Kyungsoo glanced over at Jongdae. His friend had clung to his arm as soon as school was over and hadn't let go. Walking home, he was chatting about anything and everything, from hanging out with his basketball teammates to practicing for track to how beautiful the weather was to how beautiful Yuwon was to the number of eggs that his family's jiwren laid. Jongdae actually had a picture of her on his phone and showed it to Kyungsoo. The chicken-like animal was named jiuwu, had glossy green and brown feathers, and looked quite pampered in her nest of sticks and straw. 

Jongdae's bouncing from topic to topic wasn't abnormal to Kyungsoo. The part Kyungsoo found strange was that Jongdae kept turning to him to ask what he thought about the topic. He asked him what he thought about Chanyeol, which sport he would pick if he had to pick one, how in the world he didn't fall for Yuwon but Jongdae was grateful that he didn't, if he would consider getting a pet too. And not only that, but the way he looked at Kyungsoo as he anticipated his answers made Kyungsoo think that something was off about his friend today.

A few days had passed since the soccer ball incident, and Jongdae had attached to Kyungsoo since then. He thought back if anything special had happened but couldn't think of anything. He remembered that Jongdae had given him this kind of attention for a while last semester too, but there also hadn't been any special event or reason. When Jongdae stopped talking to take a breath between topics, Kyungsoo poked his arm.

"Jongdae, did something good happen?"

"Hm, not in particular. Why?"

"You're talking a lot about everything."

"Don't I usually do that?"

"Well, yeah, but this time feels... different? I guess? Because you're asking me more questions than usual."

He pulled his arms back and crossed them, puffing up his cheeks.

"I want to talk to you and include you in the conversation."

"I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but it's kinda... unusual? It's the same as when you kept sending me those meme and cat video compilations last semester."

The playful indignance in his pout turned into a frown. He uncrossed his arms and slowed his walk. Kyungsoo stopped beside him and when he looked closer, he saw the trace of gray in his eyes.

"It's not the same, because I sent the meme stuff because I was happy to be with you."

Jongdae took Kyungsoo's hands and pumped them up and down like they were levers.

"Why does mean stuff keep happening to youuuu? First was that Lee Taeyong meanie at the math club meeting, and then the fak lak at the garden, and then the bastard at the party, and now this jerk soccer captain. I'm running out of words to call these kinds of people."

"Fak lak?"

"Please don't tell Min hyung. It's an Uyi Yun curse word."

Kyungsoo was surprised that Jongdae would curse, but he supposed that what Park Jinhyuk did to him at the garden had been the worst that Jongdae saw. He couldn't begin to count the number of acts against him, but it wasn't as if Jongdae or Yuwon would ever know about them. He patted his friend's shoulder.

"Jongdae, we're in high school. The number of mean people is statistically higher."

"But why are they all specifically mean to you? I don't get it. You're friendly, you treat people fairly, and you're super kind. I DON'T GET IT."

He beat his fists into the air as he shouted his last sentence out. Kyungsoo might have been able to stop him if he wasn't covering his face from the compliments. He flapped the collar of his shirt to cool his face down.

"I guess I'm just a trouble magnet. Can we talk about something else?"

"Is it because you think it's just luck of the draw or because you don't want me to compliment you?"

"Both."

He pouted but sighed.

"Okay. What do you want to talk about then?"

Kyungsoo thought for a moment.

"Is it a qiao'uyi thing to randomly give attention to people at certain times?"

Jongdae nodded. "It's from how we grow up. Like how it's usual for humans to bring flowers to someone in a hospital, it's usual for us to bring photos and zhingxi'ai—strings made from plants and ribbons. In this case, qiao'uyi usually give attention to those who do something admirable or to those who are having a rough time if they're close. And I'm close to you, so it's happening!"

Kyungsoo chuckled a little as his friend clung to his arm and started pulling him down the street again.

"So last semester, which was the reason?"

"I was re-admiring you because of how you took Jongin under your wing for me. You said that you didn't think that it was fair if people didn't tutor him just because of some rumors, and when you said that, I remembered why you're one of the best people I've ever met."

Kyungsoo looked away. Along with the heating flush on his face, he didn't want Jongdae to see the doubt that weighed on him. Though he had said that, he wasn't sure if he had helped Jongin out of decency or because he saw himself in Jongin's situation. If there were no rumors surrounding Kyungsoo to give him a perspective of being ostracized, then would he really have helped Jongin? He wanted to say that he would have because it was the right thing to do. It was right to give people a chance, but Kyungsoo didn't know what that hypothetical self would have chosen, and he was afraid that he was fooling himself and his friends into thinking that he was a good person.

It's not that way right now, right?

