“Stay away, stay awake.”

 

Jennie is kneeling beside Chaeyoung, holding her head on her lap. She knows the paramedics are on their way, but every second feels like hours.

 

She looks down at Chaeyoung as her fingers run through her hair, wondering just how did this happen? She was fine just a few hours ago.

 

“Rosie, can you open your eyes for me?”

 

The taller girl struggles in her arms, trying and failing to lift her eyelids.

 

“Jen.” The vocalist managed to speak up, it was weak but it was there. “Have to get-- to-- phone.”

 

Jennie’s hand goes down and grabs a hold of the vocalists. “I’m right here, Rosie. Don’t move; just stay with me. Help is on the way.”

 

As if on cue, she hears banging on the door downstairs. She looks nervously at Chaeyoung, carefully she sets her back down on the floor and kisses her lightly on the forehead. The vocalist eyelids flutter in response.

“I’ll be right back, baby.”

She rushes to the front door to find two of her fellow squad members, Mino and Jinwoo, standing there.

“Kim?” Mino asks in surprise.

“She’s upstairs.” She tells them. “Where are the medics?”

“They are pulling through the gate now. Are you on duty?” He asks.

“Wait…” Jiwoo interject. “Isn’t this…”

Jennie ignores them, right now was not the time to explain the situation to them, Chaeyoung needed help now.

“Why aren’t the paramedics here? She needs medical attention!” She yells as her emotions overtake her, and Mino catches her as she crumples to the floor.

“I can’t lose her.” She mumbled.

Jiwoo bends down and puts his hand on her arm. “Jennie, deep breaths. They are almost here.”

Mino helps her stand up and rubs her arm reassuringly. “Show Jiwoo where she is. I’ll get the medics inside.”

Jennie nodded and rushed back upstairs to Chaeyoung, checking her pulse again. Her tears fall onto her forehead as she brushes back her hair. Moments later, the paramedics arrive.

Chaeyoung groans as they load her onto the stretcher and carry her out the door.

“Jen…” The vocalist calls out.

“I’m here, baby.”

“Please don’t leave me.’ She tells her. “I need you.”

Jennie takes hold of Chaeyoung's hand and squeezes it, only letting go as the paramedics load her up the ambulance.

“I’m right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”

Chaeyoung moans, then turns toward her. For the first time tonight, Jennie sees recognition in her eyes.

The aussie frowns, as if confused. “Jennie? You’re here?”

The brunette nods and shows her s tiny smile. “Yes, sweetheart. I’m here.”

“You’re not going to leave?” She asks.

“I’m not, Rosie.” Jennie tells her firmly. “I’m going to stay right by your side, okay?” She said, then leaned down to lightly kiss her forehead. “I’d do anything for you. I would go to the end of the earth if I had to. You’re mine.”

The vocalist says nothing, but lightly squeezes her hand back, then lets her eyes fall closed again.

The drive to the hospital continues as Jennie prays to whoever was willing to listen to please let Chaeyoung be okay. They...she needed more time with her.

-------------------------

After what seemed like hours they arrive at the hospital, watching anxiously as Chaeyoung’s stretcher is dragged away by the EMTs.

Jennie tries to follow, but is stopped by a doctor.

“I’m sorry, but we can only allow family for now.”

“But I’m her gilfriend.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but unless you’re married, I can’t allow you to see her right now, nor can I tell you anything.”

Jennie frowns, Married? Why haven’t I married her? What’s wrong with me?

“I promise we’re going to do everything we can to help her.” The doctor tells her, and then walks away past the double doors.

Jennie watches silently as the doctor walks off, leaving her alone in the waiting room. The brunette then paces around as she takes out her phone. She needed to talk to one of Chaeyoung’s family members. Maybe they’ll know something she doesn’t.

“Jennie, what’s going on? Is everything all right?”

“Lisa...She’s in the hospital. I found her passed out on her bathroom floor. Does she have a history of any health issues? Does she take any medication?”

She hears Lisa sigh on the phone.

“She has…”

Lisa pauses.

“I’m sorry, Jen. There’s a lot you don’t know about, and I think it’s best Chipmunk tells you herself.”

“What?!”

“We’ll head over now. Just hang tight, okay?”

Lisa hangs up, and Jennie sits tensely, leg bouncing up and down, hand fumbling with her phone, simply waiting for answers.

Thankfully it doesn’t take long until Lisa and Alice sprint into the waiting room.

“Guys.” Jennie stands up as they reach her. “Please, they’re not telling me anything. They said they’re working on her, but they can’t give me any updates.”

