I Almost Do
My Lovely Anonymous Letters
"Sooyeon-ah... Are you nuts?"
Telling Soojung Unnie about what happened that night, it was a thing I never planned, but I had literally nobody but my own sister. I needed a release. I was left in silence, reminiscing about that night. I spent almost the half hour to cry and tried to push myself to wake up before finally I decided to leave the hotel room and drove myself to my sister's hotel. Vaguely, I heard my older sister's voice babbling. Obviously she would do that, I already know. I honestly hated hearing her voice, but it was far better than being killed by silence.
"Do you even listen?"
I glanced at her and nodded.
"Are you okay?"
Later she hugged me tightly, that's when my tears fell down to my cheeks all over again.
"I can't even react properly. I know." She handed me a cup of hot chocolate to calm me down. "But Sooyeon, what happened? I mean, you're not the only rebel person in our family though. Just... Making out with your childhood bestfriend. Well... I have to admit. It shocked me like no other."
"I'm not sure I can even answer... not that I can even answer myself, Unnie."
"Were you both fighting after that?" She asked softly.
I shook my head. "Aniyo..." I sipped my cup before continued, "I guess she booked another room as an escape plan and left me just like that." I remembered that face... her pale yet soothing face. "I feel like I don't know her anymore. Is it possible for somebody to change that much?"
"I don't know that much, but from what I see, Taeyeon indeed has some struggle moments in her life, perhaps?"
"But she can always share it to me, Unnie."
"Look at you two. Separated. You both grew older and everything has changed."
I took a deep breath. It was the best thing I could do at the moment.
"She's going home this afternoon."
"What's your plan?"
"I'm going to meet her."
"Are you sure?"
I looked deeply into my sister's eyes. Thinking about the question, I didn't know either. Like someone who lost their way, I tried to tidy up all my belongings into my handbag and left quickly. I didn't need to answer Soojung's question and I know for sure she understands it too. With a slight nod, she let me go to a meeting place that Taeyeon and I had planned—before it all happened—and anyway, I had to meet her.
She didn't avoid me at all. There wasn't the slightest drama that I was afraid of going on there and I couldn't be any luckier than that. I walked into a cafe in a busy shopping area in Shibuya. Previously, Taeyeon indeed told me that she had to stop by several places to shop for her office mates. My eyes looked here and there, looking for her whereabouts and when I arrived at the end of the stairs reaching for the upstairs, I saw her sipping a cup of coffee from a chocolate mug in her hand. I exhaled a little breath to help me relax more and formed a thin smile on my lips. I stood awkwardly in front of her when she threw me her smile.
"Taey—"
"Jessica!" Somebody shouted my name. I turned my body. "So, you're meeting Taeyeon here? I didn't know."
The tall beautiful woman smiled broadly at me. Sooyoung, my girlfriened. I told her that today I was going to accompany Taeyeon and possibly take her to the airport that day. Of the many places that are there, isn't it funny that we were met there? How weird.
"Babe... Why are you here?"
"I had a meeting with... Satoshi." She glanced at Taeyeon. "Taeyeon! How did you enjoy Tokyo?"
"Great. It feels like home... but without kimchi." She joked that all of us laughed. "You want to sit with us? Sica just came though."
"Oh no. I can't." She glanced back at me and with her left hand, she caressed my messy hair and fixed my scarf. "I have to jump in to another meeting, unfortunately. Beside, I think it's been a while since you two meet each other. I don't want to disturb you." She winked, so charming.
"Aight. Got it. You're a busy woman." Taeyeon chuckled.
"Don't tell me that when you're about the same!" Sooyoung replied warmly. "Oops! I have to go."
"Have you—"
"Yes. I had my lunch. Don't worry."
"Ah... Okay..."
"Do you want me to pick you up on the airport later on?"
"I think it's fine... I'm driving though."
"Oh. I thought I asked Asahi to accompany you?"
"Gwenchana... I wanted to drive."
"Arrasseo! It's fine..." She moved forward, giving me her comfort and warm hug that I probably needed the most cause Taeyeon totally got my nerve. "Have fun you two! Safe flight back to Seoul, Tae! I wish you'd stay longer so we could go out together. All of us." She smiled while offering her hand, which shaken by Taeyeon's.
"Let's do next time?"
"Sure." Gently, Sooyoung gave me a little kiss on my cheek and whispered. "Alright I really have to go."
After Sooyoung's departure, I moved to sit in front of Taeyeon who had been staring at me all this time with a flat expression, her trademark expression that I saw every day, a face that I always missed since my departure from Seoul a few years ago that kept us apart.
"Where to go after this?"
"Airport?"
"A little too early don't you think?"
"I'm done with my shopping bags, actually."
"Oh..."
I couldn't think clearly.
"Sica..."
"Ne?"
"Gwenchana?"
Was I okay? I don't know.
"Sica, I'm—"
"Maybe I could drive you to the airport now."
"Sica..."
"Ne?"
"I know you didn't come to accompany me shopping."
"But I did..."
"I know... but also, we have to talk, don't we?"
While my hand, she smiled grimly, a smile that somehow improved my blood circulation—which was pretty funny—so I could feel mor
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