Baekhyun pov

Once we ended writing our lists we left Jongdae and headed towards the car again. I kind of felt like this was a waste of time. I was not going to get along with Chanyeol and I hated how much he tried and didn't want to see the fact that I was not going to agree to stay with him in the next 9 days. I didn't want him and after all he had that Jihyun. He could stay with her, maybe cheat on her after a few more years and go with the other one. He surely wasn't going to get me back. 

In the car I sat on the passangers seat and held my list close to me. We still didn't show them to each other yet and I wondered what Chanyeol wrote on his. At fist I didn't take the lists seriously and thought of writing down some stupid and silly things, but found out I had pretty much to write down and the things actually bothered me. 

Chanyeol sat in the car too and belted himself, but didn't start the car.

"What if we shared already?" he asked and turned to catch my eyes. 

"What?!" I asked like he just said the most stupid idea I ever heard.

""Let's show each other the lists," he shrugged. 

"Can't you wait until we come home?! You can drive faster if you want to see my list that much. You should have known what bothers me though," I hissed at him, turning to look out again. I was not in a mood to talk with him and he made me more and more annoyed. Just the fact that he was around me made me feel bad and I wanted to make as much distance as possible. I was up to try and work things out with him, but I still couldn't just forget what he did to me and I got negative feelings around him already after 10 minutes. 

Chanyeol drove home quicker than before, obviously trying to get there as soon as possible. It annoyed me on some way and I was ready to burn the list if needed. 

Once we were at home I left the car without words, but Chanyeol quickly followed me to the front door, keeping almost no distance. I just sighed once I was inside and put off my flip flops. I looked around to meet Chanyeol's eyes. He was waiting impatiently for me to give him the list.

"Fine, let's share," I sighed, annoyed and uninterested.

Chanyeol nodded happily, giving me a smile, but I only returned him a mad look. I gave him my list and he gave me his and then he went into reading. I too looked at his and lazily read it. I got into shock while reading it. I couldn't belive what Chanyeol just wrote on the list.

"PARK ING CHANYEOL!" I yelled at him and he jumped away a bit from the shock. I was looking at him madly, like he just cheated on me once again, but it wasn't that.

"What?!" he asked jumping a bit as I yelled so loudly. 

"Do I have to read it out loud for you! You must be kidding me! 4th poin that you wrote Have exciting in different places. You dare write that down! Eww! No!" I got mad over him, hitting my own head at how stupid and unreal this was. I live with a  ing jerk 

"Jongdae said we can write anything that bothers us or we wish to change. I did what he said!" Chanyeol protested, but this was not enough for me to just deal with what he wrote.

"You really don't have any other wishes! I am not doing that with you! You think I will change that fast in only 9 days from now on?! NO!" I yelled at him, getting mad and nearly crushed his list in my hand.

"Baekhyun I won't force you into anything. It's just what I thought might change," Chanyeol tried to explain, but I was still mad. 

"That adventure thing expains why you went with her. You wanted some more fun. It wasn't that exciting with me in bed," I said madly and stormed away to the living room, tossing the list onto the table and then I collapsed onto the couch. I crossed my arms and looked at the ground madly. 

Chanyeol had his own wishes, but the fact that he probably did more with the girl than me got me furious. I didn't like how he had a much beter time with her than me. 

"Baekhyun, please. I only want us to be together again. I will remove this one, alright?" he said, took the list from the table and came to me on the couch. He got himself a pen and then crossed the 4th option. He then wrote down something else and then put down the pen.

"Better?" he asked once he was done. I only gave him a small, but still mad nod and didn't look up at him. Chanyeol stood up again and then walked out of the room. "Can I put them on the fridge or something?" he then asked. 

"I don't care!" I yelled in reply, feeling my anger that didn't want to leave me. 

In some time I too stood up and left the couch. I walked to the kitchen where stood the fridge and on it I found both lists pinned up. I read both of them again, carefully thinking about them and trying to match things.