Lisa walks ahead to the reception as Alice rests her hand on her shoulder.

“It’s okay, Jen. Rosie is strong.”

“I don’t know what happened.” Jennie says, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. “I feel so terrified. I… keep picturing what would happen if I lost her. I wouldn’t be able to come back from that.” The tears start to stream down her face.

Alice rubs her back in comfort. The older girl kept it together for everybody’s sake. Rosie needed her to be strong and so she will.

“I know, Jen. But Rosie isn’t going anywhere. She’s staying right here.”

“I couldn’t tell the paramedics anything. I don’t know what caused this or if she takes any medication.”

Alice stays silent for a moment “So, Chaeyoung hasn’t shared everything with you…” She then shakes her head while looking down. “Rosie poop, you idiot.” She whispered.

Jennie frowned more confused and worried than anything. “What am I missing?” She asked her sister, just wanting an answer. “We happened so fast and strong. It was like this wave that swooped us both up.” She says, now wondering if they should’ve taken it slower, take some more time to get to know each other better.

But then again, just thinking about that… just didn’t feel right.

Lisa should be out soon. She’ll let you know what’s going on.

The brunette shakes her head. “I should’ve checked on her quicker.” She said, angry at herself for not doing so, for not calling the police quicker, for not making sure the ambulance arrived faster. “I knew in my gut that something was wrong but I ignored it.” She sat on her hands to keep her from fidgeting and looked up. “If I had been quicker maybe things would’ve turned out differently.”

“You did everything you could.”

Not another word is said as Alice takes Jennie’s hand in hers, holding it tightly as they wait for Lisa to return.

It feels like an eternity when she finally does.

“So?” Jennie asked as soon as she saw the taller girl approach. “Do you know what happened to her?”

Lisa sighs. “I have a good guess.”

“A guess?!” Jennie asks, raising her voice a bit “Do you know what happened to her?”

“Yes.”

Jennie takes a deep breath, trying to keep her emotions in check. “Is there anything else you can tell me?” She asked looking at the girl. “I feel like I’m missing something.”

Both Alice and Lisa hesitate, looking at each other as Lisa sits down beside Jennie. Finally both girls nod and they both turn to look at Jennie.

“Chaeyoung has a secret.” Lisa said, taking a deep breath. “And she should’ve told you a long time ago.”

“She’s sick.” Alice then says.

“Sick?!” Jennie gasped. “With what? Why didn’t she tell me? Is she okay?” Her mind was running with a million questions a minute.

“It’s not our place to say, Jennie.” Alice tells her gently. “I’m sure she’ll tell you in her own time, but we can’t reveal her secrets.”

“And yes. She’ll be okay.” Lisa said, answering the brunette’s last question.

Jennie looks down with questions in her eyes. “Why would she keep secrets from me if she loves me?”

“I don’t know.” Lisa says, feeling disappointed at her best friend and yet understanding perfectly. “But I can tell you that she loves you more than I’ve ever seen him love anyone. She has had her heart broken more times that I can count.”

“She’s slow to trust.” Alice finishes for her. “But just because she’s been scared to give her heart away in the past doesn’t mean she shouldn’t give it fully to you.” She then said. “I think this experience will teach him that. I think that there won’t be any more secrets between you after this.”

In a way Jennie gets it, but at the same time she doesn’t know what to think about Chaeyoung keeping something this big from her. It makes her feel scared all over again. She has given so much to her, but there’s still clearly so much about her she didn’t know.

But then again she loves her. In the end, isn’t that all that matters?

“I hope you are right.”

-------------------------------

It seems like hours pass as they all sit in the waiting room. Alice talks to her mom at some point. Lisa paces around until she gets some milk coffee for her and normal coffee for the other two. Jennie calls Jisoo to give her the news until finally a doctor comes back out and walks over to them.

“We can allow you to visit her now.”

Lisa was about to walk forward until Alice stopped her. “Jen, you go. We will wait here. We will man the fort from here.”

“You sure?”

Alice nodded. “Call us if you need anything.”

Jennie nods and nervously makes her way to Chaeyoung’s room and knocks softly. She enters quietly and her eyes meet Chaeyoung’s.

“Rosie.” She calls out softly then rushes over and wraps her arms around the taller girl, being careful not to disturb any of the medical equipment.

Chaeyoung’s arms feel weak around her but Jennie still sighs at the feeling of being close to her.

“Rosie. God, I was so scared.”

“I’m okay, baby.” She tells her. “I’ve been so stupid. I never should’ve pushed myself like this.” SHe said, angry at herself.

“What happened?”

Before the vocalist can respond the nurse walks in.

