Do you still love Woohyun?

Of course I do. I love him with my heart, mind and soul.

But were you really? You have been neglecting him lately.

It’s my fault. I admit. But I really love him.

But you didn’t show you love him. Now he thinks you didn’t love him. No, now he didn’t even remember you.

Sunggyu sigh as he drowns the drink in full gulp.

“Woah, easy there, kid,” the owner of the Paradise Bar, Lee Jungyeop warned.

Sunggyu ignored him as he drink to its last drop. He slam the empty glass on the bar table. Sighing and groaning. He played with the empty glass, turning it upside down, finger tracing the brim of the glass.

“Are you okay there, buddy?” Jungyeop asks.

“What do you think?” Sunggyu asks back without looking at the older male.

“I think you look terrible.”

Sunggyu laughs. “Yeah, I am the terrible horrible human being on earth.” He lifts the glass to his lips but realizes it was empty. “Owner, one more.”

Jungyeop shakes his head. “And I think you need to stop drinking,”

“What…” Sunggyu giggles. “I just drink a beer. I’m not drunk yet,”

“Of course you are not. But I don’t think you should be drinking.” Jungyeop slide a glass of soda to the customer.

Sunggyu’s eyebrow rose, lifting his head to look at the owner. “Huh? You’re the bar owner, why would you sell me something not alcoholic?”

“So you won’t drink yourself home. Drink this and sober yourself,”

“I’m not drunk,” Sunggyu whine, but he drinks the soda anyway.

“It’s rare to see you alone in here. Usually you’re with your friends,” Jungyeop tries to start a conversation.

“Yeah, I just want to drink alone.” He plays with the rim of his glass again.

“Is something wrong?”

Sunggyu shakes his head. But he didn’t say anything.

Jungyeop look at the younger man. He looks pitiful and he looks lonely. The owner sighs. “Can I ask you questions?” Sunggyu just nods. “Are you and Woohyun breaking up?”

Sunggyu lift his head quickly. “What? Where did this come from?”

“You know, Sunggyu. You are a regular in my bar for nearly ten years. I know you and I know your friends. And I believe I am one of a few who support your relationship with Woohyun.”

Sunggyu smiles warmly. “Yeah. Thank you for your support. We really appreciate it,”

“You two look so cute and happy together. I never judge a relationship as long as the couple are happy,” Jungyeop says. “And I am proud of the two of you. But I can tell you, you two seem distant lately.”

Sunggyu frown. His and Woohyun’s relationship are in a whirlwind right now. Yes, he admits to it. But if someone outsider like Jungyeop had saw it too, that means Sunggyu really screw up big this time. Not like Jungyeop is an outsider. He was one of the first who know about their relationship and very supportive too. But the kids and the owner is not that close to share everything and it’s that of professional between business owner and his regulars. And Jungyeop rarely interfere with their business too. So for the old man to pinch in something about his and Woohyun’s relationship, it means he really got into that owner’s nerve.

“How…how distant you saw us?” Sunggyu is dread of the answer but he really wants to listen to the wise speech of the older male.

“Let’s see…” Jungyeop think for a moment. “You rarely came here to drink together. You always came with your group of friends or with Howon. Woohyun did came too, but alone usually,”

“Woohyun came?”

Jungyeop nods. “He always sits here and when I ask why he was by himself, he said he was waiting for you. But he drinks alone till he left. I guess you failed to come or he lied to me.” He shrugged.

Sunggyu lowered his head. Feeling ashamed of himself when he remember he did ask Woohyun for a drink only to cancel on him later. And what worse, it didn’t happen only once or twice.

“Sometimes that kid came too. Who was his name? The university student,”

“Sungjong?” Sunggyu says without lifting his head.

“Ah, Sungjong. Yes. Yes. That kid came too sometimes and keeps Woohyun company. Since you never came drinking together, I thought you two are breaking up. But wait…” Sunggyu lift his head facing the owner. “I don’t think you’re breaking up. Because you still came together with your friends and sits close with each other. Usually if a couple break up, they wouldn’t spend time together even with their friends or if they did, they will sit as far as possible.” Jungyeop looks at Sunggyu. “So, you’re not breaking up, right?”

