Baekhyun pov

Day 4

Ummm... Maybe I would just warn you that this chapter might include scenes that may effect you guys... Just so you know.....

My night was torturing. For only a few moments I managed to stay in that complete darkness with no feelings and pain that took over my soul. I loved it to be in that nothing. Nothing bothered and I felt myself reliefed from everything, but in only moment I had to feel again. Pain, both from my heart break and my wounds that I made. It attacked me and made me suffer. I wanted to scream and fight, but I didn't feel my body ar the moment. I had nohing to do and the pain stayed with me, killing me slowly.

I had nightmares. First appeared my flashbacks. The ones from my past that I left far away from me. I had seen Woosuk and the pain from his abusing came to me, taking over me. My trauma of him woke up again and made me shiver at it. I wanted to run away from it again. The last time I saw Woosuk was when I went to visit him in jail with Chanyeol. It was ment for me to get over the trauma and eventually I did, but I knew a part of it would stay deep inside me. Hidden and it would come out when it was least needed, like now. I was in so much pain already and it had to make me suffer more.

In time something else came into my dreams. It felt real, in real place and real time.

I stood at the front door of  the house with the door wide open. In front of me stood Chanyeol in his black general suit, standing straight and confidently. His black eyes looked at me seriously, giving me no warm feelings. I saw hate in him. He was disgusted by me. I could read all his feelings and feel them beat me up.

I could only look at him. I wasn't able to look away or move. The dreams didn't let me do anything, but look directly at Chanyeol's cold eyes, forcing me to feel his hate towards me. How he didn't love me anymore and how much he wanted to get rid of me. I wanted to fight the dream, but I was helpless. 

In some painful moments my dreams changed. Everything faded and a completly new scene opened in front of me.

This time I walked hand in hand with Chanyeol. He was leading me to our house, inside. He had a warm look in his eyes and I felt love take over me. I wanted us to be like this forever. 

Inside he made me go to the living room, where he pushed me to the wall and locked me between his hands. His body touched mine and he leaned so close that our eyes were just inches away. I felt my breath get faster and I got nervouus. He didn't have that hated look anymore and it changed into a completly new one that was filled with warmth and love.

Chanyeol slowly leaned closer and I closed my eyes as our lips met. He kissed me carefully at first, but then deepened the kiss. I kissed him back and tasted him. Enjoying the feeling. I felt loved and wanted. It was the thing I wanted for so long now. I locked my leg around Chanyeol and kept him close to me. We were out of breath soon and Chanyeol left my lips. He traveled first to my ear and then down to my neck, kissing every inch of my skin. I played with his hair as he kissed me.

"Chanyeol," I moaned as he on my skin, leaving love bites here and there. Chanyeol left my skin in some time and took me in his hands. I climbed up to him, wrapping my legs around his hips and he held me close to him. 

"Let's go up," he whispered on my ear and gave me a smile. He carried me up to our bedroom and in the next moment I found myself pushed to the bed, back first and Chanyeol went over me, kissing me hard. He ran his hands on my body until he got a hod of my clothes. 

In only moments we both were fully exposed to the cold air around us. Clothes lying on the floor and both up to our eyes. Only our eyes. Chanyeol leaned to me and kissed my body. All of it. He plesured me and made me feel good. I didn't want him to stop. I wanted to be like this forever, only with him. 

In no time he entred me, made me moan loudly. He took all my breath. He moved inside me, streching me open and pounded me roughly, but with lots of love. I moaned, screamed his name as I enjoyed the friction. He leaned down to me and first placed a kiss on my lips, but then moved to my ear and he muttered something. It first made me warm, but then I went into shock.

"I love you, Jihyun," he whispered with warmth. 

Only then I realised what was happening. I was in Jihyuns body. I saw with her eyes and felt with her body. I was trapped there to watch the horrors I never wanted to see again. What I belined were my and his moments changed into him and Jihyun. I was ready to throw up from it.Chanyeol was with Jihyun and not me. He made her loved and not me. It was not me who was with him. 

I started to feel sick to see Chanyeol plesuring Jihyun, me in her body. I felt my heart rip and pain took over me. I wanted to be the one with Chanyeol, but he was with her again. Cheating again. I was trapped only to be more hurt than ever.

