My Nana used to say let love come to you when my sister and I were little kids and always share your first with someone special. My first boyfriend is fake and he’s in love with someone else, my relationship is fake, my first love is a fake. My feelings are at the borderline of what’s fake and what’s real.

After class, I texted Sehun that I needed to meet him behind the building of our campus’s indoor swimming pool. There’s a british-style garden filled with pretty flowers and trees, but mainly tulips which are my favourite. Nobody practically comes here to hang out, probably because it’s too far away from the centre of the campus and there’s a small bamboo forest and a stream in between the building and the garden that you need to cross an arch bridge. I love the place; it’s just looks like it came straight out from a Studio Ghibli drawing. In spring, everything just looks so vibrant.

Sehun emerges from entrance which was hidden by a bush of red roses as he strides quickly towards me, a frown etched on his forehead.

God, he looks like a prince under the sunlight. I had to squint my eyes because he is literally shining.

Sehun huffed, when he took a seat in front of me. Droplets of sweat slides down from his temple down to his necks. I grab my handkerchief and pass it to him. Don’t question why I have a handkerchief on me. It’s more eco-friendly than tissues though.

“Thanks.” He mumbled through his nose, taking in a deep breathe. 

I shot him a curious look, “You ran here?”

He leaned onto the stone table forward with his face in his arms, and then stare up at me, worried etched on his face.

“I thought you were in trouble so I ran.” He ran his fingers through his hair (they look soft, I want to touch them), he turned away, looking flustered, “Who on earth hang out in the middle of nowhere?”

“It’s not in the middle; it’s at the corner of the campus.” I correct.

Not answering me, I put on a face that I usually used on situations where I beg Appa not to be angry with me. 100% of the time, it works. I’m sure it will work on Sehun. I’m that confindent (or not).

“Well, I’m sorry I had you worried.” The frown on his forehead has softened, I grin wider, “I’ll make sure to text you 911 if I’m in trouble.”

“I’ll wash your handkerchief.” He shrugged, as he proceeds to shove my handkerchief in his pants’ pocket.

With his arm hanging lazily off the edge, he turns to me, “You said you need to see me? Why can’t we just talk in the cafeteria or somewhere near?”

“Because we need to go through our story,” I explained. “People may ask. My parents may ask. Your dad may ask.”

I reminded myself not to mention his late mum. Even though many years has passed, the wound is still fresh.

“Simple,” he said, leaning his arms forwards, closer to me, “We met on a blind date. We’re old friends from high school. We realised we liked each other. We date.”

I can’t help but to blush at the part ‘we liked each other’. I clear my throat as a distraction, “How is Jaein going to believe in that?”

Other people can buy that story. Heck, they would pay billions for that story. But Jaein? She wouldn’t buy that . She knows Sehun loves her too much (to the point faking in front of her). She would think that it is weird that Sehun suddenly stop loving her and start having feelings for someone else?

You don’t fall out of love that easily. It’s impossible.

“Everyone would eat what we throw except for her. It’s hard to believe that you suddenly don’t love her and start going with someone else.”

“So, what’s our plan?” he straightened, drawing out his phone to see his message.

I pull out my notebook and a pen and start writing, “One: don’t hang around Jaein too much.” I said out loud as my pen scribbled across the paper.

“Two: don’t look at Jaein like a lovestruck boy.”

Sehun stared at me incredulously, interrupting me as he snatches my notebook from me as well as my pen, “You can’t do that! And, I’m not lovestruck!”

I frown at him, crossing my arms, “Do you want Jaein to believe our relationship or not?” I’m a little annoyed by the fact he wants to hang around like a puppy in love even though we’re (fake) dating.

“Trust me,” I snatch back my notebook and pen, “you got to make her think you’re over her. And besides,” I slide my notebook in front of him and circle with the pen, “it’s ‘too much’. Not never hang out with her.” I said, stressing on the ‘never’.

Sehun grumbled, basically agreeing what I said. I rub the itchiness away in my eyes, feeling that my contacts are getting dry.

“Alright, what’s the third one?”

I eyed at him, heat creeping up my cheeks when I thought of it, “Third: No kissing or any excessive PDA.”

He arches his perfect eyebrow, flicking his eyes at me, “Excessive PDA?” amused, slightly smirking.

I blink at him, “Yeah. All those cringey stuff.” I crinkled, all those PDA are disgusting, in my own unpopular opinion.

Sehun chuckled, light as air, “Okay, princess. How are people going to believe we’re dating?” his voice dangerously low.

I paused for a moment when I felt my heart went ‘thump’. His dark eyes looming over mine, his eyes like they were glowing embers.

