Kim Jaein always hated me. She always.

And, to feel like I’m the worst person to be alive, I didn’t know what I did to her.

She always glares at me with burning rage in her eyes and everyone is oblivious to it. Because once she whips out her sweet and innocent smile, everyone in the vicinity collapse onto their kneels and hail her Mother Queen.

Right now, she’s looking at me with the same rage in her eyes across the floor, even when Jongin is holding her so dearly that it breaks my heart, like she is the most precious thing in this world. Jaein doesn’t deserves my good friend’s heart.

The fury in her eyes burns even brighter when Sehun told the couple that we’re dating. Her eyes dart wildly back and forth from me to Sehun. She couldn’t even muster her signature (fake) smile towards me when the both of us are around people. When the curtains drop, so are our masks.

The mask I’m wearing right now is being Sehun’s fake girlfriend until her wedding day or at least until she likes him back. This is so sick and twisted. I’m basically helping Sehun to win his best friend’s fiancée and encouraging Jaein to cheat on Jongin.

Jongin’s heart is going to be so broken if he finds out.

And I am the one to blame because I agree to this . I allowed it to happen on my conscience.

I’m such a two-faced . I said I hated when one partner cheats to one another and yet I’m helping to do the exact same thing that I hated.

My stomach lurches forward and I immediately don’t feel well. Not when I see how big is Jongin grins when he heard that we’re dating. Not when Jongin gave Sehun a pat on the shoulder and proceeded to give him a brotherly hug. Not when Jaein stares at Sehun like he’s the star of her night sky.

What the heck is going on in-between them right now?

“Hyesoo, you’re alright? You’re pale as .” Surin on the side pointed out and Sehun peels his eyes away from Jongin and Jaein (especially from Jaein).

I try to muster a smile but my lips can’t lift up because of the guilt that is weighing inside of me, dragging me down to the abyss.

“I’m fine.” I whisper, giving her a small smile. “I need to go the washroom. Be back in a bit.” I pat her arms.

“Do you want me to come with you?” she offers. I could see worriedness dancing in her eyes. I shake my head and walk off. I need to breath. The entire thing is overwhelming me. Here I thought playing couple with Sehun is good thing that happens to me so that I could kiss my 22-years-of being-single goodbye but I forgot the main reason why we (Sehun) started this it’s to get the girl of his dream.

I splash the cool water onto my face as it calms me down and stares at reflection in the mirror. Most of my makeup is gone because of my sweat. I look so messy; my baby hair is sticking out from everywhere. There’s a sheen of sweat on my neck. And I literally looked like this in front of the campus belle. I took out my wipes to remove all the makeup from my face, I wanted to throw out my contacts but I didn’t bring my glasses; I am blind as a bat.

Just as I was splashing the water one more time, the door of the washroom opens. I was so startled, scared that it could be one of the drunken guys that has been secretly hitting on me because Sehun was hiding me besides him while sending a signal to the guy to lay off. I shot my head up and it was Jaein resting her shoulder on the frame of the door, crossing her arms across her chest while giving her best scowl at me.

I turn off the faucet while wiping my face with a blue gingham handkerchief – it was Sehun’s and I think Jaein knew that because her jaw ticked as she narrows her eyes. I bet if she has a gun in her hand, she wouldn’t hesitate to shoot me in the head. But what I did was unintentional. I always carry his handkerchief around; even I have washed and ready to return it to him, I’m not giving it back to him.

I open the door wide, ready to leave the place, assuming she wants to use the washroom as well but her perfectly manicured fingernails dugs the skin inside my elbow and shoves me back inside and slams the door.

I stumble backwards as a scoff erupts from me, “What the hell are you doing, Jaein?”

“Hurrying back to Sehun?” she sneers, tilting her head to the side, barring her white-pearly teeth smiling so sickly sweet at me.

“None of your damn business.” I said, walking past of her but the girl grips my arm again as we glower at each other, face-to-face.

“I’m not done with you yet, rosy cheeks.”

I winced at the endearment that was meant to me from my parents. She caught my dad calling me that when we went together after school. It sounds like an insult from . I tried to free her grip from my arm but she coiled her fingers and tighten them around that it actually hurts so bad. I could feel my tears welling from behind of my eyes. I couldn’t just grab her hair or punch her in the nose. The last thing I want is Sehun and the rest of our friends busting into us fighting. Oh, and the whole party to see me giving panda-eyes to Jaein.

“What do you want?” I spat, wriggling from her grip.

