Chanyeol pov

Day 3

"," I cursed because I knew the fact that Baekhyun made me leave the house was not going to mean anything good. I just started to hope that today might even be a good day, but it got destroyed immediately. I ended up at the park with Jihyun next to me. It was dark already and nearly nobody was out now. Some people walked through the park with their partners talking or just chilling in the warm evening.

"Jihyun, what did you tell Baekhyun?" I asked as we took our way into a darknes of the sun set. I felt bad for leaving Baekhyun like that and he was probably going to make drama after that.

However I wasn't sure what exactly to do. I was afraid of the future. I was afraid of staying alone after everything. If I told Jihyun to break up now I still had chances that Baekhyun will really stay with me, which I prayed to happen, but if Baekhyun decided to leave I wouldn't have anyone. I was sure even Sehun would decide to start hating me soon after.

"I didn't even talk with him that much. You came too early. He is very rude though. You could have told me before about him. I don't mind him around though. I can still be with you even if you were with him before," she said, but this time I made her quiet. I didn't like her thinking and talking. I was fighting for Baekhyun and she pushed him away.

"I am not going to give up on Baekhyun that fast!" I said confidently. "But I am afraid he might give up on me." I sighed at last.

"I hope this happens fast then. I don't like how you think of him while you could have me," she hissed and crossed her arms. She was putting up with the fact that Baekhyun was around very well. I thought she would leave immediately after finding out about him, but she just stayed. Even now when I talked about Baekhyun like that she kept up, a bit upset, but she didn't look like she wanted to leave. 

"Where did you even find him? He is acting weirdly and I don't know what makes you want him that much," she complained, crossing her arms as we walked through the park. I had my reasons to love Baekhyun.

"We have a long history and I appreciate it. I liked how we were together," I muttered quietly. 

"Pft- what kind of history. He yelled at you and made you annoyed that's all," she kept complaining and turning things around. I knew she was trying to make me hate him, but I wasn't going to give up. I was going to fight even if I was going to fail on the end. 

"You got to know him after he found out about me cheating. He was different before. Calmer, warmer and more loving, now he is only waiting for me to do something useful for our relationship, or to just fail in it," I explained. I was horrible at it. I didn't even know how to make my first point on the list Focus on Baekhyun 100% come true. I was focusing on Jihyun too and she kept distracting me when not needed. This was making me distance from my second point and all the others. In only 8 more days I was going to have a lot of work if I wanted to prove myself fully.

"You will just break your and his heart more with wiating. End it now," she tried again. She really wasn't going to give up. She would probably stay even if I told her that I loved Baekhyun with all my heart. She would try changing my mind for her immediately, maybe make me drunk again and I would be in her hands again. 

I shook my head in reply again. It was wrong. Just in that moment I saw what I was doing wrong. I was still with Jihyun and this was what was preventing my and Baekhyun's relationship to move on. I had to end my and hers first.

I was ready.  Even if this ment that I was going to end up even more lonely, I was ready to help me and Baekhyun.

"No Jihyun. I am not ending my and Baekhyun's relationship," I started and then stopped walking only to look in her eyes. "But I will end ours," I said deeply. She too looked at me, mad now. 

"What?" she asked with her pitchy voice that was harsh.

"I am breaking up with you," I said, my look for her turned into a murderous glare. I felt good when I said it. It was like I was finally making something right and usefull. "I love Baekhyun and only him. You got nothing to do between us." There was a pause of silence. Jihyun was looking at me from the top to bottom looking for any sarcasm, but she noticed how serious I was of what I was saying. She sighed and when she spoke she rather started a side theme.

"You deleted my contact, didn't you?" she changed the topic. "Why?" 

"Yes, I did, because I am trying to keep my and Baekhyun's relationship. I told you already, I-am-breaking-up-with-you! What else do you want to hear?! I am disgusted of myself for ing being with you. Stop trying to be with me, because I am done with you," I said, nearly growled at her. She kept her expression serious and however I knew she didn't like how I talked.

"You are doing a mistake, you know," she said making herself a bit more quiet than before. I nodded again.

"I made a mistake long ago, when I agreed to be with you," I said. I was maybe being too rough with her and rude too, but it was for sake of me and Baekhyun.