Sunggyu sighs. “We’re not, hopefully. I don’t know either, owner. It was so miserable right now.” He lifts the glass to his lips.

A pat on his shoulder startled him. “Why are here alone, Sunggyu hyung?”

Sunggyu turns around and put down his glass without drinking them. “Oh, Dongwoo. You’re here?”

Dongwoo take a seat beside Sunggyu’s stool and order a drink from the owner. He drinks his beer and just then he realizes the colour of liquid in Sunggyu’s glass. “You’re in a bar yet you drink a soda?”

“Don’t know. You ask that old man over there,” Sunggyu says jokingly.

“Sober up, then I will give you an alcoholic one,”

“I’m not that drunk,” Sunggyu whines, playing with his glass.

“Are you okay, hyung?” Dongwoo asks.

“I don’t know…” Sunggyu sighs. “Please stop asking me if I am okay or not. I am not okay. Okay?”

Dongwoo pats Sunggyu’s shoulder sympathetically. “I’m sorry, hyung.”

Sunggyu sighs again. He drinks his soda to its last drop. “I’m a jerk, aren’t I, Dongwoo?”

“Maybe you are maybe you’re not.”

Sunggyu laugh. “That mean I am.” Sighs again. “Why? Why did I do that to Woohyun? I love him. Really I am, Dongwoo. But why did I treat him like ? He didn’t deserve this horrible treatment. I am…I am a jerk for not realizing this sooner,”

Dongwoo looks at the older with pity. Yes, he knows Sunggyu love Woohyun. He can see the love in his eyes. He cares a lot about his young lover. He still is. But only lately, Sunggyu had switched his attention to Howon. Dongwoo understand, Sunggyu only act as a friend who care about his miserable friend. He cares too much that he overlooks his lover’s own wellbeing. Woohyun seems fine and cool on the outside. But who knows he had been crying inside his heart? And now this negligence had gone too far.

“It’s not worth crying over spilled milk, hyung. At least you had realized it and admit to your fault,” Dongwoo says.

“What should I do now, Dongwoo? Woohyun didn’t even remember me…”

“First of all, hyung. I know this sound harsh, but you need to distant yourself from Howon.”

Sunggyu look at his housemate, disbelief. “Why Howon? Wait!” He holds up his hand. “Why did this have to do with Howon? Even Sungyeol said that I care about Howon too much,”

“It’s because it is, hyung,”

“It’s not!” Sunggyu rubs his temple. “You know too, Dongwoo. Howon is in tight spot right now and I just want to be a support for him. As friends, we have to be with him and keep him calm,”

“I know, hyung. I know. But don’t you think it was too much? You care about Howon but at the same time you ignored Woohyun,”

“I didn’t…” Sunggyu lowered his head. “Did I?”

“Yes, hyung. You did. You care too much about Howon that you ignore Woohyun’s feeling. I’m sure he was hurt too, hyung. But he didn’t say any to your face.” Dongwoo knows he sounds hard on Sunggyu but he had too to knock some sense on the elder’s head.

“What should I do now, Dongwoo?”

“Like I said, you have to distant yourself with Howon. I’m not telling you to ignore him or abandon him, just…you need some space away from him. Just meet him once in a while like you did before and please, don’t ditch your plans for him. You need to learn to say ‘no’ to him, and you have to remember Howon is just your friend but Woohyun is your boyfriend,” Dongwoo says.

Sunggyu keep silence, letting the words seeps in his brain. Then he nods. “I will try,”

“Second, just go see Woohyun. Sitting here drinking your sorrow is not helping.”

Sunggyu snort. “Did you forget, Dongwoo? Woohyun doesn’t remember me. He forgot all about me,”

“So?” Dongwoo tilted his head.

Sunggyu turns to him, bewildered.

“So, you just go over there and meet him.” Dongwoo shrugged. “Introduce yourself, be his friend, work from the start. If Woohyun loves you, he will fall in love with you, with or without his memories.”

----------

A box of cake pushes under his nose, startling him.

“What is this?” Woohyun asks.

“Lemon cake. Your favourite.”

Woohyun smiles as he takes the box from the elder’s hand. “Thank you. I love lemon cakes. Uh…”

“Sunggyu. My name is Kim Sunggyu.”