Kyungsoo stopped as the memory drifted into his mind. He wondered why Jongin's words would come to him now, but he thought over them again. Jongin had counterasked him with that question when he asked how Jongin was so certain of Kyungsoo's sincerity in vouching for him to Teacher Hei. Kyungsoo had replied with a definite and immediate no to that question, and Jongin had given him an illuminating smile. Maybe it didn't matter what the hypothetical him did, because Kyungsoo had chosen to tutor Jongin. And for once, at least for this, he wanted to believe in himself.

He turned to look at Jongdae, who had his eyebrows raised in question. Moving his free arm around his friend, Kyungsoo gave him a quick hug before walking on. He thanked Jongin in his head too but almost felt another blush on his face when he considered hugging him too, so he mentally waved the thought away. Jongdae was quiet, but he hugged Kyungsoo's arm a little tighter.

When they came to their dividing stoplight, he spotted two people with backpacks standing at the crosswalk. The light shone the crossing symbol, but they didn't go. Kyungsoo thought that maybe they were students and waiting for something else when the one with long blond hair turned around, and his eyes ballooned up in surprise.

"Krystal-shi?"

"Hello, Kyungsoo-shi."

She smiled and waved at him. The person next to her turned around then, and Kyungsoo nodded a polite greeting them, Jongdae doing the same. The person had dark hair and softly sculpted features and scanned Kyungsoo and Jongdae with emotionless eyes, neither friendly nor cold. They reminded Kyungsoo of Jongin for a split second.

"Introduction time!" Krystal said, clapping her hands. "This here is my brother, Taemin, and I'm Krystal. We're friends of Jongin."

"This is Jongdae, my best friend, and my name is Kyungsoo."

Jongdae tapped at his shoulder.

"Are these the friends of Jongin that you met during that really long restroom break?"

"Yeah. Krystal-shi was in a tree."

"You climb trees? I always wanted to try it, but my cousin won't let me."

"I'll show you the ropes sometime."

Jongdae whooped at that and patted Kyungsoo's shoulder.

"Okay, I better get home now. Min hyung told me that he would let me try a bit of cooking today, and I can't be late. See you later, Kyungsoo! Nice to meet you, Krystal-shi, Taemin-shi!"

Jongdae waved and skipped away, humming a song about bell peppers. Kyungsoo turned back to the siblings, rubbing his neck. He didn't have Jongdae, Yuwon, or Seulgi's ability to blast through awkwardness, but he gave himself a Yuwon fist of encouragement and a mini deep breath.

"So... you're Jongin's friends. You two were at the party last semester."

"Yup. We were."

Kyungsoo inwardly scolded himself for running out of things to say. His mind was blanking as his eyes darted from them to the ground and back again. Although, from the mischief sneaking up into Krystal's smile and the questioning look in Taemin's eyes, Kyungsoo had the inkling that they were waiting for him to speak first. Through his social awkwardness, he thought of something to say.

"What brings you two here? Jongin said that he had something to do, so he didn't walk home with us."

"I know. That's why I picked today to come meet up with you. Remember when I said that you passed? Ta-da! You passed in order to meet my bro."

She opened her arms towards her brother and made jazz hands while Taemin facepalmed himself, and Kyungsoo could see the gist of their sibling relationship in that moment. He couldn't have guessed that Krystal had dropped in from a tree so that she could judge whether he could meet her brother, but he smiled at their sibling bond.  

"Well, I'm glad I passed then. Nice to meet you."

Taemin watched him for a moment before nodding. He pointed across the street.

"Do you have time today, Kyungsoo-shi?" Krystal asked. "Taemin wants to talk to you."

"With me? Uh, sure. I have time."

Krystal smiled and stepped towards the streetlight. Kyungsoo stayed in step with the siblings but wondered where they were leading him to. After a block of walking, they turned into a neighborhood and down the sidewalks into a gazebo and park area. The gazebo sat on a small hill, grass rolling out of the circle of cement, and picnic benches were shaded underneath the roof. The park was really just a swing set and a pair of springy playground rockers, but the place seemed well maintained.

"This is our neighborhood park. We played here with Jongin a lot," Krystal said. "There was this one time when—"

Taemin tapped at Krystal's shoulder, formed his fingers into an 'L', and tossed it twice. His hands moved faster around him then, and Krystal made a face. Kyungsoo remembered that Taemin seemed to talk with his hands at the party too and guessed that he spoke with sign language. She signed something back before turning to Kyungsoo.

"Okay, I'll tell you the story next time. I'll be over by the swings if you need me."

She waved and glided in the park's direction. Just as Kyungsoo waved back, Taemin pointed up the hill, so Kyungsoo followed him up and under the gazebo. He gestured to one of the benches, sitting with his back to the table, and Kyungsoo did the same. He stared at the grass field ahead of him, wondering what he should say. Krystal said that Taemin wanted to talk to him. About what? If he was treating Jongin okay? If he could help him in math too? If he knew about the gossip revolving around Jongin and his friends and what he thought about them? 

