Baekhyun pov

Day 10

I woke up aching all over my body. All my muscles in didn't want to move when I tried and my legs felt like jelly. It was my chest with the most pain. I had trouble with each breath I made and each sounded sick and deadly. I couldn't move due to the lack of energy, but I still managed to open my eyes to look where I was.

I got blinded by a light white room. There was something beeping next to me, making me annoyed. My vision was just a blur for some time until I managed to blink and the room got focused. I remembered immediately what had happened. The white room in which I was was surely a hospital one. I could only look in the white ceiling and some walls but the rest of the room was a mystery for me, since I felt like paralysed on this bed. I was in light blue clothes, there were vires attached to me and over my face I had an oxygen mask. 

I panicked. I didn't like the fact that I was here and after all I had no ideas what exactly happened to me. However there was only one thought in my mind, Does Chanyeol know what I did? Please, don't let him know. I prayed for this to end up well. I didn't want him to know anything. It would break him and me. I lied too much and hated myself for not trusting him. I destroyed our trip and it was just a mess now. We could have a perfectly good time together right now if I weren't stupind and cut.

I tried to move, but the lack of energy only made my chest hurt more. I whined loudly, but managed no other moves. I felt useless. I only caused trouble and didn't know how to fix it. Now when I thought of how Chanyeol messed things with Jihyun made me sympathetic with him. Nothing of this would have happen if we just thought a bit of what we were doing. I hated it how things could go wrong so fast. It starts slowly with little mistakes, but in some moments everything goes upside down.

I went into shock when something next to me moved. I would have screamed if I could, but I found it too hard to even keep my breath for 3 seconds. It took me some time to realise that this something was actually someone. Still struggling I managed to look at who was next to me. My eyes widened as I found Chanyeol's body on a chair next to the bed. He rubbed his eyes and looked at me sleepily, obviously just woken up just like me. Once he noticed me awake he too went into shock that was mixed with happiness and excitment. 

"Baekhyun!" he said and stood up from his chair, taking my hand in his. "Oh gosh, you woke up. Finally!" he said and I could hear worry in his voice. The same one that I heard 3 years ago in familiar hospital room like this, just after I had woken up from my coma. 

I tried to say anything in reply, but only managed a little hesitating noises through the oxygen mask. Luckily Chanyeol understood that I wanted it off and he carefully removed it off so it lay on the bed next to me. He then hurried to get a glass of water too and helped me with that too. He held the glass on my lips as I drank down the fresh water. I felt exhausted after only swallowing, but forced myself in staying awake. 

I had to know how much Chanyeol knew of my actions. I feared he might know it all already. I was ready to cry when I saw him here next to me and help me after so many lies and angry glares that I shot him just a little ago. I didn't want him to be like this with me. He should have been mad at me and punish me for cutting and lying to him, yet he said nothing. He just helped me to make me feel better and out of this horrible pain that sticked to my chest. Maybe he doesn't even know. He might be so soft with me just because he doesn't know that this happened because I cut.

"C-Chan-" I managed to break out of myself. I rised my hand as Chanyeol tried to help me on. I shook my head and he sent me a look of confusion. "Don't bother by me. I do not deserve your care," I sighed and looked away already feeling my eyes tear.

"You better be quiet and stop beating yourself. You made me so worried," he pointed a finger at me. 

"I-" I choked out and tried to push myself up to sit and look at Chanyeol propperly, but failed. I still didn't get my body strenght back and it was killing me. I managed nothing as the other one took a hold of my shoulders and pushed me back on the bed.

"No, stay on the bed. You better rest some more. It was a rough day for you," he said and I hated the words. 

"I am alright. I want to leave now," I said, using more strenght to keep my voice from trembling, but gaining a stab of pain in my chest. I did my best in acting and keeping the nasty secret I had. He mustn't know that I cut.

"Baekhyun, you are not alright!" Chanyeol's voice got stronger now. It made me jump at how rough he just got. Great, now I pissed him off. He looked exausted from worry and obviously didn't accept the words, lies, that I just told him. However I wouldn't give up. I was going to succees in my words. I was alright and I could leave.

"I am fine!" I replied stubbornly and tried to push myself up again to prove him that I was all good. "I only fell unconscious, now I can go," I got pushed back on the bed for the second time.

"It's more than that!" Chanyeol got furious, done with each word that I gave him. My heart sank at this. He knew. I went too far this time. It was obvious that doctors checked me and found out what was wrong with me. They probably told Chanyeol all about it and yet, I was still trying to stand with my lies. 

