Kyungsoo looked down at the table, using his fork to roll the meatball over his spaghetti. Jongdae had bought it for him from the cafeteria, so he knew that he should eat it, but he had no appetite. For the past week or so, he hadn't had an appetite. Maybe he should have put more effort into appearing that he did, but he was too worn out. Whatever remained of his motivation, he had to channel into schoolwork. 

Jongdae and Yuwon glanced at him over their lunches. When they had asked him if something was wrong, he debated for a moment before telling them that he had an arguement with Jongin. He was grateful that they hadn't asked any further, but he could tell from the worry lining their faces that they wanted to know more. 

His mom had also seemed worried. The morning after he had fought with Jongin, he found a text from her asking if everything was alright. He had to force his fingers to type out that he was fine and just tired. He hadn't lied, but he found himself skirting around the truth more often and getting better at it. 

Kyungsoo twirled a little bit of spaghetti onto his fork and chewed but mostly washed the taste away with water. He finished off the rest of his lunch that way because it was easier to eat. He stood up to throw away his trash, and as he walked back to the table, he saw Yuwon nod at Jongdae, who looked from his phone to her and nodded. He wondered what they were agreeing to.

"Kyungsoo, uh, Jongin said that he can't go to tutoring today. He took an extra shift at work."

He nodded and sat back down. Jongin hadn't been coming to their tutoring sessions, and he had been texting Jongdae when he couldn't go even though he and Kyungsoo had each other's numbers. He guessed that it would have been awkward if Jongin texted him, but needing Jongdae to play messenger also felt awkward. Kyungsoo had asked Jongdae if that was fine, but he said that he didn't mind. 

When lunch finished, he walked down the halls back to his classroom, and Yuwon tapped his shoulder.

"Kyungsoo, are you up for gardening today?" Yuwon asked.

He shook his head, and that finished the conversation. In class, he stared down at his notebook, listening to the teacher, but not looking up. He didn't look up in case his eyes strayed towards Jongin.

When class finally ended, he walked Jongdae to his track practice. The track field flanked the back door of the gym, in between the outside cement court and the grass fields. Other students had gathered at a little cabin nearby, and Kyungsoo stopped as a few threw them looks, so Jongdae stopped too.

"'ll see you later, Jongdae. Good luck with practice."

"Wait, Yuwon said that she's free today, so she can walk with you to home. She said to meet her by the front."

"I thought she was going to gardening today."

"She has to get home early for something, so I'm handing her my duty of walking you home."

Jongdae grinned at him and wrapped him in a hug. Kyungsoo managed a small smile and patted his friend's arm.

"Thanks. See you later, Jongdae."

They waved bye, and Kyungsoo made his way to the front doors. Yuwon waved at him as he approached, and they started the walk down the street. Whenever they walked home together, their conversations ranged from new cooking recipes to philosophical debates, but Yuwon didn't initiate any intellectual discussion. She simply walked beside him. The quiet company was comfortable at first, though Kyungsoo found it a little odd of Yuwon. As they walked, his hands grew restless against his backpack straps, and his eyes darted towards her more than once. He felt like she would ask him how he was doing, or what had happened with Jongin, or just something, but she didn't. It wasn't until they had to separate at the dividing stoplight that she tapped him on the shoulder.

"See you later, Kyungsoo."

"Wait."

She turned back around, and Kyungsoo blinked, wondering why he had called her back. She tilted her head at him, waiting.

"Uh, I don't know why I said wait."

She raised an eyebrow, and he sighed.

"Okay, maybe I do know why I said wait."

She patted him on the shoulder, took his hand, and pulled him to the side of the street. 

"It's about Jongin-shi, right?"

He nodded and looked down at his hands. Kyungsoo knew what he had to say, but he didn't know how to get there. There were also too many what-ifs depending on Jongin's reaction, and if he tried to try gauge how much each action and reaction would tank their relationship further, he would get a headache. 

"I don't know where to start."

"Hm, well, what'd you guys argue over?"

"Why... I wouldn't do something."

pressed together in confusion.

"Okay... Did he want you to do this something?"

"Yes."

