’s no problem... see you then.” Joy clicked the phone off and stared at Seulgi. “Okay, now it’s my turn to ask if this is a dream.”

“Who was that?” Seulgi asked.

“That? That was frickin’ Jennie Ruby! She was only like one of my favorite theater actresses ever. And then she completely dropped off the map and reappeared as a film director at Sundance a couple of years ago. And now she’s calling me because she saw me today and wants me to come in and audition for her next film.”

“No way!” 

“Oh, way.”

Seulgi hopped off the couch. “Okay, now I feel like we should be screaming and bouncing around.”

Joy suddenly looked panicked. “Oh God, I need a haircut. And a new outfit. We need to go right now. Get your coat.”

Seulgi frowned at her best friend. “Your hair is fine.”

“Fine? Fine?! I can’t get a role in a movie looking fine, Seul. I need to look spectacular. I need to blow them away. Looks first, talent later. Come on. We’ve got serious ground to cover.”

***

JISOO

Jisoo stared at the computer screen, at the flashing cursor ticking away the seconds of wasted time. For days, she’d gotten only as far as writing “Dear Seulgi” before getting distracted or interrupted or simply giving up. It had been easy at first to tune in to that other part of her; to slip into the character of her distant, other self, and forget, however briefly, that she was pretending.

But now the thought of emailing Seulgi made Jisoo feel only ashamed. Each time her fingers moved over the keys, her mind would flash back to the artist, standing before her, beautiful and unsuspecting. Everything she thought to say felt like a lie, and lying was out of the question.

She closed the laptop and placed it beside her on the couch, feeling depressed and alone in her empty hotel room.

The knock at the door was soft but audible in the sudden silence and Jisoo frowned briefly before moving to answer it.

Jennie stood in the hallway, looking somewhat hesitant to be there. She smiled shyly. “I hope this isn’t a bad time?”

Jisoo regarded the director with mild curiosity. “Not at all,” she said. “Would you like to come in?”

“No, that’s okay.”

Jisoo felt nervous suddenly, and didn’t know why. She now regretted telling the director the truth about herself. It made her feel exposed. It made her feel unbearably shy. But at least she could pretend to feel otherwise. Acting was, after all, what she did best.

“I just came by because... well, what are your plans for tonight?”

“Officially none.”

“And unofficially?”

“None.” Jisoo smiled. “Why? Did you schedule some exciting auditions for tonight?”

“Actually, I got a couple of tickets for Wicked and it was either invite you or invite Ella Peters or just go by myself, and honestly, the first option was the most appealing so... here I am. You are, of course, under no obligation to say yes.”

Jisoo’s nervousness escalated. “Uh...”

“It’s not a date,” Jennie added, “if that’s what you’re worried about. I mean, unless you want it to be. Not that I want it to be a date... or not want it to be. Uh...” She took a breath. “How am I doing on the smoothness scale?”

Jennie looked so nervous that Jisoo had to smile. At least she wasn’t alone. “Wicked sounds fun,” she said, because it was the truth and because the thought of being outside was less depressing than the alternative.

“Excellent. Glad this wasn’t as awkward as I feared.” Jennie laughed. “Seven o’clock sound okay to you? Meet up in the lobby?”

“It’s a plan.” She’d almost said ‘date’ but stopped herself. “See you then.”

Jisoo closed the door and leaned against it. She let out a long breath and tried to relax. Jennie had asked her out. Sort of. Jennie had maybe kind of asked her out, which made tonight a sort of kind of maybe date to which she had said yes.

She thought of Seulgi suddenly. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to talk to the artist. She wanted to gather up her mess of feelings and drop them at Seulgi’s feet, to sit quietly by and watch the artist sort through them. She wanted it to be Seulgi who sat in her room, telling her what to wear. She wanted it to be Seulgi that stood at the other end of the evening, eagerly awaiting the details of her date.

Jisoo desperately wanted Seulgi to know her, really know her; not as Sooya, not as Kim Jisoo, but as her. The part of her not captured on film. The part of her few others saw.