"You will regret it later. Don't come crying to me then," she hissed at me and I gave her one more nod.

"I am not going to look for you if he leaves. I will deserve it to be alone after it. I won't regret it, because its what I will deserve for my actions. However I still have hopes on getting his trusts again," I said confidently. I ment what I said and it was what I promised to myself to not ever break this. I will hold together with Baekhyun if he agrees to stay or I was going to be alone like I deserved. I was not going to look for any other company after.

"Yes, yes, whatever you want," she waved me away. "I am going to take my way home. Its dark and I got nothing interesting to do here with you, now that you got your eyes off me. You got that punk there anyway. Good night, Chanyeol," she greeted and took her way away. She was obviously mad. Horribly mad, but she didn't look too hurt, which surprised me. She didn't bother to ask for a drive home and just walked away leaving me alone. I too didn't spend my time to get back home and I entred my car soon.

I drove in complete darkness now, only street lights making my way brighter, but the way seemed to be darker than usual. It wasn't cold outside, but I had that negative feelings insided me, insecure of what to do next. I was ready to face Baekhyun, but something told me that things were not going to run out that well once I was going to arrive.

I also had a feeling like Baekhyun left the house too. I hoped he wasn't that upset to actually leave and that he listened to me and stayed. I really felt bad after leaving him like that.

I came home soon, parked the car on the yard. I entred the house and found a mess. Baekhyun was obviously mad, threw things around the house and tried to put his anger out. He looked pure and inocent from outside, but once he was mad he turned into someone you never wanted to meet. I had a bad feeling about this, expecting something shocking, but didn't know what exactly.

I went further, hoping to find Baekhyun, but the house was like deserted. He wasn't on the first floor, so I went upstairs. I only wanted to check on him and he decerved some explanation afrer all that happened. I wanted to finally tell him that I was done with Jihyun and make sure that its only us and nobody to bother now, The second floor was quiet too. It was so deserted that even I walked quietly and held my brath, like I was going to be too laud with my own breathing.

I found Baekhyun in the bedroom, but not as I expected. Shock took over me just as I expected. I feared the worst would happen and it did. I was looking at my biggest fears. Shivers took over me at the sight of the smaller one and I couldn't help but gasp.

Baekhyun was lying down on the bed, like someone had left him there carelessly. He was a mess, but my attentioon only fell onto his left arm. There was dry blood, messed on him, his shirt and sheets under him. There were painful red lines drawn on his pale skin and shined in red colour. Baekhyun lied motionlessly almost like he was dead. His face was pale, body completly motionless and passed out.

It took all my air from my lungs as I saw him this way. He had cut before and I knew about his issues with that. The time he self harmed three years ago to cover his fears from Woosuk, the trauma he got when he was and abused. Once he cut because I pushed him down when I was drunk. He nearly killed himself with University's knive and for another week didn't train because of his bad injury. I knew for his mental problems and with time learned how to live with them. I knew how to help Baekhyun that time. Together we fought for him to fight his bad habbits and get over his traumas and fears. I pushed him down again. This time he self harmed to cover the pain I caused him. The pain that was inside him only because of me. I was guilty for it.

Worry took over me and I ran to him on the bed, falling on my knees in front of Baekhyun on the bed. I checked him carefully with my trembling hands as I feared what his condition was. He was still alright and alive, but the cuts weren't nice and he probably out from them. He breathed slowly and didn't even flinch when I put hands on him, staying unconscious. 

I took a few moments just to calm myself down. I was in shock as this happened and the injury on Baekhyun's arm made my mind spin. I decided to at least help him now, when I messed up everything, and take care of him. I acted immediately to help him and make sure he is safe now. I left Baekhyun on the bed and hurried to the bathroom, where I wanted to get first aid. Right as I entred I found blades from an razor on the ground, all of them were in red, with dried blood on. It was painful to see all of that together and it made me freeze for a moment. This made Baekhyun even more hurt than he already was. Once I came back to reality, I only walked past and got first aid that I wanted, leaving the bathroom without looking down to the dried blood and blades.