The smile turns into a grin. “Thank you, Sunggyu ahjussi.” Then he turns around and skips happily toward the kitchen.

Sungyu pouts. “I am not that old…”

Sungyeol laughs. “In his mind, you’re that old. Come on in hyung dul.”

Dongwoo pats Sunggyu’s shoulder as they step inside the apartment. It was a movie night. Sunggyu threw his plan to Sungyeol to start anew with Woohyun and the taller agreed with a warning that Sunggyu won’t hurt Woohyun again. The first step is the get together. They had thought of going out to drink or have dinner but Sungyeol object to the idea. Woohyun is not that well to go out in a crowd and noisy area. So they had to stick to the comfortable homey place, Woohyun’s own apartment. Sungyeol also make a condition of no Lee Howon in the premise of this ‘Sunggyu start anew with Woohyun’s plan’. So there are only the six of them that night, without the man Woohyun called as parasite in their relationship.

“Why are we watching horror again?” Dongwoo cried.

“Because I said so,” Sungjong replies nonchalantly.

“Sorry, Dongwoo hyung. We only have horror movies in our TV,” Myungsoo says.

“Are you sure you want to watch horror, Sungjong?” Woohyun asks as he walks to the living room, bringing freshly cut lemon cake. He put the plate on the floor in the middle of Dongwoo, Sungjong and Myungsoo.

“Yeah, why, hyung?”

“Are you sure you can handle it? Just last month you’re crying when we watch a horror movie and you sneak in Sungyeol’s room to sleep at night,” Woohyun tease.

Myungsoo’s eyes widen, Dongwoo looks at Woohyun and Sungjong one after another, Sungyeol grins and shakes his head, Sunggyu snorts, Sungjong’s mouth open and close, open and close like a dead fish.

“Hyung, that was years ago,” Sungjong whine. “And besides, I am not afraid anymore,”

“Yeah, right,” Woohyun whispers. He looks at the seating arrangement. Dongwoo had change his position to sits in the middle of Sungjong and Myungsoo on the floor while Sunggyu and Sungyeol each sit at the end of the couch, leaving a middle spot for him to sit to.

“Why? Go sit over there.” Myungsoo nudge him.

“Uh…” Woohyun considering the suggestion.

“I have to take care of Dongwoo hyung, he is scared of horror story. And I don’t think you want to sit beside Sungjong either,” Myungsoo says. “Sunggyu hyung won’t eat you,”

“I…I know he won’t.” Woohyun pouts.

Myungsoo grins. “Go sit over there. You can hug him if you’re scared,”

“I’m not scared,” Woohyun humph as he climb on the couch, making himself comfortable in the middle of the two grown up men, at least in his 18^th year old mind.

Throughout the movie, Woohyun had jumps a couple of times. Sunggyu had a hard time watching the movie because he had put his all attention on the younger man beside him. He can’t stop smiling. He found Woohyun really cute. If he remembers correctly, Woohyun was not afraid of scary things. But Woohyun did hide his face in his chest a couple of times when they watch horror movies before. He said he was not scared, he was just surprise by the sudden movement or a scary thing drop on the screen all of a sudden.

“If you’re scared, you can hide in my chest,” Sunggyu whispers in his ear.

Woohyun look up at him. “I’m not scared…”

Sunggyu smiles, patting Woohyun’s knee. “If you’re scared.”

Woohyun hug his knees to his chest, dreading anything that would jump on the screen now. In a minute, something horrific shows its ugly face, making them scream in surprise. Unconsciously, Woohyun throw his arm around Sunggyu’s torso and hide his face in Sunggyu’s chest. Sunggyu smile as he sneak his arm around Woohyun’s shoulder, pulling him close.

He knows it’s hard. They had been together for five years. And all those memories they created had vanish in a night. Woohyun’s smiles, Woohyun’s laugh, Woohyun’s happy eyes. Sunggyu can’t force him to remember everything. So the only thing he should do now is making a new memory by starting fresh.

He kiss Woohyun’s crown head. He swears he will never make Woohyun sad again. He will treasure every time he has with the one he claim to love his heart, mind and soul.

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