A rustle brought him out of his thoughts, which he was grateful for. Taemin had ped his backpack and pulled out a whiteboard and marker. The border had been decorated with cartoon drawings and emojis. The style reminded him of the dog trio drawing he had seen in Jongin's biology journal once, and Kyungsoo thought that maybe this was the friend who had drew it. Taemin wrote on the board before showing it to him.

Are you surprised? 

"What about?" Kyungsoo asked.

Taemin blinked at him and held up the whiteboard.

"Oh, well, I saw you signing before at the party and just now to Krystal-shi, and it's not like it's a big deal."

Kyungsoo needed only half a second to realize how that could have come off as insensitive, and his hands came up in a flurry as if they could wave away the false meaning themselves.

"That's not what I meant! I mean, I'm sure that it's a big deal to you and to those who you communicate to, which includes me now—I guess—unless you don't want to include me later, and that's completely your choice, but I mean it's not a big deal as in it's just another way of communicating so it's not like—"

A rapping sound interrupted his rambling, and he slapped a hand over his lips as Taemin stopped tapping the marker to the table. Kyungsoo cursed at the motor that was his mouth every time he got nervous, but Taemin gave him a silent snicker, and his eyes didn't look at him so emotionless anymore. Maybe he hadn't found offence in what Kyungsoo said? Taemin tapped the marker to his chin, then wrote down something.

Thanks for being understanding.

Btw you do look like that cartoon penguin.

Kyungsoo read that last sentence again and laughed.

"Oh no, not you too. Krystal-shi said that Jongin talks to you guys about me. Is that true?"

Yeah if he's not talking about you, then it's about how well he's doing in school now because of you.

In general he just somehow always relates it back to you.

Kyungsoo didn't know that Jongin talked about him that often. The fact echoed around his brain and almost bubbled a giggle out of him. Almost, because he was able to suppress it in time. But the thought of Jongin liking him enough to talk about him made him feel warm inside. He knew that that probably wasn't why Taemin wanted to talk to him though.

"So is there a reason you wanted to talk to me?"

Taemin nodded, and the smile faded from his expression. He looked down at the white board and sighed.

Sis told me that Jongin told you about us a little, right? The kitten story. I was always more of a dog person, but I understand his sentiment Xp

It's hard, right? Being the center of lies.

Kyungsoo looked down at his hands but nodded. Taemin must have been the kitten in Jongin's story. He didn't think that he would meet him or anyone who faced the same situation as him. He looked over at him again when he heard the the marker squeak to a stop. Taemin had a finger up, probably to tap on Kyungsoo's shoulder for his attention, but he pulled it back. He seemed surprised but showed him the board.

I don't remember the last time when people looked at me and they waved hi or even just exchanged awkward greetings. Nowadays, it's just disgust or fear. Fear of being associated with me.

Bitter memories came to his mind. The time when his classmates would say hi to him, when he could walk down the halls without whispers following him, when people's looks had no silent messages to plague him in the shadows of his house. That time had been short, only up until a few months before the end of their first year, but Kyungsoo remembered those days. He sighed. 

"I know what you mean."

Taemin sighed too, and they sat staring at the grass field for a moment, like they were mourning those days in silence. Or maybe just remembering. Kyungsoo didn't think that missing those days would help him now. Taemin had started writing again, so Kyungsoo waited for him.

I think that was the reason I liked Jongin so much. He didn't care about that even after I started getting picked on.

Was he like that for you too?

"He was, though he might not have had a choice since I became his tutor."

Taemin shook his head.

No, I think that he wouldn't have said anything regardless. He doesn't like gossip.

"That's pretty relieving. I had assumed that he didn't when I started tutoring him. I'm glad I was right."

A faint smile came onto his Taemin's expression before he erased his board and wrote again, this time with more gusto.

I have one main bully, Lee Woosung, and he has two other goons—as Sis says—who do his bidding. The rest of the school just watches. Only Sis and Jongin stand up for me.

But you know, Sis can be scary when she wants to be. She's strong and sneaky, and I enjoyed the tricks that she plays on him. But now I tell her not to.

"Why?"

The question escaped him before he could stop it. He knew the answer already. He had told Jongin when he had asked, and he was sure that Taemin had his own reasons too. Maybe the question left him so easily because he wanted affirmation. He wanted someone to tell him that what he was doing wasn't unreasonable, that not telling anybody or retaliating would be the best in the end. 

Taemin folded his hands together and squeezed his wrists, looking at a space between the ground and his lap. Twines of cloud had dyed into gold and orange before he picked up his marker again.