Baekhyun:

1. Get comfortable around you again

2. Have fun together/spend time doing what we like

3. Sleep in the same bed again

4. Kiss like we used to

5. Trust you

Chanyeol:

1. Focus 100% on you

2. Become a better person in your eyes

3. Take you out for dates

4. Have exciting in different places Tell you truth all the time

5. Prove you I love you

I just stared at the lists for a moment quietly and thought of how this could help us. If both of us tried to change this things, we could even get along, but I wasn't sure if this changes would last for long. I was afraid Chanyeol would cheat again. He proved me he can do anything even if it sounded so unreal.

In some time I gave up on thinking. It was a waste to even try being with Chanyoel again. I left the kitchen and went upstairs, meeting with Chanyeol for some reason.

"Why were you up?" I asked as he tried to go pass me.

"Is it forbbiden for me to be there? I still have a lot of my stuff upstairs and I miss them, like my gym equipment, instruments and clean underwear," he replied with his deep voice. 

"Don't tell me you were in the same underwear for 3 days now," I begged, even though it was obviously a joke.

"You can check it out," Chanyeol said and rised his hands up in the air, so there was a free way to his pants. He was smirking at me and waiting, while I just stood there frozen. I didn't like what he just said and got mad again, but I was feeling a horrible embarrassment run over me.

"You ! Get away with your dirty jokes. Ewww," I hit him in he chest and made him groan and step away from me.

"Uff you got rough, you know," he complained. He deserved it and I didn't think of talking to hm more. I went past him and shut myself into the bedroom again. I spent a lot of time in it last days. I liked to lock myself away from Chanyeol, to think and calm down, have some peace and silence around me. It was nice to be alone, but I missed the usual company that I got from Chanyeol before he cheated. I wanted us to just sit together and do nothing for a while and relax. I wished that we would be one like we were before. 

I lied down, on the bed and closed my eyes for a moment. It was near evening, but I felt exhausted already. I sighed and messed my hair, but kept my eyes closed.

"Baekhyun?" I heard Chanyeol from outside the room agian.

"WHAT?!" I yelled as he destroyed my silence.

"Can I shower upstairs?" he asked. I hated the question and it annoyed me.

"I don't care where you shower! Do it where you want!" I yelled in reply, feeling more and more annoyed.

"Alright," he replied calmly and I finally got the chance to silence myself down again. 

Chanyeol really decided to shower upstairs, since I soon heard water running near the room. I didn't mind him, but just stayed on the bed, but something else interupted me again.

Someone rang on the doorbell. In this case I would let Chanyeol open the door, but at the moment he was in the shower and I should be the one checking who came. I just thought of ignoring the bell and stay in the bed. It could be Kyungsoo outside, but he would tell me before. I stood up lazily, sighing and ruffling my own hair. The bell rang again, showing how very impatient the person outside was. I also heard the water stop running, telling that Chanyeol obviously heard the bell too. I didn't think of waiting for him now. I was out of bed already and on half of the way to open the front door.

Once I came to the door the person rang for the third time, making me highly annoyed, but I still did everything lazily. I opened the door and peeked out to check who it was, on my luck it was not Kyungsoo. It was Jihyun.

At first I wanted to yell at her and send her away, but decided to act on other way. 

"Look who came," I bitterly said throught my teeth and forced a mad smile. Jihyun looked surprised to see me here, but she stayed at the door calm and focused. Even though it was summer she only had a bright blue crop top on, showing her body and a black skirt. She had her hair tied up and make-up, making her pretty, but artificial.

"Ugh, I expected Chanyeol to open and I didn't think you would stay here after what he did to you. I don't really care though..." she shrugged, not greeting me at all, but just looking at me with the same bitter look that I gave her. 

"You came for him? What a coincidence!" I said with sarcasm. "Come in, come in. He will come soon," I moved and let her step in. I had no ideas what I was doing. I just wanted to play with her a bit or something, make her hurt more. 

She hesitated at first, eyeing me carefully, but at last she really entred the house. I was disgusted about the fact that she was in the house, but wanted to have some fun while Chanyeol wasn't here. She moved a bit away from me, carefully like I was leading her into a trap.

"Water?" I asked, glarig at her with a smirk on my face. 

"If you please," she answered and stood straight. She kept herself serious and confident. I walked to the kitchen and took out two glasses and filled them both with cold water. I later placed one on the pult and nodded to Jihyun to take it. She only stepped closer, but didn't drink, like it might be poisoned, which I wanted it to be.

