Kyungsoo tilted his head back, drank down the liquid, and smacked the shot glass down onto the table. He reached to pour himself another when Yuwon's hand swiped the bottle from him.

"Okay, enough. I know that you didn't call me to come just to get wasted in front of me."

"I drank half a bottle. I'm not wasted."

"You will be if you keep going." Yuwon put up her fist. "Whether by alcohol or me, you can pick, Kyungsoo."

He groaned and smacked his forehead into the table. He didn't even know why he was drinking. He didn't even particularly like the stuff unless it was mixed with juice, but here he was slowly chugging straight alcohol because he didn't want to think about his problems. Specifically, one problem.

"Do you think Jongin hates me?"

Yuwon's eyelids fluttered at him as she blinked at him, looking like she could not believe what she just heard.

"What?"

"Does Jongin hate me?"

"What in the world gave you that idea?"

Kyungsoo groaned again and smacked his face into his hands.

"I don't know."

"Kyungsoo."

"I really don't! A couple months ago, he just suddenly said 'I don't think I should see you for a while.' What am I supposed to do with that?"

Yuwon rounded into an 'O' and looked down onto the table.

"Maybe he needs space."

"But what did I do that made him need space? I don't even see him that often. Just at Stay Mallow, and then when I visit his apartment sometimes."

Kyungsoo grabbed the bottle and poured himself a shot, but Yuwon put a hand on his arm, not letting him dump it down his throat.

"Maybe he's going through a personal dilemma, and he needs time."

"Then why doesn't he tell me? Or Taemin or Krystal? I've asked them if something was up, and they wouldn't tell me."

"Wouldn't tell you? So they know what it is?"

"They just said that it's something that Jongin needs to handle on his own."

Kyungsoo reached for his shot, and Yuwon didn't stop him this time. He stuck his tongue out at the taste, but the liquid warmed him as it settled in his stomach, which made the winter cold a little more bearable. Yuwon gave him a sympathetic smile, and he sighed. He shouldn't be complaining so much with Yuwon in front of him. He didn't get to see her as often anymore since her university was two cities away. Winter break let them reconvene together, and he shouldn't spoil their reunion with his problem.

"So how've your classes been?"

She pursed her lips but in the end sighed and pushed a shot glass towards him. He poured one for her, and she drank it down.

"Everyone is still snooty, and the gossip is savage. The only people keeping me sane are Jongdae and Seulgi."

"Is it about you?"

"No, thankfully."

Kyungsoo breathed a little sigh of relief.

"I don't know how you withstood three years of it," Yuwon said.

Kyungsoo just shrugged and poured another pair of shots, the two friends clinking their glasses together. "I would rather protect my friends than protect my sanity."

He drank the alcohol and stuck out his tongue at the taste again. Looking up, Kyungsoo saw that Yuwon hadn't drank hers. She narrowed her eyes at the clear liquid.

"Most people wouldn't do that."

"I figured. Counselor Huang told me that too."

"Yeah, so what if Jongin's like that right now?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if he can't keep up his sanity right now, so he asked for space?"

"But why? From what I know, he's been doing okay with his job and at home."

"Maybe it's not his job or his family." Yuwon pursed her lips again. "Kyungsoo, how have you been interacting with Jongin? What do you two do?"

He looked away, rubbing his neck.

"We hang out at Stay Mallow sometimes. We just order something and talk. When I go over to his apartment... we do other things."

She raised an eyebrow, and he sighed.

"Don't make fun of me, okay? You swear?"

She stuck out her pinky, and he hooked it with his own, pressing their thumbs together.

"Okay. So spill."

"Well... we watch movies. If I have to watch something for class, I ask if he wants to watch it with me. I tell him about my classes and sometimes I teach him stuff from them. I've been teaching him how to cook too. If it happens to get too late, then I just stay over, but I ask every time to make sure he's okay with it."

He sat back, swirling the liquid in the bottle. He didn't mention how close they would sit next to each other on the couch when watching those movies, or the late nights where the topic of conversation changed from homework to school to philosophy to the world to personal, or how Kyungsoo would lean in and guide Jongin's hands while prepping food just so that he could hold them for a moment. He also didn't mention that his staying over included intentional sleepovers and over weekends.

And Yuwon seemed to know that he was holding back information, because she gave him a look. He sighed in defeat.

