I couldn’t believe how much I had relied on Jeonghan for the past few weeks. He had always been there for me, taking care of me and making sure I ate and drank. I felt apologetic towards him for causing so much trouble. But I was a broken mess. I needed him now more than ever.

I would wake up early every day, wrapped myself in my blankets, hugged my knees to my chest, and stayed in that position for hours. I would normally skip breakfast. I had no appetite for it. It was already lunchtime when Jeonghan came to my room. Gently, he took away the blankets and took my hand, leading me down the stairs. He sat me down at the table and asked me to eat, which I normally did only a little.

I heard him sigh every now and then but he never complained. He told me countless times that he worried for me. I was sorry. But I couldn’t seem to pick myself up. And Jeonghan was patient, as if he could read my mind and understand my every thought.

It had been almost four weeks, 26 days to be exact. Yes, I’d been counting. And I hadn’t broken that routine since. Who was I even kidding? I missed him. I still do. I knew I should be prepared for this, as Mingyu had always reminded me to. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready. And I don’t think I ever will be.

I missed his warmth, his touch, his eyes, and most of all, his smile. He always made me feel right at home. And his arms, always holding me tight when I feel like falling. All of that was gone, forever. No matter how hard I wished to have them back, it will never ever happen.

I remembered how he used to kiss me good morning and goodnight every single day. I would wake up to him smiling at me, his eyes looking into mine. And we would make breakfast together. Bacon and eggs were his favourite. He loved his coffee with a little milk. We would sometimes spend our mornings or evenings at the nearby park, savoring nature. Sometimes, when it was really dark, we would spread out a picnic mat and lay under the starry sky. He would point out the constellations he knew and telling me about it. I never really knew the stars, but I listened, and let his voice filled my mind.

His voice, as I came to realize, will never be heard again. My heart wretched, and I clutched my chest. The pain brought tears to my eyes. There were no words to describe how I felt.

Some of the nights, he would visit me in my dreams. Sometimes, my memories of us played in my mind. Sometimes, there was something new. Something I wished could have happened instead of the reality. He would always take me into his arms and whispered soft words into my ears. And each and every of those nights, I would wake up in tears, noticing my wet pillow and blankets.

My heart ached. But there was nothing to cure it. Most of the time, I’d hugged my pillow tight and bury my face in it. I sobbed and yelled, hoping the soft pillow would muffle the noise.

One day, Jeonghan broke the routine and came to my room much earlier than usual. I lifted my face from my knees and stared at him, bewildered. He stood at the doorway, smiling at me with his arms crossed. My heart clenched. After all this time, he could still smile at me. I was starting to feel like I didn’t deserve anyone, especially someone like him.

“You have a visitor,” he said.

“Who?” I asked with my eyes.

“Why don’t you go see for yourself?” there was that smile again.

I reluctantly kicked away my blankets and placed my feet onto the floor. This was unfamiliar. I had not got out of bed on my own for so many weeks. I could see Jeonghan beaming. I was finally changing, for the better.

I made my way downstairs with the support of the rails. I saw him before I even reached the front door. It was wide open. And he smiled the brightest smile at me. I felt as if a ray of sunshine had literally came to my doorstep.

“Soonyoung,” I managed to say, and I really smiled for the first time in a long time.

“Wonwoo, my man,” he said, smiling brightly, “Thought you might need some sunshine, so…here I am.”

I shook my head. He was being a joke, as usual. But I saw a glint of sadness in his eyes. It was as if he felt sorry for me and was trying to make me happy.

“Soonyoung, I…,” I started. But Soonyoung came forward and pulled me into a tight hug.

“There’s no need to say anything,” he said softly. I hugged him back and felt warm tears threatening to fall again.

“Let’s go somewhere nice, shall we?” he asked when he broke away from the hug.

“Some fresh air outside of the house would be nice,” Jeonghan added, standing at the base of the stairs.

“I’d like that,” I said quietly. They were right. I was cooped up in the house for far too long. Some fresh air might get my mind working again.

Soonyoung took me by the wrist and I allowed him to lead me outside. The sunshine blinded me momentarily. I shielded my eyes. So, this must be how vampires feel, I thought.

I felt Soonyoung’s hand touched mine. He pulled it away from my face. He gestured towards me to take a deep breath. I did. And it was life changing. I closed my eyes and smiled, letting the breeze brushed across my face and played with my hair. I finally exhaled after a while. It did feel good to be outside.

I turned to Soonyoung and saw that he was smiling. I never knew I needed him as much as I did right now. Tears flowed down my cheeks. And I realized, they were tears of joy.

“Soonyoung…,” I started.

“Hmm?”

“Thank you for this,” I finished.

“Oh, it’s no-,” he turned around and saw my face wet with tears, “Why are you crying?”

“I…I’m just too happy,” I replied, smiling as I rushed forward and hug him again, squeezing his waist.

“Whao!” Soonyoung exclaimed out of shock but hugged me back.

“It’s good to have my best friend back as well,” he said softly.

It hit me like a train as I realized I must have been so far apart from everyone else, especially him. I have shut myself out and refuse to let anyone in. I wasn’t even myself anymore. I hugged him tighter. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. Even after all this time, he hadn’t abandoned me.

“Soonyoung,” I started again when I broke away from the embrace.

“I have to…I have to apologize,” I said.

“No, Wonwoo,” he said quickly, “There’s nothing to apologize for.”

“No, you don’t understand,” I almost cried, “I’m really sorry for everything. I’ve shut you out, I’ve shut everyone out. I was being selfish. I wasn’t in m