Sehun didn’t want to come back home.

         He loves every moment he spent back in the States when she’s there, being around with him. They weren’t together. It was all an unrequited love from him. He loved her from the start. When Jaein and her family were having their holidays back in their hometown in Daegu during that summer when they were 16.

Back in 2015.

The first time he saw Jaein sitting on the swing, mindlessly staring at the sunset. The sky was painted with different colours – pink, yellow, purple. He thought the view is lovely, everything is lovely with her in it. The moment he saw her in school, he thought it is fate that brought the two of them together again.

They had a wonderful summer and every moment; he wishes that he could spend like this till the end of his life with her. He wouldn’t think this is just a mere summer fling because what he felt in his heart is real. But, that’s all his fantasy. All of those feelings – are just one-sided.

Reality is that, Jaein loves someone else. And that someone loves her too. What they had in summer? That was all Jaein being kind and friendly to Sehun – she’s just being a good friend to him.

He told her about his heart. Jaein could only smile sadly because she knew how much Sehun likes (loves) her.

She saw every adoration he has in his eyes. His eyes speak lots of volumes. Jaein couldn’t love him the same as Sehun loves her. She already has someone dear in her heart but Sehun is a friend very much dear to Jaein and Jongin.

Jaein doesn’t want to see two good friends, brothers with different blood fight with each other. She doesn’t want their bond to be broken – she wants to remain friends till the end of their life. She’s selfish in this way even if it hurts Sehun a lot.

And Sehun knew he can’t make her love him back.

Sehun remembers she told him to keep this away from Jongin. She said to forget about everything he told her.

Jaein and Jongin is already moving on with their life while he’s still stuck there, waiting for her to come around.

         Last Christmas, Jaein and Jongin announced that they’re both getting married. It’s not that Jaein is pregnant. It’s just that the both of them felt the moment was right. And the both will move back to Seoul where their parents are and most probably want the wedding to be held there.

Everyone was happy, except him.

He was supposed to be happy for them, right? He’s their best friend, right?

But somehow, he was drowning in beers and tears throughout the happy holiday season. Christmas magic – it ain’t real.

He didn’t want to leave. A place full of memories of them.

Even though Jongin is in every picture; every moment with Jaein is precious.

Sehun tried lots of things to make Jaein loves him back. He tried watching dramas with her when Jongin is out late studying with his friends; he backed her up whenever the trios watch a football match – Jaein is an Arsenal fan while he and Jongin are Man. United fans (just that Sehun secretly pretending to be an Arsenal fan). Sometimes, the both of them drives him mad.

When desperate time calls for desperate measure, Sehun even tried fake dating with other girls so that Jaein would be jealous. The girl never ever gazes once at him. She was never jealous but always all smiles and blessings whenever she saw him with another girl.

This time, he’s going try one last time.

His last chance.

Starting with Han Hyesoo. The girl who once liked him back in school. He remembers once Jaein expressed her dislikes about Hyesoo and maybe, with Hyesoo, he would be able to get Jaein to like him.

I guess to say that the date… doesn’t really end well.

I knew it would be too good for Sehun to ask me out. I mean, look at me, I’m not exactly Oh Sehun type of girl and with that said, a certain face popped up in my mind. I could say it’s an unfavourable one.

I laid in my bed, rewinding to the moments back at the park, wishing it could from his true heart. Apparently, he needs a fake girlfriend so that he could win (make) Jaein likes him back and coincidently, it’s a “fate” (air quote!) that I was chosen by “His Majesty”, thinking I would be so honoured. I really wanted to scream my head out at this airhead (or how do I describe a person that is so wrap in his bubble that he can’t take a hint that Jaein is not going to like him back) that he is the stupidest, most foolish boy (not a man!) I ever known in my entire life.

I wanted to do right at the park but my logical-self weights more than my emotional-self that I need a ride back home. And at the gate of my humble abode, where he dropped me off, I began shouting at him.

Sehun sent me back home around dinner time and I’m hundred-percent sure that the rest of the family had witness my ugly temper. Dad would be the proud one whenever mum chastise him for passing down his fiery temper to me. He said that it’s a good luck charm to ward off bastards and all sorts of men.