"And you don't want to do it?"

"...No."

"Did you tell him why you didn't want to do it?"

Kyungsoo sighed.

"No, not really."

"What'd you tell him then?"

"I said that I wouldn't do it and... asked him why he couldn't think ahead of the consequences of doing it."

"Did you tell him what those consequences were?"

"No, because they're the reason why I don't want to do it. But I said it in such a accusatory way, like 'why can't you see it' and I know that that was wrong of me when I didn't explain it to him."

"Are you sorry?"

"Yes."

Kyungsoo sighed again and covered his face. His hand slipped down to his shoulder, and he massaged it, unable to look Yuwon in the eye anymore.

"How did Jongin look like he felt?"

Kyungsoo recalled the neutrality that had taken his eyes again, and hurt carved at him.

"He looked like he didn't care."

His fingers dug into his shoulder blade when he said it out loud, and a lump in his throat made him swallow. He shouldn't have cared so much over someone's opinion of him—especially when he was in a position where doing so would only shrivel his heart further—but feelings didn't just evaporate for Kyungsoo. Yuwon pulled his hand down with hers, patting it.

"Kyungsoo, what if Jongin-shi actually did care?"

"I still don't know if he'd be okay with me talking with him right now. I kinda stormed out on him."

"Hm, Jongin-shi didn't seem like the person to not listen to someone who wants to apologize. He actually seems like a great listener."

"I know but..."

"You won't know if you don't try talking to him first. Knowing you—you're scared of what happens if he doesn't want to talk, right?"

He nodded.

"But you don't know for certain that he doesn't. It's better to try first."

"But... I don't know what to say."

"Then I want you to think about it. Write it down, talk it out loud, act it out—whatever you need to do. Just let yourself think about it."

Yuwon's words echoed in his mind as he walked home the rest of the way. He spent the first ten minutes after walking through the front door staring at the ground. Then he went to shower. Nothing came to his mind as he stared at the ground or at the tiles in the bathroom or at the dinner heating in the microwave, and he thought about keeping his mind blank like this. Pulling out his homework, he finished it off subject by subject until he reached math.

Math had been the hardest to finish since he fought with Jongin. Looking down at the numbers and the layout of the homework reminded him of their tutoring sessions. Kyungsoo pushed aside the memories and forced himself to focus on defining sets, subsets, and cardinalities. 

At the last problem, he stopped. The question was actually simple, asking for the terms of each set and for their compliments by looking at a venn diagram. He had done four of these already, but this last one made him shove aside the assignment and pull out a blank sheet of notebook paper. 

Mimicking the venn diagram, Kyungsoo drew a box, two overlapping circles within the box, and another circle that overlapped with only the box. He labeled them with words instead of just letters: the box represented their situation, the two circles inside for his and Jongin's reasonings, and the outside circle for what all the questions he wanted to say in general.

He wrote down every snippet of thought that came to his mind. In one circle, designated as his thoughts, he wrote that he couldn't tell his friends about the rumors because then they would almost one-hundred percent side with him, and he feared of the rumors following his friends. Even if the rumors didn't snare them down, they could get worse for Kyungsoo, and he didn't want his friends to get in trouble if they retaliated.

He moved onto Jongin's circle next. More than once, he had asked why Kyungsoo didn't stand up for himself. He was likely angry or confused as to how Kyungsoo could stand hearing insults about himself but not others. Kyungsoo wrote on the side that he had told Jongin before back at the mall that he didn't want them to deal with the consequences, but he had never explained what those consequences were. He drew an arrow pointing at his circle to connect the two.

With the middle of their circles, representing why they had gotten angry, he wrote that he had kept Jongin in the dark and that had been his fault. And that Lee Woosung was a fak lak.

In the overlap of the box and the outside circle, Kyungsoo wrote down what he absolutely had to say. The first being an apology, and the second being... that he was afraid. He didn't explain anything to Jongin earlier, because he was afraid if Jongin would find him pathetic, if he would look at his reason as only an excuse to hide. Sometimes Kyungsoo thought that. Stuck between playing hero and being a coward. Maybe he wouldn't phrase the second point like that, but that was the idea. 

