3 days after that..

Donghae’s POV

Im slowly trying to forget him, I don’t know if its working though, I still think of him like 24/7. I didn’t get why Hyukjae would be interested in that old man. If I knew HE was going to be my competitor I would’ve fought harder. But I guess its too late now.

I grunted as I got up from the sofa and put on my coat. I needed groceries. Its only been three days since I started trying to move on. Keyword “trying” cause boy oh but it did not work well.

The past three days I’ve been a total mess. When I don’t have any schedules I just sat down in front of the sofa watching these old romance movies. On one of those days I was binging movies, changing from one movie to another, beauty and the beast was on one of those channels. I decided to watch it since I’ve watched all of the other movies that were playing.

As I watched it old memories decided to come flowing to my brains. Beauty and the beast was Cindy’s favourite movie. We’d watch them every night, but she would always get mad cause I kept on comparing belle to Hyukjae.

In some ways Hyukjae was kinda like Belle, they both have those adoring eyes when they’re doing something they love. They both are so gentle and caring, to the point where it was kind of unhealthy because.. like Belle.. he would always put others first even if he was hurting.

Belle would always compress how she feels and acts tough in front of Beast. Even if they don’t show it much how she must’ve been feeling, I can understand how it feels to always be alone and act tough so others wont stomp on you cause they think you’re weak. That is until I met Hyukjae. Everytime I was sad he was always there, always with me and always returning my smile. But he’d never let me do the same for him. I don’t know how a human being can hold back so much pain considering the state he’s in a while back.

He must’ve been hurting like hell..

I should be happy. For him. I shouldn’t be selfish anymore. He’s finally happy after god knows how long he’s been depressed. That’s when I decided that I gonna finally go up and have a proper talk with them to congratulate and offer my support.

Whatever it is you’re dealing with or facing, I’m always here Hyukjae. Whether you want it or not.

I smiled, thinking about how mature I am. (Narcissist much -_-) Well that is until I saw them the other day getting on the seonsaengnim’s car. I looked at my watch, 4.30.. they must be going to that psychiatrist again..

If only I’m the one who’s there with him..

Alright I admit that I’m not really mature yet. Even after 32 years of living that wisdom thing hasn’t hit me yet. I went home to cry and eat every single food I have not caring whether it was really a sane amount or combination at all. Chocolate Ice cream and chicken legs? I don’t care at all I just shoved it in my mouth. In my defense I was having a mental breakdown and all I could think of was eating away my pain. I mean everyone does that right? No? Just me? Okay.. ( I actually do that lol.. but with chicken and strawberry ice cream, sometimes mint choco )

And that’s how I ended up here in the grocery store buying 3 packs of strawberry ice cream, tons of greens and a few beauty cares cause I needed to get back in shape. Mental breakdown or not i still gotta remind myself that I’m a ing idol. I cant be seen looking like a pregnant rag doll.

I put on some wireless earphone and playes Hyukjae's playlist on shuffle as i roam through the store.

A song played.

(bigbang- IF YOU english translated)

She is leaving
I can't do anything
Love is leaving
I just stand vacantly like a fool
looking at her back going further away
it becomes a small dot and disappears
if the time goes by, will it go away?
I remember the old times, I remember you

my heart broke, i tried not to have another crying breakdown in the middle of the store where a lot of heads and camera's are on me.

hyukjae..
 

Music was always his way of communicating his feelings. The songs he listens to, his dancing styles, it all reflects his feelings. The fact that he listens to songs like these..

i scrolled through his playlist to see the songs he put there.

Hyukjae's playlist

Missin U - Super Junior

IF YOU - BIGBANG

U said - Lil peep

Not in that way - Sam smith

If you love her - Shinee

Congratulations (eng. ver) - DAY6

Only you - Huh Gak

It was a random explosion of songs i didnt know, but hearing them one by one made me realize how much pain Hyukjae was carrying. I decided to go home since i dont think i could hold back anymore of my emotions. I walked to the nearest empty cashier and handed my groceries for her to scan. As i was romagging through my pocket, i felt a little shocked by the looseness.

.. where’s my wallet?!

Then I remembered that my left my wallet at the practice room. I apologized to the cashier lady and ask her to keep my groceries for a bit while I fetched my wallet. After she agreed I jogged back to my car and drove to SM with an obvious bad mood on my face. I opened the practice room to find Taemin practicing there alone.

“Oh Hyung! Hi!”

I only gave him a quick grunt before running towards my wallet by the speaker.

“Hyung? Uhmm do you have time?”

I let out an annoyed sigh and looked back at him. I know I shouldn’t be mad at him.. he really did nothing wrong. But seeing him get so close with Hyukjae just aggravates me. I know I don’t have any rights to say so.. but I just cant control how I feel..

“What? Make it quick. I’m not really in the best mood right now”

“Y-.. yeah I can see that..” He said, looking at me with judging eyes.

The ? Is he saying I look like ?

“Are you trynna pick a fight with me right now?” I replied, leaning my body forward a bit.

“N-no.. Hyung Im sorry.. just,.. lets sit first”

He sat down by the mirror and tapped the emprt space beside him.

“What?” I sighed as I sat down.

I could tell he was nervous, he was rubbing his nape and his mouth was giving me this awkward smile.. I was kinda nervous as well to what he was gonna ask.

“Uhm Hyung.. I noticed that you’ve been quite agressive with me lately”

Now that question.. uhm how do I say it.. yes I was aggressive with him for the past few days.. I was mad okay.. well jealous not mad.. I admit that was childish of me.. but I wont adm