"Okay. There's...details that I didn't mention."

"Spill."

"We just, you know, happen to sit really close to each other on the couch, and we end up talking late into the night. The cooking I have to show him how to hold the utensils or cut things, and I sometimes sleep over when it's not an emergency."

"How long have you been doing this?"

"Since I started university."

Yuwon brought a hand to her forehead.

"Dear gosh, Kyungsoo. You're practically torturing him."

"What?"

She shook her head and downed a shot, letting out a sigh.

"You guys are still just friends?"

"What do you mean 'still just'? Of course, we're friends."

She poured herself a drink and drank it, letting out an even bigger sigh.

"And I thought Jongdae was dense."

"Hey, what do you mean?"

"Kyungsoo, I want you to think about your relationship with Jongin. I want you to objectively look at how you feel towards him and what compels you to do what you do with him. Do that while I order some pancakes."

She stood and walked towards the ahjumma at the open fire stove. Kyungsoo crossed his arms and stared up at the tent ceiling. His relationship with Jongin? They were super good friends now. Compared to when they had first met, Jongin now openly started conversations and texted him almost every day. At least, he did before he cut off communication with him. Kyungsoo was pretty sure that they could emotionally depend on each other too. When he was having a hard time with his sister in the hospital, he had reached out to Kyungsoo first. Even before Taemin or Krystal, which had surprised Kyungsoo.

He felt comfortable around Jongin. As comfortable as when he was with his friends and family. The light feeling of happiness and warmth always flitted through him when he saw him. Not even just seeing him. When Kyungsoo got texts or pictures or calls about him from Taemin or Krystal or Joonmyeon hyung, he would feel that way too. Wasn't that normal though? Though, he didn't feel it as strongly whenever he saw his other friends. 

But he knew that because he was so comfortable with Jongin, he could sit so close to him and snuggle into his heat, wrap his arms around him and hold his hands to show him the technique for the nth time without him objecting, talk late into the night even though they both had responsibilities in the morning, and sleep over in his bed. He paused at that last thought. Was sleeping in a friend's bed considered weird? It wasn't like he slept in it without Jongin. A couple times Jongin would end up staying back home for a night, while Kyungsoo was at Jongin's apartment. Kyungsoo just slept on the couch whenever that happened. 

Was that even weirder?

Yuwon returned with a pair of green onion pancakes and handed Kyungsoo a pair of utensils. Poised with knife and fork, she cut her pancake with precision, firmness, and grace. Kyungsoo knew she had practiced through countless business and formal dinners, and he would have commented on it if his brain hadn't wandered to Jongin.

"So have you thought of anything?"

"Do you think Jongin would like his pancakes crunchy or soft?"

She paused and looked up from her food.

"Before I answer that, did you think of what I said?"

"I did."

"And?"

"And we're great friends. We talk pretty openly about things, and I'm super comfortable around him."

"Comfortable enough to sleep on his bed?"

"I only do that when he's there because otherwise..." He realized that he hadn't told Yuwon that particular detail. "How'd you know that?"

"I guessed."

"You guessed?"

"And I was right. For a point of reference, Kyungsoo, just-friends don't sleep overnight in each other's beds unless the host says they'll take the floor, or if the host is lending the bed while they're out, or there's no other choice."

Kyungsoo took an extra moment to think about those words.

"Really?"

"Yes. Jongdae and I didn't start sleeping in the same room, let alone the same bed, until this year."

"But he's qiao'uyi, and they have different views on relationship steps."

Yuwon raised an eyebrow at him again before turning towards the auntie.

"Auntie! Can you bring us a peach one please?"

"Of course!"

The lady disappeared for a moment into the back, then reappeared, setting the peach flavored alcohol on their table.

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome, young one."

"Auntie, I actually have a question. Is it weird for friends to sleep in bed together?"

Kyungsoo would have choked on food if he had decided to eat or drink at that moment. He just choked on air instead.

"Oh? What makes you ask that?"

"Lately, the boy that I like has asked if it's okay if we sleep in the same bed. Oh! But not doing anything, of course! He's a gentleman."

She and the auntie giggled, and Kyungsoo wondered just what dimension he was transported to without his consent. Then the auntie turned to him, and he stiffened.

"Is this him?"