“Of all the men in the world, you just have to date Sehun.” She clenches her jaw.

“Why not?” I shot her a defiant look, “We met on a blind date. We like each other. We date. What’s wrong with that? You can’t be the only the person who has happiness wrap around your finger. Sehun deserves better.”

Jaein is giving me a look that she wanted to chew on my bones and spit them out, “Because you made me miserable in high school.” She roughly jabs a finger into my chest that made me stumble back.

I made her miserable?

“You have everything, even his heart.” she mumbles, her lips quiver like she’s about to cry. I should be the one crying. I’ve been accused of making someone’s live miserable and I didn’t know what have I done! Even after 5 years!

I stare at her like she’s crazy, shaking my head and strides towards the door, I have nothing left to say and I want to get the hell out of here.

Surin was (or is) right about this. She was (or is) jealous of me.

Jaein is wrong about me.

She has everything, even Sehun’s heart.

*

Sehun glances once again at Hyesoo before reverting his eyes back on the road. Her entire body is leaning against the seat as she stares outside without saying anything.

Sehun hopes she just say anything. The silence is killing him inside. She hasn’t spoke to him after coming back from the washroom, and she hasn’t spoke to him even after they left Mino’s villa.

She only told him that she wants to go home and that’s it.

Even though he didn’t want to leave, wanting to spend more time with Jaein (he almost broke his promises with Hyesoo), but Hyesoo looked so sick ever since Jaein and Jongin arrived at the party and he couldn’t just ignore her. Her brown eyes are pleading him to take her home.

He is worried. He wants to know what’s going on inside of her head. He wants to understand her better.

Because right now, Hyesoo isn’t fine, at all.

Sehun glances at his watch briefly, only two hours till her curfew but he doesn’t care about that. Right now, he cares about Hyesoo and e promised he’ll take good care of her. Sehun twists the steering wheel as he turns left into the beach parking lot. There are only a few people on the beach, they could see a bonfire from afar. Hyesoo sat up straight, eyeing at the beach and then back to him. Her big, brown eyes is filled with curiosity.

“Sehun, what are we doing here?”

He climbs out of his seat as her eyes follows his every move until he finally reaches her door and opens the door for her, “Figure you need a breath.” He gave her a lopsided grin.

“You know I need to be home by 12 and it’s a long way drive from here.” Hyesoo treaded lightly behind him, laughing.

Sehun his eyebrow, “I know you wouldn’t let your dad beat me up.”

The both of them walk side-by-side along the shores; the soft waves gently pushed into the shores, the faint sounds of people talking and laughing at the background under the starry black sky with the lone full moon sitting above the horizon.

Sehun gnawed on his bottom lip, “You looked pale back then. What happened?”

Sehun didn’t meant to push her to open up to him. Hyesoo will only says what she wants to tell him. But he just wants to understand her better and he felt that it’s his fault that she didn’t enjoy the party until the last.

“Just how terrible I am as a person.” She paused, mindlessly pressing and covering the crab holes on the sand with the tip of her shoes.

“How I’m watching someone’s heart getting broken, knowing all of it and still let it happen.”

Sehun shakes his head, “Jaein won’t leave him. I’m sure of it.” His voice laced with affection when he speaks about her.

Hyesoo frowns at him, her voice hardened, “Then why this fake relationship? Why pretend we’re dating if you’ll know Jaein won’t change her heart in the end? You deserve better, Sehun.”

His eyes snapped at hers, whirled with plenty of emotions; feelings that he couldn’t decipher. Why does he needed Hyesoo to pretend to be his girlfriend? Is it just to get back at Jaein? Or is it to fill up the hollow void in his heart that has been there a long time and fill it up with Hyesoo’s goodness. The gentleness in her big, brown eyes makes him want to break down in her arms.

Sehun tears his eyes away from hers and faced the ocean, “I don’t deserve better; you do, Hyesoo.”

And it’s true. Hyesoo deserves to like someone who doesn’t break her heart. She doesn’t deserve to be drag down and get tangle in the cross-fire of him and Jaein.

“Jaein really hates me.” She spoke as the breeze carries her voice.

Wouldn’t he know that already? Jaein has been really y to Hyesoo since the day she transferred to their school. He thought that it’s just her sassy persona and her witty sarcasm because she treats everyone the same and that’s why people love hanging out with her. And, that’s one of the reasons he loves her.