I gulped, my voice high-pitched, “Well, I believe love doesn’t have to be all physical touching or kissing.” Lord, I hate how Sehun still have effect on me. I thought that was long gone.

I continue, shrugging my shoulders, “Love can be as pure as cooking for someone, eating with them or writing love letters.”

“Hmm, sounds like your style.” He commented. I know he doesn’t mean more than that, but am I agitated that he’s right though? Or is it my frustration trying to mask over what my heart’s feeling right now.

I’m ranking my brain what I’ve learned about love from church sermons but my mind goes blank as a white paper sitting neatly on top of my study table under Sehun’s ember eyes.

Clearing my throat once again, “Anyways, no kissing.” I pressed.

“How about this?” he took my pen from hand and notebook, “No French kissing; only light kisses.”

Sehun glanced at me at then began to laugh heartily. Must be the look on my face as if I just saw a three-headed snake, giving him a disbelieving look. He left me speechless, I don’t even know what to respond to that.

I composed myself, “Why are you so adamant on kissing? I thought the last thing you want to do with me?” I tilted my head at him, an amusing smile playing at my lips, then I lean forward closer to him with our face just a few inches away from each other, my arms supporting me, “I’m saving all my first for someone special.” I whisper like it’s a secret.

He tilted his head, mimicking me, seems like he’s playing along with my little actions, “Just because.” He breathes.

“Alright then, let’s save the important stuff for your first.” He gave a thoughtful smile that I could only managed a nod.

There is it again.

The feeling when we first met at the café. Flashing me his cheery smile that didn’t meet his eyes, masking his sadness.

I don’t need him to feel pity for me. I don’t want him to wallow himself in misery either.

“Oh, and, you need to come with me to parties.” He added.

I shrug, fine by me. I’m not completely bothered about it.

“When are we going to end this?” I ask, flicking curiously back at home.

Sehun paused for a moment, probably thinking when it’s a good time to end all this (fake) relationship.

When Jaein finally comes around? Or when he sees it’s pointless, we’ll just break apart?

Ouch, that kind of hurt. Whatever ways, I’m still bound to be heart-broken at the end; better to let myself live in fantasy and indulge myself in this hearts and sunshine world.

“It’ll be better if we end this on Jaein’s wedding.” He his lips, “In December.”

There’s a stillness in his voice, his eyes are steady as they held mine. I guess this is his final decision. I can’t change the way he felt about Jaein even if she’s getting married. When he loves, he only loves one. His heart doesn’t have me inside right from the very beginning and I can’t do much to change that. But what I hope, is that I could present him with memories that he could treasure back during his youth when he’s old in his dream cottage home with the love of his life by his side and his children playing around the courtyard.

The least I can do is that.

*

         I can’t help but to stare at the contract we made on my notebook. I snapped a picture of it and send to Sehun, I made him promise me to never show or let anyone see it. Or, I called it off even before Jaein comes around; even before her wedding.

I continue to stare at the contract, all melancholic and sombre when my eyes glide over our ‘expiration’ date. I’m demotivated to write any case studies or essays as they all flew out of my brain when I came home. I came home alone because Sehun said he has afternoon classes and in the evening, he has to meet up with his group mates to discuss their assignments.

I was hoping he wouldn’t drive me home. I would be much appreciated to be left alone, to think. With Sehun around, I can’t think straight. My mind becomes all hazy and melt into a puddle of goo which sends me a blaring and blazing red alarm: warning.

I want to ignore the warning sign. I don’t even want my logic to hold me back. my brain’s logic. listening to my head. I just want to listen to my heart for once.

The heart’s a heavy burden. It carries a lot of weight.

For once in my life, I get to live my dream. The dream of being normal in the dating world for once. I mean, all of my cousins are married or engage. Hyerin, my sister is engaged to her fiancé. He owns a café with the best tiramisu in this neighbourhood. My sister is glowing with happiness. Joohyun, is deep in love with Junmyeon. I’m sure they’ll married in the next 5 years. Another ball glowing with happiness.

Surin with Chanyeol. Jiyoung with that boy that tails behind her like a puppy. Yerin with a senior that she sees more often that us.

My parents are blessed with 25 years of marriage and still going strong.

So, why can’t I live and be normal around the people I love for once?

If I want to blame anyone, I would blame on fate for holding back my soulmate.

*

         Dinner has never been this quiet.

It usually starts off with Hyerin and I bantering on who should set up the table and who should scoop the rice into our bowls; our parents in the kitchen. Appa usually helps Mama a lot in the kitchen. He would help to wash the dishes, wash the meat. The heavy duty stuffs.

Joohyun would just do whatever she can. But tonight, she’s out with Junmyeon.

