It’s been a while since we last saw each other

the first three nights of living alone was hell

 

I missed our midnight talks

of course, your beloved tea

I miss drinking that with you

talking about anything and nothing

until you fall asleep on my shoulder

 

I can’t stop thinking about you

ever since I decided to move out

everything just seems too normal for me

 

Moving out was hard

your eyes told me not to go

 

but I have to, I have to Joohyun

 

everything about you feels like home

you’re my home joohyun

 

Do you think that way too?

 

“stupid seungwan stop thinking about her if you wanted to move on!”

 

I think It’s too late for that

 

--

2 months

 

I went to our favorite ice cream store today

I ended up getting your favorite flavor

even though I hate that flavor so much

 

are you busy today?

I don’t know if I should call you

 

” No, calling her isn’t a good idea you’re supposed to be avoiding her”

 

maybe next time

guess I’ll have to enjoy this treat alone

 

--

5 months

 

incoming call

 

 “joohyun?”

 

you finally called

 

“this isn’t joohyun, it’s me Joy”

 

dummy

 

“I’m sorry joy I didn’t check who was it, what’s up?”

 

who am I kidding

you’ll never gonna call me again

unless I’ll be the one calling you?

 

“no seungwan!”

 

“I’m sorry what?”

 

say something you idiot!

 

“No not you joy um, my cat is um eating the cake I bought”

 

I said something not add more stupidity

 

“you’re seungwan and your cat’s name is seungwan?”

 

“yes”

 

I wanna end this call so bad

 

“wow”

 

great, now my friend thinks I’m weird

 

 

--

1 year

 

It’s been a year now

I never had the courage to talk to you

to fix everything between us

 

I guess that’s just how it is huh?

for the record I regret everything I said that night

 

“it’s your birthday and you’re looking like a teenager who just got rejected, let’s dance!”

 

 I Just let myself get drag at the dancefloor with joy

 

“I was just fine drinking you know”

 

“fine my , hold on to me”

 

She was right

Dancing made me forget you

just for a second though

 

“Where’s seulgi? I haven’t seen her since she went to the bathroom, you think she’s okay?”

 

“Don’t worry about that silly bear she might found someone interesting and decided to ditch us”

 

the song changes to a slower one

 

“are you guys a thing?”

 

I wish I didn’t say that

 

“not your business, I need a drink”

 

and there goes joy

 

 

 

It’s getting late

but its my birthday so who cares

also, I’m still hoping for you to wish me a happy birthday

I know I’m so pathetic

 

“as much as I want to party, I have early work tomorrow”

 

“no worries seul, I had fun tonight you guys can go”

 

“you’re staying?”

 

“yep. Here take my keys seul and drive joy home, I’ll just take a cab later”

 

“promise me you won’t drink too much? you know what alcohol does to you right?”

 

“yes mother, now shoo”

 

 

seul was right

alcohol does things to me

like

 

thinking about you too much

missing you

wanting to see you

 

and why Am I in front of our old shared apartment

I knocked once

 

twice

 

no answer

 

was about to go when the door opened

I was expecting you to open the door

with that cute look in you face

asking me what I’m doing here

 

but instead

 

“seungwan? what are you doing here, something happened? Joohyun’s asleep but I can wake her up if you want to”

 

I see

you’re still seeing him

good for you

 

“N-No it’s okay..um thanks anyway and sorry for disturbing you at this hour, I should go”

 

“who’s tha-oh...S-seungwan”

 

I have to get out of here

 

 

you texted me telling me to come back

you even called

 

If I didn’t show up tonight

will you ever remember me?

 

who am I even kidding

I did this to us

 

I’m the one to blame

pathetic

 

--

 

After the crazy stunt I pulled on my birthday

you never bother to call again

 

which is nice                                                                   

because I don’t know what to say to you

 

‘nothing Joohyun, just wanted to see you’

or

‘I miss you so much, please comeback’

 

its pathetic

I don’t want you to hear that from me

 

 

Incoming call

 

“ seungwan, I’m so sorry I gave your address to her. Please don’t get mad at me!”

 

what on earth is she talking about?

 

”seul, who did you gave my address to?”

 

 

 

“Joohyun”

 

what the

 

“you’re joking right?”

 

“I wish I was but she saw me at the shop today, she told me my face looks familiar so she entered the store and she called my name. Damn, she remembers me. She proceeds to tell me you went to her apartment on your birthday and you didn’t tell about it! I thought you guys we’re okay so when she asks me about your address, I gave it to her! I-

 

a knock on my door

 

well

 

“I’ll call you tomorrow seul, I-I think she’s here”

 

Is this a dream?

I hope so

 

I opened the door then there you are

I feel so small

 

oh seulgi you silly bear

 

“Hi??”

 

“can I come in? I wanted to talk to you since you wont answer any of my calls and messages”

 

strike 1

 

“okay”

 

it’s now or never

 

I’m so nervous

I don’t know what to say

 

“stop staring and talk”

 

Stirke 2

 

“um, I like you-your shirt, its comfy”

 

 

“thanks? but you know what I’m talking about seungwan don’t try to change the subject”

 

“I’m sorry”

 

“for what? ignoring my calls and messages? or for leaving me?”

 

Strike 3

 

“everything, I’m sorry I didn’t want to hurt you so I have to move out”

 

“you can move out you know, its fine. But you not wanting to be my friend anymore, hurts me the most”

 

“I have my reasons”

 

“then what is it? why do you have to dump everything?”

 

because I’m in love with you

 

“seungwan please tell me”

 

go big or go home

 

“please tell me so I can understand what is hurting you that you have to leave me that way”

 

 

strike-out

 

 

“Joohyun”

 

 

 

“I love you”