“Miss. Park. I’m going to start the Solu-Medrol in the IV, and then I’ll take your vitals again.”

Jennie frowns, she knows that drug.

Why do I know that drug?

She racks her brain to remember why it sounds so familiar. Her eyes widen when it finally hits her. Solu=Medrol is what they gave Ella when her nerve pain flared. It’s a drug only used for severe conditions.

Her eyes meet Chaeyoung’s, and the floor drops out from beneath her.

She faintly hears the doctor nurse leave, saying she’ll be back to check on Chaeyoung later as the room starts to close in around her. She feels disconnected from her body, every part of her ripped apart by grief.

It was like Ella all over again.

“Chaeyoung, I need to know what’s wrong with you.”

“I…”

“You’re sick.”

“Yes.”

“Is it…” She paused, unable to say the words. Thankfully it seemed as the vocalist knew what she wanted to ask.

“No.” The vocalist responded. “I have relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis.”

Jennie gasped. “A--are you okay? Will you be okay?”

Chaeyoung sighed, looking down at the sheets. “I haven’t been symptomatic in a while. I usually take medication that helps keep things under control.” She explained.

“I can’t believe this.”

“I’m so sorry.” Chaeyoung looks up at her, an apologetic look in her eyes. “I should’ve told you earlier. I just got caught up in us. I wanted to be free of it.” She explained. “I’m bad about taking my infusions regularly when I’m on tour. And then I met you, and everything was so hectic…”

“So this is my fault?” Jennie asked, defensively.

“No!” Chaeyoung quickly answered. “Not at all, Jen. Not for one second.”

Jennie took a few steps back still not believing the current situation she was in. “Why did you keep this a secret?”

“I just didn’t know how to tell you about it.”

Jennie looked at her in disbelief. “And you thought lying to me about it was the better option?”

“I-- I’m sorry.” Chaeyoung said, quietly. “I tried to tell you a bunch of times but I just couldn’t do it.”

Jennie clutches her stomach and drops her head. “You kept the fact that you were sick from me.”

“Jen, I…”

“You know what I went through with Ella. You know how much a chronic disease has affected my life.” Jennie tells her. “How could you make me believe we were building a future together when you had this shadow looming over you?”

“I’ve hated myself for it. I wanted you to get to know me first.” Chaeyoung says, guilt showing in her eyes. “Then I was going to tell you. I promise.” She sighed. “When you told me about Ella, I couldn’t tell you about this. Then she died. After that, there was no way I could say it.”

“And what about all the time since then?”

“Each day I kept the secret in, it became harder to tell you. I was afraid if I told you that you were going to leave.”

“What?” Jennie was fuming, filled with a mix of anger and shock. “You thought if I knew you were sick, I’d walk away from you?” She argued. “You think I would leave you just because you have health issues to deal with?”

Chaeyoung sighed. “I think it’s easier to fall in love with a girl who isn’t falling apart.”

“I love you, Chaeyoung.” Jennie said matter of factly. “You being sick will never change that.”

“You are not the first one to tell me that, Jen.” Chaeyoung says with a sad smile. “But as soon as they found out I was damaged, they took off.”

“Don’t compare me to you ex-girlfriends!” Jennie snapped.

“How could I know you would react differently?” Chaeyoung argued.

Jennie sighed. “You could’ve given me a chance to show you.”

Chaeyoung reaches out to her, but Jennie takes a step back. She couldn’t have her touching her now, she was confused. She couldn’t tell how she feels about her right now. She’s so worried about her, but so mad at her at the same time.

“I want to stand and walk over to you. Show you how sorry I am and how much I love you, but my legs won’t work.” She says hitting the bed. “I can’t walk, Jennie. I can’t ing walk.”

Jennie looked at her then. “What do you mean your legs don’t work?”

“I had shooting pain up and down my legs earlier. They’re now numb.”

The aussie nods. “I was in the bathroom and realized I’d left my phone on the table in the bathroom. My foot started to tingle, and there was shooting pain up my legs. I tried rubbing them to make it stop, then went for my phone. I took one step before I went down. My head slammed on the side of the counter.”

“Chae…”

“I don’t think I passed out right away, but I knew I was bleeding. And I couldn’t feel my legs.”

A moment of silence passes between them. Chaeyoung gives Jennie time to process it all and the later tries to process it and understand it. Jennie was at a loss for words, as she tries to comprehend everything that’s happened.

“Chae, I don’t know anymore…”

“Jennie, you only know me as the singer, and the woman who could give you the world… I mean, I just.. do you...need time? To like think about us?”

“Chaeyoung…”