"Baekhyun, I know it all!" he said madly, looking at me with his eyes that were now shining from tears. I saw him cry only once in a Blue Moon. I lost my hopes as he proved me that he knew it all. It was supposed to stay a secret forever. Why did he know it?! This was not in my plans.  "You wouldn't just fall unconscious out of nowhere," the taller one continued with the same tone he had before, making me shiver.

I could only look away from him and his mad aura as I felt guilt take over me. 

"I-I am so-sorry," I sobbed and burried my face in my hands as I was ready to cry myself to death. 

"Baekhyun, look at me," Chanyeol commanded now. I didn't hesitate and looked at the taller one immediately. I wanted to cry on as my eyes met the teller ones mad ones. His dark eyes that looked at me with disappointment and worry. He stepped closer to me and put a hand on my shoulder, masaging me slowly and carefully. 

"Don't lie to me ever again. You know how worried I was for you. This could end in a completly different scene. I wish it was you who told me the truth, but it right, I had to hear it last from the doctor," his words stabbed me deep into my heart. I closed my eyes as they started to tear up horribly. 

He then leaned closer and then he left a kiss on my forehead, making me more and more enotional. I didn't deserve him. I found myself unable to speak as Chanyeol rised again and for some reason he backed away. I felt emptiness take over me when he wasn't by my side.

"I will go get the doctor to check on you," he muttered and then left the room. I sighed loudly as the taller one left. I was so disappointed and mad of myself. However the thought of Chanyeol was the worst. It was the last that I wanted to happen. 

The doctor was very careful with me. He didn't ask much, but only general things, like my feelings and whether I was in a lot of pain or not. It nearly made me throw up once he removed my blouse to check my wounds. They looked bad enough the last time I saw them, but now they only looked worse. It was so swollen that it looked like someone had punched me there and my skin turned into ugly purple colour. 

He insisted that he had to clean the wounds once again and it surely wasn't what I would enjoy to do. Cleaning my wounds was painful and dirty. There also appeared that yellowish liquid, making me more sick than I already was. I ended up sticking my head into the pillow, crying and whining everytime it hurt too much. As a solider I was tought to get over pain, but this was more like torture. I didn't have to be a solider while having a holiday, so I let my tears flow. The doctor was careful but it didn't help the pain. It took some nice hour to finally end with my checkup and make sure that my wounds were clean. A white cotton pad was put over my side of the chest and taped on it, so it didn't fall off. I was all sweaty and tired after we ended, but this didn't make me want to stay here.

"Um, doctor?" I started and got the mans attention. 

"Yes?" he waited for me to continue.

"Could I leave the hospital tonight with Chanyeol?" I asked directly and gained a confused look from the doctor.

"But wouldn't you rest before leaving? I think it would be better if we made sure that you are really alright before you leave," 

"I don't want to stay here. I will take care of myself I promise. I can change covering for wounds myself and Chanyeol can help me along. We will call my personal doctor if anything goes wrong, so I don't know why I would stay here longer," I insisted. The doctor let out a heavy sigh and then nodded.

"I will see what I can do," he said and my hopes rised. 

"Thank you, doctor!" I said, excited to finally leave this room and get home where I would feel comfortable. 

Even though I was already checked and cleaned a bunch of other people and nuruses came to work on me. It took hours for them to finally decide that they could decided whether I was to go or not. I couldn't feel happier when I saw Chanyeol with a pile of my clothes in his hands. I didn't want to have another talk with him, but only wanted to leave. He didn't push any of the talks, which I was thankful for. He helped me to change and I knew this only ment that we were going to leave at last.

I didn't speak with the taller one the whole time. I didn't dare look at him for longer than a second. He still had this mad look on him, all serious and showing me the disappointment in him. I felt guilty everytime he was around, but I didn't push the talk either way. I feared we might have another fight and it would only mean seeing another mad Park Chanyeol. I didn't want to talk of what happened and especially not with him. I wanted him to never know about it. 

In some hour I ended up quietly waiting with Chanyeol for the doctor to finally dismiss me. I was laid down on the bed as I still struggled to sit with my ribs broken and wounds aching. They said that my ribs would stop hurting soon, while my infection was going to be a painful thing to deal with. Chanyeol sat on a chair that was a bit away from the bed. Once again we didn't speak. I looked away at the walls, while the taller ones eyes were burning guilt into me. I felt tense at this, but didn't comment it. I took it all. All the guilt. I was going to apologise later, but I had to think of some things first. 