She sighed sadly, glancing at the computer. Perhaps she could drop Seulgi a quick email. Just to say hello. Saying hello wouldn’t be a lie.

Back on the couch, Jisoo stared at the empty email message before starting to type.

Dear Seulgi,

I’m sorry I’ve been so bad about writing to you. I’m not the best at online communication. However, I really wanted to say hi and see how you’re doing.

Currently, I’m freaking out a bit over the fact that She Who Saved Me From Boring Conversation asked me out. Well ... that’s not entirely true. She invited me to go with her to see a play. The date-or-not-date aspect wasn’t quite clear as she kind of stumbled through that section.

I have no idea what to wear. I hope your day is going well.

Take care, Sooya.

***

Jisoo wondered why everyone felt the need to leave the theater at the exact same time. Did they all have important meetings to get to? Was the air inside so suffocating? Had someone shouted, “Fire!” the moment the curtain had gone down? She watched the crowds of people as they pushed their way toward the exits.

“So what did you think?”

Jisoo turned to Jennie. They were both still seated in their VIP seats, waiting for the masses to disperse. “I loved it,” she said. “I feel like watching it all over again.”

Jennie smiled brightly. “That can be arranged. I’m sorry I could only get two tickets. I’m sure you would’ve liked to invite Jackson and Rosé along.”

The comment surprised Jisoo, but she didn’t show it. “They’re actually out on a romantic tour of the city.”

“So, you and Jackson... you were never really...”

“A couple? No. The media liked us together so we went along with it.” Jisoo shrugged, feeling uncomfortable with the conversation.

Jennie nodded. “Yeah, I know how that goes.” Jisoo wondered at that, but didn’t ask. “Looks like the coast is clear. Shall we?”

Jisoo trailed after Jennie, wondering what might come next. Despite her nervousness she didn’t want the evening to end. She enjoyed the director’s company. More than that, she dreaded the thought of returning to her empty hotel room.

“Are you hungry?”

She was, Jisoo suddenly realized. She was starving. “Very.”

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to go back to the hotel or not ...”

Jisoo smiled. “What did you have in mind?”

Jennie laughed and looked away. Jisoo thought she saw her blush. “For dinner? I have just the place.”

***

SEULGI

Seulgi settled into bed and pulled the covers over herself in an effort to keep warm. The temperature outside had dropped considerably and the temperature inside her room wasn’t faring any better. She shivered and pulled the laptop closer.

She’d spent the evening chasing Joy from store to store, giving half-hearted opinions about outfits she’d never personally wear in her lifetime, and trying desperately to think up a good excuse to escape. But she’d stayed through to the end of the madness, as a good best friend would, and now she was happy to be home, tucked away in the peacefulness of her room, freezing her off.

Seulgi watched the email load on her screen. She hadn’t heard from Sooya since their phone conversation. Their email exchanges had tapered off over the past couple of weeks and Seulgi wondered if she should take the hint and stop writing. But just as she had the thought, the name Sooya Kim caught her eye.

She read the email over a couple of times. She’d developed a strange habit of reading Sooya’s emails too quickly the first time around, as though it might suddenly self-destruct and disappear forever. Then she clicked reply.

Dear Sooya,

Well if she stumbled her way through asking you it definitely sounds like a date to me! That’s exciting. I can’t wait to hear (read?) all about it.

Things on my end are... well. Where to start? This morning I went with Joy to an audition thing because she likes to drag me along to these sorts of things. I think she gets bored going places where she has to wait around and needs to have someone there to hear her talk.

Anyway, long story short, I ran into Kim Jisoo just as I was coming out of the men’s room (don’t ask). I was terribly humiliated, especially since she actually a) remembered me b) came over to talk to me. If that wasn’t bizarre enough, she also claimed to be looking for me. (!!!) And then she told me she wanted to hire me to create some art for her new apartment.

See, I’m typing this but I almost feel like all of it is a dream I had instead of something that actually happened.