"Why do you want to see Chanyeol?" I asked and leaned to the kitchen pult, relaxed and calm, but I was a burning hell inside.

"To talk to him. He seems busy lately," she said and at last took her galss of water and took a sip. Her eyes didn't leave me as she drank.

"Pft- Yes he is bussy on saving his d*ck from the he made," I rolled with my eyes and passed my hair with my hand. 

"You can talk well about him. I thought you two were together. Boyfriends?" she crossed her arms. She made herself comfortable in the house, looking around, but she didn't seem surprised by anything. The word boyfriend made me disgusted. I liked to be called this way by Chanyeol, but now it only made me sick. After all she called herself Chanyeol's girlfried, which made everything worse.

"I hope you choke on that sh*t you talk," I stormed madly. "He can only dream of me being his boyfriend again. Thanks to you!,"

"Well, that's rude, but I wonder how come you are still here then?" she asked. On that I felt anger rise inside me, making me hold the glass in my hand so strong that I thought it was going to break. "I see Chanyeol is free then," she added and made that evil smile. 

"Forget about him," I only said and looked away.

"Why so? I gues he would enjoy more with me. You only cause him trouble. No ofence I am just being honest," she said and took another sip from the glass. I lost my mind at it. I went furious and in only a second hit my hands onto the pult, looking furiously at her.

"There is nothing better on you! That make-up and fancy clothes can't cover the ungly person that you are!" I growled at her.

"Chanyeol wouldn't say so," she fought. In fact she was right. Chanyeol would still go for her and I would have no power to stop him. 

"You are playing a dangerous game. However girl, 9 more days and he can be all yours. I don't care about who he is with afer that." I muttered madly. On that I remembered her hand in bandages as I broke it a few days ago. "I hope it hurts," I nodded at her, pointing out her hand. She just hissed at me and did a step away, like I was about to break her again.

"It hurts less than your broken heart," she smirked at me, knowing that she won the word fight with that. I got mad at it. It really was painful as Chanyeol cheated and I felt myself ripping everytime I thought of it. I was ready to toss the glass at her, hoped it would kill her, but Chanyeol came down, running like the fire just broke.

He first looked at me, eyeing me from the bottom to top and then Jihyun. He was shocked to see her inside and also confused as I was just standing there. Chanyeol obviously just had a maraton in putting on clothes. He still had his old clothes on, his hair wet and over his shoulders a towel.

"Jihyun, what are you doing here?" Chanyeol asked, more coldly than I expected. He didn't even greet her and just decided to go on the main topis.

"You are not answering my calls and ignore my texts. Why?" she ignored the fact that she talked with me earlier and focused on Chanyeol, still looking mad and disappointed. Chanyeol stepped nearer, making the distance between all three smaller, but he hesitated with answering.

"You don't see. Your left you empty! He is trying to fix his ed up relationship!" I rolled with my eyes. She stepped a bit away from us both and looked first at me and then at Chanyeol, like she was looking for explanation.

"You shouldn't be here," Chanyeol said with his deep voice. He seemed nervous, but more confident next to her than the last time. 

"I texted you for a while now. I told you I would come, but you ignored all. I want to know what's happening. First you beg for me to not sue your punk for breaking my bones and nearly killing me and then you leave with no words and ignore me completly. I have pretty much power over you two right now and I can get this punk here a nice penalty for violence over me!" she rised her voice and pointed a finger at me. 

"Jihyun, you don't understand some things," Chanyeol said, stepping closer. Jihyun agreed to it and gave him a nod, but I protested immediately.

"I understand things just well enough. You better choose between your looser boyfriend or me. I don't have the patience to see you with him," she rolled with her eyes.

"Ha! I want to know this too. Common Chan pick up someone," I felt my heart ripping into two.

"Stop doing that you both. What did you two just make a plan on putting me into a trap and get rid of me?" Chanyeol growled and got mad.

"I don't really care of who you pick. I would probably just like to talk with you. Private if possible," she eyed me. I didn't like her idea at all. She really just asked for privacy....?!

Chanyeol nodded at it and glared at me a bit. "I guess we can do that....?"