The doctor entred the room and saved me from the other ones look on me. The tense atmosphere lifted and my attention fell on the man in light blue clothes that entred.

"Well, Mr Byun, I don't see why we would keep you here. I would suggest you to stay longer, but it's all up to you at this point. We sent all about your condition to your personal doctor. He will have you under control now. If anything goes wrong again, like if you fail with cleaning the infected wounds and make the infection worse or if you feel any new pain. Do not hide anything from anyone, because this kind of infection and injuries cannot be healed by yourself only. I hope you understand this," he started strictly. I replied him with a slight nod. The doctors attention now fell on Chanyeol that listened carefully to all the words. I hated it that he heard all of it. I still wished that he just never knew of what I did.

"As for you Mr Park," the doctor started again. "I give some responsibility to you too. Take care and help him, so he won't struggle too much. I hope he that he will be safe in your hands."

"I will be careful, I promise," Chanyeol said, but still with his cold tone. He didn't look at me, but I knew that I didn't have to worry with him on the watch over me. Though, I had no idea how he could be so mad now, but I couldn't help him. I did this mess, so he had all the right to be mad at me.

"Well, then I will get going. You got my premission to leave," the doctor said and left the room for me and Chanyeol. 

I let out a heavy sigh and pushed myself up to sit a bit. I let my bare legs fall on the floor and reminded there in the sitting position with my hands hugging my chest. Chanyeol noticed my saddness that suddenly flew over me. He stood up and slowly walked to me. I didn't mind him when he placed a hand on my back and caresed me for a moment.

"Let's go," he quietly whispered and I nodded. I pushed my guilty feelings away and settled my mind. Once again Chanyeol helped me to get on shoes and then he held me by my arms to lift me up. I shook my head and laughed nervously. 

"I don't think I will manage walking myself," I muttered and got a laughter from the taller one. I didn't like it how independent I was.

"I don't expect you to walk yourself. Not after what happened. Come here Baek," he said and got soft with me again. He lovered himself and then told me to hold onto him. I clenched my arms around his neck and he took a hold on my back and one of the arms, so he lifted me up without making any harm to the wounds that were on my chest. I only whined a bit as it still hurt me from my broken ribs. There was not much to do, only to wait for them to heal, but this would take a long time of resting. 

"Now try not to look to hurt or they will insist in keeping you here," Chanyeol smirked as he placed me on my legs that felt like collapsing already. 

I walked side by side with Chanyeol. I kept clenching on him and he kept me up with his hands. We safely left the hospital and walked to Chanyeol's car that was parked on the parking lot in front of the hospital. It was near evening, since the sun was not setting. I felt horribly useless as I needed help with entring the car too. However I felt  no energy in me right now to do anything myself. I still didn't come back to myself after what happened and my injuries were probably just keeping me tired too.  

In some time we were on the road. We didn't talk and I looked out of the window, again feeling guilt take over me. Chanyeol didn't look mad anymore, but I knew he still didn't just accept what happened. 

It took me some time to realise that the drive was longer than I expected and I noticed that we weren't heading to the hotel anymore.

"Chanyeol, where are we going?" I asked slowly and got a grunt from the taller one. 

"Home," he said. 

"But we have our things in the hotel!" I reminded and got a laugh from the other one. 

"I packed it all while you had your checkup, so no need to worry," he said in a calm tune. I pouted on that and looked away. 

"I destroyed our trip," I muttered over myslef. I hated how it had to end this way. We were supposed to leave happily with no worries, but we were leaving with my injuries and worry. 

"I don't care, Baek. It's important that you are safe now," he kept his calm tone. I didn't dare look at him and looked out, feeling tears gather in my eyes. 

"I am sorry, Chanyeol. I wish non of this happened," I said with trembling voice. He just sighed at my words.

"Why did you do it?" he asked at last.

"Huh?" I got confused at his question. 

"Why did you cut?" I hesitated. I didn't know that exact answer myself, but still answered him the words that popped up in my mind.

"I-I needed it-" I slowly muttered.

"You don't need this. It's not something that a person would need. We could get things through together on safer way. It didn't fix anything, nothing at all. Non of your problems. Cutting only gave you a bunch more problems to deal with," Chanyeol got cold again. "I just started beliving that we were starting to get closer, but you had to do it. After all you lied. Why didn't you tell me the truth. I was only a door away from you when you cut and begged for you to come out, but you didn't take it. Why don't you see that I was only trying to help you. It would end better if you only let me help you. I wouldn't be that pissed off too."

"I didn't want you to know about it. It is non of your worries-" I started, but got interrupted.

