Sua remained in the washroom, her hands gripping tightly to the sides of the sink basin. Her head hung over the opening, water droplets trickling from her face periodically. She had previously splashed cold water on her face as a means to snap herself out of the trance she was in due to the prior events. Now however, she had gotten lost in her thoughts, forgetting to even dry herself off.

She was becoming frustrated with herself; more than when she couldn’t nail a specific choreography fast enough, and that was saying something. Her actions, her inability to control herself in situations, AVOID situations in general, was becoming increasingly infuriating.

Worse than that, was her immediate thought after Siyeon let out what Sua wanted to foolishly believe was a moan of enjoyment. Before she could even process what had occurred fully, the only thing that sounded off in her head was; I want to hear her make that sound again and again. She had torn her hand away from Siyeon’s abdomen like fire was at her skin, not because of the sound, but because of how shocked she was from her internal desires.

Nothing was more terrifying to her in the world than losing Siyeon’s friendship. She realized however, that she was becoming greedy the more her romantic feelings towards the younger girl deepened. Just being around Siyeon wasn’t enough anymore. Touching her in a friendly way wasn’t enough. Sharing her with the other members in equal ways wasn’t enough; nothing was enough anymore.

The emotionally exhausted woman grit her teeth, fingertips threatening to bruise from the pressure of being pressed so hard into the porcelain sides of the sink. Tears came close to falling, but Sua held them back. If she let them out now, it would be a floodgate; impossible to close. Now was not the time or place to breakdown and truly relish in her anguish and fears.

Sua was so lost in her whirlwind of thoughts and memories, that she almost missed the strained call of Siyeon informing her of being done changing clothes. She quickly toweled off her face and fixed her unkempt clothes and hair. She didn’t want to risk Siyeon noticing her distressed state and asking what was wrong. Sua was sure if she was pressed about her feelings at this time, she would crack from the weight of it all. In her fragile state, that risk was too great; “don a mask and hide your true emotions”, was imbedded in her brain at this point.

The internally disheveled woman quickly folded and re-hung her towel, giving herself another look over, before proceeding out of the washroom. The air felt thick and awkward when she re-entered the bedroom. It was something she not accustomed to. Usually any silence between the two was a comfortable thing, but this…. well this felt abnormal. Before either woman could ponder more about the awkward tension, a loud, low rumbling sounded throughout the room.

Sua’s loud and infectious laughter instantly roared to life, and Siyeon immediately joined in with quiet and hoarse giggles of her own. Just like that, everything felt normal once again. The ease and overwhelming comfort of their friendship was the driving force behind the concealment of Sua’s true feelings. She couldn’t lose what they had; she’d never find something like it again in a thousand lifetimes.

Siyeon’s eyes were able to meet Sua’s contentedly, the previous interaction filed away for later dissection.

Kim Bora was her soulmate. She was the only person who could lift her mood and clear her mind with a joyous laugh, a beaming smile, an affectionate look; anything and everything the woman did filled Siyeon with such unbridled happiness and comfort. Siyeon would fight to the ends of the Earth to keep the angel-in-human-form by her side. Deep down she knew she didn’t have to fight that hard though. She could tell Sua felt the same, though whether those feelings transcended the lines of friendship such as her own; she dwelled upon daily.

“Ahhhhh, Singie, you must be starving. I don’t think I’ve even heard your stomach growl that loudly after a hard day of practice!” Sua was still chortling even as she spoke.

“I guess being sick takes more of a toll on my body than our dance practices. Oh god, don’t tell Hwang Sooyeon-nim I said that or she’ll only make our next ones harder.” Siyeon’s face deadpanned at the thought and only caused Sua to laugh harder as she dramatically fell on the end of Siyeon’s bed, slapping the mattress as she continued on loudly. Sua laughing with her whole body was something that some people could find irritating or childish, but it was a charm to the dancer that Siyeon had always found endearing.

After several more seconds of giggles, Sua managed to compose herself.

“We should both probably eat now. Would you like some seaweed soup? I don’t think your stomach can handle anything heavy at the moment or more like, I don’t think we should chance it.” Sua went over the ingredients in the house in her head, knowing she had enough for the soup and not much else. The groceries for the dorm weren’t being done until tomorrow.