Kyungsoo moved to the outer circle that didn't overlap with the box. Through the logic of the circles, this section was what he wanted to say but not necessarily to Jongin. He scribbled down the thoughts as they came out, not letting himself proofread or second-think them. Only when he felt satisfied with the whole diagram did he put his pen down and read over everything. He nodded his head in approval at each point, already formulating how he might want to word it, until his eyes landed on the list of the outer circle.

What should I do?

It's hard and I want Jongin to tell me what I should do since he already knows, but it's not fair to him if I ask that

Jongin matters to me and I care about what he'll think of me

I would like it if he could be there for me, I mean I'm willing to be there for him too

He leapt out of his chair, banging his knee in, losing his balance, and knocking a corner of his face into the floor. Groaning and rubbing the spot, Kyungsoo pulled himself up from the ground just as the doorbell rang. And kept ringing. The person at the door must have zero waiting skill and too many spare finger muscles, because the sound repeated probably two-hundred more times before Kyungsoo finally got to the door and opened it. And he shouldn't have been surprised to see his best friend grinning at him in his ostentatious fur vest.

"Kyungsoo! Ready to go?"

Jongdae stepped through, slipped off his shoes, and went straight to Kyungsoo's room.

"Wait, Jongdae. What're you doing here? Go where?"

"You'll know when we get— Woah, what's that? It's like the sets we're learning in math but with words and—"

Kyungsoo sprinted to his room, sent a flying kick towards Jongdae's , and snatched up the venn diagram from the table before his friend could recover, shoving it into his bottom drawer over his special box and closing it. He breathed out a sigh of relief and looked back at Jongdae, who had sunk to the floor on his knees with a hand over his buttocks.

"Aikyang, Kyungsoo, you could have just said something. Do you know how hard you kick?"

"Uh, sorry. You just barged in here though."

"Okay, true. What was that paper anyway?"

"NOTHING. Uh, I mean, just an idea I'm working on. Why're you here anyway? You didn't text me that you were coming."

"'Cause I wanted it to be a surprise."

Making an evil chuckle, Jongdae stood up, still holding his , and picked up Kyungsoo's backpack. He started piling his usual set of his school stuff before pushing the bag towards Kyungsoo.

"You already ate, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Then we can go! C'mon, today is the best day!"

"Best day for what?"

Jongdae had taken his wrist, turned off all the lights except the kitchen one like what Kyungsoo normally did when he had to leave the house alone, pulled out a light jacket from the wardrobe, and slipped his shoes back on.

"Hurry and put your shoes on."

"Jongdae, I'm not even dressed." 

"You don't have to be! You won't be outdoors long."

"But where am I— Where are we going?"

"It's a secret until we get there!"

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow at his friend but pulled on his shoes. Locking the door, he followed Jongdae out of his neighborhood, who glanced at his phone every now and then, making turns every once in a while. Kyungsoo saw that he had pulled up GPS but couldn't read the address. From the turns they were making though... Kyungsoo tugged on Jongdae's sleeve.

"Jongdae, where're we going? This direction is towards Jongin's neighborhood."

"Exactly."

"What? Why?"

"You'll see when we get there! C'mon!"

Jongdae grabbed his wrist, dragging him down the sidewalk, and Kyungsoo had an idea of what he was doing.

"Jongdae, I can't talk to Jongin now. He might not even want to talk. Plus, it's really late already, and there's homework to do."

He stopped then and turned back to Kyungsoo. The lamplight was dim, but Kyungsoo still glimpsed the wisps of gray in his eyes.

"I don't want two of my friends fighting with each other. You haven't been eating, and you're completely zoning out in class. Jongin hasn't been much better, so whatever you two argued over, you both feel bad about, which means you two can fix it too."

"Jongdae, that's..."

Kyungsoo trailed off. He was going to say that that kind of thinking was a little naïve, but that just would have been another excuse. He had dragged out the week feeling ty using excuses like that, and maybe a little bit of his friend's idiotic naïvety or the fact that his friend was a naïve idiot was the push he needed. Yuwon told him to think about it, and he had. He took a deep breath.

