"hey stop drinking we still have class tomorrow " sowon said as she try to get the beer out of my hand but I just push her hand away and continue shugging my beer ..

"You mean you talked to her this afternoon ?" Sowon sat down at the single couch beside me ..

I nodded at her as I keep my eyes glued on the bottle of beer infront of me " yeah .. she went there this afternoon .. I guess she's curious about me ..I think her friend told her that they saw us talking before the accident or something like that .. and it made her curious about me so she went there " I explained ..

My heart clench when I remember how my heart beats fast because of fear and shocked when I heard her voice- coming from the other side of the tree -that time ..   

"And ... ?"

"I told her that they'd mistaken and we're not friends" I smile bitterly

"You lied to her ?"

"Yeah because that's the right thing to do " I take a deep breath as I try to hold my tears ..

Sowon reach for my hand then she caress it slowly ... "You need to move on yerin " she softly said and I let out fake laugh because of that 

"Move on ?? I want to move on too !! I ing want to forget everything and start my life again but I can't !!! I don't know how to do that !" I painfully said as the tears started to roll down my cheeks " I'm still trap on that ing night .. and it's hunting me .. this guilt that I'm feeling inside are driving me nuts !!.." I didn't bother to wipe my tears and I know that seeing me cry like a kid is not new to sowon anymore  " I feel guilty . "

"But you know that it's not your fau-"

"It's my ing fault Kim sojung !!. Even how much I tried to convince myself that it's no one's fault  ..I know deep inside .. I know that it's my fault !!" It's my fault .. she died because of me .. if I only told her sooner .. if I only choose to be honest to her instead of lying .. im sure this will never happened .. she died because I choose to be coward ..  she died because I am selfish .. this is all my fault 

"Dont be too hard to yourself yerin-ah .."

"That should be me .. I should be the one who died on that ing accident and not her !.. I lied to her .. I caused her pain .. I made her feel like a fool .. I cheated on her .. and now I killed her ..  she doesn't deserved any of that ... I feel like a monster for doing that to her .. " I cried harder and sojung sat beside me to hug me but she immediately move away when i flinched..

"Shh don't say that ..you knew that you didn't mean to hurt her .. you're just in love that's why you did what you did .. you're waiting for the right time to tell her but sadly she found out in a wrong way " she said 

i lean my head against the back rest of the couch as i put my arms on my face and cry "and she's just inlove too but look what i did to her.. i - i can't forgive myself.. i don't deserve