Appa didn’t say anything besides heaving a big sigh and then shake his head. Every time he does that, Mama would give him side-eyed him, probably telling to stop sighing like an old man. Hyerin nudges me with her elbow, I got annoyed and does the same thing to her. And, she got irritated as well.

Lucky Joohyun isn’t here to get caught in our cross fire right now.

When Appa sighs for the nth time, I finally decided to be the good daughter, someone’s got to take one for the team and that person is me cause I’m the one who started all of this.

“Appa, are you in love? You’ve been sighing a lot.” I try to lighten the atmosphere with a joke. I know I don’t have the best humour but at least, I’m trying something.

Appa turns and look at me like an abandon puppy left in the rain, “Hyesoo, how could leave me?”

Mama puts down her chopsticks and rolls her eyes, “Honey, it’s normal for her to have a boyfriend. She’s not a little girl anymore.” She chastises him, letting out her short temper.

“It’s sad enough that Hyerin is getting married next year.”

Hyerin’s eyes widens, mortified that she’s mentioned when she’s been keeping shut.

“Kyungsoo oppa is a nice guy. Unnie would just be fine.” I tried to comfort Appa, soothing his back.

“And besides, it’s your favourite student, Sehun. You love him so much back then in school, couldn’t stop praising him in front of the class.” I said, sullenly. I’m lucky enough that Sehun isn’t part of the Han family or Appa would surely write a caption behind a photo ‘Sehun and co.’

Appa used to be our History teacher and the discipline head of our high school. The seniors, especially the boys because he was particularly strict with the boys. I think Sehun is the only one that wins his favour. Till this day, Chanyeol is scared to enter my house.

Appa sighs again, his eyes glistening with unshed tears (one thing for sure Appa can act as pity as he can to gain sympathy from his daughters but we’re sort of immune to it like Mama) and his shoulder slump and sags against the dining chair, “it just feels like I’m going to give away you soon again.”

I laughed, patting his back, “Appa, you’re so old fashion. I’ll make unnie promise that she’ll visit home as often as she can.” I redirect the bullet towards to Hyerin, grinning slyly at her.

Her face twitched as she glares at me.

“At least, you and Mama go travel somewhere in the world.” I titter cheerily.

So that I can have the whole house to myself. I snickered in my thoughts.

Mama waves her hand, sounding less enthusiastic, “No need to. Your father has been dying to help your Nana and her vegetables farm. You can visit southern Europe on our behalf.” Mama says and shakes her head.

Hyerin and I scrunched our nose at the same, probably having the same thought, “Ew, Appa. You’re so unromantic.” She commented.

We giggle at Appa’s defeated shoulders. Appa can’t take down the 3 of us. Sure, he could take down all the boys that approached me and my sister but he can’t win against us.

Appa then grumbles, stuffing a tuna pancake into his mouth, “Just whatever. As long you’re safe.”

*

It’s Friday evening and I’m going out with Sehun tonight.

We’re going to Mino’s party, he said everyone will be going. And by everyone he means, Jaein is going to be there.

Although I’m much of a home-body through and through, I don’t grumble the fact that I’m going out on a Friday night, leaving my reading corner.

I’m actually thrilled.

I know it’s a fact that in the contract I have to attend certain parties with Sehun, I promised him. But I’ve never attended to college parties before. Not like this one.

I don’t suppose you count attending your cousin’s 3-years-old kid’s birthday party and those Christmas parties that you’re forced to attend with your parents, filled with people you don’t know and also, not your age.

Besides, Surin is going as well! And she’s here at my place dressing up. How exciting is that!

“You know, you used to give excuses about not going to parties before.” Surin says, suddenly when I’m rummaging my closet for a decent outfit for tonight.

I pause, “Well, I made a promise to Sehun that I’ll come with him.”

I felt sorry when I think back that I rejected all the time when Surin asked me if I wanted to go or not.

“I’m excited, you know, Surin.” My eyes sparkle when I found the outfit that I wanted to wear: a lilac Pointelle top with a black pinafore. I’ll throw on a grandpa cardigan, tonight is a little bit chilly.

Surin throws her arms around my shoulders and leans against that I almost trip, I glared at her as she shoots me a mischievous wink, “We’ll attend a lot of parties from now on, okay?”

“Not more than 3 in a month,” I brush her off, “we have to study.”

“Can you help me do my hair? I at it.” I flash her an angelic smile.

“Sure girl. I’ll make you a princess that Sehun can’t even stop staring at you.”

I'm acutally happy that I had fun writing this story :') because I normally drop after the first three chapters :D

I know that there wasn't much Sehun x Hyesoo here but I'll promise you'll have them in next chapter. 

I'm trying different writing styles :D 

Enjoy your week ahead!