Now, he begins to think about all those rumours behind the façade of hers. Spilling water on the finance files, the ripped journal book that she wrote all her ideas in that book, the stolen scholarship. He just brushes them off casually because there are also some students that didn’t like Jaein so they made it all up just to make her look vindictive.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t mind her. Just play a better girlfriend than she is.”

“Wow, such wise word from the Oh Sehun.” She rolled her eyes. Sehun could feel the smile on her face.

“I just wish I could punch her straight in the face so that she could get off my back but Jongin wouldn’t like it if I hit his bride.” She lets out an exasperated groan, stomping her foot into the sand that made her looks like a child throwing her tantrum and to Sehun’s surprise, he didn’t defend Jaein for the first time. Instead, he laughed at Hyesoo’s remarks.

“Hey Sehun,” her voice quieted, “why did you left Harvard? Isn’t it your dream?”

Hyesoo stands in front of him, peering into his eyes with curiosity. He has a feeling that she wanted to ask this question from day they first met in that damn café.

“Part of it was because of Jaein. Another part is because of my family.”

Hyesoo prodded him with her eyes to continue, her tiny hand lightly holds onto his arm with her thumb soothing him.

“I know my mum left 5 years ago. 5 years is a very long time. But not for me, the pain is still as fresh as yesterday. It was always mum’s dream to see me graduating from Harvard. We talked about taking her to all the nice places in Massachusetts, deep down knowing she’ll never make it. But do you know I can’t get through walking around the campus thinking that she couldn’t be there anymore.”

Hyesoo has her hands wrapped around his head, leaning into the crook of  her shoulder, her arms wrapped around him. And Sehun realised it’s his first time crying about his mum in 5 years. The same girl who shared her warmth and empathy with him at the funeral. The same girl who knows soothing his broken heart, letting him breaks down in her strong arms. Instinctively, he wraps his arms her waist and silently sobs while her right-hand cradles his head as she leans in slightly, crying as well.

“We were all ready to say goodbye to her. But it still broke my heart when she says her goodbye to us. To my little sister. To me. To dad. It still breaks my heart that Sehee is not able to grow into a fine young lady with mum besides her. It still breaks my heart that my mum won’t be able to see me getting married. It still breaks that my dad won’t be able to grow old with her, seeing their grandchildren.”

Hyesoo didn’t say anything. She just listens to the broken pieces of his heart, his soul.

Most people would want to find the right words to comfort him, like his friends.

Sehun doesn’t want words. He wants to know if he can mend the pieces back together.

Hyesoo didn’t go through the hardship he went through but she provides the warmth and the comfort that he needs.

Hyesoo pulls out a blue fabric from her bag and shove it into his face, “Wipe your face. Your snots all over me.”

Sehun just pressed his forehead with a smile on his face.

This girl continues to impress him. She doesn’t treat him like he’s a frail object after his breakdown because she understands that everyone needs a little cry. No one can bottle up their feelings but the heart is a liar, even when it’s hurting, it chose to stay silent.

Hyesoo looks down in the sand curiously as she squats closer and pick the object out with her fingers.

Her face beamed with exhilaration as she stares at the object in-between her fingers in awe, her whole eyes brighten up like stars, “Sehun, look! It’s a red sea glass!”

“A mere sea glass makes you this happy?” smirking at the girl as she scrunches her nose and shove the sea glass in his face, “it’s a red sea glass! I read it from somewhere that it’s extremely rare!”

She placed the sea glass in the middle of her palms and peek at it with adoration like it’s the most precious thing in the world.

“I’m giving it to you.” She pushes the sea glass into his palms as surprised and amused washes over his face.

“It’s a good luck charm from me.” She grins at him before walking away. He continues to stare at the red sea glass, thinking how it’s precious just like the girl who’s dancing crazily in the middle of the beach as she hums her the latest songs on the radio.

“Sehun! You better get me home or else my dad is going to chase you with a baseball bat, again!” her voice twinkles in the darkness.

Sehun held the sea glass in his palms as he lets out an amused chuckle. This girl is already owning a tiny part of his heart.

Maybe Chanyeol is right.

Hyesoo could be the one that could save him.

My classes are starting already. I could feel the impending assignments coming at me already. D:

I also almost cry at Sehun breaking down ;-; 

That part was kind of inspired by Broken Knight by L.J Shen. It's a great book, yall should really check it out but I got to warn you it's pure angst and angst. And the sea glass part was also inspired by one of her novels, Pretty Reckless.

And yeah, I throw in a little quote by Kim Soohyun's new drama, It's Okay Not to be Okay.

Have a fun week ahead guys! :D