Then, because the day just wasn’t surreal enough, Joy got a call from some movie director who wants her to audition for a film. She spazzed out and dragged me to every store in downtown Manhattan in search of... hell, I don’t even know what it was she was looking for. I’m even unsure as to whether or not she found it.

So yes, today has been insane. I keep randomly pinching myself because it all seems too... incredible, really.

It might all go nowhere, of course. Kim Jisoo could just as easily forget all about me tomorrow (I sort of expect her to actually) and Joy might not get a role in the film. But at this moment, it’s wonderful just to feel... validated.

Anyway, I’m afraid I must end this now because my fingers are about to fall off from the cold. I dream of one day living in an apartment with proper heating.

Bet it’s nice and warm where you are. :) Hope you’re having fun on your date!

Your frozen friend, Seulgi.

***

JISOO

Jisoo shivered and dug her hands deep into the pocket of her coat. Jennie’s idea of ‘just the place’ wasn’t quite what Jisoo had imagined. She’d pictured a restaurant with walls, and tables, and chairs; a place where the two of them might sit across from one another and exchange conversation over a bottle of wine.

Jisoo stared up at the big, somewhat gaudy sign that read Gray’s Papaya and arched an eyebrow at Jennie. “Here?”

Jennie smiled. “Both the best and the cheapest hot dogs you’ll ever have. My treat.”

Jisoo couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a hot dog. She wasn’t entirely certain that she ever had. “The best, you say?”

“Hands down.”

“Okay then.”

“What do you want on it?”

“Surprise me.”

Jennie laughed. “How brave of you.”

The director got in line and Jisoo stood off to the side. Despite her best attempts to blend into the wall, she was recognized almost immediately, and spent the subsequent minutes signing her name onto ketchup-stained napkins and posing for pictures with strangers.

Jennie eventually rescued her by placing a hot dog in her hand and dragging her away from the crowd. “I’m sorry about that. I forgot who you were for a moment. You could’ve stayed in the limo.”

Jisoo smiled, liking the thought that Jennie could see her as something other than a famous actress. “I didn’t really mind. It kept my mind off the cold.”

Back in the limo, Jisoo glanced down at the hot dog. It was piled sky high with sauerkraut. She’d never felt quite as intimidated by a meal before. “You sure this is safe to eat?”

The director laughed and took a bite of her own. “Mmm.”

Jisoo took a deep breath and gave in. After the second bite, she decided Jennie wasn’t quite as insane as she’d originally imagined.

“Well?”

“It’s quite good.”

Jennie grinned. “I was worried you were going to hate it.” 

“Yet you seemed so confident.”

“Never let them see you sweat.”

Jisoo smiled and returned to her food. She thought of Seulgi, because thinking of Seulgi had become a constant. Did Seulgi like hot dogs? It was an odd thing to wonder. What difference did it make if she did or didn’t?

“What would you like to do now?” Jennie asked. “If you’re not already sick of me, that is.”

Jisoo finished eating and glanced at the director. “Where did all that confidence go?”

“Honestly?”

“Unless you’d rather lie.”

Jennie took a deep breath. “You make me nervous.”

“I make you nervous?” Jisoo frowned briefly. “Why?”

“Because I have no idea what you’re thinking. I have no idea if you’re having fun or if you’re bored or if you enjoy my company or if you’re just humoring me.”

“I suppose that’s true. But then, I don’t know any of those things about you either.” 

“Really? Do I seem bored?”

“I’m not sure. Honestly, I’ve been too busy being nervous myself to wonder.” 

Jennie looked surprised. “I make you nervous?”

“Very.”

“You don’t seem nervous.”

“I’m an actress.”

Jennie laughed at that. “Okay. Well, why do I make you nervous?”

Jisoo sighed and looked away. The limo was inching along with no particular destination, and she was on the brink of blunt honesty. What was it about New York that made her feel like an entirely different person? What was it about being here that made her want to take risks? “You make me nervous because I’ve never so much as kissed another woman, and being around you terrifies me.”