"What?" I got confused. "You expect me to stay here after you decided to go her again behind the corner? No thanks!" I hissed. I was not up to agree with that. Just in that moment my feelings changed.

"Fine. I don't care anymore. Get out of here you both and get your privacy," I snapped and before anyone could react I was already pushing  Chanyeol in the direction to the front door. 

"Baekhyun? What?" he got confused, but I didn't wait or think to explain him anything. He asked for privacy so he was going to get it.

"Don't you dare come back then," I hissed at him as both Chanyeol and Jihyun were forced out to the yard. I caught Chanyeol's eyes as he was looking at me with worry, but I didn't like it. I shut the door close and waited a bit. I heard Jihyun say something and then there was car's sound. They left as I couldn't heat the wheels anymore. 

I hit my head at the front door and cursed over myself, hating the fact that I let him leave. I did it myself, but regret now. I wished him back here. I was positive that todays day was going to be good, but it turned into a nightmare. I slid down the doors and sat in a ball next to closed front door. 

(My readers, I just want to warn you that if anyone gets triggered quickly or thinks that they aren't ready to read meantlly messed up part, please don't read from here on. Stay safe~)

In that moment I couldn't hold my feelings anymore. I let my tears fall down my cheeks and I sobbed painfully. Chanyeol, Chanyeol, CHANYEOL only was in my mind, ripping my heart more and more. I missed him, even though I didn't want to admit it. I missed all the good times with him. I was only left lonely with nobody to comfort me. I felt like a horrible lonely looser. 

I gave up on just thinking and crying at the door, stood up and ran further into the house. I was mad, more mad than ever, wanting to go crazy. I shut the door behind me, made noise even though I was alone. This was the problem. I was alone, lonely, nobody around for me.

I messed around the house, hit everything that came under my arms, but I wasn't able to relieve the pain that was inside me. My mind was spinning and I only saw red from my feelings. The tears only made everything messier and made me weaker. 

I wasn't able to hold it inside anymore. I wanted to end the pain, but there was no way it would just disappear. I knew exactly what I wanted in the moment. I ran upstairs and got into the bathroom, looking around me like it was for my life. In the cupboard I found razor. I took it and then smashed it onto the hard surface of the sink, making it shatter into peaces. I only grabbed the blades of it and then fell onto my knees for the second time in the day. My hands were trembling and I was afraid, but still pressed the blade onto my skin on my left arm. Just as the blade touched me I felt my heart burning with pain. I didn't pull the blade yet, but wanted it so much. I hated that broken hearted pain that was killing me from inside. I wanted any other pain but this.

On my arm were old scars, already faded and barely visible now. Still hicuping I pulled the blade and cut into my skin, blood appearing at it, marking where I pulled. At the same time pain came and made the pain from my heart fade for a moment, making me forget that what Chanyeol did to me, forgetting Jihyun and with this everything else. I pulled the blade again and again, enjoying the new feeling, liking how I forgot about Chanyeol, but crying as new pain took over me. Wounds started to hurt horribly, but I just didn't stop. Cutting on and on, again and again, like an obsessed man.

I only ended as I was dripping with blood, on the floor a pool of my blood. I stood up and left the bathroom the blades on the floor, all in red now. I walked out and then to the bedroom, collapsing onto it. I lied on my back, feeling as my skin burned on my arms and made me feel dizzy. I only cut so much that I forgot, but I knew it wasn't going to kill me. The cuts however were deep, dangerously deep and my blood just didn't stoop flowing down my pale hands. I only wanted to forget. The dizzines soon made me black out and I forgot about all bothers. I forgot Chanyeol, Jihyun, the 2 lists, the cuts on my arms and myself whole.

That's it for today! I hope that everone who came this far is doing fine. I kind of wanted to put some of my own life in here, so ta-da here we have cutting Baekhyun.... Yea... 

Tell me what you think about it down in the comments, say hi or anything alse, I will read all, reply on some~ I love you all and thank you for all the love!!!

Also... HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hopefully 2021 will be better year! here we are unfortunatelly being attacked by earthquakes, so hopefully I survive lol. 

LOVE YOU ALL AGAIN!!!!