"No, no, he's just a friend. I like someone else."

"Oh, well, if you like him, then make a move on him! Say yes!"

"But I don't know if that's okay. We're not even boyfriend-girlfriend yet, and I'm not confident either..."

"Young miss, if he's a gentleman and asking to share a bed, no matter the activity done, he's interested. He needs to buck up and ask you out already! But if you're still not confident and neither is he, then you might have to encourage him first, create the right mood. Boys need a strong girl."

"How do I encourage him?"

"Hint at it. What does he do?"

"We're both in university, and he's studying international relations."

"My daughter is also in international relations! Perfect. When he asks for help on a presentation, compliment his strong points when he presents. When he's studying, join him and ask him about his case studies. Don't just talk about his studies though. Mention your own work and see how he's interested too. Oh, do you have any special places? Some place where you two share a good memory?"

"Yes, we do," Yuwon chuckled.

"Take him there and talk about that memory and how you liked it because it was with him. That's what I did with my husband, and he finally got the point after I said that."

"Auntie, you're the best! Thank you very much!"

"Ah, such youth. You'll get him, young miss! And young man, remember these too! When a girl starts doing these things, she's telling you that she likes you."

Kyungsoo barely heard her last few sentences, because her earlier words struck him—how he liked it because it was with him. They were so familiar. Not exactly in that way, and not so certain, but he remembered Jongin's voice.

"Thank you, Auntie!"

He broke out of his thoughts enough to say a thank you as well, then turned back to his mind. When was it? What exactly was it? And where? He felt like he could almost grasp it, but the memory was dancing around his eyelids.

"Kyungsoo? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just thinking. The auntie talked about the special places, and I thought of something."

Yuwon nodded and ate at her pancake, letting him think. He didn't have a special place with Jongin per se, but he said there was a somewhere he liked but not exactly. Kyungsoo had to fight the urge to pace and think and instead tapped his fork against his napkin.

One piece at a time, he told himself. He remembered that the memory he was thinking of involved Jongin, and it had somewhere to do with places. Jongin hadn't particularly liked the place, but he didn't say that he didn't like it. His vision swam for a second, and he shook his head to clear it. By the time the dizzyness left, the wisps of the memory had slipped away.

He sighed and stabbed his pancake, ripping a piece off with his teeth. 

"Did you think of it?"

"Sorta. I can't remember it all, but it's really important."

"I'm sure it'll come back to you. Just eat first. I don't want you getting drunk and puking on an empty stomach."

With another sigh, he nodded and ate his pancake. They ended up ordering a couple more side dishes before paying and leaving for a night walk. The winter winds blew at him until they reached Yuwon's car. Kyungsoo had taken the bus to campus and then walked to the nearby tent pub, so he accepted Yuwon's offer of a night drive as she did some grocery shopping.

As they came out of the supermarket and Kyungsoo hoisted the bags into the trunk, Yuwon's phone rang. She started smiling before she had even swiped to accept the call.

"Hello? We just finished. We went out to get groceries. With your snacks, I might add. Yeah, okay. Kyungsoo, Jongdae wants to say hi."

He took her phone as she went to push the shopping cart back.

"Hello?"

"Kyungsoo!" Jongdae's voice exploded out of the phone. "I miss you!"

He chuckled and closed the trunk, getting into the front.

"Me too. How was the meeting?"

"Boring. They didn't really talk about the qiao'uyi and human interactions or even the social policies, just qiao'uyi government issues. It was a bust."

"Ah, at least you know now."

"Yeah, and I can blame Min hyung for it. When he said that he was going to a meeting on qiao'uyi social problems, I thought that it could be related to my major, but to be fair, he looked even more bored and didn't know that the topic wasn't what I was interested in. Plus, he's required to go to those things."

Kyungsoo chuckled again.

"How about you? What's going on with you and university? I'll be back in a couple weeks, and then we can hang out together!"

"It's been fine, and yeah, that sounds fun."

"Yay! All six of us can go to Stay Mallow and bother Joonmyeon hyung!"

Kyungsoo rubbed his finger against the handle of the car door. Yuwon came in and started the car.

"Kyungsoo? What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Bull ."

He gave her a look but put the phone on speaker.

"You're on speaker, and nothing's wrong."

"Jongin won't talk to him."