“If it’s not too much trouble, seaweed soup sounds perfect, unnie.”

Sua smiled warmly at the younger woman, gently patting her knee.

“Nothing is ever too much trouble to do for you Sing Sing.” She squeezed her knee twice before releasing and standing up. The chef of the house moved to leave the room, but felt a weak tug at her pants. The quiet and needy voice that came from Siyeon made Sua’s heart clench and ache terribly.

“Can you bring me out to the living room with you? I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Sua’s hand instantly gravitated towards Siyeon’s, securely grabbing it as she began to help Siyeon up from the bed without a second thought.

“Of course Singie. I’m sure the moment I stepped out of the room, I would have smacked my forehead and came back into get you regardless.”

Sua gently wrapped her other arm around Siyeon’s waist, keeping a firm grip on her hand as she slowly helped her down the hall and into the family room.  The weakened girl was gently set down on the couch as Sua doubled back to her room to grab some necessities. She returned less than a minute later, her arms filled with Siyeon’s comforter and several pillows. Siyeon giggled to herself at the sight of Sua’s exuberant brown eyes just barely peering over the tower of things in her hands. The dancer could have easily made two trips, but she was always about pushing her own limitations. Siyeon found it adorable.

Sua stuffed two pillows behind Siyeon’s back at her request to still remain sitting up. Lying down with how congested she felt was just not going to happen. She then proceeded to drape her favourite, puffiest comforter atop her. Sua fussed about the younger girl, making sure she was tucked in and comfortable. The doting dancer finished off her ministrations by gingerly slipping Siyeon’s most loved wolf plushie between her arms.

The vocalist smiled warmly at the gesture, hugging the stuffed creature of comfort and thanking Sua once more for all her kindness. The auburn haired woman gently tucked a few errant strands behind Siyeon’s ear, her fingers lingering for a moment. Siyeon shifted to look up, but Sua had already moved away, turning the tv on to some random channel with the volume on low; a nice distraction while she cooked. She set the remote next to Siyeon on the couch and made her way to the adjacent room.

Sua hummed to herself as she gracefully navigated around the small kitchen space. She gathered the ingredients needed and started chopping and adding things to a large pot. She figured she would have some soup with Siyeon and also make a few more side dishes for herself. She quickly added everything needed to start the soup and set it on the burner, leaving it to come to a boil while she focused on making the rest of her meal.

The chef of the house peered out of the doorway every so often, checking to see how Siyeon was fairing. Her heart felt like bursting at the sight of the adorable vocalist wrapped up tightly in a cocoon on the couch, holding her wolf plush tightly while watching the television. She craved to be curled up next to her, fingers intertwined, kissing her forehead and showering her with endless love and attention in her time of need. The most she could actually do was to cling to her arm, and lay her head on her shoulder; a level of affection that only made her yearn for more lately.

The sound of the almost boiling over soup brought her attention back to reality. She quickly dashed over to the stove, twisting the dial to off and letting the pot settle. The easily distracted woman breathed a sigh of relief, thankful she clued back into her surroundings to prevent the impending accident. Not to mention she didn’t have enough ingredients to try and remake the soup if she messed it up.

Sua decided to focus solely on cooking for the time being. Siyeon would be okay for 10-15 minutes without her constant checking; it was really for Sua’s selfish benefit anyway.

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The rest of the meal preparation went off without another hitch. Sua carefully brought out two, piping hot bowls of seaweed soup, then made a few more back and forth trips to get the rest of her own meal and the needed utensils.

Siyeon attempted to remove the comforter she was currently drowning under, but was stopped by a small hand, readjusting it for her instead.

“Sing sing, I can feel you shivering next to me. Keep the blanket on and I’ll feed you some spoonfuls until you feel warm enough to eat yourself. Sound good?” 

The motherly woman was already reaching for a bowl before Siyeon could confirm or deny the proposal. Obviously she was more than okay with it, but she wasn’t going to voice her thoughts. The embarrassment of sounding overenthusiastic about being fed by her long time crush and best friend would be too much to bear. Staying silent was becoming her saving grace at this point.