Jennie looked at her for a long moment. The sound of traffic hung in the background, distant but audible against the silence. “Because I’m gay?”

Jisoo caught the director’s gaze. “Because you know I am. Because I don’t even know if this right here is a date or not, so I’m not altogether sure what to expect. I can’t even decide if I want it to be a date or not. I’m worried you’ll mistake me for someone with experience when I’m anything but. I’ve been hiding my entire life and I’m comfortable in that place. Miserable, but comfortable; lonely, but comfortable. So yeah, you make me nervous. Petrified, even.”

Jennie seemed to absorb that. She smiled. “How about you get back to me when you decide whether or not you want this to be a date, and we’ll go from there?”

Jisoo relaxed suddenly. “Okay.” They settled into an easy silence. After a moment, she added, “I am having fun, by the way.”

Jennie smiled brightly. “Me too.”

~.~

Jisoo stirred the cup of coffee in her hand, watching the spinning brown liquid briefly before looking up. Jennie was looking at her and Jisoo smiled, somewhat casually, somewhat awkwardly from across the room. Now that they were in the company of others, Jisoo felt reserved. She dropped her gaze and returned to her seat, saying hello to the casting director as she passed by.

Though the previous evening had ended professionally enough, Jisoo still worried about who might’ve seen them together and how it might have looked. She’d spent half the night berating herself for not being more careful and the other half wondering what kissing Jennie might feel like. There had been other thoughts, too, mainly centered around Seulgi.

“You look tired,” Ella Peters said suddenly. “Rough night?” Jisoo took a sip of coffee and nodded. “Didn’t sleep very well.”

“Had a hot boytoy in your bed?” Ella laughed and sat down beside Jisoo. “Ah, to be young and beautiful.”

Jisoo glanced at Jennie who was looking back at her, amused. She cleared and turned back to the producer. “I’m afraid my bed was quite empty last night.”

Ella looked as if she didn’t believe Jisoo, then she laughed. “Well if that’s true then I’m sure it wasn’t for lack of offers, eh? I heard you and that studmuffin director broke up. Shame. You two made a beautiful couple. Don’t you think?” She directed the question at Jennie who’d taken a seat nearby. Not waiting for the director’s answer, the producer continued, “Are you still single?”

“Quite so,” said Jisoo.

“You know, I have a son. He’s not a male model or anything, God bless him, but he’s a sweetheart. I tried to set him up with that one over there,” she said, motioning to Jennie, “but it turns out she swings in an entirely different direction. First date didn’t go quite as planned.”She chuckled.

“Most awkward night ever,” Jennie mumbled.

Jisoo bit her lip. “I’m kind of... not really looking for anyone right now” she said, hoping that was enough to deter the woman, knowing, somehow, that it wasn’t.

Ella was digging into her purse. “I’ll just give you his number. If you’re feeling lonely when you move to New York, give him a call. He can give you a tour. You don’t need to get married or anything.”

Jisoo accepted the piece of paper without looking at it. “Will do...”

“Okay, then,” Jennie said, rising suddenly, “if no one else has a son, brother or distant third cousin they want to try and set our lead actress with, let’s get started.”

Jisoo put the guy’s number away somewhere that looked like she wouldn’t forget about it, though she knew she would. She missed the safety of her relationship with Jackson, realizing just then how simple it had made things. The door opened, catching Jisoo’s attention. A young woman stepped in, looking both nervous and confident as she walked to the center of the room. Jennie sat next to Jisoo and handed her part of the script. To the girl, she said, “You may start when ready. Kim Jisoo will be reading with you.”

The girl took a moment and then began. From the second she first spoke it was clear that she wasn’t right for the part, but Jisoo read her lines as though the real Samantha stood before her.

The audition ended minutes later and Ella Peters was the first to speak once the girl had exited. “My vote is still on our esteemed director for the role. We’re wasting our time with these auditions.”

“Seriously, Jennie,” said the casting director, whose name Jisoo had entirely forgotten. “I told you from the beginning that part was all you.”