Sure dad. I’m really going to live as a spinster for the rest of my life with 50 cats.

Sehun was in shocked because the poor boy never seen me shout or scream at him before – let alone one with lots of swearing.

“Oh Sehun! I’m not your token girl!”

“You MF, go find someone else to get your dream girl! Not me!”

“I’m not that quiet, introvert Han Hyesoo during high school anymore!”

“Go and f**k yourself!”

And he had the audacity to tell that it’s not the first time he has done that. Which part, the winning Jaein whole plan or the fake girlfriend stuff? I can’t imagine this moron is betraying Jongin, his best bud. And, Jaein couldn’t end this ridiculous tie with Sehun? Unbelievable! She could’ve not given Sehun hope if she really chose to be with Jongin in the end. It’s unfair to play with Sehun’s feelings like that. She can’t hold him back.

“Surin, I just don’t think Jaein has even change throughout these few years.” I sat on the bed exasperatedly with a wet towel around my head.

“She should’ve told Sehun to stop and end this madness! And what’s going to happen after Jaein and Jongin tied the knot? Sehun would be devastated!”

“He’s devastated alright. Seeing the girl of his dream and his best friend getting married.” I could hear her chuckling and the faint shouting of her mum at her little siblings.

“Heard from Chanyeol that Sehun spent his holiday drinking till late night.”

I went silent for a moment. Surely, he did and with some tears and snots as well.

“At least, he told Chanyeol that he’s amused by the whole new Han Hyesoo!” she giggled.

I rolled my eyes, “I swear I was this close in punching the guy at the park. What does he take me for?”

“I wasn’t done yet, Soo.” She paused, “Sehun said he had the most wonderful birthday ever and he hopes he could meet you again.”

Is that suppose to make me feel those supposedly said ‘butterflies in your stomach’ thing? Because I don’t feel anything. I just feel like I’m being use as something for his gain and then I would be disposed when I’m no longer needed. Just like those sweet old times.

“Gee wow, I’m so touch.” I dead-panned at Surin and I could feel she’s rolling her eyes through the line.

“I mean it, Soo.” She said this time firmly, “For old time sake and talk it out.”

What is there to talk about between us? I have nothing. We have nothing between us. He threw that all away the moment he decided he’s too good to hang out with me.

***

         It’s a normal day at school.

         Normal means that Oh Sehun is not popping out of nowhere, scaring (or annoys) the out of me, chasing me to agree to that ridiculous plan of his. Funny how he just said those three words (girlfriend is one word) that means nothing probably and yet my mind still lingers on those three words. It’s hilarious how those three words managed to make a part of myself curious on how this whole plan plays out. A small part was intrigue by this whole idea of fake dating.

A small part of my silly self nearly said yes. But I don’t want to hurt anyone. Hearts are not meant to play – human beings have feelings. And, I know in the end, the one that’s going to hurt the most is me. I’m not going to cling on that tiny hope, hoping Sehun could feels the same way as I do in the past.

         I heaved another sigh as I enter into the newsletter room, I’ve got a ton of work to be done; no time to think about stuff that doesn’t matter.

“Your club room is pretty nice, Hyesoo.”

Not that voice. I grimaced inwardly as I turned to face Sehun, sitting down at the meeting table. I slightly turn my head side to side and notice there’s actually no one. So how the hell did he got into the room? I thought the room was lock.

I point at the door then back at him with curious eyes, “How did you get into the room? Isn’t it locked?”

Sehun gives a mere shrug, “The admin gave me the keys.” Then he shoots me a mischievous grin like a little child not giving back your beloved soft toy or something, “I told her I’m the new member of the newsletter club.”

“Woo-hoo” faking my excitement, “Am I suppose to praise you or something?”

“Yesterday, you were giving me heart eyes and now you’re shooting daggers at me.” He gives a little smirk, unfazed with my sarcasm. (that’s a weak sarcasm indeed).

“W-who’s g-giving heart eyes!” my cheeks turned as red as cherries, very much annoyed. But what’s even more irritating is that I stutter! I am absolutely mortified! I stuttered in front of him. Do you know how embarrassing is that?

