It was stupid of her to think that everything would somehow get better. Stupid to think she could go back and act as if nothing had happened, as if the new developed absence in her life didn’t mean anything, as if she didn’t miss it, miss her. 

After that night things were fairly normal. She’d go out and hangout with her friends, still went to dinner, had movie nights, club nights, pizza and beer nights, had wonderful dates with Solar, etc. To everyone nothing seemed different, she was the same old Moonbyul, quirky, fun to be around, wonderful friend and girlfriend Moonbyul, except that wasn’t the truth, that wasn’t the truth at all. The thing is no one could know how she was really feeling, because showing how she really felt meant explaining why her chest ached every time she saw Wheein show up to their hangouts alone, how every day she had to force herself to focus on anything other then thinking about that night, how when she closed her eyes all she could see was dark hair and deep lionlike features, how simple things reminded her of the one she wanted desperately to forget, how when kissing Solar all she could feel was guilt, overwhelming, well deserved guilt. 

So, she chose to pretend like nothing was wrong, and it actually worked for a little while, she was all jokes and smiles around her friends, caring and loving around Solar and overall acted as she always did. 

Until one day she just couldn’t anymore. 

Guilt became too much, eating her alive little by little, minute after minute. Having to lie to everyone, avoiding the pain in her chest when doing so was taking a toll of her life, she no longer felt like herself, she wasn’t Moonbyul anymore, she was a made up “perfect” creature fueled by guilt and fear, fear of loosing something she already didn’t have, not genuinely at least. 

Crying herself to sleep was a normal activity now days, since it was only at night, after she made sure Solar was already asleep that she let herself breath and release everything bottled up inside her, it was only then that she let herself feel her misery, feel how her heart was no longer whole but actually a bunch of broken pieces crying out for relief, the biggest piece in the hands of the one she wanted closest but was actually far, far away. It was on one of those dark nights where her chest felt hollow and silent tears adorn her face that Moonbyul decided she couldn’t do it anymore, she had to put an end to the pit of depression she was slowly going down on. As scared as she was of the consequences, as scared as she was of losing everything she hold dearly, she had to end it. 

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She talked to Solar first. 

It was… awful.

There were no other words to explain it.

She cried, Solar cried, things were thrown. It took everything from her not to crumble down and sob her heart out to the look of pure hurt on her now ex-girlfriend’s face when she explained why they had to break up.

“I’m sorry.”

“I can’t do it anymore.”

“Its not fair to you.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“We kissed.” 

“I hate myself for hurting you.”

“You deserve better than this.”

 “You deserve better than me.”

“You have to know I didn’t want this to happen.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I am so sorry.”

Solar was quiet after she finished talking. 

She only asked three questions.

S: Who is she? Do I know her?

To which Byul decided to keep secret. It was one thing explaining she cheated and a whole nother thing explaining who she cheated with it, specially given the fact of who exactly that person was.

M: That’s not important. 

S: It is if you found her significant enough to jeopardize our relationship. 

Ouch.

And then…

S: “Are you in love with her?” 

After thinking about it long enough Byul decided to be honest, she owed Solar that much.

M: “Not yet but…”

She let the silence finish for her.

When she came home from work the next day she found her apartment cleared of all of Solar’s belongings. 

She was alone. 

Byul cried herself to sleep that night too.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Wheein was second.

The two met at a cafe near her work. After some small talk and with an untouched steaming cup of coffee in her hands Moonbyul started explaining everything. 

W: So you’re the reason I had to watch my best friend exclude herself from everything and everyone for no apparent reason? You’re the reason she looked so miserable and sad all the time? You’re the reason she’s been staying at her parents for so long?. You could hear the anger dripping from her voice. 

Wiping the tears that silently dropped from her eyes, Moonbyul then answered. 

M: Yeah, I guess I am. 

After a few moments in silence Wheein spoked again. 

W: What about Solar? Have you told her.?

M: We broke up, she moved out a couple weeks ago, I haven’t heard from her since then. 

Wheein hummed whilst looking at Moonbyul as if she didn’t even know her, which is exactly how she felt.

W: How could you? She asked, How could you let this happened? I know Hyejin-a Iikes to flirt and tease sometimes and she’s gonna get an earful from me later on, but that’s just who she is, is part of her personality or whatever but you, she pauses, you are the one mature enough to know when to stop her, the one who should’ve known when things were no longer a joke and more importantly you were the one in a relationship. 

M: I know Wheein-a, I know… she started speaking before getting interrupted.

W: Why then?  

Moonbyul laughed with sadness in her voice before proceeding to answer. 

M: Why? That’s the big question right? Why did perfect little Moonbyul allowed someone to mess with her enough to the point of making her cheat? Why did I, impeccable Moonbyul let Hyejin-i, the famous Femme Fatal trap me and play me? Why did I let myself breathe and let loose when I was with her? Why did I tried so hard to not give in to her until it was already too late and I was in way too deep to be able to stop? Why did I let her sneak her way into my heart until she was everything I ever thought of? Why am I willing to drop everything just for her? She let out while tears streamed down her face.

M: Truth is Wheein-a, I don’t know why, I don’t know why it all happened. All I know is that I want to stop feeling so f*cking miserable all the time, all I want is for the ache in my chest to stop hurting so much, all I want is for her to be back in my life and if that makes me a horrible person well then I’ll just add it to the list of things I have to feel bad for. 

Wheein was stunned.

She found herself at a loss of words after hearing her speak, she could she clearly see the distress Byul was in, this whole situation was a raging mess, one that she couldn’t see having a happy ending, not for everyone at least. 

M: Look, I’m not expecting you to take sides, I’m trying to come clean about all of this and I felt you needed to hear it from me first, whether you want to hate me or not is up to you I just want to put all of this behind me. 

W: Unnie… she rushed to speak seeing Moonbyul get up to leave. 

M: Could you please just look after Solar? She might act as if everything is OK but deep down I know I hurt her badly, so could you please make sure she’s not alone in all of this? She asked with pleading eyes.

Seeing how desperate her unnie looked Wheein nodded in response.

W: I promise I’ll look after her. 

M: Thank you, Moonbyul said before gathering her things and exiting the cafe leaving a gloomy Wheein behind. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The rest of her friends were next.

Telling them was similar to telling Wheein, except less emotionally draining. They asked similar question, she gave similar answers, she was surprised at how understanding they actually were about it, apparently Wheein had beat her to it and told them first, so they promised to not turn her back on her and to be there for her if she needed it. Moonbyul was silently grateful for that, the support of her friends was something she longed for during this time. She also told them to look after Solar as well, she cared of her more than she cared for herself given the situation. 

After saying goodbye to them and with her conscience at a little ease she took a big breath and headed home. 

She had to mentally prepare herself for the next day, there was one more person she needed to explain herself to.

She just hopped it wasn’t too late. 

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I'm sorry it took so long for me to update, I had trouble getting inspiration to finish this story so some feedback would be very helpful.

Anyways, hope you like it.