Jennie seemed thoughtful. “I’ll do a screen test and then we’ll see. There’s always the question of chemistry.”

“Oh, please, Jisoo would have chemistry with a rock,” said Ella.

Jisoo arched an eyebrow, but said nothing. She wondered if they’d forgotten she was still in the room.

“I’m not sure how to take that,” Jennie said.

Ella snorted. “You’re slightly more attractive than a rock. Anyway, are we seeing more people? I’ve got a hair appointment at three.”

Jisoo smiled to herself, enjoying the easy banter between the two women. It was the first time in a very long time that she’d felt so at home in a work environment, and though she knew things might change once filming started, she was glad to be a part of this group of people. Whatever the consequences of playing this role, it felt worth it.

The door opened then, and Jisoo felt her breath catch at the sight of Joy. Despite the fact that she’d been expecting her, Jisoo was all the same surprised. The redhead had dressed simply in a burgundy leather jacket, black tunic sweater, and dark jeans tucked into black boots. It was a far more subtle look than the one she’d sported at the gallery, and much less distracting.

“Glad you could make it on such short notice,” Jennie was saying. 

“Happy to be here” Joy said.

“I hope you’ve had enough time to look over the scene and get a feel for what it involves,” Jennie said. “Feel free to start whenever you’re ready.”

Joy was nodding and looking calmer than Jisoo had expected. The redhead’s gaze traveled quickly around the room and lingered briefly on Jisoo before turning to the pages in her hand.

Jisoo watched the exchange of dialogue with interest. Joy was auditioning for the part of Lynn, the main antagonist, and doing a great job of it. Jennie, too, seemed right at home reading for Samantha, and Jisoo sighed quietly, thinking that Jennie playing her onscreen lover was a recipe for emotional chaos, no matter how right for the part the director was. And Joy... Jisoo didn’t even want to consider the many complications that might arise from Joy landing a role in the movie.

Maybe it was fate, Jisoo considered. Maybe fate was set on punishing her for telling lies over the Internet.

The scene ended and Jennie thanked Joy for coming. And just like that, it was over. Jisoo watched the door close, thinking the entire ordeal terribly anti-climactic.

“She’s great,” the casting director said.

“She is,” Jennie said, looking at the headshot of Joy in her hand. “Unfortunately, she’s got little to no film experience and no agent. She’s not even been professionally trained.”

Ella chuckled. “I thought you were the one that wanted to scrape the bottom of the barrel of New York City actors?”

“I’m all for finding new talent, and hell, she’s got it in spades. But the lack of experience and representation raises a few flags for me.”

“For me as well,” said Ella. “That girl we saw the other day... what was her name? She’s on that show about the tennis instructor? Well, her. She was perfectly good for this role.”

“She was okay,” Jisoo found herself saying, realizing too late that she’d spoken aloud. They were all looking at her now, so she opted to say something else. “I mean, it’s good. It’s fine to play it safe.”

“But?” Jennie prompted.

Jisoo shifted in her seat. It wasn’t her place to be voicing casting opinions. She was just an actress. “I don’t know... it just seems to me that some risks are worth taking.”

The casting director spoke after a moment. “You know, I’ve been looking for a lead for a short film project a friend of mine is doing. I think this Joy girl would be great for it. We could try her out first and see how it goes. Filming shouldn’t take more than a couple of weeks.”

Jennie looked thoughtful. “That could work. Ella?”

“You know how I feel about casting a bunch of unknowns for this film,” the producer said with a shrug. “When it flops, you know who to make the checks out too.”

“That’s what I love about you, Ella, your positive attitude.” Jennie rolled her eyes.

Jisoo didn’t say anything more, thinking she’d said enough already. There was a part of her that wanted to jump to Joy’s defense, to battle strongly and adamantly in favor of casting her. But there was also a part of her that agreed with Ella.

The auditions that followed were, in Jisoo’s estimation, entirely forgettable, and by the time the last person wandered out of the room, Jisoo was grateful that casting actors was not in her job description.