Sua carefully balanced the bowl on a plate, as to hold it up between her and Siyeon, while not burning her palm by directly holding the scorching bowl. She dipped the spoon into the clear liquid; the steam was billowing visibly off of it. The small woman softly blew on the portion of soup. The action caused Siyeon to snort at the hilarity of the situation.

Sua looked between what she was doing and Siyeon’s face, soon joining in on the laughing herself. She figured she’d take it a step further, never one to back away from making her favourite girl laugh like crazy. Once she ensured the spoonful of soup was cool enough, she started moving it towards Siyeon’s mouth, making loud airplane noises; like a mother would with her child. Siyeon, being quick to catch on, started making her famous baby noises before accepting the offered liquid. They both fell into a fit of giggles from their joined, silly antics.

Sua continued to feed the sickly girl next to her, still blowing on the spoonfuls to ensure they wouldn’t scald. She didn’t continue with the sound effects however, figuring Siyeon was pretty hungry. They carried on in silence, the noise of the television in the background nothing but a hum now. Without really discussing, it seemed that Sua was intent on hand feeding Siyeon the entire bowl. Not really wanting the close and tender moment to end, Siyeon decided not to point out that fact and continued to enjoy the attention directed at her.

Unbeknownst to the vocalist however, Sua had become stuck in a mental dilemma again. Halfway through feeding Siyeon, her pure thoughts went out the window, and she started to hyper fixate on Siyeon’s lips. Her feelings ran amuck in her head at a rapid pace.

“What would her lips feel like? Would they be soft, sweet, warm? Would they feel like heaven came crashing to the Earth and resided within them? If I were to kiss Siyeon right now, would she kiss me back or push me away?”

The enraptured dancer was basically feeding Siyeon on auto-pilot, not noticing the bowl was empty until a loud clink sounded through the room. Siyeon noticed that Sua wasn’t talking, nor was she reaching for her own food to start eating. The younger girl moved to view Sua’s face, her breath catching in when she realized just how close the older woman was now. Had her pulse not started thrumming so loudly, she would have believed this moment to be yet another dream. The reality of this possible moment was so much more intense than she ever imagined, and nothing had even happened yet.

Neither of them spoke or dared to move, both mentally screaming for each other to make a move they had been denying themselves for years. Several inches between them, that if closed, could set fire to the rain and stop the world from spinning. It was something neither of them could come back from, and although neither could read the other’s mind, they both desperately wanted the escalation of their relationship, and soon. The air turned thick around them, both women frozen into place with the same thought running their minds.

“If she moves just a bit closer, our lips will touch.”

Like two magnets, they both inexplicably started gravitating towards one another. Blood pounded in their ears; heartbeats erratic and uneven. Unconsciously, Siyeon’s eyes fluttered close, praying and willing for her body to move just a little closer. She could feel Sua’s warm breath ghosting over her lips and a shiver threatened to erupt throughout her.

Their trance was broken in an instant by the thundering sound of their dorm front door being opened. They separated immediately, almost as if a knife had severed the intense pull between them just seconds prior. Sua instantly reached for her food, stuffing her face. Anything to distract and prevent her from speaking was a must right now. Siyeon on the other hand pulled the comforter up and over her head, unable to look anyone, especially Sua, in the eyes.

“How have you two been getting on tonight?” Jiu’s voice was the first to ring out from the entrance.

Sua responded a muffled “Good!” with full. She quickly grabbed the rest of her food and almost sprinted to the kitchen. Jiu had already been walking to the family room though, and witnessed Sua’s mad dash away. She also noticed only the top of Siyeon’s head sticking out, while the entirety of her body and face were hidden by the comforter.

”Hmm…. Something’s up. And what kind of unnie would I be if I didn’t check up on my dongsaengie’s?”

Jiu lightly patted the exposed head of Siyeon, before immediately making her way to the kitchen to confront Sua about the awkwardness she had just walked into. She’d get her to spill the truth one way or another, and she was quite confident she already knew the issue. Which meant Yoohyeon owed her a heated make out session; not like it was anything new for them anyway.