I know what you're asking, but I don't think I should answer it. I can't tell you if what I'm doing is right. I don't know either.

Kyungsoo couldn't say that he was disappointed because the question itself had no one answer. He nodded, and Taemin gave him a sympathetic smile. He saw the pain in it too.

Also I don't think I'm qualified to tell you what is right and what is wrong. For one, our situations are a bit different.

We're both targets but I have someone to blame. You don't. That's what I assume from what Jongin told us.

He looked at him with a confirmation question in his eyes, and Kyungsoo wondered if he had picked up that look from Jongin or if it had been vice-versa.

"Yes. That's true."

Second, I want someone to blame.

"What do you mean?"

I want someone to blame. Some part of me can hope that everything will stop as soon as that person isn't around anymore or if I leave. I can have that kind of hope.

Sis and Jongin would argue that I'm not pathetic in the first place, that being bullied doesn't make me pathetic, and that the bully is the one in the wrong. But some days I can't help but think that I was born to be the plaything of someone else.

Sometimes I also think that I brought it upon myself. I think that I only want someone to blame so I can turn my resentment from myself and direct it at someone else.

Taemin sighed.

Some people at school say that, and sometimes I wonder if they're right.

Do you think that's why I want someone to blame?

"I... don't think so. This is the first time I've met you, but you don't seem like you would hate people just because you hate yourself. And it sounds like it's not you who believes that you do, but it's an idea that came from others."

What about you then?

"I never thought about having someone to blame. I just wanted for it to stop. But I understand wondering if what they say is right. For some of them, they make me rethink things I shouldn't have to rethink."

His core beliefs—that his friendships with Jongdae and Yuwon were true and that he would always stand up for them—never wavered, but the small actions that he couldn't always keep track of would nestle in between the tiniest fractures. When he was alone, when the whispers weaved inside, he had trouble pulling out the doubts. Taemin shifted and another small smile whisped over his expression. 

You're an empirical person, right? Being a math tutor. So I need to tell you my proof.

Taemin looked up in thought and wrote on the board. Talking with Taemin, Kyungsoo knew that he wrote fast yet neatly, but this time took longer than usual.

The first time that Lee Woosung physically hurt me, I had gone to school ahead of Sis because it was my turn to take care of the class pet. He ambushed me. He locked me in the storage closet in the gym. At least it was inside that time. Jongin and I were in the same class, and I heard later that he skipped the afternoon classes to find me.

He did, and as soon as he did, he sprinted back down the school to find Lee Woosung. It was still class time, and I followed Jongin, asking what he was going to do, but I already knew. I knew from how his hands shook when he found me in the closet.

I got to the classroom in time to see Jongin straight-up beat the out of him.

Taemin chuckled before he even showed Kyungsoo the board. He wondered how Taemin could be laughing when something so horrible happened to him. Maybe hindsight made everything laughable, but Kyungsoo didn't ask and waited for him to finish writing.

He didn't even have time to speak before Jongin lifted him and chucked him out of the classroom like he was a pillow. I know that he's no match compared to Jongin and Sis, and that makes me proud.

Kyungsoo could see that pride in his expression, at the way his eyes softened as they looked at the two names, at how his fingers moved to brush against one of the drawings on the whiteboard. He found himself chuckling too, because he thought that going to avenge his friend had been sweet of Jongin. In a weird, totally-not-condoning-violence kind of way.

In that moment, it just felt good. Lee Woosung finally got a taste of his own medicine, and he couldn't handle it. All I see is fear in his eyes when he so much as even hears Jongin step closer. It felt like I had finally gotten revenge vicariously through Jongin.

Taemin sighed, his mouth grimmacing as he continued to write.

But that feeling didn't last. Jongin got into so much trouble. Lee Woosung's father was a member of the education board, so he had Jongin pulled out of our school, and then Lee Woosung only got Friday detention for the rest of the year. I was safe on those days at least. They couldn't deny that I was being bullied, and I think that was the only thing that saved Jongin from being officially expelled.

Jongin had been basically kicked out from a whole institution, and it was because I didn't stop him the moment he found me in the closet. I knew what he was going to do, but I didn't hold him back. I didn't stop him just so I could see the bully who looked so cocky and threatening be put in his place, just so I could be on top for once.

Something churned in Kyungsoo's stomach. Jongin really had transferred to their school because he had beat someone up.

But no one at school had looked past that fact. No one had wondered about the reasons or what Jongin was facing at the time. No one knew about Taemin being harrassed by Lee Woosung and Jongin being fed up with seeing his friend get hurt. No one tried understanding him. Kyungsoo didn't think that violence had been the answer, but gossiping about Jongin, isolating him, and picking at every flaw to prove a false point wasn't correct either.

Kyungsoo could understand Taemin's outlook and why