He loved her with more than he ever loved me. the feelings he sent her were more intense than they ever were with me. They enjoyed themselves and tasted each other. I was only there to watch the scene which I never wanted to see. Again I wasn't able to move my eyes from them. The dream was torturing me. He had left me and the love I felt for him faded. I only hated him now. Chanyeol made Jihyun plesured, made them enjoy every moment and have the best time of their lives. They kissed, touched, explored each other. Did more than I ever tried. 

I managed to look a bit away, but only a few inches away from the bed. I regret it immediately as shivers went over me from what I saw. In the very corner of the room I spotted myself. By body, kneeling there and shivering. I was in dark, with barely any light on, but my pale skin shined in sick and dead colour. My eyes were looking at the bed painfully with tears shining in them. I had been destroyed. In only some time my body changed. I got darker, like death came to take me. This time my eyes caught mine in body of Jihyun and pain spread over me. The look of my own eyes felt so hurt and destroyed, with no hope left.

I saw my scars on my arms, shining brightly and reminding me of what I did, but it was not only that. I found ugly deep wounds tracking over my body. I barely had any colthes on, all ripped and destroyed. The rest of them soaking in my own blood. I saw the hidden wounds on me, the ones that were caused from Woosuk, abuse, Chanyeol, heartbreak and Jihyun. The ones that were in my inside, my mental health, that was now completly ripped. Wounds traveled all the way down my body, ripping my skin, muscles and flesh appart and made blood flow out angrily. It soaked into my clothes and then onto the floor, making a bloody pool under me. My body was trembling from the wounds, getting skinnier and lost energy rapidly. My skin turned into ugly grey, painted with red and black. The wounds made me ugly, like a beaten creature, only willing to die soon now. Die in pain and suffer.

Chanyeol who was still over Jihyun, on the bed and hurt me more. The wounds appeared because of him, but I had no power to make him stop. It was him who was going to decide whether he was going to stop or continue and let me die from the pain and harm that was done. He didn't care of me. He only focused on Jihyun and rather looked away from me. Rippong me more with each he did.

My wounded body in the corner of the room collapsed onto the floor face first, out of energy to hold itself up again. I lay flat on the stomach, head leaning on the foor, my eyes fixed on the figure of Jihyun. I saw how my hand sized in Chanyeol's direction, tremling and shaking horribly. My weak lips moved, with no sound pleading for help, but non came. It took all my breath as I saw how it ended up lying dead on the ground, stomped and destroyed by all the pain and suffer. 

There was no attention on me. Chanyeol and Jihyun came to their and with that Chanyeol's decision was made. I was like a wounded animal for him. The one that has no hope to live and is only up to die now. I couldn't see any movements of life in my wounded body. I was dead and suddenly felt horrible pain in my chest as I was trying to get air, shock preventing me to think clearly and my dream forcing me to look at the body.

I woke up scared and nearly screamed. I was only a bit away from jumping off bed. I was trembling, shivering hard and I barely felt any air in my lungs, breathing hard. Sweat was covering my body and made me feel cold and tired. I was in my room and it was still dark, only moonight making the room bright. It was enough for me to see clearly, but my mind was flashing with scenes that I saw in my nightmare. It felt so real. I couldn't help but cover my face with hands and cry. I was so afraid of what happened that I lost all my strenght to get the thoughts away. I broke into sobs.

"Baekhyun?" I heard a deep voice from next to me, quietly asking for my attention. A small light from the shelf next to the bed and made everything brighter. I had to blink a few times before I really saw with my teary eyes. I only creeped out. I didn't expect any of this. In panick I looked to my side and found Chanyeol's gaze on me. He was lying next to me, under the blanket, sitting up. He wasn't just next to me, but I was wrapped in his hands, in his hug. He kept me close to him, but it made me sick. I was disgusted by it and automatically acted on my own. 

I fought my way out of his hands, escaping like he was a big threat for me.

"What are-?" I cracked, looking at him with fear. He was surprised by my acting, but I didn't care. I remembered my dreams. I belived they were real. I belived I saw him with Jihyun before. How they enjoyed themselves, while I was far away. I moved again and soon came to the enge of the bed. I crawled off it and my feet touched the ground, but I was out of energy and I couln't help, but fall down onto the ground.