“What are you doing here?” I turned to the other side of the room, not wanting to let him witnessing my red cheeks.

“We didn’t talk finish yesterday.”

There was a silence in the room. The both of us didn’t talk for a short moment.

“This whole fake dating is not going to work, Sehun.” I said in a calm manner, taking a seat right in front of Sehun. I don’t to discuss this loudly. A whole idea to make Kim Jaein fall for Sehun? It’s a scandalous plan!

“How could you do this to Jongin? He’s like a brother to you.”

I peered into his eyes, pleading him to stop this madness. Sehun just stares at me with his unwavering eyes as I continue, “Jongin loves Jaein as much as you do, Sehun.” I paused as I said slowly, as if I’m whispering to the wind, “She doesn’t need you anymore.”

“Her shadow still follows me.” He opens his mouth, looking straight at me with those sad eyes.

He gulped, “Sometimes, I saw through her eyes that she has feelings for me –”

“Sehun, that’s impossible –”

“I know what I saw.”

I heaved a sigh, “and what about Jongin? Doesn’t he have feelings too?” I replied back dryly.

Sehun gave me an amusing smile, “you keep on mentioning Jongin,” he paused then flash me his boyish grin, “you like him?”

I grab the thin file on the table and smack his head, “he’s just a friend that I care about as well, just like the others.”

“Why can’t you just find other girls? I’m pretty sure there’s other girls far better and prettier than me.” I mindlessly pull the thread of my cardigan.

“Jaein knows you.” He stops for a moment and look at me seriously, “I read on the net that if you date a girl that your crush is acquainted with, she’ll be hundred percent jealous.”

I was left stunned by him then followed by a laugh. Whew, that boy got to learn a lot about females.

“Sehun, you’re an aspiring law student that just transferred from Harvard Law and you’re telling me inaccurate information you found on the internet.”

I stared at him entertainingly. Never knew Sehun could be this funny.

Sehun slightly frowns as he flicks his hand, “Just cut it out.”

“I was saying that if we’re dating, at least I could know where Jaein’s heart lies.”

“And what’s in for me?” I spoke too sudden, causing Sehun to stare at me with his unreadable eyes for a moment.

“What I’m gaining from this fake relationship?” my voice unwavering and steady, “I’m the one getting dump at the end, I’m the one getting my heart broken in the end, so at least there’s must be something I could benefit.”

Sehun went speechless.

He probably wasn’t expecting me to voice out about my benefit.

For him, at least, he got the girl of his dream.

For me, a break-up.

I want something from this relationship as well. What Sehun doesn’t know is that I’m playing a dangerous game with my heart.

“Then, what’s that you want?” his gentle voice echoes around me.

I gulped, here goes nothing.

“I want something real from this relationship.”

His questioning eyes wash over mine.

“I want us to act as a real couple. I want what couples have.”

The silence is deafening in this empty and all I could hear is my heart beating loud against my ears as my body trembles. The feeling is so overwhelming, I think I might cry as tears began to swell.

At least I’m able to experience being a couple. Pretending to be in love.

Sehun leans forward as he his chapped lips, “Fine. A deal is a deal.”

Hi again lovely readers! It's been a hectic week with everything going on and hope everyone is safe!

While we can use our platform to stand against racism and help to voice out that #BlackLivesMatter right now! Do whatever you can, educate yourself, sign petitions, donate. All Lives does not matter until Black Lives Matter. I was educating myself for the past few days about Black Lives!

From the slaves trades in Africa during the 1660s till the 1880s, and then segregration in the States till 1970s, and the Apartheid Law that legalise segregrates white and the natives till it was abolished in 1994. Black Lives has been living in oppression for more than 400 years and it is still going on today. It's time to make a change!

https://blacklivesmatter.carrd.co/

And, Jongin is not part of being Hyesoo's crush or whatever (everyone knows obviously it's Sehun, but Sehun doesn't even know). He's just an old friend from school that Hyesoo cares about like her other friends: Surin, Chanyeol, Yerin, Jiyoung.

So yeah, Jongin just loves Jaein, that's it. Want to keep this as less dramatic and more light-hearted. Doesn't need anyone popping out of the blue shouting they like XXX.