"Okay. Let's go. But if he's sleeping or out or something, we're leaving."

Jongdae immediately sprung a grin, wrapping him in a hug and pulling him down the sidewalk. The paths more wound instead of turned, and they passed a community pool instead of the gazebo-park area. With Jongdae's GPS, they stopped in front of a house. Kyungsoo felt his shoulders droop at the darkness enveloping it. Jongin was already asleep.

"Hey, don't give up hope yet, Kyungsoo. Always try knocking first!"

Jongdae pulled him up the walkway and rung the doorbell once. Kyungsoo waited with him, his hands picking at his shoulder straps. The seconds ticked by without a response, and Kyungsoo deflated with them.

"Jongdae, let's go. No one's home, or he and his family are probably asleep."

He tugged on Jongdae's wrist and turned around when Jongdae caught his hand. He was tapping on his phone and smiled, which looked slightly creepy with only the screen illuminating under his face.

"Not quite. Apparently, Jongin likes to sulk in the dark."

Before Kyungsoo could ask how the function Jongdae knew that, he started pulling him down the walkway. Kyungsoo couldn't say that he wasn't disappointed, but he could definitely say that he was surprised when Jongdae jerked him left, stepping onto the property's grass. He tripped over something, and Jongdae steadied him while dragging him across the lawn.

"Careful, Kyungsoo!" His friend shouted, his loud voice sounding even louder in the quiet neighborhood.

"Whisper!"

"Oh, sorry," he said, quieter. "C'mon, hurry up!"

"Jongdae, we can't be here. Let's go back."

"We're just visiting a friend."

"No, this is trespassing!"

"It's for a good cause!"

"That doesn't stop jail!"

Jongdae stopped, shone the phone at his face, and stuck his tongue out at him, and Kyungsoo facepalmed himself before pulling back with a quiet hiss. He had accidentally hit the spot where he had collided with the floor.

"Okay, we're here."

Jongdae literally stopped in the middle of the side alley, under a long window with the shades drawn. Flashing his phone light behind and forward of the alley, then up the wall, he gave an 'okay!' and tucked his phone away. Kyungsoo felt his friend pat at his arms, pull him down into a squatting position, then take his hands. He pulled Kyungsoo's arms around his own waist.

"What're you—"

"Hang on tight."

"Wait, hang on for w—"

His tongue slapped to the bottom of his mouth as they shot upwards. Wind blasted against him, and the cracking sound of rock shifting grumbled underneath. As quickly as it started, the movement and the force on his head stopped. Kyungsoo had shut his eyes, but he opened them again at Jongdae's chuckle. 

"Maybe I should make this into some stairs so we can do this again. Secret hangouts and the like."

Kyungsoo reached a hand out and felt grass and soil under him, even though when he looked out, he could see over the fences of the other houses. 

"How the fu— You used your powers to make a platform?"

"Of course. Anything for my friends."

"Does geological manipulation need a permit, because I think we just broke another law."

Jongdae chuckled again and turned to the window, the moon reflecting off the panes. As Kyungsoo poked around the rock, feeling the edge and marveling at the fact that they squatted on a spontaneous pillar of the side lawn, he realized another thing.

"Jongdae! Why are we at this window?"

"It's Jongin's room. Aikyang, I wish that I had Wu hyung's metal manipulation. Oh well."

Then Jongdae reached out, his fingers curled, and knocked. On the window. For a moment, there was no response and— Kyungsoo shook out of his stupor. He wasn't supposed to be expecting a response.

"Did you just knock? On a second-story window?"

"Yes, I did."

"Didn't we just do this at the front door?"

"Always try knocking where you can first, Kyungsoo. Plus, Jongin can't ignore us at his window," Jongdae said, pride clearly in his tone at his idea and Kyungsoo facepalmed himself (and winced) again.

"Jongdae, everyone's probably asleep. And how do you even know that this is Jongin's room and—

All the words halted in his mouth when he saw a light flick on and seep in through the blinds in front of them. Kyungsoo blinked a little to adjust to the new brightness and could only stare as a hand p