"Ohhhh. Yuwon, have you told Kyungsoo?"

"Told me what?"

"I'm not telling him, Jongdae. He needs to figure it out for himself. I don't even know exactly what Jongin is thinking."

"Wait, do you two know something that I don't? Jongdae, what's Yuwon talking about?"

"Well, I kinda agree that you need to figure it out on your own too, Kyungsoo."

"What? How can I figure out anything if you two won't tell me, and Jongin doesn't want to see me?"

"He said that?"

"Yes, and I hate it."

He leaned back in the seat and sighed. The words stung him harder than he thought they would. When he was working on assignments and studying for exams, he could push Jongin's absence to the back of his mind. But now that it was winter break, and nothing was left to distract him, his absence had turned into a void. Yuwon reached over and patted his arm.

"Yuwon, maybe we should give him a hint? Or like, what it could be?" Jongdae asked.

"No, I don't want to influence him into thinking that if it's actually not." She gave Kyungsoo a glance. "Kyungsoo, I asked you to think about what you feel towards him. Are there any other words besides comfortable that you would use?"

"I guess I enjoy being with him. But I enjoy being with you guys too. What're you looking for, Yuwon?"

"I'm looking for what makes it different between us and Jongin. Would you sleep in Jongdae's bed while he was there or sit super close to him while watching movies?"

"I..." The thought sat squeamishly with him. "No, not really."

"Then why are you okay with doing that with Jongin? And 'I don't know' is not a good enough answer."

He didn't know though. He was just comfortable with him. From the start, when Jongin layered his scarf over him that day at Stay Mallow, when he had asked if Jongin wanted to lean on him, when Jongin had asked to lean on him as they lay on his living room couch and just talked—those just felt natural. To search for his scent, to feel his warmth, to listen to his voice turn sleepy, Kyungsoo had just always wanted to do those things.

"Hey guys, I have to go now. The long-distance crystal is running low, so I have to charge it."

"Oh, okay. Bye, Jongdae."

"Bye, Jongdae."

"Bye, Kyungsoo! Hang in there! And bye, Yuwon! Zantiel, aichei."

She giggled.

"Wait, I have this one. Uh, tingchekian, aichei."

Kyungsoo heard Jongdae squeal from the line, and he could crack a smile at his friends' farewells. The call ending, Yuwon let out a satisfied sigh before humming.

"Do you think my accent was bad?"

"Sounded good to me."

"Okay, because I don't want his parents to silently judge me for my human accent."

"They're not the kind of people to do that. You've met them, and they adore you."

"I know, but just, secretly, you know? I want to prove that I can be a great person for Jongdae even if I'm not of the same race."

"I think they know that. His dad came and asked me about you when you two went out to the Dashuin Forests, and he found you admirable."

"Really?"

He nodded, smiling at how she smiled now.

"Thanks, Kyungsoo."

He chuckled and looked out the window. Several stores were still alit, open. Traffic congested slightly, but that was expected on a Friday night. As they took the highway back towards Kyungsoo's house, they took the ramp up. The elevated road lifted them above another crossway of traffic, and the car headlights dazzled at him from below like dots of lights.

He froze. That was familiar. He trained his eyes on the headlights for as long as he could, until they descended to ground level again. He had been to a similar place before. Deep in downtown, at a rocky outlook, where Jongdae had confessed to Yuwon. Kyungsoo was there with Jongin, during the summer, and they were talking about...

Talking about what? Jongdae had crushed a boulder, Yuwon had gotten mad, thinking that he took her around the city just to tell her that he was an alien. Around the city. Around the city...

The memory grew tangible—the shapes, the colors, the voices—and Kyungsoo grabbed it. He held it with both hands, clenching his fists to make sure that it wouldn't escape. 

Jongin had tagged along with him to the city because... He never told Kyungsoo a specific reason. 'Just 'cause.' And when Kyungsoo asked him how he liked the city, he gave an uncertain answer, an either-or conditional of...

Today was fun, but I don't know if that's because of where I went or because of who I was with.

'Who he was with' meant Kyungsoo? Or did he mean Kyungsoo, Jongdae, and Yuwon? Kyungsoo thought back through the events, from their talk, to Jongdae's confession, Yuwon's anger and blush, and then Jongin had asked him something. Asked him with a determination in his eyes, then the tapping at the back of his hand. He had asked him if he ever thought about liking someone. Kyungsoo had asked him the question back, but he wouldn't give him a concrete answer. Just maybe's. Just thoughts.

