I didn't know who she was, but I knew I wanted to see more of her. It wasn't that she was drop dead gorgeous, or was filled with feminine charm, it was that she was neither of these things and still she intrigued me. I had heard of her group of course, if you step foot in South Korea and don't hear anything about Mamamoo than you might just be one of the few who don't. I would say this much, I never really knew her in her own personal space before now. To me she seemed just unreal, like a dream, like a tv character. I could say this for all idols and thier groups though, there was a certain unrealistic nature to them. It wasn't thier fault that they had been touted as musical gods and raised on a pedestal by millions of fanatics just waiting for these people to acknowledge thier very existence. Part of my reason for coming here was to soak up the atmosphere and the culture but as my eyes adjusted to the artificial light of the cafe, I saw her for the first time. Baseball hat low, long coat pulled tight around her, fighting against the chilling winter weather, I heard her deep tone of voice and almost broke my neck looking up so fast to find the source. My heart leapt as i realised it was her, the one in a million that I had hoped to see for real. She must have been busy or unwanting of any attention because as she paid for her coffee, she kept her head low and left quickly.

I couldn't let her leave, not like this. How likely would I be to find her again?. Picking up my own coat and pulling it on, I left a tip for the waitress and left a respectable distance between us as I followed her along the almost empty streets of central Seoul. If she ever sensed me behind her, she must have been used to it, she never turned to look or to berated her stalker. I found it odd that for someone so famous, she had no security with her but maybe that was the point, maybe she didn't want her security to arouse suspicion with lurking fans. Turning another corner, I almost fell face first over a homeless lady snuggled fast asleep in her blanket. Any other day and I would have given her some change along with a fervent apology but if I lost sight of my quarry, I knew i'd never get another chance so I hurried on with a grimace at the old lady and apologies mumbled half-heartedly in my wake. She took another turn just ahead of me and in the interest of making up the space between us, I sped up and turned seconds later into the same alley. My breath left me as I was pressed up against the wall suddenly, the light taps of rain splashing down my front as her hand pressed against the wall by my head. I wasn't scared by anything but my heart felt as though it would explode as she leant closer to me, our faces barely inches apart as the forefinger of her free hand slowly from my throat to my chin and a grin spread across her face. I gulped nervously as she did it and felt the light rain develop into a steady heavy downpour around us, the peak of her cap dripping, my short uncovered now a darker shade of purple as it stuck to my head. I felt the heat between us increase as she moved closer to me, her finger still playing on my chin as she tilted my face upward slightly, our lips so close I could smell the slight hint of coffee on her breath. I closed my eyes and expected to feel the gap close and to taste her on my tongue but a second later I opened them as I heard her chuckle and felt her pull away, the rain sounding infinitely louder as I watched her walk away.

Cursing my own stupidity as I closed my eyes and let the rain wash away my tears, I had a moment to think, of course she knew I was there, of course she would never be interested in me. Who was I to her?, she was my dream girl but I was only one in a mass of obsessed fans to her. I kept my head down as I made my way through the drenched streets and back to my apartment building. I had lived here for the past 5 years but today I felt like a desperate tourist on thier first day in a different country, I wish my mother were here to comfort me but as it is, I will just have to go to bed and try to forget about this disaster of a Saturday night. Yeah, i'll get in my pyjamas, watch old Mamamoo videos and get fat on ice cream, but first, a shower. The best thing when you live alone is the ability to have a shower whenever you want and right now feels like the perfect time. Oh, I didn't even realise I was home, in all the flashbacks on repeat and the cringing at my part, I didn't register that my body had taken me all the way home and so i'm suddenly standing at my front door with my hand on the handle as the rain from my hair drips listlessly onto my welcome mat. There's something comforting in the clicking shut of a front door, a security in the sense that only permitted people can ever get in. I look down at my shoes as I kick them off and realise my socks are wet too, off they go to the laundry basket to stink up the already dirty pile of clothes waiting for the weekly wash in the morning.

I never realised how much the combination of being wet from rain and the sound of running water can make you need to pee but here I am, sat on the cold porcelain toilet next to the running shower, watching the steam rise as I finish my business and flush. No need to wash my hands if i'm about to go in the shower right?. Stepping in, I shudder as the warmth hits me and my shoulders relax, I run through the usual routine, wash my hair, wash my body and stand for a moment in the heat, something's different this time though. As I stand there, I rub my eyes, am I seeing things or am I asleep?. Pinching myself once, I decide i'm not asleep and that the figure walking towards me is the same cocky handsome woman who so recently laughed at me as she made me weak under her presence. I must be delusional or something, she can't be here, I would have heard someone come in, but how can she be walking towards me, stepping into my shower and closing the gap between our bodies if she's not here?. I feel everything, the touch of her fingers on every inch of my body that she can reach to touch, the warmth of her breath as her lips find my neck, the sensation it all causes overwhelming me to a point in which I reach for her with my own hands, running them through her long hair, pressing against her as a way of saying she should go on. This can't be real, it just can't.

My eyes snap open and I take a deep breath, the sunlight burning my eyes a little as it bursts through the slightly open curtains, it was a dream, just a dream. I lay back and sigh to myself, dammit!, why do I let my imagination get away with these things?. "Rise and shine sleepyhead!, I thought you were never going to wake up, you slept so long. Good morning honey.", that voice, it's so familiar and yet I can't place it. I sit up and rub my eyes, the cold metal of a ring on my left hand makes me open them suddenly and I realise what it means. I'm married, but how could I forget?. I look around and see the person I've been looking for, she grins back and our lips meet briefly as she grins and pulls me into an embrace. My wife. My Moon.