I walked to Baekhyun again and sat down next to him. First I lied him down properly, putting a pillow under his head. I then checked his arm again, like I expected that it would heal in only seconds. He had new cuts all over to his elbow and a lot of them were horribly deep. It was surely impossible to make this deep cuts with a blade from a razor. I guessed he was nearly even deepening them with running the blade over again. It didn't matter how he did it though. I had to get to work now and leave things for later.

I opened the first aid set and got myself sterilized water and a cotton wool to clean the wounds first. My hands were shaking from fear and thought of how much this hurt him. I was making a mess with trembling, but Baekhyun didn't even flinch as I went over his arm. the cotton wool immediately turned from white to red. I noticed that blood appeared from his wounds again, but I didn't worry because of it. It was better clean than not. I didn't want him to get infeced or something. I cleaned all the dry blood from him and then looked for a cream, hoping it would help the wounds to heal sooner. Then I placed over everything another cotton wool and found a white bandages. I wrapped it around the aera where he had wounds to make sure that it was wrapped propperly. 

Once I ended with wrapping his hand in bandages, I decided to change the smaller ones clothes, since they were all stained in his blood. I only did it for care. There was nothing ual, only my worry for him and the need to help him. I dressed him into clean clothes and then I lied him down onto the bed again. 

I was ready to leave the room soon, but Baekhyun took my attention again. He sleep talked. He muttered something that I couldn't undertand, I noticed that he tensed up on it, suddenly not sleeping that calmly as before. I didn't want to leave him like that. I was here to take care for him and leaving him sleepless would destroy it all. I wasn't sure what would actually help Baekhyun, but I did what I wanted. 

I too climbed onto the bed and took the smaller one into my hands, hugging his body next to mine. I lied down and made sure Baekhyun lied down safely too. His head leaned onto my chest and I kept his hands close, his wounded one carefully on my other hand. He stayed asleep, still tense and kept mutterning things, torturing him from inside. I didn't have much power to calm him down. I could wake him up, but he wouldn't like the idea of me being with him. He would insist that he is okay, but in fact he wasn't. 

I feared Baekhyun might think I wanted to posses him or something with keeping him close to me, but in fact I only wanted him safe and calm. I didn't want him to have nightmares that woke up inside him everytime something bad happened to him.

At the sam time I wanted Baekhyun with me again. I missed him being next to me. I missed the times when we could casually hold hands and hug, the times when we would tell everything to each other, even the thing that bothered us the most. Now this was gone and we were on our way again to get that back. I wanted to go back into past so much. I didn't know what was wrong with me that I cheated on him.

I only had Baekhyun in my mind at the moment. Nothing else. No Jihyun. I was only worrying over him, thinking of him and our future. I was ready to do anything just to keep him with me, in my hands, around me. 

I moved my hand up to Baekhyun's hair, slowly caresing him, playing with his white hair. This hair only made him paler, but I liked it on him. With my other hand I took a hold of Baekhyun's unharmed hand and locked our fingers together. I wanted us to be like that all the time, but I knew Baekhyun would fight me right after finding out that I was that near him. I knew that this was just a dream for me. Something that Baekhyun wouldn't agree with that easily in the moment. He was still all tense next to me, but I had no power to stop his nightmares now. 

"Baekhyun, I am sorry," I quietly muttered as he slept quietly now. I felt regret for hurting him so much. I was bad and in fact didn't deservehim in the moment. It was a miracle that he was still here and I was only lucky to have the next 8 days with him.

I moved my head down to him and then kissed him on his white hair, the top of his head. The thing I wanted to do more than only once, but I didn't deserve it. I didn't want to do anything without his Will. I was not going to force him into anything and not even do anything without his knowing.

Break up with Jihyun, finds Baek cutting and then nightmares. What do you think of the chapter? I know there are not that many people reading this, but please anyone speak up. I love to see anything that you give me (just don't be that rough with commenting about ff, I know it's ed up, but please have some hope for them!). (Tbh I ended my friendship with the last person that I called friend, now I am friendless). 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! How many of you will watch Baek's concert tomorrow, coz I will! Let's have fun with him!

I LOVE YOU ALL! Stay safe and healthy! See you soon!!!