"Baekhyun!" Chanyeol panicked and jumped off the bed to get me help. He placed himself in front of me and held my arms to pull me up, but I fought him.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yelled and snapped his hands away. He jumped away a bit as I yelled at him so roughly. 

"Baekhyun, let me help you," he said and tried to get closer again. 

"NO!" I moved away, crawling in the other direction. I managed to get onto my feet again, but struggled to walk, feeling loss of energy with every step I did. I was limping away from him and tried to get to the door, but fell in front of them. I was ready to catch myself by the latch, but other hands held me up. Chanyeol came to me just in time and got a hold around my chest, pulling me up to him. 

"LET ME GO!" I fought madly. In his hands I felt more danger than anywhere else. I felt un wanted and empty. I would be happier in any other place, instead of Chanyeol's presence. I was fighting like he was a threat to me. In only some moments I saw my dreams in front of me. I saw Chanyeol with Jihyun and me in the corner of the room, dying alone, with no attention. Chanyeol was going to destroy me to death if I stayed longer. My mind was going crazy and I wasn't able to think straight. All I knew was that I wanted to leave this house. Leave Chanyeol foreber and hide from him and his actions. I experienced this before, to see dreams as reality, but it always seemed so clear and real that I belived it everytime.

"Baekhyun you will only hurt yourself. Calm down," he said and then forced me back to the bed. I sat down and Chanyeol's hand held me down, so I didn't do another step.

"I SAID LET ME GO! YOU ONLY HURT ME! STOP AND LET ME GO!" I yelled at him madly, like a wounded animal begging to be released by attackers teeth. I was begging for my own life. I was afraid to continue my life with Chanyeol. My dreams kept flashing in front of me, making it hard to focus on reality and insted fall into my own mind. 

As I knew Chanyeol wouldn't let me stand, so I crawled onto the bed away from Chanyeol's hands. I kicked to get rid of him and gained a groan from him as I hit him. I hid my face in covers and for a moment wanted to get rid of that dreams. That scenes that stayed before my eyes even when I closed my eyes. I screamed into the covers and shut my ears, hoping to get rid of my seeing.

Again I heard Chanyeol calling for me to stop my doing, but I couldn't. "I love you, Jihyun," kept repeating in my mind, telling me how much I wasn't loved. How much Chanyeol's love went from me to Jihyun. 

"Baehyun, please, calm down," he said with calmer and more supporting tune. I was breathing hard, like there was no oxygen in the room. I was also tired, but the thought of Chanyeol near me made me act on.

"Leave me alone! Leave for once! You always hurt me and you will hurt me more! I don't want it!" I sobbed.

"I can't leave you like that. You will have to calm down first," Chanyeol said. He pulled out his phone and scrolled on it, while I was still crying into the pillow. 

When I saw him get distracted on the phone call I felt the oportunity to fight and managed to leave the bed right as he pressed his phone on his ear. I moved away from him. He struggled to get me back, but suddenly his phone was more important. He focused on the person that picked up. I moved around the room to get to the door and leave. I was sick of being here. It was better anywhere else but here.

"Kyungsoo," I heard him say. "I need some help here. Baekhyun is not at his mind, please" he said and I got mad at it. I was more furious than ever. First he cheated with someone, let me suffer alone and now he talked that I was insane, but knew it was his fault. He made me like this. I was insane because of him.

"NO!" I yelled, but only gained a mad look from Chanyeol. There was distance between us and I had the opportunity to leave.

"Please, come. He had a hard time in the evening, even self harmed and now when he woke up, just went into panick and doesn't want to calm down. I guess I am not the best person to help him right now," he said in worry.

"BECAUSE OF YOU!" I yelled and then ran to the door. Chanyeol was too busy with the phone call to bother where I was going and I saw my chance to get away.

When I touched the latch of the door I realised that my hand was in white bandages. I remembered how I cut only a little ago and got a mad idea. I hated the bandages on me. I wanted the pain that I was used on and not the one that Chanyeol caused in me, I was still in that pain from inside of me. The one that was caused by my heartbreak and I wanted it to stop again, just like it faded when I cut. I took a hold of the edge and ripped it appart. My wounds came to freash air and as I hurt them while ripping the bandages off, I made them bleed again. It was painful and made me whine, but I wanted it. Wanted to be unconscious again. Luckily I was enough strong to rip all and still had that little remainding energy in me. I had trained 3 year on my strenght and it was obvious how much better I got. 