He grabbed Yuwon's arm, and she jumped.

"Woah, Kyungsoo, some warning next time. Good thing we're at a stoplight."

"Do you think Jongin likes me?"

Her eyes widened, and shock held her words hostage. Kyungsoo knew that his own face couldn't have looked much different. A car honk brought them both out of their stupor, and Yuwon jerked the pedal to move the car foward again. They drove for a bit, and the longer they drove, the more stupid Kyungsoo felt for asking that. Jongin couldn't like him. He was one-hundred and forty percent not likeable in that way. And he could discount all the times when he was dragged to parties by his roommate, made small talk with complete strangers, and then was asked to have with them.

His question hung in the air, and Kyungsoo saw that Yuwon had pursed her lips.

"Nevermind. That was a stupid question to ask."

They stopped at another stoplight, and she turned to look at him.

"Why is that a stupid question?"

"Huh?"

"Why is the question of Jongin liking you a stupid question?"

"Because... no one could like me in that way."

Yuwon let out a sigh, and Kyungsoo could have sworn that it had been one of relief.

"Kyungsoo, have you ever felt attracted to anyone?"

He rubbed his neck.

"Maybe physically? There was also that situation with my roommate."

"Exactly. And from what you told me back then, it sounded like Baekhyun-shi was also attracted to you."

"He said that he had problems with committment and relationships, and I'm not exactly the best at differentiating between feelings."

"But you felt something, right? And so did he, apparently. That's why it confused you two so much."

He couldn't deny that.

"So what if—just what if—Jongin did like you? What would you do?"

"I don't know. I don't know how to respond to that."

"To my question or his feelings?"

"Both."

She furrowed her eyebrows, tapping her finger against the steering wheel.

"I want you to consider it. Consider how you would react and how you feel towards him."

"But I don't know how."

"Then ask youself what-if's. What if Jongin liked you? What if Jongin hated you?"

"I would hate it if he hated me. I already hate that I don't know why he doesn't want to see me."

"So what if he actually liked you?"

"Then I don't know why he wouldn't agree to see me at all."

"Think about it, Kyungsoo. What if, after all this time, he liked you and didn't say anything. Why would he do that?"

He leaned back into the headrest and tried to think of a reason. IF Jongin liked him. If Jongin liked him but started avoiding him... There was the generic reason in stories where a character would distance themselves so that their relationship couldn't hurt the other person anymore. But that reason didn't sound like Jongin. Kyungsoo still remembered how he would tell him that he just wanted their friendship, not what Kyungsoo found to be a normal friendship.

Maybe he didn't want to like Kyungsoo anymore? But then why? Was his behavior bad? Sitting close to each other on the couch and taking his hands under the pretense of showing how to prep food didn't seem so bad, but Kyungsoo shook his head. He had to think about it from this hypothetical Jongin's perspective.

If the person Kyungsoo liked touched him, huddled close to him under one blanket, talked about his stress with school work but also the joys around him and his family and the deep personal philosophies and anecdotes, then slept in the same bed at night, all while the other only thought of these interactions as friends—

He grabbed Yuwon's arm again, but she wasn't as surprised this time. She just turned her attention to him.

"Was I being toxic?"

In doing all of those seemingly harmless actions, while trying to just be close to Jongin, had Kyungsoo actually been playing with his emotions? He pulled back from Yuwon, burying his head in his hands.

"Kyungsoo?"

He had been torturing Jongin. For what, two, three years now? How long has he liked him? How much did each touch and joke and word slowly chisel away at Jongin's sanity?

"Kyungsoo."

He snapped back to reality as Yuwon shook his shoulder. She was gripping his coat and had one knee up on her chair.

"Kyungsoo, you didn't know that those things could've hurt him. He also didn't say anything. What's important is that you decide what you feel towards him. Then you can decide what to say to him."