Joe, the camera guy, was the first to leave the room. He gave a quick apology, explaining that his wife had gotten held up at work and couldn’t pick up the kids from school. He handed Jennie some tapes and wished everyone Happy Holidays before making his disappearing act. Jisoo had never seen anyone pack camera equipment quite so rapidly before, and she was rather impressed.

Meanwhile, Ella had begun gathering her possessions. “I’ve got to run, too. My husband’s boss is throwing his annual Holiday party and it’s all the way in Jersey. I’ve got six hours to do my hair, my nails, and get a bikini wax.” She stood and smiled warmly at Jisoo. 

“Jisoo, it was a pleasure meeting you. I can’t wait to see you again. Have a safe flight back to L.A. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and all that.” She glanced at Jennie. “You, I’ll see later.”

“I’ll ride down with you,” said the casting director. “I’ve got a meeting with my son’s principal. Guess who’s not getting that gaming console he wanted for Christmas?”

Ella snorted and the two women disappeared through the door, chatting back and forth about the perils of motherhood.

It struck Jisoo suddenly that she had absolutely nowhere to be, nowhere to go, and no real life outside of that casting room. She had, up until that moment, forgotten entirely about Christmas.

“You okay?” It was Jennie asking.

Jisoo reached for her coat and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just realized that Christmas is coming up and I haven’t done any shopping.”

“You’ve still got a week. When’s your flight?”

“Tomorrow morning. Rosé and Jackson wanted an extra night in the City.”

Jennie nodded and slid on a pair of black gloves. “If you’re not doing anything tonight, my friend’s throwing a party downtown, and you’re more than welcome to join me.”

Jisoo considered the offer for a split second, but said, “Thanks, that sounds fun, but I think I’m going to just crawl into bed, order up some room service, and watch TV.”

“Ooh, that does sound good.” Jennie smiled.

If Jisoo had been the flirting type she might’ve said, “You’re welcome to join me,” but she wasn’t, so she didn’t. Instead, she wrapped a scarf around her neck and returned Jennie’s smile.

“So what are your plans for Christmas?” Jennie asked, as they headed out of the room and toward the elevator.

Jisoo’s plans were bleak at best. She vaguely recalled agreeing to make dinner for Jackson and Rosé. “Well, my family’s in Paris...” 

“You’re not joining them?”

“Ah, no. The further away they are, the happier I am. So, I’ll probably spend Christmas Eve with Rosé and Jackson. What about you?”

“I’m going skiing,” Jennie replied. “Really festive of me, huh?” 

“Sounds fun, actually.”

“Want to come? It’ll just be me and a couple of friends. We like to do unconventional things for the holidays. Last year we went white water rafting. Next year we’re thinking... sky diving.”

Jisoo smiled. It all sounded nice. Terrifying, but nice. “I think I’ll pass, but thanks.” The elevator chimed and they stepped inside. “I’m more of the quiet Christmas at home type.”

“I’d love that, actually,” Jennie admitted a moment later. “But I’m alone, so what’s the point? I think I’d just get depressed waking up on Christmas morning with no one to share it with.”

That sounded like a pretty accurate description of Jisoo’s most recent Christmas mornings. She was especially not looking forward to the next one, and for a moment she actually considered Jennie’s invitation.

The elevator doors opened before Jisoo could make her mind up one way or the other. “Can I offer you a ride anywhere?”

Jennie paused to consider. She glanced at her watch. “I’m meeting with my realtor in an hour to look at a couple of apartments so I should probably hang around here.”

Jisoo nodded. Parting ways with Jennie always felt awkward. “Well, have fun at your party tonight. And be careful skiing.”

“Thanks. Have a safe flight.”

“See you in a few weeks.” Jisoo started to turn away, but stopped. “You know, the other night?”

Jennie looked back at her expectantly.

“It could’ve been a date.” Jisoo said. She smiled at the surprised look on the director’s face. Then she did walk away.