"BAEKHYUN!" I heard Chanyeol as he saw me ripping the bandages and hurting myself again.

All the new pain gave me a good time. I got rid of the flashing scenes for a few moments, my mind got clearer. I didn't bother to look at him and instead finally oppened the door, but Chanyeol closed them with a loud bang. He was standing by my side and holding me still. I was trapped between the door and his body. He was still on the phone call, begging fro Kyungsoo to come. 

I didn't mind Kyungsoo coming, but I felt my soul begging to get away from Chanyeol. I felt like someone else took over me and made me into another person. Someone darker and rougher than I really was, not letting me think with my own mind, but the darker one. Bood from my waist was flowing down my arm and painet me into red. 

"Baekhyun, you will only hurt yourself more. Wait only a few second, please," Chanyeol begged as he saw my harmed arm again. He was worried and mad as he saw the new blood appear, but I ignored him. I shook my head madly and pushed him away from me.

"DON'T GO CLOSER TO ME AGAIN!" I fought and took my way to make distence agian. I knew Chanyeol would follow me. The new personality made me think in my own was. Even if Chanyeol didn't really hurt me I wanted to get rid of him. I wanted to be free from him.

I got a hold of the night lamp, small light that stood on the sheld next to the bed. It was the only source of light in the room. I pulled it all the way around until it hit Chanyeol who was just next to me, trying to get me again. He yelled. Yelled in pain as I hit him in his forehead and made him back away. He held his face as he stomped away. From him only came the last mad words. There was no light now. Only that moonlight again, helping us to see. 

"Come here now!" he said to Kyungsoo on the other side, talking with his teeth clenched as I hurt him badly. However the pain that I caused him wasn't bigger than the one he made me feel. This was nothing comparing to me. 

He threw the phone away madly, it was a miracle that it didn't break. Instead of getting me again, he collapsed on the floor and only leaned to the wall, next to the doors, blocking my way out. I did the same, but on the other side of the room. 

I didn't feel energy in myself to stand again and only sat down, lifelessly. Chanyeol kept his eyes on me as we looked at each other. His side of the face shined in the weak light, for which I guessed was his blood that appeared after I hit him with the lamp. I made myself quiet, hugging my knees in my arms and lovered my head to hide my look from Chanyeol.

"Why? What is happening to you? Do you really have to do that? I was trying to help you at last, but you pay me this way. Only going insane and hitting me for no reason. Why are you fighting me?" he spoke with his deep and mad voice, but it sounded like a whisper.

"You hurt me more. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I can't ing stand around you like you did nothing to me. Each time you touch me I feel sick and hurt and I don't want it. Just let me leave," I breathed heavily. My voice was trembling and was full of fear. I was not ready to get close to Chanyeol and after all my dreams kept appearing in my mind. His words that he told Jihyun. I didn't even know what was truie or not anymore.

"I know I hurt you! I tried to make things right, to make you feel wanted again and take care of you, but its impossible with your stubborn acting. that I can't even touch you anymore, or look at you without gaining mad looks and hissing. I will do anything to get you back, but I am afraid that even I am not capable of doing it," he spoke and made my heart break.

"It was easy to go and cheat, right? Why can't you fix it then? You can give up now. It will hurt less now than later," I replied with cold in my voice. I was ready to hear him to let me leave, but got disappointed.

"Baekhyun, I love you! I loved you and will always love you! I don't want others. It's you who means something to me. I am going to fight till the end. I don't want to let you go," he said painfully, disappointing me as I knew I was just going to be hurt more. 

The I love you for me felt unreal. Just as he said it I heard the same I love you that was ment for Jihyun.

I am uploading again sooner, since next updates will probably be late. I have to start working for school again, but don't worry I have chapters ready to be uploaded too. 

Thank you for all the love and support you give me. Let's cheer for ChanBaek and hope everything will run out well. Give me those 69 subscribers lmao~

Btw... For all those who didn't watch Baekhyun's concert, it was amazing and really wort watching. It made me super happy. 

I LOVE YOU!!!