A squeeze to his hand made him notice that she had taken it, and within her stable grasp, he felt himself shaking. He took a deep breath and breathed out, gripping Yuwon's hand, using it find himself again. She didn't say anything and just sat back in her seat, putting their hands on the divide. When he could take in his surroundings again, he saw that they had stopped in front of his house. The light inside was on and so was the porchlight. His mom and Mr. Jang would probably be inside, and as much as he enjoyed spending time with them and shuddering at their lovey-doveyness, he didn't feel like facing them right now.

He didn't have an excuse not to return home though, and sooner or later, his mom would text and ask if he was planning on staying somewhere. Kyungsoo wouldn't lie.

"Thanks for the ride, Yuwon. It was good to see you."

"Wait, Kyungsoo. Don't... Don't blame yourself. Relationships are hard to figure out. That's probably why Jongin also asked for space."

He considered her words, finding them relatively true, and nodded.

"Thanks, Yuwon. See you later. Good night."

She said a good night too, and he stepped out, shutting the door. He climbed the steps to his house, unlocked the door, and stepped inside.

"I'm home," he mumbled.

"Kyungsoo, is that you?"

"Yeah. I'm back."

His mom popped her head out from the living room, Mr. Jang leaning out behind her, before she shuffled to him.

"Kyungsoo, is something wrong?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"Because you're frowning."

He stretched his mouth out and felt the tension in his face fade for a moment.

"I'm just thinking."

"You'll get frowny lines if you think like that. Did you eat yet?"

"Yeah, I ate with Yuwon."

"Ooh, she's back in town?"

"Yeah. Jongdae'll be back in a couple weeks."

He shuffled down the hallway, nodded his greetings to Mr. Jang, and turned for his room. He just showered and brushed his teeth first, then plopped on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He wanted to think about the situation. No, he wanted it solved. He wanted for him and Jongin to be like how they were. 

But when he thought that, something in him frowned at the idea. The thoughts tangled together as he thought them, so he got up and started writing them down instead. He wrote them and answered them without second-thinking himself but when he got to the last one, he involuntarily stopped.

He wanted Jongin to talk to him again—true.

He wanted them to be friends again—kinda true.

He liked Jongin too—

Planting his forehead into his desk, he lifted it when he heard a knock on the door, slipping the paper under a couple of old books.

"Yes?"

Surprisingly, Mr. Jang poked his head in instead of his mom. Kyungsoo turned around and started to stand when he put a hand out.

"You don't have to stand. I just wanted to check up on you."

He guessed that his earlier behavior had come off curt and cold, and he or his mom was worried about it. Honestly speaking, Kyungsoo did like Mr. Jang. He was someone that just seemed to radiate kindness from all his actions, from as nuanced as his attentive eyes to as extravagant as his hugs that carried the hug-ee two feet off the ground. He treated his mom well, silently being there when she didn't have the words to ask, reminding her as well as Kyungsoo to eat or relax, or giving them reassurance. He made Kyungsoo's mom happy, and his intentions never strayed from wanting the best for people. Kyungsoo saw it in the way he treated his mom and his patients. He hadn't moved into their house despite both his mom and Kyungsoo telling him that it was okay, but he was a frequent visitor. 

Mr. Jang slid the door close until a crack was left and walked the one step to stand in front of Kyungsoo. He gave a quick glance around, and Kyungsoo thought that this must had been the nurse's first time inside his room.

"So Kyungsoo, your mom tells me that you've been studying hard for your exams, and you got straight A's. That's great."

He rubbed his neck and nodded his thanks.

"And your friends—Yuwon and Jongdae?—are doing well in school too?"

"Yeah, all the professors know them as their respective departments' top students, and all the students know them as the top campus couple."

Mr. Jang chuckled, a deep sound topped with a light rumble. "And your other friends, Jongin, Krystal, and Taemin? They're good too?"

Kyungsoo looked away at the mention of Jongin.

"Yeah, they're doing well. We'll probably meet up later when Jongdae comes back from his overseas meeting."

"That sounds fun. While you're at it, bring them back to the house and let me meet them. I've met Yuwon and Jongdae, but not the other three. Oh, and perhaps your roommate too."

"Yeah, sure. Okay."

He wasn't sure about Jongin, but he wouldn't be able to explain that to Mr. Jang.

"Then I'll be leaving for today. I have a shift tomorrow and have to wake up quite early. Good ni..."

He stopped when his eyes caught sight of something behind Kyungsoo. Following his gaze, Kyungsoo wondered why he stopped his