"It is my worry! For gods sake, I care for you Baekhyun!" he growled. 

"You shouldn't then! I can make things work on my own! Whether you like it or not," I tried to protest, but my excuses were pointless. I could see me loosing the fight. I didn't like the fact that we were fighting in a car, but we had to end what we started now. I was not going to wait any longer. 

"Did you manage to fix your infection?!" Chanyeol asked and made me sob. We both knew that I failed in it. "You could have told me about it! You only forced yourself in that filthy sea water and made it worse. You know how much worse this could end if you waited and lied for a day or 2 more. If you don't trust me, then you could tell anyone else. You coud call a doctor when you found out about the infection. I am sure you know how infection looks like and how bad concequences can be.Why did you wait?!" his temper kept rising and I was starting to fear that he might loose his mind and get rough with me. 

"I didn't think of it!" I cried at last. 

"Bull. You aren't that clueless," the taller one growled in reply. 

"If I called the doctor, it would mean that I would have to go to the hospital and it would destroy our trip. I didn't want YOU to know about it at all. It was supposed to heal in a few days like it used to!" I sobbed out the truth. 

"It ended the same way! You ended up in the hospital eventually, but you know you could just tell me. How hard is it to understand that I care for you. I would take a bullet for you, yet you don't want to accept it. It's tearing me appart to see you taking decisions and paths all by yourself," he said and made me tense in my seat. I didn't like it to be next to him when he was mad. Especially when he was mad at me. 

"I felt guilty for it. I couldn't tell you," I cried. "I do feel guilty for it right now. I am sorry, Chanyeol."

"You didn't feel sorry at all when you were cutting. How could you do it only a door away," he clenched his teeth and didn't belive me.

"I was sorry! I felt so sorry to do this, but you know how hard it is to stop all this mess. I couldn't just stop what I started. I was all triggered and it was the easiest way to get rid of that pain with cutting!" I tried to fight and stand with my right. 

"You didn't get rid of it. You only replaced it," Chanyeol muttered. "What triggered you so much that you had to cut?" he asked and I hesitated again.

"I-It was n-nothing-" I said and looked away again, glaring at the dark road ahead us. It was late already, but I knew it was going to be a longer night for me. Chanyeol let out a mad grunt at that and messed his hair with one hand from his anger.

"Yes, it's nothing. Of course. I just don't deserve to know it, because according to you you can deal with it by yourself. Baekhyun did I manage to deal things and fix problems myself with my cheating? No. Gosh I told you everything, yet you don't want to tell me anything now. I can't force you into trusting me, of course not, but I will make sure you don't do anything stupid again. I don't care how comfortable you are in my hands, when I will wish to check you. I will do anything to keep you safe," he said confidently.

I was left with no words. He really did trust me all the little detail of him and Jihyun that might ruin our relationship if it stayed hidden. He trusted me whole in fact. I was not up to tell him what made me cut, neither did I think of trusting him. I didn't trust him and feared that he might even hurt me again. I couldn't belive how I thought of him after so much help that he gave me. 

We didn't speak after that. I kept my mouth shut and looked out of the window, while Chanyeol kept grunting madly on the seat next to me, somethines giving me a glance, but I didn't look back. He calmed down eventually, but I knew he would get rough again once we started the talk again. 

It didn't take me long to get tired in the car and felt my eyes slowly start closing. It was late and there were only street lights making light on the road. I also took painkillers before leaving the hospital and they took energy from me. It was a long way to get back home. I didn't fight my sleepiness. My body wanted to rest and I gave it this opportunity. I let my eyes close and my head fall down on the cold car's window. 

I wanted to wake up immediatelly after seeing my nightmares attack me again. First the ones with Jihyun and Chanyeol in the bed, but then also a new one, where my guilt attacked me. Forcing me to regret cutting and lying. 

I wanted to apologise and make Chanyeol belive me that I really was sorry. First I had to wake up from my nightmares, but I promised myself to tell everything to him after that.

Here we go! I said I will upload tomorrow, because I thought I was going to be tired today (which I am, but lmao who cares rn), but after finding out the results of todays biology competition that I had, well I just felt to happy to sleep. I made it to national!!! I swear I would kiss you all right now if I could, I am so soo SOO HAPPY!!!

I will be making updates every second day now, since I literally wrote all chapters now! Wait for them, oka? 

*To those who don't know how to upvote, I reply on comments, sooo... There. Other way I don't really care of this number there. I am happy to only see you enjoy the fiction!*

I love you all and thank you lots!!!