“seungwan-ah, how do I look?”

­

I swear to Go-

 

“I said how do I look? Is it that bad? should I change and wear the red dre-”

 

“Its fine”

 

“just fine?”

 

Do I really have to answer?

Isn’t it obvious?

 

“earth to Seungwan? you’re spacing out again”

 

it’s not fine

 

“Seungwan”

 

what happened to “Seungwan-ah”

 

“I already cook dinner, I know how tired you are and you want to dive straight to your bed but”

 

but where is the 'seungwan-ah'

 

“eat first okay? Bye Seungwan!”

 

 

guess I’m eating alone again

 

--

 

“joohyun?”

 

no answer

 

“I have pizza with me, where are you?”

 

maybe she’s sleeping

 

you thought

 

‘hey Seungwan I went out, I have a thing to finish. I have the spare keys with me’ – JH

 

“too bad, I got us your favorite pizza”

 

its okay I understand how busy you are

I’m okay with it

 

I think its also helping me forget this thing I’m feeling for you

I’m not even sure if it’s just ‘liking’

 

I’m so scared to know how deep it is

 

--

 

Saturday is laundry day

which means no work

and you’ll be doing the chores with me,

as always

 

of course, the universe hates me so much

and its against at my idea spending Saturday with joohyun

 

“I’m going out seungwan, I’ll do my laundry later don’t worry about it”

 

but today is ‘our laundry day’

 

“no worries, work?”

 

“No, I’m meeting a friend”

 

 “okay, have fun”

 

you didn’t wait for my answer and just quickly run of the door

 

wow

 

--

 

Incoming call

 

“hey seungwan!”

 

no, it’s not joohyun

Its seulgi, she’s a barista from the coffee shop I discovered I few blocks from where I work

 

“hey seul”

 

“I made something earlier you know my experiment and I would like if you are the first person to taste it. So, I was wondering if you’re free tomorrow afternoon?”

 

“hmm I don’t think I’m free tomorrow, I have a picnic thing with joohyun. But I’ll update you if it changes okay?”

 

“a date with joohyun. I see, Update me tomorrow! bye Seungwan!”

 

“it’s not a date!”

 

yes, she knows joohyun

she also knows I have feelings for her

I never told her but she said to me

‘you should see your face when you talk about joohyun next time wan!’

 

am I that obvious?

I hope joohyun doesn’t notice

 

 

 

 

 

 

guess what?

the picnic  date is cancelled

because in joohyun’s words ‘sorry seungwan I can’t today, maybe next time?’

 

funny you’re the one who set that up

 

“hey seul, I’m free tomorrow”

 

--

 

you know I was fine with you not hanging out with me anymore

It helps me to get over this feeling I’m having to you

so I can be you know, be a good friend

 

But if being a good friend

is being there when you introduce your-

 

 

“Seungwan, I’d like you to meet Suho”

 

then I don’t want to be your ‘good friend’ anymore

 

“Hi”

 

He happened

I feel so small

the reason of all our cancelled plans?

your ‘I’ll be home late, something came up’?

 

“Hi, I’m joohyun’s boyfriend”

 

never expected this day would come

he was nice but I think I could do better

 

but If I could do better,

then why Am I not the one holding her hand right now?

 

--

 

“slow down seungwan!”

 

nope, I’m drinking this till I drop and forget your name

 

“seul..I’m so stupid”

 

it’s been 7 months

 

I feel like I'm in hell

 

you guys look good together

every time we go out or talk all you say suho this, suho that blah blah blah

 

I’m getting tired of it

 

 

“you’re not stupid seungwan, you’re just scared for your friendship to be ruined so you kept it all to yourself. It’s not stupid okay?”

 

“I should’ve told her what I feel when I had the chance seul, look what happened now”

 

she found someone and I’m so scared that she'll forget about me 

 

“this is all my fault, If I didn’t agree to her to seat beside me that day then maybe we- “

 

“If you didn’t let her seat beside you, where would you be right now seungwan? do you think you guys would still be friends if you didn’t agree to that?”

 

she’s right, being friends with joohyun was the best decision I’ve ever made

also, the worst since I’m here dumb and drunk

 

“I don’t know if you’ll remember this tomorrow but screw it, you have to tell her what you feel seungwan. She deserves to know, she’s your friend she’ll understand. But If everything doesn’t go according to it, you know where to go”

 

“No. I don’t know where to go... she’s my home”

 

Home 

 

“what I mean is you can come to my shop? or call me? ugh whatever, yeah she’s your home”

 

I need to see you

 

“you’re right I should tell her”

 

 

--

 

 

“buddy you’re heavy come on give me your keys”

 

“keys to what? to her heart? I don’t have it”

 

“you clown! to your doo- “

 

“seungwan?”

 

There you are

You look angry, why?

 

“Hi! I’m seulgi, seungwan’s friend. umm She’s yours now, I really have to go now bye!”

 

seulgi hugged me and told me to behave

 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow seul!!”

 

The look on your face,

are you..jealous? 

 

“so, this seulgi..you never told me about her”

 

because you are busy ignoring me and to your lovely boyfriend

 

“I forgot”

 

I was about to close my door when she pushes herself in

 

“seungwan, I called you but you never answered I got so worried you know”

 

good thing I turned off my phone

 

“my phone died on me, sorry”

 

“okay? why did you drink?”

 

“I just feel like drinking tonight”

 

“But you never drink without me”

 

“I don’t know joohyun, not everything is about you”

 

I should’ve said that

this is what seulgi told me

I should behave!

 

“I’m not saying everything is about me seungwan, I just wanted you to talk to me”

 

talk

 

“seungwan are we okay?”

 

TELL HER SEUNGWAN! 

 

“can you please answer me and don’t make me like a fool here talking to myself!”

 

“you’re annoying!”

 

I’m sorry

 

“you never hangout with me anymore, if we do you always talk about how great your boyfriend is! I’m getting tired of it. You never asked how am I even doing, all you care about is yourself! you wanted me to be open with you but you’re the one who started to avoid me! I don’t get you joohyun, I don’t know what you want from me. I Ju-”

 

“I just wanted you to talk to me seungwan! its not that hard!”

 

“for you its not! you don’t even know how I feel!”

 

“then tell me what you feel because I can’t read you seungwan! I’m not God to know what you feel!”  

 

“I…”

 

I love you so much and its hard for me to see you with someone else

 

“I’m sorry”

 

“seungwan-ah”

 

“Joohyun, I don’t want to be your friend anymore”

 

I need to cut her off

I’m so tired 

 

“s-seungwan-ah we can talk this out, I'm sorry I didn't kno-

 

 

 

I'm so sorry, joohyun

 

 

 

 

“I’m moving out”